Part 52: Chapter #12: Andrew's Test, Oart 1

Hey, we've still got one branch left, so maybe the third time's the charm. Also, you will all be happy, or sad, as I wouldn't pretend to presume to assume how you feel about this Let's Play, to know that there are no outstanding technical issues with the Ruin Branch, and it will be ready right after I'm down with the Empire branch. It will be a...fitting capstone.

Chapter #12: Andrew's Test

Briefing



: And we all know how enjoyable it was the last time we encountered a border control.
: Uh, Sadira, don't you remember what happened? They got all mad at me and stuff.
: I was being sarcastic, you twit!

Interview

: Do you think this brooch looks nice, Bastion? Or does it place too much emphasis on my thin neck?
How the hell is Sadira winning the vote?
: Thomson's death is a tragedy I shall not soon forget, Prince Bastion.
: Having children soon, you are? Find a wife with wide hips, you must!
: Did you know I have seven of these outfits, Bastion? One for every day of the week! Ha-ha!
: Like, could you rub my shoulder for a while, Bastion? It's TOTALLY sore!
Get thee behind me, daughter of Logan!

Mission



: (Him?!)
: Okay, now are any of you confused about the purpose of this ambush?
: Sir, we are traveling to Dionne-Lehve to speak with the Marquis. I am--
: You don't have to say a word, miss. In fact, the only word I like to hear from a woman is 'yes.'
Wow....that's...probably a half-step too far.
: You're Sadira, the Imperial Princess, being escorted by the unlikely duo of Franco and Halak. The two other lovely ladies in your party are Duke Logan's daughter, Claire, and Cecilia the mercenary. And last, but certainly not least...His Royal Highness, Prince Bastion, heir to the throne of the Pharastia Kingdom.
: How...?!
: What...?!
: How do you know all that? My lineage is not common knowledge!
: Aw, buddy, don't say that you've already forgotten about me! That really hurts, man! Then again, we didn't get to hang out for long, so I can forgive your forgetfulness--this time.
: That voice...that manner of speech...
: It's all coming back to you, isn't it? No one forgets the first time they laid eyes on the Andrew-nator!
: And even then, you knew who I was? Who I really was?
: Indeedy I did, buddy. Hey, after all, knowledge is power!
: This is excellent news, Andrew-nator! Since you know of Bastion's lineage, you'll understand why we're here! We're going to ask Marquis Dionne for the sealing stone, Gratia, with which Bastion can revive Ultragunner!
: Dionne has Gratia? Man, I thought I knew all his secrets! Oh, and by the way, it's just 'Andrew,' little miss!
: You work for Dionne, Andrew? That's excellent! Perhaps you could escort us to Dionne's castle?
: No can do, little lady.
: Why not?!
: Because you have to pass a pop quiz of strength and bravery. And guess who your teacher is? Attack!!



Awesome, a battle where we have to prove our power through ATAC combat. Man, it's been what, like four missions since that happened. Anyway, this battle is a cakewalk. The enemy ATACs are weak and come at you in waves, making it easy to destroy them piecemeal.



Anyway, by this time, everyone on the team has Turbulence, meaning that the enemy, as a whole, only gets one or two attacks total for every cycle of turns.



After a while, Andrew and his Flaros buddy will finally join the combat. This is only excited because he runs at half-health and I want to kill him outright. But, before we get to that, Andrew has a lot of things to say.

Upon attacking or being attacked by Halak...
: It is a rare pleasure to engage in combat with a creature as lovely as you, dear Halak.
: You make me blush, young one! I am very flattered! Perhaps we should consider marriage. Mmmmmmm? Yes.
: Uh, sorry, Halak, but I've already declared myself a lifelong bachelor!
And here I thought that was just an old-timey way of calling a guy gay.

Upon attacking or being attacked by Cecilia...
: It's been a long time, Cecilia. How have you been? Are you still as gorgeous as ever?
: No comment.
How old is Cecilia supposed to be, anyway?

Upon attacking or being attacked by Bastion...
: You must've been surprised to learn the truth about your father, Bastion. Sorry I couldn't tell you myself.
: I was indeed surprised, Andrew--but not as surprised as you're going to be when I pass your test! I will revive the Ultragunner, and I will bring peace to the Continent!
: I like the confidence, buddy, but let's see if you can back up your mouth with some muscle!

Upon attacking or being attacked by Sadira...
: I hear you're quite a tomboy, Sadira. Do you like to play rough?
: That's right, Andrew! I like it when it's rough and dirty!
: If you weren't dangerously underage, I would propose right here and now.
: What?! You pervert! I was talking about the beating I'm going to give you--oh, forget it!!
I have the feeling that statutory rape laws are known as Andrew's Law in the world of Vanguard Bandits.

Upon attacking or being attacked by Claire...
: I have heard much about you, Claire. Quite a flirt in the military academy, from what I'm told.
For obvious reasons, Andrew has developed an extensive intelligence network at all women's schools on the Continent.
: Yeah, so what?!
: Whoa! Calm down, girly! I was just trying to engage in a little pre-combat conversation, that's all! I like to take my time, you see. I never rush through anything, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Then again, there ARE times when I'm in the mood for a quick clash, if you know what I mean.
: You are, like, SO gross!
: I don't knew about you, but I'm really starting to feel a connection between us, Claire. Really. Why don't we let the others fight and go have a nice conversation over a pitcher of sun tea?
Sun tea? Isn't that the sort of bullshit that everyone brings on picnics but can never get to work quite right?
: Like, WHY am I letting you talk...when I can totally shut you up?!
: Hit me with everything you got, my crimson-haired chickie-girl.
Important Note: Women in real-life do NOT like being called chickie-girl. I would prefer not to go into further detail about how I know that.
: ARGH!

Okay, Andrew's said his piece....or peace...well, either way, time to send him to his eternal judgment.



FUCCCCCCCCCK! If I hit him with any attack, he'll run, and Spiral Dive is the most powerful attack I've got. One restart later...



: I'll see you at Dionne's castle.



There, everyone happy?



And then I massacred everyone else.

: We did it! We passed the test! Gratia will soon be ours, and then the Ultragunner!

Next Time: Another fucking test!