Part 70: Chapter #11: TICTAC!

Yeah, you'll get it, but since it kind of spoils the entirety of the Ruin Branch, not until I'm done with the missions.

Also, I'll get the contest results up later.

Chapter #11: TICTAC!

Briefing



: Good! You'll have the element of surprise on your side!

Interview



: Bastion, I'm still very curious as to how Puck obtained a stone from an excavated ATAC. Aren't you?
No.
: Bastion, you look like you need a sugar buzz. Why don't you suck on my lollipop for a while.
The White Dragon, next time you complain about me ragging on Working Designs, this will be my exhibit A.
: I'm sorry, Bastion, but the secrets of coolness cannot be taught...they must be learned.
This is a repeat quote and it doesn't make much more sense the second time around.

Mission



Oh man, a Zakov/Duyere team-up...that's a lot of incompetence in one mission.
: I vill not fail again, Prince Duyere.



Reyna's in the Alba because Bastion doesn't need it anymore...
: Of the...What's the name again, Puck?
: Terrifying InCognito Terrestrial Armored Combatant! Or TICTAC!!
: Not exactly a name that will strike fear into my opponents' hearts. It makes me think of cool, refreshing mountain breezes...but that's just me. I must admit, Puck, you've done a fine job. The controls are incredibly smooth and responsive!
: Do you think Puck will build a new king of ATAC for me, too?
Like you could-
: I think the ATAC you have is all you can handle, Barlow. No offense.
Damn you, Ruin Branch!!!! It's hard to make fun of a game that makes fun of itself.
: Begin the attack!
: Here they come!
: Fight hard, Bastion!



Behold the TICTAC! It's probably a bit better than Ultragunner, I think. The Ultragunner gives you ever so slightly better stats, and more attacks, but most of those attacks aren't really that useful. The TICTAC, on the other hand, only gets one special attack, but it's a doozy.



: I'm glad, Bastion!
Anyway, this mission is really about showing off how powerful the TICTAC is by having it crush a whole bunch of Imperials. Zakov, your thoughts on this?



: I can hear the fright in your voice, and you SHOULD be afraid! This is the TICTAC! And it's with this weapon that I will defeat the Imperial Army!
: You really think you vill defeat dhe Empire vith an ATAC dhat looks like a giant...vhatever it is?!



The TICTAC: Only 2 Calories per MURDER!

: Aargh! Dhis cannot be happening! I curse all uff you!



I kill Zakov once again. The only interesting strategic thing about this level is that it spots you two AI-controlled Kingdom ATACs that will "help" you. They serve only to steal your precious, precious experience, which, given that Bastion is the Prince of the Kingdom, means that they are guilty of treason.



Damn it all! The AI always goes after the weakest enemy around, so the Imperial are going to run directly at those two AI-Allies, which is a problem because Duyere will run at half-health and I had been whittling him down, and the AI managed to ding him just enough to make him flee.
: I'm retreating!



After that, it's just a mop-up of Duyere's bodyguards. The enemy starts out with ten ATACs. If they sent them all at you at once, this map would be tricky, as it is, they divide their forces in half. It's like the programmers heard 'divide and conquer' and didn't quite understand how it worked.

: You did it, Bastion!
: I like this TICTAC, Puck! I like it alot!



: The best news of all is how Puck's new type of ATAC performed in battle. I've never been more impressed with your skills!
: Gee, thanks, Bastion!
: Will you build me one, too?
: Ha, ha, ha! I'll see what I can do, Barlow, but I can't promise anything!
: Now that Zeira's back, and we all have a little downtime, how about some recreation and relaxation? I even have a perfect destination in mind. A lovely lake with the clearest, cleanest water you've ever seen.
: It sounds very nice, Andrew, but where is it, exactly?
: I stumbled upon it a few years back when I was sneaking...I mean, hiking through Hibernian territory.
: Hibernia? The freezing-cold domain of Lord Alden? I wanted to go for a swim, not a skate!
: Oh, Reyna, my silly blonde friend. This lake is just across the border, and practically at sea level.
: Hmmm.
: We could go fishing, Reyna! First, we'll catch 'em, then we'll EAT 'em!
: If all that drool is any indication, I'd say that Barlow is ready to go. What do you think, Bastion?
: Well, I would need to borrow someone's swimming trunks.
Dude, you're the Prince, don't you have some sort of staff to deal with that problem?
: You can borrow Barlow's! I bet we can BOTH fit in those!
: Very true. Alright, Andrew, you win. But keep in mind that we can't be gone for TOO long.
: Not a problem, buddy! Although I think you'll change your mind after you see this place...and especially if we manage to get Reyna into a bikini.



Vacation!
: Andrew, let me be the first to point out that snow is currently falling on all of us!
Oh my God, my idiot party can't even manage to relax and take time off without fucking it up!
: Patience, buttercup. I guarantee that you will be very warm and very wet in just a few minutes.
: Bastion, did you remember to bring the fishing poles?! I can hardly wait to catch something and eat it!
: Barlow, you're drooling again.
: I can't help it, Puck! I always suffer from an excess of spittle when I fantasize about foodstuffs!
: There's nothing wrong with fantasy, my friend, but there's something very wrong with foaming at the mouth.
: Sorry about that, Andrew! Next time, I'll bring my drool cup with me!
: I think it's time to establish control of your salivary glands, buddy!
: Hmmm?
: What's the matter, Bastion?
: I'm picking up some unusual noises in my audio monitor.
: I'm picking them up, too, Bastion, but they're not unusual. Those are the sounds of clashing ATACs, buddy. I've heard 'em far too many times.
: ATACs at war in Hibernia? Perhaps we've stumbled into a training zone or a military exercise.
: Well, if we've detected them, they've detected us...so we might as well see what's going on.
: Let's check it out!

Next Time: Even more improbable plot twists! Bastion begins the grim task of rebuilding his harem!