Part 82: Kingdom Chapter #7: Dionne's Test

Okay, granted, it has been 103 years since the Cubs last won the World Series, but I've got a good feeling this season is the one we break that streak! And hell, 103 years isn't so bad, I mean, I'm sure readers from outside of America don't think that 103 years is that long to go without a championship.


Mr. Buntline...today is the day that you have finally pushed me too far. You wish to see the game bent against itself in a mockery? Then that is what you shall get...

Alternate Chapter #7: Dionne's Test

Last time in this timeline: Bastion wasn't dumb enough to go and meet with Radcot, but ended up having to fight the Muspel Army, anyway. He beat them severely and made it to Dionne-Lehve, where the Marquis made it clear that Bastion was free to have Gratia...once he proved his worth in battle!

Briefing



: Dionne's soldiers are considered to be the strongest on the Continent. I am not casting doubts on your own strength, of course, Your Highness. I am merely concerned for you. Even if you were to...lose. I know that you will fight with honor.
: Lost?! I plan to win, Galvas! And not only with honor, but with style! I will prove to Marquis Dionne that I am worthy of the Ultragunner!

Interview

: Hey, Bastion! I got myself a bottle of the best liquor in Dionne-Lehve! How about you and I share it?
No time! The streets of Dionne-Lehve must run red with the blood of those who would question me!
: Bastion, I can't believe you haven't made the moves of Reyna yet! She WANTS you, my friend! Seriously!
: I hear the local delicacy in Dionne-Lehve is sauteed sea slugs. They cook 'em in their own slime!
: Ugh! How in the world did Reyna's cooking get mixed with Milea's? It's terrible!
: Your Highness, I don't mean to ask about personal matters...but do you intend to marry Miss Milea?
Bah, all my subordinates think of is food and sex! But where is their love of violence!



: Attacks that could injure or kill either yourself or my soldiers are, of course, strictly prohibited.
Damn it, no attacks that can kill myself? My entire strategy is ruined!
: Are you ready?
Ave Imperator, morituri te salutant!
: Whenever you are Marquis Dionne.
: First soldier! Enter the arena! Fight!



But wait a minute, a battle like this needs some sort of musical accompaniment. As the musical tastes of people does vary, I will provide you with options...

For those who love giant robots
For those who love violence
For those who love old obscure PC adventure games
_{For those who love Dynamo}

You don't actually have to win a single fight to complete this mission successfully. But then again, you don't not have to either.



The first enemy is a Barazaph, the same type that Kamorge and Ione used to use. He shouldn't land a single hit on Bastion before he gets taken out.

: Great work, Bastion! One down, who knows how many to go!
: What a hunk of muscles!
: That was wonderful, Bastion! Keep fighting hard!
: Good kill, Bastion! That was cool!
: Bastion, once you're done beating all these soldiers, let's go eat something really creamy!
: That was a textbook victory, Your Highness. I can see you were very well-trained.
: Do not lose concentration, Bastion!
: (One of my soldiers was defeated? I am already impressed...but the test must continue.) Second soldier! Enter the arena! Fight!



Second fight, not much harder. It is a new ATAC, though.



Decent AGL, but not enough to make up for its other stats.



Not enough at all...



Round three, and another new ATAC/



Getting better, but still not threatening. You should be able to get through the first three fights without taking much damage. You'll need the HP later...



Sic Transit Flaros

: Three down!! Bastion, I'm giving you a kiss after this battle is over, and I don't even find you attractive!
Devlin...you are a confusing dude.
: Let ME give him the kiss, because I think he's absolutely gorgeous.
: Bastion, I'm so proud of you!
: Bastion, you're kicking butt and taking names!
: For every soldier Bastion defeats, I'm going to eat a pound of chocolate in loving tribute to his skill!
: Your Highness, show the Marquis and his men your true strength!
: Impressive, to say the least. Keep it up, Bastion!
: (Three victories! No one has managed such a feat until this day! The Prince has uncanny strength...So his skills must now be tested by someone equally strong.) Fourth soldier! Enter the arena!



: Uh...
: Oh, the humanity! I hope you're just messing with me, Bastion, or I'd be really hurt!
: Wait...that voice! That horrible voice!
: Heh, heh, heh. There's not a woman on the Continent who can forget my dulcet speech!
: It's that dirty old man!
: Andrew, the alcoholic womanizer? What's HE doing here?
: It's that weirdo who kept sneaking peeks at Milea's butt!
: Very funny, Puck! Uh...you ARE just kidding, aren't you?
: Unbelievable! Simply unbelievable! I try to be friendly, and what do I get? An endless stream of verbal abuse! I have half a mind to get out of this ATAC and give you all a beating!
: Andrew! Cease your chatter and proceed with the test!
: Uh, of course, Marquis Dionne. So you know, Bastion, there's nothing personal I'm gonna give you. It's strictly business.
: That's interesting, Andrew. I was about to say the same to you.
: Fight!



But before we get to that, there's something you need to see. This is turbulence. It's a very cheap attack, and, if you look closely, it has the knockdown type, which means that an enemy cannot attack you when you use it. The AI is also hardwired to always defend, instead of avoid, if possible. This means that only two turbulences are required to force an enemy to 60 FP, which will prevent them from moving or attacking during their next turn.



And this is its range, tied for best in the game.



Lamentably, that's not going to work in this battle. Andrew's speed is such that he often gets two turns in a row. Plus, he's hard as hell to hit. What does that mean? Well, you can either get really lucky, or you can save and load. But, if you go down that route, know this about the RNG in Vanguard Bandits: The calculation is done before your turn ends. For example, say I save right before I end my turn, and then end up in a situation like this, where I'm using a low-percentage attack. If it works, I can reload from before I ended my turn, and as long as I do the same thing as before, it will always work.



My point is that you can't just reload and hope the numbers come up different, you have to try something different, either by moving Bastion someplace else or by using another attack or anything else. Given enough time, however, Andrew will go down.

: You're good, Bastion! No, wait, you're the best!
: I have to agree with you, Devlin! I only wonder if Bastion is as skilled at other physical activities...
: Bastion! You're amazing!
: They can't control Bastion! They can only hope to contain him!
I don't think that's how the saying goes...
: Speaking of which...I can't contain my appetite any longer! Does anyone have some chips? Feed? Anything?!!
: If Bastion hasn't demonstrated his heart to the Marquis by now, then Dionne's test is fatally flawed!
: The test must be over. Dionne can't have any soldiers stronger than that ninja, can he?
: You have defeated Andrew, the finest soldier in my army. I have no one left to send into battle against you...Ha, ha, ha, ha! The test is over, Prince Bastion. You have shown greater strength of heart than I have ever witnessed. And you have guaranteed that I will be training my soldiers much harder in the future. Now I have a request of you, Prince Bastion...I would like to engage you in battle. The outcome will have no effect on the test, I assure you. Gratia is yours. This is merely a personal matter.
: His highness has already fought four opponents! It would hardly be a fair fight, Marquis Dionne!
: I don't mind, Galvas. In fact, I think fighting the Marquis would be an excellent test of its own.
: Your Highness!
: Are you ready to begin?
: Whenever you are, Marquis Dionne.
: Bastion! Listen up! Dionne is fighting in an ATAC called the Roaring Lion. It's one of the most powerful on the Continent! One good strike is all he needs to knock you out of the game!
: Understood, Zeira! Thank you!



How scary could the Roaring Lion be?



That's....a lot of power. But his other stats all suck. Here's the deal. If your HP is high enough, he'll try and wipe you out with his special attack called Bursting Fire. How powerful is Bursting Fire? Attacks in this game are all calculated on the baseline of Thrust, which counts as 1.00. Bursting Fire hits with a force of 3.15 Thrusts. With Dionne's POW, one hit is all it'll take. Conversely, if your HP is lower, he may just stick to Flare Bomb, but only if that is enough to knock you out with one blow.



So, how to deal with him? Well, he's slow, his AI is hardwired to attack you from the front, meaning his attacks usually will only have a 30% chance or so of actually hitting, and he can't do much at range. Plus, his attacks are FP-intensive, meaning you'll be able to preventing him from acting about half of the time. First things first, get some distance between yourself and Dionne. Then, you'll want to slowly chip away at him with Turbulence (I really hope you have Turbulence), while keeping a safe distance. It will take a while, but eventually...



: Bastion won?! Bastion defeated the Marquis of Dionne-Lehve?!? This has to be a wonderful dream!!
: If that's true, then I'll ask Bastion to pinch me!
: Bastion, I'm so very proud of you! This is your finest battle ever!
: You did it, Bastion! Yahoo!!
: Bastion is the best fighter on the Continent! His incredible victory calls for a celebratory feast!
: Your Highness, I am humbled just to have seen you fight with such skill.
: Bastion, your fighting skill will be the stuff of legends.




: I hear a faint voice...deep inside my head...calling out to me!
Holder of the spirit stone....Promise me....
: Now I'm starting to see something in my mind's eye. It's a glistening white ATAC. It's Ultragunner!
: Your Highness! Are you alright? Marquis Dionne, what is going on? What is happening to His Highness?!
: Prince Bastion has passed the second test, Commander Galvas.
: You never mentioned a second test, Marquis Dionne! Explain yourself at once!
See, this makes much more sense, now! Of course, since we saw that the stone was perfectly capable of figuring out whether Bastion was worthy or not by itself, it does kind of make this whole battle seem kind of pointless.
: Gratia is a magic stone, Commander Galvas. It can detect when someone worthy, or unworthy, possesses it. If someone unworthy were to take the Gratia, it would not allow him or her to use the Ultragunner. Because Bastion is worthy, Gratia is revealing the location of Ultragunner to him.
: Thank you for clarifying, Marquis Dionne, although I still wish you had informed us beforehand.

Yes, you've seen this scene before. Why, I even copied my FFT joke from before!



...and then Ganlon runs in.

: Your Highness! I come with extremely important news!
: Thank you for clarifying, Marquis Dionne, although I still wish you had informed us beforehand.: Ganlon?! Why have you followed us here and ignored your sworn duty to defend Araba Castle?!
: Bastion, watch out! Ganlon is a traitor!
: Got it!



Yep, Bastion and Dionne just kind of stand around as Ganlon runs up in his ATAC, presumably dismounts, steals Gratia, and then flees.

: Ganlon stole Gratia away from me! What's going on?!
: Let's move, Bastion! We must catch Ganlon before he delivers Gratia to the Empire!



: It's no use, Zeira! I can barely keep pace with Ganlon, let alone try to catch up with him!
: Your observation is correct, Bastion. There's no way to catch Ganlon while he moves. Our only course of action is to track him and hope he stops.
: Marquis Dionne! There's a formation of ATACs from the Muspel Nation, dead ahead!
: Duke Radcot is very hungry indeed for the power of the Ultragunner.
: That bastard will feed upon the fist of my ATAC this day!

Next Time: I don't have to fucking worry about alternate paths for a while!