Part 9: Chapter 5.1: Even The Smallest Of News

In addition to my general laziness, my laptop started giving VIDEO_TDR_FAILURE which, amusingly enough, let me finish the entirety of XCOM: Enemy Within (with infrequent "You're running out of memory" messages, but BSoDs after 1-2 turns of Warlock. Strangest thing is that apparently I can play Warfare and this brings me delusions of video LP (not gonna happen). Anyways, here's a small update, hopefully I'll find a computer repairman who speaks gaijin enough to understand my woes and fix my shit.

Lesson learned: "gaming" laptops, never again.

Chapter 5.1: Even The Smallest Of News

The last beastmaster fell, strength of his divine patron leaking out of his many wounds. He tried to raise hand and curse the city that killed him, but only a rasping “yiff” escaped his lips before his spirit departed for the Great Hunting Lands.



YOU HAVE DONE WELL LITTLE LICH. SMITING UNBELIEVERS AND ENEMIES OF ORDER GIVES YOU ANOTHER DAY

Dauros' booming voice cought King Lich V by surprise and he nearly lost his jaw .

I CONICIDER YOUR QUEST FULFILLED. HERE ARE YOUR JUST REWARDS.

As soon as the roaring of voice of Order personified subsided, Lich saw before him a pile of gold and, on top of it, a scroll detailing “Longuard's Magical Shield Of Protection”. Said mage researched and cast this spell to protect his wife: for he was a man who liked shapelier women and his wife bosom could only be described a “heaving” before veering into territory of geographical terms. Thus many old and nearsighted witch tried to give her the evil eye, aiming to spoil the milk “of the biggest biggest udder their eyes had ever seen”. Loving husband that he was, the wizard had no other choice...



M'lord!” exclaimed Avgustus with a certain hint of pride in his voice. “you call and your loyal werewolf servants answer! Witness as we raise the second unit of our young! These are the purest of blood, sharpest of teeth, the quickest of claw! M'lord, we entrust you with the best of our sons, brothers, cousins and nephews! Take them and use them well”

The lich nodded with approval and turned to face the lined up you werewolves

“My Warriors! Go forth into the untaimed land and may peace follow you as the foe is struck with awe as I am now struck with pride to have such soldiers under my banners!”

And so the the unit of werewolves joined the army of King Lich V.





Rrat prince Snoop Jim-s was, however, far away from the revelry and fainting werewolf damzels that accompanied the new troop. He and his retinue were too busy outflanking a band of skeletons that had taken positions near some spider nests.

“Yo, homie o' ma lev'l shouldda neva get t' fight inna place like dis. Fuckin' skeletons inna god-damn spidah nest, dat shit ain't natural”.



“Squeeky-G, you jive pheasant how'd ya manage to git stuck up dere?”

“Squeak! 'Tis not me foult, me prince! I was just smashin' spider eggs like you said and saw some gold up here in these webs. Please let me out!”

“Gold, ya say? Dis needs investigatin. Yo, Fat Tail Ratso, git Two-Nose an get Squeeky-G outta dere, then check fo' gold!”



But while rats were pillaging spider nests, more important things were happening to the east. After a relentless barrage of life magic, the Fire Elemental was cut down to size and dislodged from its defensive position. Werewolves, sensing their chance, leaped through the ancient temple ruins and, disregarding the quiet whispers of the divine in their ears, ran after their smoldering prey.

And so in the plains between the temple ground and the foot of the mountain did the man-wolves run down the alien elemental. Its fiery fury lashed out against the attackers, but they were not dismayed and charged through the fire, regrowing charred flesh almost at the blink of an eye. A leap and a strike and claws meant to rend spirit as much as flesh cleave through silicate being like it was was butter.

Pack leader Trailstalker leaps onto the elemental's chest, digs his claws deep into its mass and rips out the monster's face.

The day is won.



Melchior almost tripped over himself as he hurried to unfurl a map before King Lich.

“My lord, with the reports of elemental being banished, we can truly begin our expansion into the Wild Lands. If you so please, some of my fellow scholars and better educates werewolves made this plan so that we could advise you on the most prudent action”.

Lich turned his ghastly eyes to the parchment.

“This might be the colorful map that I have ever see. So some of your 'fellow scholars' include children”

“Oh? What, this? No, my lord, this is an example of how scarcity and need combined can yield great results. You see, having a lot of quality ink is never easy in goblins filled with goblins. Having ink of the same color is harder. But then we had an idea: what if we used the different colors to mark different objects on the map?”

“Hmmm, an interesting idea. Carry on”

“Ah, well, my lord, look at these red hexes. They mark the potential sites where we should establish more cities. Most of it easy to explain. You see, the yellow circles and arrows mark resources and which city would get them, so it's pretty obvious. But we have difficulty deciding how to best use the temple grounds. It's a very, shall we say, fertile region, with an iron vein, a dwarven settlement and a ruin being in close proximity. Trouble is, that putting the city closer to the temple grounds might make it easier to get a temple of our own, but that would leave other resources out of reach. And the ruins could be swallowed up by the Gold of the Lich real soon”.

“This is an imoportant matter to be sure, but our settler caravans haven't left their home cities yet. Leave it for later and tell me about the other markings”.

“Ah, well, sir, the green arrows shows the probably route of attack for the werewolves. With the healer's support they should be able to run over the two former elven cities with ease. Then I suppose they could turn to the west and destroy any monsters that wander the coast. I think it would be prudent to task the new werewolf company to join them”.

“And the pink?”

“That's Khargem, Snoop Jim-s and the sole surviving company of goblin archers. They are currently in pursuit of an ogre and scouting reports a town in their direction. If they can't take it, they should at least scout it out for us”.

“This seems like a reasonable plan. Carry on, then! I'm begging to be very glad that I didn't explode you with a shadowbolt”.

Color drained from Melchior's face

“P-p-pardon me?”

“Oh, it's not a big deal. It's just that you weren't the first scholar to come. Only you proved to have useful skills. Your predecessors wanted me to institute marriage between man-goblin and man-goblin. Their bits took some time to clean up”.



Of course, the wilds weren't totally free of monsters – yet – nor is any place in Ardania ever truly safe from various horrible natural or supernatural critters. But it didn't matter for Snoop Jim-s as he was making slow circles around an ogre. Many a goblin arrow had been stuck in the giant's flesh, but the oaf didn't seem too perturbed by it.

For Snoop Jim-s, the hardest part was that the fight took place in a pumpkin patch and he kept slipping on the blasted things.

By the time the ogre had been forced to retreat by savage bites and mighty blows, the prince was covered in orange pumpkin pulp.



In the mean time, orders arrived by magic pigeon and werewolves broke camp to set out for the now-monster controlled town of Gnomewall. Surely it's monstrous inhabitants will be happy to finally belong to a real monster kingdom and to forget the woeful days of uncertainty that independence gives.



Bits of burning giant spider carapace were gently falling into the coastal waters. The intensive bombardment had finally paid off!

“All right, men, set course east! We sail now!” bellowed captain Duckwinson.

“Wot about dem spider ova dere?” asked first maste Gruffstone.

“Forget them. If we tarry any longer, our liege might think to use US for target practice”.



And way back in the west, a young, undisciplined pack of werewolves finally tore out the ogre's throat. Even while they celebrated victory, the hungry eyes of a dead king gazed at their realm and longed to take them by force.