Part 13: Chapter 13

WHY?! WHY GOD WHY?!

- On the way here I met a guy called Airk who told me that somewhere in Tir Asleen there is a secret cave connecting to Nockmaar Castle... But there is nothing that can be done now. Struggling is useless.

Is... is Madmartigan going to rape me?



LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT

...Huh, there's a hole in the wall now.



- Rool: Yeah, to help!

I have never been so happy to see two scantily clad male pixiefolk in my entire life.

- Franjean: Leave this castle and find the secret castle.

- Rool: To Nockmaar.

Rool is so awesome. I don't care what anyone says.

- Franjean: Take this powder of unrequited love!

Uh, no. Madmartigan already tried something like that. I really don't want it.

- It's said that anyone who touches this powder will have a heart of justice.

No.

- It's magical.

NO.

- It should be of help to you.

NO!

- Rool: It should!

Aww, I could never say no to you, Rool.

- "You have the powder of unrequited love!"

Super. All five of the non-elderly women I've seen should be easy to woo now.

- Franjean: Madmartigan has gone ahead. Follow him!

- Rool: Follow him!

What a jackass. He just wanders away instead of doing anything remotely useful YET AGAIN.



So, we escape the castle (After more HALLWAYS!) and go back to that stupid treasure chest cave.



- Rool: Looks like it.

- Franjean: Be careful Willow!

- Rool: Careful, careful!

But there's an evil chest in...



...There. Wow. The brownies did two useful things in ten minutes. I'm actually impressed.









Yup, first level skeletons. They decided to hang out here.







- "The shield that is cursed by anger and hatred."

Anger AND hatred? Sweet. I'll be invincible.



The Fury Shield is the final and therefore best shield in the game.



First level snake man? Please.



Nope, second level won't do either.



Getting up there...



Nevermind.



Exit?



Exit!



Stupid mountain-hacking wizard.



It's getting nighttimey. Must be an evil place coming up.



Dammit run.



- Glad to have you over for dinner! HARHARHARHAR!

- You know what...? THUNDER, BITCH!



- AHHHHHHKASDJFAELSTHSJKSFFSJDAKR!!!!

That felt good.



Argh.



That's an awfully NPC looking guard.



The game gives you absolutely no clues about what to do next, so here it is.

- Uhh... Viagra!





Yup, a Nockmaar guard is scared of slimes. Bavmorda's got the best people working in HR.



Red guards. They take more hits to get their asses kicked than blue guards.



Cool designs in Nockmaar castle, by the way. Doesn't the floor look like it's made out of sausage?



Hell-red wizards. Fuck that noise.



Another bird man! This one's red. Could it be...?



Abik's brother, Abang!

...Sheesh, who names these things?

- Why do you have my Wing sword?! Oh, Adik must have given it to you. Now I can put my strength behind my sword!

- Woah there... just keep it in your pants buddy. I've had way too many close calls today.

- ......But it looks like the door to Nockmaar Castle cannot be opened without a key. I think Airk was saying that the old woman he rescued from this castle has the key. I haven't seen her though.

So, wait, wait, wait. We need a key to the castle... that we're already inside... and the only person who had it... needed to be rescued to get out...?

Yup, we have to leave the final dungeon in the game to grab a key before we can actually beat it. Willow loves you.



Well, this is it. The best equipment in the game. Impressed?



Fly me away, Po!



- I've cautiously kept the key to Nockmaar Castle for him. Could you hand this over to Airk.

- ...Sure...

- "You have the key to Nockmaar Castle."

Yup, I have to lie about Airk to get the key from the bitch who thinks he's the important one instead of Willow. I shouldn't be surprised, but... I still hope that old crone gets an evil mountain face encounter the next time she goes for a walk.



All the flight paths have been unlocked. All... six of them. Not sure why I'd need to go to Nelwyn village instead of, say, Fin Raziel's cave, but there you have it.



By the way, I am indeed going to the bar. Why, you ask?





Mass turtle crab genocide.



Yup, the Thunder spell is instant death to these guys, and they're worth a total of 300 EXP per encounter. They're also a guaranteed spawn here, which means I can spam the spell...



Rest at the bar...





Then lather, rinse, and repeat...















...Many times.



Take THAT, blue skull!



Ding.





Oh, by the way, this is one of two times I've seen this appear. If you grab this sparkly coin thing, it restores some of your HP. It's not nearly as common as it should be.







Bam, level 13.



Let's go shapechange a messenger.



- ...glad you made it all this way. Now please change me to my normal self with Cherlindrea's magic cane.

- I'm a little afraid to try it again... but what the hell. Maybe this will finally kill your boney ass.

- "Willow clutched the cane tightly and said the magic words."

- (Seriously, if there is a god, let this work... I'm tired of coming back to this dank soggy cave and morphing an old lady into all this weird stuff... come on...!)

Is Willow going to succeed? Will Fin Raziel be turned back to normal?

Find out... next time.