Part 17: Update -XIV- Gettin' jiggy wit it

Update 14 Highlights - Chapter Opening


If you recall from the last update, our heroes got flushed down the drain by Leviathan after obtaining the Key of Flames. Also we met Rydia and she got captured by the antagonists almost immediately.



Are they dead this time? They look pretty dead.



This better be the last time you tease me, game. We better not get a third dead man's float fake-out.

Make that a double jelly sandwich!

We're... gonna need the-therapy after this.

Ugh, please... No more cosmic flushing.



Ireland?

I don't think we're in Nibelheim anymore. Not by a long shot.





Maybe we shouldn't go this way after all...

Reynn, we've been over this. Do you have any alternatives in mind? No? Then shut up and let's go.

Moving forward a couple of steps will trigger a scene.





I instinctively hate it.

Is it a Mirage? 'Cause it doesn't act like one.


[Toad]: Ribbit! Ribbit. Ribbity ribbity ribbit!


Ribbit? Ribbity-ribbit? The-rib?


[Toad]: Ribbit? Ribbit! Ribba ribba ribbit.


Ribbee! The-bib.

What? You speak toadese?

Of the-course I do. Listen, you can tell from his accent that he's been the-toad-cursed.

I think the fact that he's a frog that has hair and a bandanna is a better indicator of that, but sure, whatever.

He's a GUY?

They have accents?

Obvious-the-ly.




[Toad]: Ribbit! Ribbi-rit. Ribbit!


What'd he say?

From what I gather, it sounds the-like that golden toad over there is the 'phibian that put the curse on him.



That's the-correct. First off, you need to the-imprism it the same as always.

Okay. We got this.

Careful you don't get toad-cursed.

Huh? You mean you're not coming?

Well, it's game over if we both go full toad, right?

Uh... right.

You're such a wimp, Reynn. Toad isn't even a status ailment in this game. You don't have anything to worry about.

Toad is a reoccurring status ailment in the franchise, though. It turns characters into Frogs that have very weak attack and defence. The item to cure it is usually called 'Maiden's Kiss', or sometimes getting hit with Toad status a second time will revert it.



So Reynn's stack ditches us for this part, although that's not a problem since this part is story mandated and impossible to fail.



Whoa! Is it just me, or does he look miffed?

Walking to the right a little bit and approaching the frog will trigger the fight.

L-Lann! Where did you the-learn to talk like that? You need to go the-wash your mouth out with a bar of soap!

What?! Dude, what did I say?!

We will unfortunately never know.



Lucky Toad is built tough enough to take a hit, so you shouldn't have to worry about taking it out in a single hit. I didn't try to see what happens if you just defeat it, but this is a story required capture, so I assume the battle just restarts until you catch it.



Toads have been around as an enemy type since FFII. Unlike sharks, they are a "real animal" enemy type that have managed to maintain a presence throughout the series (likely because of the Toad status ailment). They're typically pretty weak, but they try and even the playing field by inflicting Toad or other ailments.

Lucky Toad bears a resemblance to the Golden Toad from FFIV Advance. It was a special enemy that was similar to Metal Slimes from Dragon Quest. Nearly unbreakable defences, but loads of money and experience if you can beat it.









We've made a terrible, terrible mistake. Change him back!

Final Fantasy XIII Music: Snow's Theme - F


Snow is voiced by Troy Baker in English, Daisuke Ono in Japanese.



Snow is here from FFXIII. He plans to marry Serah, who is Lightning's sister. Lightning is... less than pleased about that whole engagement. Unfortunately, Serah gets turned to crystal because... well, it's a long story that I don't really want to tell, but thanks to Maxima I will have to. Now is not that time for it though.

So after that whole lover/sister crystal hood-ornament thing happens, Snow gets turned into a l'Cie--

FFXIII Encyclopedia Break: Boiling it down to its absolute baseline description, a l'Cie is somebody branded by a god to do shit for them or else get turned into a monster. If a l'Cie does god's errand, they get turned into crystal. FFXIII gods are kind of assholes. Also l'Cie have crazy magic powers and strength. We good? Okay, let's continue.

--and proceeds to try and save his home, and also free his girlfriend from crystal purgatory. At the end of the game, he gets to be with (no longer crystallized) Serah and Lightning is totally cool with him now and everything is swell.



In FFXIII-2, Snow's role is reduced. He fights with a Flan that threatens to destroy Cocoon (main character's home) because Lightning warned him about it in a dream while in the midst of traveling through time. Later on, Serah and the other protag of XIII-2 (who are also time travelers) help him destroy the Flan for good. Snow then disappears because of paradox shenanigans.

In the end, he is separated from Serah again when time is fixed/fucked, or the antagonist's plan was stopped/succeeded, or... whatever the fuck the goal of XIII-2 was.



Shit goes south between XIII-2 and Lightning Returns (AKA XIII-3), and Snow appears in that game as an immortal ruler of Not-Vegas after time breaks... or the mortal world fuses with the XIII equivalent of heaven... everybody becomes immortal, okay? Just go with it. So Snow is made the ruler because he's apparently the only one who can be trusted to fairly distribute food and shit, and spends 500+ years babysitting everyone so that they don't all break into wars.

His role beyond that is mainly just to mope and brood because Serah is dead again. Then Lightning slaps him out of his drunken stupor by revealing that Serah is maybe not dead. He shows up at the end to help "Lord and Savior Lightning Christ" kill god and then gets to reunite with Serah (again) in a new godless world where everything will definitely be totally awesome now for real this time.

My head hurts. I have to talk more about him, but first we need to let this scene play out for a bit longer.

I guess you are.

You guys seriously just saved my life. Oh, the name's Snow. I came to butt-kick the Big Jiggle lurking in this swamp. And then along the way, I saw this awesome golden toad and thought, Man, you don't see too many of those! But who knew? The things are contagious!



Could I really eat flies or live on lily pads? Deep questions. But then you all came along and saved my warts. Woo! You guys are the best! For real, bro.

Dude, I have no idea what's wrong with you, but as long as you're happy.

Did Lann just find someone he can talk the-down to? Never the-thought I'd see the day.

So, what's your deal? Where ya from?

*One exposition break later. Seriously guys, pamphlets*

You say you got swept here all the way from Nibelheim? Wow. And here I thought I had it pretty rough. I mean, Nibelheim, isn't that one continent up? How are you guys even alive?



I don't want to be a pro at it...

Anyway, it seems we're the-stuck here. All the goop around here makes it the-hard to look for a way out.

Oh yeah. Well, you've got that right. One false step and whsssht, you're history.

Okay, then how did you get out here, Snow?















Whoa! Cool idea!

Wait a minute. Are you a summoner?!

Wish I could say I was... but no. Sadly, "summoner" is way too fancy a word for what I am.

Huh?

But... that's not important.

While I agree with that, we still need to address it.



Remember when I was talking about Shiva and mentioned a weird form that the summon takes in XIII? This is Shiva's incarnation from XIII, namely the Twin Sisters of Shiva (Stiria and Nix). They are Snow's summon in that game. The reason why Snow says that he isn't a summoner is because of some semantics BS. In the "Who's Who" section of the WoFF database back in the Twin's Room, a section under Snow shows up that talks about why he isn't technically a summoner. It says that a summoner is one who opens pathways to other worlds, then uses their magic to form a pact with a Mirage. Snow is supposedly different, in that he was given a power that turned his left arm into a magic arm. He channels magic through it and that's how he made a pact with Shiva.

WoFF makes that distinction for a story reason, but I still think it's stupid. It just seems to be a corner that they had to write themselves out of. They wanted XIII Shiva in the game, but without messing up their plot.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic. The Shiva Sisters. In FFXIII Shiva takes the form of two mechanical sisters like you see above. WoFF kind of combines the two into a single being called Shiva-Ixion. Why did they do that? Well, in FFXIII the summons are basically Transformers that can change into vehicles/weapons/beast forms. The Shiva Sisters turn into a motorcycle for example. WoFF, partially aiming for a younger crowd, would have a little difficulty depicting this transformation because the Shiva Sisters do it by locking legs/bodies with each other.



Which results in this. Yes, the two hot robot ladies interlock legs with each other and form a motorcycle. Snow then proceeds to ride them, with the face and torso of one of them by his crotch and the other one staring at his ass.



Oh, and in the base version of WoFF you cannot get Shiva-Ixion. She's not a Mirage you can Imprism anywhere. This was changed in the Maxima add-on, but we still won't be able to get her until the Endgame.

How about you? Are you still gonna... "butt-kick the Big Jiggle" or whatever it was?

You know it! It shouldn't be too far from where we are now.

So it's like a Mirage?

Yup! Me and Jiggles have got some history.

I will expound on said history once we meet this "Big Jiggle".

I gotcha. Then maybe we can help you out.

Uh, really?

We're sort of on a journey to round up Mirages anyway. So basically, the more you butt-kick, the more we profit.

Ahh, I gotcha now. Well, let's team up then. That stupid Big Jiggle will never know what hit it!



So now Snow is tagging along with us through this, actually very pleasant looking, area.

Take the newly formed ice bridge into the next area.



And by 'next area' I mean only major area. This dungeon is incredibly short. We could hit up the boss in about 30 seconds, not counting random battles along the way.



There are a few chill spots throughout the map. One of these is needed to progress, one is just a shortcut, and the others are for treasure chests. You don't need a Mirage with the Chill ability, Snow and Shiva-Ixion will just create the ice bridges for you. However, if you finish this dungeon without getting to the optional areas, then you will need a Chill capable Mirage if you come back here (Snow is only with us for this story section).

Anyway, veer straight to the left from the first ice bridge spot to find a small pond with a treasure chest nearby.



Walking through the water will sometimes result in monsters popping out.



It must be the-part of their disposition.

Too bad. I got here first!

Uh, yeah. You the-tell 'em.

Mirages, be warned. Dis-position is Lann's position.

We already have a Mini Flan, these are just the grown up versions. Hit it with a physical attack to create a capture chance, but maybe unstack first. These guys only have about 650 HP.



Jokes on you this time WoFF. I'm eating while recording this. I'm on to your constant food suggestive descriptions.

The treasure chest has 4 chimeric wings (wind damage items).



Back to the first ice bridge. On the other side of the bridge, directly to the right, is another Chill point. The ice bridge here leads to a small island with a chest on it that contains an Aero seed.



Directly ahead of the bridge we crossed there is another Chill point that creates a fast track to the save point. The left path is the long way around to the save point, but there's a chest and switch along the way. Let's go check those out first.



The switch seems to lead to a secret area (that green line on the left). I didn't have the proper Mirages to meet the switch conditions, so I hit the save point to swap Mirages before doubling back.

The treasure chest next to the switch contains a remedy. That will certainly come in handy in the immediate future. Why is that?



Because we're in Malboro country now.





Bad Breath is thankfully single-target in this game, but Malboros in this area can come in pairs, so it's still a little threatening. Lann got hit with Poison, Oblivion, and Confusion this time. The Miss was for Blind.

Incidentally, the Malboros in this place really fucking hate Lann. Out of 6 or 7 Bad Breaths cast on the party while I was recording this section, Reynn was only targeted by 1 of them. Malboros seemed to like doubling up Bad Breath on Lann just to make sure.



The switch requirements are a weight of 14 and a Water Resistance of 25 or more. The resistance is easy to meet, but the weight can be a bit trickier. Bruce, Dingldoink, and Dualizard are the heaviest Mirages I could put together and they only just made it to 14.

Also, just as a side note, I like seeing Dingldoink ride on one of Dualizard's heads instead of just weirdly floating in the middle of them.

The switch causes the water behind it to recede and reveal a sand path. What could be waiting for us on the other side?



Before we find out, I snag this thing along the way. It needs to be inflicted with Berserk to create a capture chance (which you can do with War Gongs if you don't have a Mirage with Berserk abilities). This is just the plain old version of the Lucky Toad we already have.



On to the secret area, where we find... some kind of Princess? Sure are a lot of those going around lately. What is this, the fourth one we've found?

Oh well. Wonder what this one is doing all the way out here in the swamp?



Huh?







Oh god no!

Chapter 14 Highlights - Malboro Menace + Flan Princess Battle


This is actually two Mirages in a stack, rather than an Angler fish type situation.



Flan Princess sits on top. We'll need to face her with just a single party member. That's kind of a risky proposition as long as...



this thing is on the field. The Malboro Menace stack can hit for close to 1000, so the Malboro Menace by itself could likely one-shot your individual characters. The safest bet here is to focus on capturing the Malboro first, then worry about the Flan Princess. There is a downside to doing it in this order, but the alternative relies on a large amount of luck.



Malboro Menace needs to be inflicted with status ailments for a capture chance, but it has resistances to everything. The weakest parts of its ailment resistance coverage are Oblivion and Slow. Doom is also a weak point, but you kind of don't want to hit it with that since it will knock it out when the countdown reaches 0. You'd be putting a short time limit on imprisming it.

Of course, you will get a memento when the battle is won. You could just take the Malboro out and then transfig a Korrigan later. Korrigans are easy to get (Basil has had access to that form for a long time).



After knocking the stack down, I chose the Oblivion route and got lucky. Both Chime items I used hit it and I managed to catch it on the second Imprism attempt.

With Malboro Menace out of the way, it's now time to deal with Flan Princess. You need to face her with a single party member to create a capture chance. That means you're going to have to get your Mirages to attack each other or themselves until they're all knocked out. Lann or Reynn must also be knocked out.



Flan Princess does have a trick up her sleeve that you need to be wary of. Dance with Me! will inflict Berserk. If this happens when you only have Lann or Reynn left standing, then you could get screwed over pretty quick. Flan Princess won't be taken out by piddly physical attacks from individual units, so she'll most likely knock out your last character while you are powerless to do anything.

Tranquilizers or Remedies can cure Berserk, if you have a non-affected character that can use the item that is.



Once you're down to one, you'll get your chance to capture. I admit that I was not paying the proper amount of attention here. The correct way to do this would be to throw a Phoenix Down of some type to get everyone back up, then try to Imprism Flan Princess so everyone gets to share in the experience.



I got too eager and went straight for Imprism, succeeding immediately.

This results in some... unbalanced leveling for Lann. I then ran straight to a save point and habitually saved, so that's set in stone. I'll have to look for an opportunity to get Reynn caught up.



Putrid Breath is an upgraded Bad Breath, which Malboro Menace decided not to use on me during this battle.



Flan Princess has appeared in the Final Fantasy franchise before (such as II and VI), but her appearance here is far more cutesy. In her other appearances, she looks like a regular flan, except pink. This "new makeover" of hers makes her look a lot more human.

And that's all for the secret area. Time to head for the boss. There is one more Mirage available in this place, but I couldn't get it to pop. I may just transfig to it (it's a Mu variant).



Save beforehand, and then head across the bridge. Once we reach the other side, it's cutscene time.

Update 14 Highlights - Meeting Big Jiggle




Whooooa.

It's huge!

Aha ha ha... Snow, which part of this thing is the butt?

Oh, it's all butt!



You do realize we're not fighting a mountain...?

My the-eyes! It's so the-shiny!



I hope you haven't been completely ignoring magic. Golden Flan is a complete joke if you have any form of magic element attack. It's weak to every ailment and can take between 2000-5000 damage depending on the level of spell you use.



Reynn's stack uses Thundara and nearly halves its health in one shot.

Golden Flan responds by slapping Lann's stack for 200 damage--



then gets promptly vaporized by Lann's stack.



It manages to hold on with just a sliver of health, but Reynn puts a quick end to that.



Upon being defeated, it then... shrinks?



I beg to differ. That was a total ass-kicking.

I know. It's like we're right back to square one, except... nothing about that thing was square.

I guess we just didn't kick it hard enough.

Snow, what exactly do you have against it again?

If I don't keep it in line, it just grows and grows. Once, it used to be way, way bigger than this. Attacked my village. Did some serious damage. I've found that a nice, periodic butt-kicking is the best way to keep the Big Jiggle in check.

Sounds like a big, big, BIG nuisance to me.

This whole thing is a reference to XIII-2. Remember the thing I mentioned about Lightning giving Snow a dream warning while time traveling about a threat to Cocoon? The threat in question is a thing called Royal Ripeness, which is a big collection of Miniflan that merged together. Snow tries fighting it, but he doesn't deal any lasting damage since the thing can just reform itself.



It won't be attack towns for a while.

We could just imprism it while it's small. That would sort of solve the whole problem for good... No? Not going to bother bringing that up? Okay then.

Anyway... It looks like the swamp up ahead should be nice and dry now. I think you're good to walk. Okay... Maybe I'll see you all again sometime!

God, I hope not.



Yeah, I'll say. So, you ready to kiss this place good-bye?

I hope that the rest is the-easy going.

And with that, we get a prompt telling us that Snow's Champion Medal and Jewel are available. There's also some new items at the Chocolatte Mart. Then we can save.

This isn't the end of the chapter, though. There's a very tiny section left.



There's a beach area just beyond the boss arena. This is where the missing Mirage can supposedly be found, but I was unable to get it to appear.

Other than that, there is a Chill point over by that little island to the left (you will need a Mirage with Chill since Snow is gone). There is a chest on the island that contains 2 remedies.

And that's it. Proceeding to the mountains where the star on our map is will end the chapter. That was insanely short. Here I thought these would be getting longer, but we're just tearing through these.