Part 3: Episode III: Let’s Explore the Seedy Underbelly of Lahan
Episode III: Let’s Explore the Seedy Underbelly of LahanMusic: Lahan (Creid Remix)
Music: My Village is Number One ~ Orchestral Version
Welcome back. Fei Fong Wong is busy balancing on a mutant cow at the moment. So, lemme talk for a minute while he does that... Since I would like to show off as much as possible of this game, but at the same time don’t want to stall out on details stuff, I’ll be separating minor village sidequests and general exploration of areas into their own catch all updates like this one. So don’t ask me to go REMEMBER XXXX as soon as we get to a new locale. I’ll get around to it, ‘ight? Sound good? Good. Though, if I missed something after that feel free to point it out.
Hmm? Oh right... The cow thing...
In Xenogears, characters can jump hella high. We’re talking like eight feet of hang time here. I guess Xenogears just takes place on a planet with low gravity. Unfortunately, with the ability to jump comes the occasional platforming. Oh god, the platforming later on... But, we’ll get to that later. For now, jumping can be utilized to get a few secrets throughout town. Like haphazardly jumping down the well in the center of town...
After a few seconds, Fei jumps back out of the well...
Fei will hop back out and remark that was stupid dangerous and maybe he should just avoid the well in the near future. However, the town’s watering hole will reward this exploration with a bad pun and the gift of a a secret item. Spiffy huh? Let’s see what we got...
...
......
.........So that’s why everyone in Lahan boils their water before drinking it. Umm... Alright...? This won’t be the only weird thing Fei shoves into his pockets today.
Continuing to take leaps of faith into the well at Fei’s peril will eventually yield more puns and additional goodies. There’s only the three of ‘em. After that, we can let Lassie have a break for a while.
So, let’s get to exploring Lahan Village. Your guess is as good as mine as to why they’ve got an Italian phrase on their welcome sign...
Lahan Village itself isn’t a particularly large area. We’ve already seen Fei and the Chief’s house (the long building to the west by the farmland) as well as Alice’s joint (the house to the east by the windmill.) There are a few people worth chatting up around town for some free items. Just be warned that NPCs in Xenogears are chatty fuckers and will rattle off their inane life story if you give ‘em the chance. For a cliff notes version of points of interest for free swag outside:
The woman with the mutant cow has a free Aquasol (read: health potion) if we listen to her whine about how she doesn’t want to settle down with a man from the village and become a housewife and instead wants to explore the world. If Fei says that sounds like a good idea, she’ll hook him up with a free potion. Also, apparently that mutant cow is a “bearcow”. Great, now I have the mental image of a bear and a cow going to town on one another... Thanks, Square...
An old man (who’s apparently Chief Lee’s twin brother) working the fields behind Fei’s pad will cough up some additional free Aquasols if we listen to him yammer about what crops to plant a couple times. Jumping on his bearcow is optional.
Fei can also hop up onto his roof to have a little scene with some kid squatting on top of his house. You’d think Chief Lee would have a fit that youngsters are clambering up his roof...
“If you were a bird, you could fly back to your real home anytime you wanted.”
”What if my home was burned down in a terrible forest fire? Then what? Hmm?” “Umm...I d-don’t...” “Yeah, you chew on that for a while, kiddo.”
This is also an elderly fellow and his granddaughter enjoying picnic in the town square...
...and Fei can march all over their lunch like a total dickhead. Huh? Oh, no... It doesn't actually accomplish anything. It's just funny.
Edit: To keep up the class act, Fei can also start shoving the little girl for this reply.
There are a few more items of interest back in the Chief’s hut. So let’s nab those while we’re in the area...
All points of interest are back down in the basement. If we check out Fei’s bed, there’s a stash of 200 G he’s been hiding from Chief Lee so he doesn’t steal it for booze and Kislev hookers again.
We can also steal a couple more Aquasols from the two baskets in one of the storerooms outside our room. But, those are pedestrian items that apparently literally sprout out of the ground. You see that spider web? The one up there in the corner? Yeah. Opposite the bookcase.
Fei can leap up there and tear it down from the wall. This will save us 50 Gold and a trip tracking down a merchant several hours from now. Yeah...don’t ask... Just shove that spider web in your back pocket and be on your way. No, I don’t know how in the hell you’re supposed to know that was an actual item and not just a scenery prop...
North of the Chief’s hut we have the general store. A slogan like that doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence in this establishment’s inventory.
There’s a little girl that talks like Elmer Fudd in here that will propose to us for marriage. But other than that, there is a fairly standard inventory on sale in the store proper. Aquasol we already know about. Rosesol restores 10 EP (ether points/mana). Omegasol restores all HP/MP for a single character...but only outside of battles. Survival Tents restore all HP/EP for the entire party, again only outside battle. It’s the usual kind of junk. We can sell that well eyeball for an easy 200 Gold. I don’t even want to know why that is selling for such a high price...
Next up: the town bar. There are a few interesting folks to chat with in here. Drunken folks, but interesting nevertheless.
Sadly, Fei cannot get hammered until the wedding reception tomorrow. Our hero is only eighteen years old. But that doesn’t mean he cannot wander around and bother other drunks getting plastered at noon.
“There is a dark and icy wind that blows where you are going. A wind that nurtures grief and resentment, inviting death from which there is no salvation... No one will be able to escape from it! But you, and only you, must eventually face up to that dark wind!” “...” “...Just kidding! I’ve always wanted to try saying that! Did I scare you? I’m really sorry! Wahaha...” ”Yea, Magus... I think you’ve had enough for one afternoon...”
”Well, heck lady... I’ve got 200 gold burning a hole in my poc—“ “Hey, Ellen! Quit teasing the innocent kid!”
“Yeah, yeah! I know! Gee, he’s got sharp hearing! Anyway...(Maybe next time, okay, Fei!? I’ll be waiting... Rowrrr!)” ”Hey, sure thing. I’ll show you why they call me ‘Fong Wong’” <finger snaps> “...”
“Yeah...that didn’t make too much sense, did it? I’ll just...uhh... I’ll go now...”
But really, the only drunk we want to gossip with is this guy standing bye the stairs. The other folks just mumble about how Aveh is a pretty swanky place and you can totally get there by going through
The belligerent alcoholic will get all pissy at Fei, prompting a reply from our hero. We want to go with the third response. The other two will just make the drunk tell us to go fuck ourselves.
”Neat. Another stimulating conversation with one of the locals... See you around...”
“No... Wait up, boy! I’ll give you this. Take it.” *looks around confused* “...??? What is that?” “I have no use for it... Don’t worry ‘bout it. Just take it.” “Nobody knows... In the depths...of the sea...a tear...drop...shed by...a mermaid...” ”...” *Backs away slowly*
The boozehound gives us the “Mermaid Tear”. This little trinket will go on to provide a pretty damn nice item...at the very end of the game... Yeah...like sixty hours from now at the very end of Disc 2 type end of the game... Good luck remembering you have this thing stuffed in your pocket collecting mountains of dust or where you even initially got it by that point in the story...
Only a couple more stops left. This next one is perhaps the darkest in all of Lahan... The RPS Dude’s House...
If we talk to the woman standing by the door, she will inform us that her husband is obsessed with playing rock-paper-scissors with people and is the regional champion. What? RPS contests are a real thing... Anyhow, she’d love nothing more than for someone to put him in his place. Seems like a simple enough sidequest, eh? There’s a few catches...
RPS Dude will not play unless you put up 50G for a bet. Oh and to complete the sidequest you have to beat him in rock-paper-scissors five consecutive times. The game is completely random each time, so there’s a 33% chance of success each round. I’m not sure what of the odds of hitting the mark accurately on a 1-in-3 shot, five times in a row. I just know it is pretty frakkin’ difficult. But...
I was planning on savescumming this asshole, since it took me an hour and change to win this thing legit the first time I played. But...by some bizarre miracle he...threw out scissors five times in a row. I won my first attempt by just mashing X for a minute straight... I now fully expect to be struck by lightning by the end of this week. So if the LP suddenly ends, you’ll know what happened...
Defeating RPS dude will, once again, yield an item that will not become useful until way the hell down the road: The RPS Hero Badge!
While we’re in this house, we can press our luck further by buttering up RPS Dude’s basement dwelling grandmother by telling her we like the town. She’ll hook up Fei with a free 120G for his approval of a town he’s lived in for three years now. Sure, why not?
One last trip before continuing on to meet this Doctor Uzuki fellow. Our last stop is the Village Consultant’s hut.
This is basically just a big area for tutorial explanations of game mechanics and the battle system. There’s also the village’s save point over by the girl in the err...helmet...? Uhh... Is that...?
Lucca...? The hell are you doing in this game?! I thought Lynx killed you back in Chrono Cross...
“If it’s about the ‘Memory Cube’, then don’t hesitate to ask me. No one knows better than I do!”
Uhh... I’m still pretty confused as to how much Serge managed to fuck up the timelines if Chrono Trigger characters are popping up into other series. So...let’s hear her out...
“Now, open up those ears and carve every word I say into that tiny brain of yours! I’ll begin with how to save your adventure..."
The Memory Cube expands to twice its size and this flashes up on the screen for about two seconds.
”No I got like...two words of that...What in the hell is a ‘memory screen?’...” “Wha? You didn’t understand? Aww gee... Well alright, let me explain once more! Alright, this time, make sure you’re listening then! This spinning and bobbing thing here is the Memory Cube I just spoke about. Fearlessly stand inside the Cube’s area and calmly and composedly open up the Menu Screen! From there you will be able to save into a memory file as per normal. Especially in dungeons and other like areas, as soon as you see one of these, you should save without hesitation. You never can tell what may happen next! When outside on the World Map, you can save anywhere you like (...probably)! If you don’t want to wind up crying later, make sure you save frequently, okay!? So, that’s it for my concise summary! You took it all in this time, didn’t you...?” ”Kinda...? Can I save in Slot 2?” “Only if you’re daring, my friend.” “So...that’s a...?” “Yes, you can save in Slot 2 too.” “Oh...cool. I hate when you’re not allowed to do that.” “Hmph... Back in my day we only had three save slots and we liked it. But, I’m glad you understand.” “Well, even a 2 year old Dongarian Monkey could understand my fantastic explanation 120%, right!?”
“Alright, now for the explanation fee...it’s 28G!” ”Wha...? You’re charging me for a saving tutorial?! I could have just looked in the damn instruction manual if I knew that...” “28G is a bargain considering you were able to receive such a perfect explanation from the likes of me!!! So c’mon, drop the excuses. Be a man and pay up!”
And so Lucca basically mugs us for the honor of listening to her tutorial. If you were wondering about this random cameo, Masato Kato, our old friend the director of Chrono Cross, designed Lahan Village. So that's the reason Lucca decided to make a cameo for this tutorial. Or you can go write up some convoluted theory essays about how Chrono Cross/Trigger and Xenogears take place in the same world. One of the two. Your choice. Don't post the latter in this thread if you tread that path.
With that said, we can recoup a bit of that highway robbery from Kid’s caretaker by listening to any single short tutorial from the bald guy in the room. He’ll pay us 80G for being such a good student. This place sucks! Let’s go meet this Dr. Uzuki guy already. Apparently, the path to his house is to the north of town...
“...Those wishing to see the doctor on the mountain top should proceed with courage and conviction.”
So...the town’s only physician lives on top of the mountain down a treacherous mountain path full of monsters? This Citan Uzuki guy is going to turn out to be a total dick, isn’t he...?
Music: Lahan (Creid Remix)
Music: My Village is Number One ~ Orchestral Version
Timothy Artwork - Something tells me Alice isn't marrying him for his book smarts...