Part 103: Episode C: Elhaym Van Houten’s Wonderful Parents

Episode C: Elhaym Van Houten’s Wonderful Parents

Music: Fuse


Alright, Elly is rescued thanks to conveniently placed manhole covers. And the final Solaris Gate got blown to shit by Jessie and Citan. It is now officially time to get the hell off this kooky cloud city.

A quick jog down the hall later...


”Yo.”
*runs up to parents* "Father! Mother!"
"Elly!!"
<Huh... They’re actually still alive...? I’m just gonna go ahead and assume nanomachine kid is extremely competent at rescues...>
"You should thank Hammer! Hammer got your parents at the right time. Right, Hammer!?"
"Y, yes... Yes... exactly..."
”...Really? Ergh. I mean...”
"T, thank you, Hammer."
"We'd like to thank you, too. I never thought I'd see my daughter again... Thank you, Hammer."

Citan gets everyone’s attention...


"So that we do not stand out, we should split up into two groups. Fei, you have done a lot, but I would like to have you move on ahead and take two more members with you. Move along southwest of here and cross two mobile contact bridges. There you will find a hangar that will lead to the outside. We will meet at the footbridge near there.”
”Yeah. I’m pretty sure every person worth a crap knows who we are at this point. I don’t think the Scooby Doo thing is particu—“
“It’s a gameplay concession, Fei. Don’t argue with it.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
"I shut down alarms here and there when I was breaking gates. But it's still dangerous. Be careful!"
"I'll go to the hangar beforehand, and arrange a ride for us. Solaris is in confusion now, so if I go alone I can pull some strings."
”You’re betraying Solaris now? Weren’t you just ready to call the cops and shoot me a few hours ago.”
“I’m getting demoted to slave labor for helping my daughter escape. I decided it was time for a career change.”
"...Okay. Please do not overdo it."
"Yeah, I know."
*turns to family* "Elly, Medena... See you again."
"Dear... Please be careful..."
"Father..."

Erich wanders off to buy everyone some more time and almost definitely get killed somehow...


Anyhow, before we go the suddenly useful Hammer opens up shop before we venture forth. He sells the same supplies that appear in all the stores in Solaris. So best to stock up on whatever before we leave. You may also notice the big blue Save Point next to the golden vanilla brand. This lets you switch, get this, party members! Yes, an hour before the conclusion of the first disc they are just now adding a simple mechanic to switch out party members. Before this point you had to go into the bowels of the Yggdrasil and ask Margie to do it. Later on they even get the crazy idea to combine the save point and character swap point into the same thing. Innovation!




Anyhow, there is a very short and utterly pointless dungeon we need to run through. It is 100% hallways with optional copy and pasted offices to the side with treasure. It’s very easy to get turned around seeing as it is the same halls looping in on one another the whole way. But if we listen to Citan’s advice to stay southwest, then it’s not too bad. Or you could be like me and get sidetracked with other things, come back to the paused game an hour later, and get lost as shit for twenty minutes. But, that’s on me for once. Not the game.

Skipping past the final filler dungeon of the disc...


At the far end of the dungeon is the rest of the party chilling out at the final save spot of the disc. This room. Right here. Pause the game and go get yourself something to eat, drink, whatever. You’re looking at nearly an hour of cutscenes coming up before discs change. You’ve been warned. Just be sure whatever lunch meat you’re using for a sandwich isn’t made out of processed furry meat.

Fei and the gang wander toward...however the hell we’re escaping from Solaris...


Oh great. Hammer needs to go take a leak before we leave. Why is that guy with us aga—


Or wait... He’s got a gun and grabbed Elly. It turns out he’s decided to wait for being irrelevant to the plot for 28 hours before doing a heel turn. Sure, why not?


"W... what are you doing? Hammer?"
"Don't move! I'm serious!!"
"Don't be silly! What happened? Hammer!?"
”I am SO not in the mood right now that you don’t even know... So stick the gun back in your man-purse and stop fooling around before I get pissed.”
"I promised to a man named K... Krelian. He won't 'change it' if Miss Elly is returned..."
”Krelian...? ‘Change it’...? You heard much about this Krelian guy? I took a stroll through his labs. His hobbies include taking demi-humans and blasting lasers in their face for science. And turning them into zombies if they’re really lucky. And if that doesn’t work out, he has them turned into meat and has them sold on hoagies at a local bistro... Not really a guy you wanna be listening to, bud.”

Music: Tears of the Stars, Hearts of the People


”Didn’t you two elope or something? Get him to knock it off before I have Wilbur put one between his eyes.”
“Billy!”
"I really don't want to do this to Miss Elly either. Really, I like her very much. But, but I... I have no other choice! Because I'm no good... I don't have the strength like bro, or the smarts like the doc! I, I know... everyone thinks of me as some annoying handyman who talks too much... I know that..."
"Hammer..."
"I'm different from you all! I'm not special like you! A 'normal' guy like me has no choice but to do this!!"
”Alright... I see where you’re coming from. It sucks you don’t get a giant robot and get to go on goofy adventures. But on the other hand, I can leap 30 feet in the air and stay afloat on a stream of fireballs. So just mull that over for a minute before you do anything rash, Hammer...”

Medena approaches Hammer and her daughter...


"I won't stop. Ever. ... My child is in danger...and I'm her mother!!"
"... Hya..."
"I was born and raised in a normal family. I'm not a soldier like my husband and daughter. I never touched a gun before, much less have one pointed at me... That's why I'm shaking... But I can't stop it. I'm a 'normal' mother. So there are things I must protect..."
*turns to Elly* “Elly, slowly come here. Don't worry. I'll protect you no matter what."
"M... mother..."
"Elly, come here. It's alright. It’s alright, Elly."


Hammer doesn’t think to really grab Elly or anything so she’s free to wander away from her captor...


”Man, you get captured a lot.”
"... No!! Don't go! No... no...!"
”Yeah... It is getting kinda old.”
"... Don't... Don't go... don't..."


Uhh... I hope that was the sound of Jessie putting some buckshot in the back of Hammer’s head...






"...Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a..."

Hammer flees the murder scene. I somehow think Krelian isn’t going to be happy with “Didn’t capture Elhaym...shot her mom in the head instead...and then ran away screaming...”


"...Mother...... mo... th... er..."


And thus Xenogears meets the obligatory shrieking the name of a family member murdered in front a character quota.


This tragic moment is interrupted by whatsherface that was in a single scene at the beginning of Act 2...


And Grahf. Terrific. Just what we needed.

Music: Jaws of Ice


"Grahf! Damn! At a time like this!"
”I am SO not in the mood for this. No talking out of you. Now ‘power’ bullshit. Face kicking. Now!”
"Everybody, get ready!"


Sorry about your recent tragedy, Elly. But you’re still wearing all the best equipment and are second only to Citan in Deathblows trained. So you’re coming along for this fight.


Alrighty, then. Time for the final battle of Disc 1: Grahf and his girlfriend “Executioner”. For being the final challenge of the act, this battle is not remotely difficult. For one important reason:




Citan Uzuki is now using his sword in battle and is fucking ridiculously strong (up from being already ridiculously strong.) The downside to Citan’s combat revision is that his battle animations take for fucking ever. Citan has one of those flashy sword styles where he stylishly sheathes his blade with every strike. Which means a four string combo before a Deathblow that would have taken about 2 seconds before now takes about twelve. On the upside?


Citan’s 7AP Deathblows are now outputting between 1500-2000 HP of damage. For reference, Fei and Elly are lucky to break four digits with the same level attacks. As a result, Citan can basically solo this battle all by himself.


That said, for this battle we want to take out the Executioner first as her attacks are far more annoying than Grahf’s.


Executioner can use an Ether spell to hit a single party member for 500+ HP. This is pretty much an instant KO for whoever it hits.


She can also detonate a gravity bomb for a 100+ HP of damage to the entire party. This can be a nuisance if done right after Grahf attacks.


Grahf attacks similar to the fight at the end of Act 2 on the Goliath. Only far less damaging than that fight. His fireball spam only does maybe 100-200 HP of damage, depending on the character.


He can also bicycle kick tap-dance on someone’s head for 200+ HP of damage. Now that Grahf has picked up a girlfriend, he isn’t discriminating against lobbing fireballs or kung fu at Elly, either. Still, all his attacks only affect a single character and he isn’t the quickest to the draw. So focusing efforts on taking out Executioner and Grahf will go down in short order thereafter.


And we get a hell of a lot of experience for taking the duo out. Now then, I believe we were in the middle of a drama bomb for Elly. Let’s get back to that...


“...Oh?”

A Gear flies over Grahf and Executioner...

Music: Lost...Broken Shards


"Father!"
"Hahaha... You both dote on your child..."
”...This is not ending well.”




Executioner powers up, which causes Erich’s Gear to begin exploding. This was probably not Daddy Van Houten’s best career move.


“Elly, no matter what happens, believe in yourself and go on. We'll be happy to help anyway we can. That's the least I can do to make it up to you... Elly... You're Medena's daughter, my daughter, no matter what. So..."
*KABOOM*




And Elly has gone from having a loving family to being an orphan in the span of about six minutes. Between this, her creepy time with Krelian, and becoming a surprise cannibal she might beat out Billy for having had the worst day ever at the rate she’s going.


"Oh, have I overdone it? You had no time to say goodbye. But, don't worry. I'll let you meet again on the other side..."
".........How could you do that...... to my father!"
”Surprisingly easily. They just don’t build Gears like they used to...”


Elly screams and turns Super Van Houten Level 2 or something.


“However..."
”Quite the p—“
“Yes, Grahf. Power.”

Executioner turns her power level up to 11. The rest of the party doesn’t seem to care for this turn of events very much...”


"Gha!!"
"Wa!"
"Gha-a-a!"
"Wa-a-a-a-!!"
"Ouchuwowowhoa!"



Heartbeat. Heartbeat. Heartbeat. Heartbeat. Heartbeat...


“Hehehe...”



Meanwhile, back on the Yggdrasil...


"What? More details!"
”...That’s all the details! A giant robot is stomping around in the hangar by itself...”
*sigh* “I know somehow Bart is responsible for this...”


Click to view FMV




It seems the Gear moving around by itself is good old Weltall. You can tell by the glowing eyes. The Tomino Act of ’79 states that all giant robots powering up must be clearly indicated by glowing eyes.








So, not only is Fei Id. But Weltall is a transformer that turns into Weltall-Id when Fei gets pissed.


Weltall-Id proceeds to fly straight through the ceiling of Yggdrasil’s hangar. That giant robot just does not like Bart’s ship.


So umm...the last time Id was in a major population center was Elru. Elru was a continent of demi-humans that got its ass kicked so hard that Solaris deleted it from maps... I do not see this ending without an astronomical body count...










Weltall Transforms





Executioner Concept Art – Hmm...a mysterious masked woman that hangs out with Grahf. Who COULD it really be...?