Xenogears Part #11 - Episode XI: Fei Fong Wong vs. Goddamn Desert Pirates

Part 11: Episode XI: Fei Fong Wong vs. Goddamn Desert Pirates

Episode XI: Fei Fong Wong vs. Goddamn Desert Pirates

Welp. That could have gone better. It seems Citan and Fei have been captured by the Aveh military. Aveh does not fuck around when it comes to grand theft auto within its borders.

We rejoin our heroes locked in the brig of the sand cruiser. Citan watches Fei sleep like a total creep. Meanwhile, Fei dreams of being in another vague anime flashback...

Click to view cutscene.

We join Fei standing in a field during a thunderstorm watching three men power-up for a brawl in the rain.

The three include Ginger McSlouchesalot...

...yet another Kung Fu practitioner (look, it’s a popular hobby in Xenogears’ world), and Grahf THE SEEKER OF POWER we already know.

"Let us join together."

"I never thought we'd meet again like this. It must be... fate. How ironic."

"But... I'll never let you have him."

"Even if it kills me!"

Fei’s vague flashback/dream/whatever concludes and he hops out of bed...

"Huh? Ahh... well... sort of..."

”I had this dream where I was standing in the rain and this guy with an awesome mustache and that Giraffe guy and some other dude with red hair were all powering up and like RARG and the mustache guy looked like he was gonna tota—“

"Sorry I messed up... I was careless. That Gear is a top secret experimental model from Kislev... It was only natural that Aveh would also be madly searching for it. Fei? Are you hurt? You do not look so well."

”Ugh... Now that you mention it... What did they do to me, doc? My skin... My skin is burning all over. Did they torture us while I was out...?”
“...No, Fei. You were out in the sun for at least eight or nine hours without protection. You are SEVERELY sunburned... Here, I have some ointment I packed. I would very much suggest you rub your skin down with it in the immediate future...”
“...Oh.”

“Is there anything else bothering you, Fei?”

Music: The One Who is Torn Apart

"That man in black...spoke of your father's fate... Is that what is wrong?"

Fei slumps against the wall and sighs...

"It's the other stuff he said... What happened at Lahan...was all planned to get me to ride in that Gear... Or so he claimed. That's got me worried..."

"To get you to ride in that Gear...?"

"Doc, before the village was destroyed, I lived without doubting myself. But it's different now. I don't...know who I am. I've never felt like this before..."

"Well we cannot do anything as long as we are prisoners...even if we wanted to. Let us rest a little. Maybe it will sort your feelings out a little.”

”Doc, I JUST woke up. What is with you and all the sleep...? Ah... Whatever... Not like there is anything else to do now.”

Fei returns to his bed...

(Could it be that we are approaching... the -Time- of the -Gospel-...?)

Citan was getting a bit jealous that Fei was hogging all the vague flashbacks. So it’s time for Citan to have one extra vague and confusing...

“We are the people expelled from paradise and forced to live on the cruel surface of the earth. We who fill this land will once again return to the presence of god in paradise and live there eternally. That is the -Time- of the -Gospel-. That -Time- is at hand. We, the Gazel, must find god's resting place by then and resurrect him. That is our final prayer..."

"Our final prayer?"

"Our final prayer to escape from the -Fate- that was determined at our genesis."

Welp. That was...a thing... That was Emperor Cain, by the way, if you wanted one additional biblical reference to the pile. I don’t think his name constitutes a spoiler. Emperor of what...? Hell if I know... Or what Citan’s connection to him is... That was all just random and confusing. So, as par for the course when things get a bit too confusing and overly dramatic...let’s segue into random Desert Pirates, shall we?

“And look at what we have on top...!”

Music: Leftovers of the Dreams of the Strong

“Gunner!”

“Turret A 'Anton' and Turret B 'Belta' can initiate their ectropometers twenty seconds after opening their hatches.”

”I think you just made-up that ‘-meters’ word, but alright.”

“Franz!”

“I don't hear anything other than the flowing sound of the sand... No suspicious radar activity detected!”

“Marseilles!”

“Maitreya's units are on standby at the catapults. They'll all be able to launch one minute after we resurface!”

“Good! Let's do it! BattCon level 1!”

“Surface-combat, ready! Torpedo room, ready! Anti-Gear guns, ready! Navigation and Engineering are also ready!”

A dapper ass butler and a pirate with an eye patch over his other eye rushes into the bridge...

“Y, young master! What is happening? What was the alarm all about...”

“Young master!!”

“Trim to the right! The wind is strong up there and we may be blown off balance! ...Jerico! Hand the helm over to me!”

Meanwhile, back in the brig...

”Sand...?”
“No...coming out of the sand!”
“A sand storm...?”
“No! Just...look at the window, Fei.”

So over the course of the last four days, Fei has now gotten attacked by multiple giant robots, a T-Rex, a giant sandworm, and now pirates. At this rate the guy is going to have to go kill God like Grahf said just to keep up the pace.

“Awww yeah! Switch modes over to salvos after the initial shots! Let's slow 'em down. Get ready to give them a spankin' they won't forget!”

“Young master, please wait! It may just be a requisitioned ship, not a warship...”

”Yeah, well we’re requisitioning our foot up its ass.”

“Let me handle this! Whether it's a warship or not, it's carrying a new Gear! Gunner! Let 'em have it!!

“We will probably sink within minutes."

"A few minutes... Doc!!"

”I know I’ve been down in the dumps. But I’m totally not cool with getting buried in sand. How does that even work to begin with? Weren’t we just walking across this same desert?”
“I find it best in situations like this not to question the physics behind materials whilst being bombarded by pirates...”
“...”
“...Good policy.”

Music: Fuse

Thankfully, another explosion triggers the emergency locks and opens the door. Unfortunately...

The ship is now filling with sand and the party needs to high tail it outta here or they will get buried. The sand in this section does indeed rise and it is a game over if Citan and Fei don’t make it out in time.

The duo makes their way through assorted engine rooms and cargo holds upward to the top of the ship. The longer they stay in any section, the more damage it will take which will result in destroyed platforms and burning obstacles. So it’s best not to dawdle around.

Aveh soldiers are still defending the area. But, they only possess little peashooters that do a whole 5-10 HP of damage. So they aren’t much of a threat.

The real hazard is that every couple of turns in random battles an explosion will occur damaging everyone in the fight for 30-40 HP worth of damage. This is almost guaranteed once or twice for every battle, so it can stack up quickly if we’re not careful.

Citan and Fei make it to the top of the sinking sand cruiser...

"Fei! Can you hear me? I am moving the crane towards Weltall’s cockpit. Hurry! Go up the crane to Weltall! We are going under fast!"

"...I got you, doc! But when you're done, you hurry up there too, okay!?"

”And doc, where did you get a crane operator’s license from?!”
“Med school.”
“...Oh.”

Citan moves the crane toward Weltall, allowing Fei to make an exceedingly dangerous parkour dash down the structure. We cannot make Fei fall to his ~~mild irritation by sand~~ death, as he’ll immediately catch the side and pull himself back up.

”I hope you don’t really have the soul of my mom in you or something creepy like that...”

Fei leaps down into Weltall’s cockpit and activates the Gear to go pick-up Citan off the sinking ship...

Also, he seems to have made Weltall grow three times its normal size... That’s new.

Fei grabs Dr. Uzuki and rockets off to safety...

Turns out Fei figured out how to use Weltall’s jetpack. He never does figure out that machinegun nipple function, though... Shame.

Weltall drops the doctor off on the ground...

"Wooh... Whoops... Ha ha ha... Well, Doctor Citan Uzuki! Feels like you have sacked your saccules, and tickled your utricles enough for one life time! Wow, dizzy!"

"Sorry about that, doc! I didn't have time to open up the cockpit... Are you really okay, doc?"

"Fei, I was only joking. Riding in the hand was not so bad. I can see what is so good about this top secret experimental Kislev machine."

"Yeah, when I started it up, it began doing all kinds of stuff by itself... The environmental response system and weight-reduction hovering kicked in straight away...automatically!"

"Really...? Amazing...!"

”How did you figure out how to activate those systems?”
“It...literally just flashed up on screen ‘environmental response system and weight-reduction hovering automatically activated’. It’s still flashing up on the screen. Heck if I could remember that on my own.”

“!?”

*sigh* “What hammy jerk wants to bug me now...?”

Music: Knight of Fire

"Hm. Can't you make a better plea for your life? You come jumping out of an Aveh ship and claim that you are not Aveh soldiers! Stop trying to fool me!"

"I tell you, it's true!"

”Sheesh. Just gimme a second and I’ll pop open the hatch and prove it to you...”

"Tsk. How pathetic are you?! Even if you're the pettiest of soldiers, how's about showing a little spine...and put up a decent fight!"

"How nauseating! Why don't you stop grumbling, leave the Gear and run away?"

”How would you even take it if I did that? Are you going to drag it a mile back to your ship...?”
“N-No... I was gonna...Oh! Shut up and fight!”

The pirate Gear attempts to whack Weltall with some kind of whip/giant tape measure. Fei blocks or dodges it since honestly...who outside of Castlevania fights with a whip?

”All I did was dodging a wussy flailing attack, Simon. I think an eight year old girl could have the same kind of ‘power’ too.”

"I see, an all-environment model... so that's it, huh? Now I want it even more!"

*groan* “I am just going to go ahead and kick your ass now. This is getting dumb...”

Time for our third boss battle: Brigandier. Did I mention Xenogears has a shit load of boss battles? Cuz Xenogears has a shit load of boss battles. I think it’s over eighty during the course of the game. Anyhow, this pretty boy pirate’s Gear isn’t too big of a deal. And luckily the two Gears standing next to it in that previous cutscene have vanished into a plot hole. So that’s nice.

The most annoying part of the fight is this attack: Wild Smile. This will damage Weltall’s camera systems, which translates to Accuracy and Evasion being decreased. As stated earlier, status effects stack in Xenogears and this jerk will not hesitate to spam this every few rounds. That said, it really only just makes the easy battle slightly longer to complete as Fei will more often than not whiff stronger strikes.

Other than that, the red Gear just sort of flails about with its arm whips for minimal damage. And...that’s about all there is to be said about the boss.

Giant Robot Shoryuken shots never get old.

After the battle...

"Oh-no! This is not good!! In the heat of battle, I go get caught in quicksand! Darn. Me of all people!"

”A giant cruiser thing just sank here minutes ago a few hundred yards away. What were you expecting?!”
“Yeah well...that was different. For instance it happened WAY over there!”