Part 146: Episode CXLIII: Fei Fong Wong and the Legend of Duneman Isle

Episode CXLIII: Fei Fong Wong and the Legend of Duneman Isle


So we say goodbye to Kislev forever. And with it goes the last of the particularly easy to find sidequests. In proper PSX era JRPG tradition, we sort of need to wander around the world map aimlessly in order to find the location of the last few quests.


For instance there is this random island west of Ignas. There are several small islands all over Xenogears’ world map that are completely useless (see: 99% of the Aquvy region.) But this one is special. If we position the Yggdrasil just so on that patch of grass, the party can disembark to find...


Duneman Isle. As I recall, a certain Captain formerly of the Thames mentioned treasure here. Turns out he wasn’t telling a tall tale. The place actually exists. Fancy that.

Music: Thames, the Men of the Sea


Welcome to scenic Duneman Isle: Home of Sand and Re-used Desert Environments from Dazil. Upon our venture onto the remote locale (on foot for some reason) we are immediately stopped by a trio of Tusken Raiders Gangstas.


“Lookin' for treasure...”
“Westside ho!”
“Eastside yo!”
“This is our...”
“...turf! Ahhh yeah!”
“Nah nah nah, ain't...”
“...no place for Gears here!”
“The land is...”
“...a changin'!”
“Why?”
“We're...”
“...not even sure!”
“Anyway...”
“...it'd be...”
“...really dangerous!”
“This ain't no...”
“...place for wimps...”
“...like y'all!”
“If ya still don't get it...”
“...listen very carefully.”
“GO! HOME!”
“...”


”I’m thinking...”
“...No.”
“In other words...”
*arms turn into axes* “We gonna mess you up!”
“You're sooooo...”
“...stubborn!”


And so Fei and the gang waste the Sandpeople gangstas, restoring Fei’s street cred.


Now that we’ve dealt with the welcoming party, we’re free to explore the maze that is Duneman Isle. Yes, a desert maze. Always fantastic level design.


The majority of Duneman Isle, outside the initial and end areas, is just re-used environments from that time Fei decided to wander the desert after Citan ditched him in Dazil to do whatever the fuck Citan does when he’s alone. I bet he never returned that car he rented. Prick.

Anyway, the desert will just loop back to the starting area unless we go a specific direction in each desert screen. That path is due east for three screens and then straight north. I’m not sure how one is meant to figure that out on their own. But it wouldn’t be a RPG sidequest if it wasn’t more than a bit esoteric in its steps.


There are random battles out in the desert. They’re mostly low level Dunemen and the like. But occasionally a goddamn dragon will attack. It is possible to take this thing out with a highly leveled party including Fei and Citan with all their Deathblows learned. But we don’t have any of that at the moment. As such, it’s best to run immediately and hope the RNG doesn’t waste all three turns in Escape failures.




Otherwise it will just immolate everyone with its fire breath and one-shot the entire party. Kind of a dick move, Square. Kind of a dick move...


Anyway, death by dragon aside, when we go the aforementioned three west and one north map transitions we’ll get a little scene...


...Where a school of Landsharks go leaping past the party. This has nothing to do with anything. I don’t even think Landsharks spawn in this area. In any case, when the pointless scene ends we need to head north once more to find...




Looks like the Dragonborn was through here recently. Hey Bethesda, having the bones of slayed dragons permanently stay on the ground where you kill ‘em is neat and all... That is until the physics engine bounces one in front of the Jarl’s joint and you need to No Clip through to enter ever again.


Anyhow, if we scamper to the top of the dragon then Fei will find a perfectly good sword imbedded in the skeleton’s spine. That’s not very neighborly at all.


Said weapon is the Yamato Sword, the second best on-foot weapon for Doc Uzuki. The best one is a rare drop from those dragon jerks we saw before. And that is the treasure of Duneman Isle. Very exciting.


The entire skeleton immediately crumbles after the sword is removed. Bart got a concussion, but nobody really noticed. I hope you’re happy, Citan.


That isn’t quite all there is to do in Duneman’s Isle. If we head west from the dragon skeleton and then south from the next screen we will end up...


At the top of the sand waterfall from the beginning. And Square decides now is as good a time as any to troll the player.


Due to the sand river, the party will be drawn toward the edge of the cliff while walking on the ground. But there are two treasure chests on either side of the cliff face that we can make our way toward for fabulous prizes. The problem is...it’s impossible to get both chests in a single run. If we want the other, we’re going to have to retrace our steps across the entire island. Ugh...


The chest on the far right contains the Godfather, a gripping tale of organized crime in th—oh wait no. It’s just Billy’s best gun. I guess that works. Though now I feel like re-watching the Godfather. But then I’d probably go watch Part II and that would be like six and a half hours gone. And then I’d put in Part III up until Sofia Coppola shows up and then the DVD would go back in its case, never to be viewed again.


The other chest contains the Kingly Armor, which is a very nice piece of on-foot defense. Not much to be said beyond that.






Upon obtaining our chest of choice, the party tumbles off the edge of the sand falls and gets attacked by a giant sand worm that no-clipped its way through the world to rumble. Clearly we should have walked without rhythm when grabbing that treasure chest.


Taking on the Wyrm on foot is quite a feat. You see, we need to be very careful about minding everyone’s health while keeping on the pr—




Or Emeralda could just cast a single magic spell and kill it in a single turn. That works too. Man, they don’t make giant sand worms like they used to... Remember Grahf? Now there was a guy who could whip up a decent giant desert worm boss. I miss Grahf.


Welp. That’s all there is to Duneman Isle. If we head to the west of the sand falls we’ll find...


”That depends. Are you gonna throw down cuz we’re steppin’ on your turf?”
“Nah. Sounds like you met my cousins Grk'kkrs'arr and his friends. Those guys are such jokers. Haven’t seen them in a while though. Weird...”
“Uhh yeah... Strange.”
“I'm stuck in the sand. Can you push from the back?”
*shrug* “Sure.”




If we want to get off Duneman Isle, we’ve got to help this guy get unstuck.




For helping a pal out, he’ll give us a ride out of the area and back to the world map. Thus ending our adventures in Duneman Isle. Yeah...that was a pretty lame sidequest. But fear not. The next and final sidequest of Xenogears is legitimately cool and worth checking out.

But that is a tale for another day...










Duneman Isle Concept Art