Part 20: Episode XIX: The Dragon Slaying Slacker and the Wandering Youth
Episode XIX: The Dragon Slaying Slacker and the Wandering Youth
Music: Aveh, the Ancient Dance
”Wasn’t this my mission...? Who put you in charge?”
“Does anyone else in the room possess their doctorate in multiple fields?” “No...”
“Does a black belt in kung fu count?” “Negative.”
“Then no...” “That is what I thought.” “"First Fei and I will prepare for the Tournament at the arena. When the Tournament starts, Bart will enter the waterway through the well and head for the castle. If you swim against the current you should reach the castle. I am certain there will still be some guards there, so please dispose of them quietly. We will make a good show at the Tournament to draw the guards' attention as long as possible. During that time, you can rescue Margie. Any questions?” “So why aren’t you coming with me to help sneak into the heavily guarded castle? It ain’t like being extra rowdy in a crowd is going to do a whole lot of good.” “Or will it...?” “...Pretty sure it won’t.” "Then let us go. Be careful, young one!" ”Hey, don’t just blo—“ “Come, Fei.” “’kay.”
”...I hope you two were up late into the night discussing theology up there.” “Well, there was a lot of ‘oh god’ being screamed as we ran a conga line driving that ass into the ground. Sure.” “...” “Fei! He is just joking, I assure you.”
Alright, back to Fatima Castle for the big tournament. Now is the last time to take care of any remaining business in Bledavik. We will not be coming back here for a while.
The pair enters the tournament grounds and Fei proceeds to the participants’ waiting area...
Despite all of Citan’s insistence that he’s going to work the crowd to create a diversion he...does fuck all the rest of the next two chapters. Indeed, he just drops off the face of the earth until this whole Margie rescue operation is concluded. Citan is kind of a dick...
Anyhow, it’s a pretty snazzy set-up they’ve got for this tournament. There’s a big official bracket and a bald man in a leather bondage outfit to hit a giant gong. They’re really pulling all the stops for this celebration. Before we begin, let’s see some of the competition hanging out in the nearby tents...
“I have to go again... Again.” *runs off to piss* ”Not to self: do NOT punch that one in the dick...”
”I dunno. The only girl I’ve seen fight lately crashed the Gear she was flying, got knocked the hell out by a goblin in one hit, and was nearly eaten by a dinosaur a few hours later.”
“What? Don’t you under-estimate desert women!”
”I am bored... I am bored... I am bored...”Last up is a familiar face...
”Uhh...yeah. You were that drunk back in the cantina that told me to go wander the desert looking for my friend. My skin is STILL peeling from that...”Big Joe produces a microphone out of thin air...
"Hey, boy. Do you know the secret of strength? It's...gratitude to all your fans. Their love gives me strength. Hey, boy. Do you have anyone cheering for you?” ”The doctor from the town I blew up.” "OK, don't forget to thank them."
That was enlightening. Let’s see who’s hanging out in the opposing tent.
”Sure is, Jimmy Two-Times.”
“There is no way I can lose.” ”Somehow I think you’d change that philosophy if rock kicked you in the teeth and metal jabbed you in the eye...”
There is a masked man who only has ellipses for us if we attempt to speak with him. It must be Squall making a sneak cameo before he allocates all the funding for Disc 2 into his game. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Speaking of which...I thought the gravitational field of this room felt off.
“What are you doing here?"
"...It's your fault that Alice... I'll never forgive you. I'm gonna kill you!" "Dan..."A guard enters the tent...
"You're the enemy of everyone in Lahan! I'm gonna kick your butt in front of everyone! And don't be runnin' away either!!" *storms off* "D, Dan..." ”That poor kid is going to feel silly when someone else breaks his nose in the first round...”
"??"
"Seems like you and that boy have some kind of problem..." "Who do you think you are? Mind your own business!" <Sheesh...what kinda jerk listens in on a loud argument in a public space?!> "Ha ha ha..." "What's so funny?" "Nothing... Just wondering what kind of fight you will have with that boy... Well, I'm looking forward to it, 'Fei'." "Huh!?"The mysterious masked stranger wanders out of the tent...
(How does that guy know my name...? I didn't enter my real name...)Very mysterious... Or at least it would be if Citan hadn’t been saying Fei’s name multiple times just a few yards away. Anyway, let’s check back on Bart...
“Is this plan really going to work?” *shrug* “Probably up until we inevitably run into a boss encounter on the way out.” "It's already started. If something's wrong now, then that's tough! What're you worried about? Fei'll do okay. Besides Citan's with him, too. Now, all I gotta do is sneak into the castle through the well. No problem." “I pray so.” "Well, I'm going. Margie's in the citadel." “Well then...do be careful. And thank you for helping Mother Marguerite.” ”What, like I’m gonna just leave my cousin in the custody of that bald prick that killed my folks?” "No sweat! You'd better get outta Aveh now too. Things are gonna get outta hand soon." “Thank you.”
”Geez...another one?! How many of you are up in that room?” “Hell I lost track. They ran out of orifices to stick things in up there, and that’s including shit like eyes and junk. You gotta take a number if you want to ride that train.” “...”
We now get to play as Bart for his adventures in sewer spelunking... Joy... But, that is boring. Let’s go see how the tournament is coming along.
Back at Fatima Castle...
"...Brave young men are spilling their blood on the front lines. Our army is the best, but the tides of war are uncertain. To protect the tradition of Aveh and preserve peace in this desert, we must all have unshaking resolve. The desert is a precious treasure passed down to us from our ancestors. Here we can forge our minds and bodies into one. Our teachers are the sun and wind. We are gathered here today, with our strong bodies forged by the desert. The sun above us is the same as that which burns over our fathers at the front. The wind blowing here is the same as that which whisks our resolve and prayers to our sons at the front. This Tournament raises our spirits and renews our blessings from this desert we live in. Brave ones, warriors, fight well and do not shame our brothers at the front."
“Let the 338th Tournament begin!”
*Ramsus enters* ”Yes...absolutely riveting, I’m sure... It only took the better part of the afternoon to conclude this time.” "Oh, Commander Ramsus. Sorry to have kept you waiting. This way, please."Ramsus and Miang enter the balcony...
“I just dropped by to bid you farewell." <Ah...splendid. You just stopped in to be a prick again. Outstanding.> "What a pity. You do not like our entertainment?" *looks at arena* "I find it boring." ”Besides, there are only two chairs present. Am I to sit on your lap were I inclined to stay...?”
"Oh, let it be Commander. Shakhan is only trying to show hospitality... I personally find martial arts quite interesting. I look forward to seeing the Tournament." "To say this event is a tribute to you, Commander, is no understatement. Your gracious help in our time of need enabled us to celebrate the country's founding today." "Founding, how impudent. It's not even your country. Hmph, do as you like." <Dropping you down a mine shaft would be on my lists of likes at the moment.>Ramsus exits...
"Yes. It would be a pleasure." "Oh, it's starting!"
And it appears the opening match will be between our hero and what is undoubtedly a speedy opponent. Tune in next time for Fei Fong Wong the Dragon Slaying Slacker vs. The World!
Big Joe Portrait – That is one major butt-chin...