Part 36: Episode XXXIV: Fei Fong Wong and the Baptism of D-Block

Episode XXXIV: Fei Fong Wong and the Baptism of D-Block

Music: Tears of the Starts, Hearts of the People


*looks around nervously* ”And why do I feel like I’m being watched...?”
“Good, you've finally woken up! ... You have been unconscious for four days, so I had begun to fear the worst.”
"...Who are you? And where am I? How did I get here...? Ah, uuuugh...!"
”What happened to the red shirts...? Last thing I remember is claws and something about power and...”
“You've only just gained consciousness, so don't push yourself too much! I am a doctor. You are in Nortune, the Imperial capital of Kislev. This is the detention area for criminals...commonly known as 'D block'.”
"Detention area for...criminals?"
”Does that mean you’re a criminal too. You seem nice. Why are you here?”
“My husband was sleeping around so I hijacked his Gear, tore off his penis, and tossed it into the woods.”
*backs up slightly* “I see...”
"You are now in a living quarters for prisoners in D block... Judging by the way you were brought here under the heavy guard of the Kislev army, you are no ordinary criminal...!”

Several goofy looking gangsters pile into the room...


"Not the 'Baptismal Ceremony'!? This patient has only just awoke! It is unthinkable that you would try and suddenly carry out your 'Baptismal Ceremony' on him!!!"
"Come off it! Just a sec! That guy's been thrown in 'ere as a crim, ain't 'e? You should be thanking us for 'aving the kind and compassionate 'eart to let 'im rest up a few days!"
*snort* “You’re really goin’ wit’ that accent, guvna?”
"Yeah, that's right! As long as he's come here as a crim, he's gotta follow the rules!"
"...That's the way it is! So without further ado, we'll borrow him for a little while. Don't worry, we will return him to you straight away! Once we're through with him, that is!"
"You don't have a choice in this! If you oppose us, the fair doctor will cop it too!"
"...Okay. I'll do what you want!"


”Lady, I kicked the ass of the leader of Gebler in a fist fight and the Aveh front line commander in a Gear fight last week. Don’t sweat it.”
"Oh, what a sensible lad! That saves us a bit of trouble. Anyway, come along now, the 'Champ' is waiting! And don't worry! We'll let you return here soon. Hurry up then... Fo-rwa-rd ma-rch!"

Some time later...

Music: Prayer for the People’s Joy


<Are these guys really referring to someone as ‘champ’ in a non-ironic fashion? Who does that?>


“We don't know or care what you did to get put in here, but welcome to D Block... So what name do you go by?"
"...I am Fei Fong Wong.”
”Really? You are going with that?”
“Why does everyone keep saying that?!”
“And what's your name? I know it's not really 'Champ'? I at least have the right to know that much..."
”...It doesn’t happen to be ‘Blanka’...does it?”
"Why you...!? How insolent!!"
*nods* "Calm down Suzarn. I don't mind... The name's Rico."


“We know it's a bit sudden, but we need to see how strong you really are... Heinrich! Vargas! Leonardo! Suzarn!"



The four lead Fei back outside...


So welcome to scenic Nortune D-Block. This industrial hellhole is going to be our new home for the next couple of weeks. As in real time with updates. We are stuck in this city for friggin’ ever...


"Now, I think you've got the idea, but I'll tell you anyway... All the criminals sent here are each given a rank. Deciding what rank you are is easy... You get your rank by fighting these four Battlers."
”Ugh...”
*shakes head* "Relax, the fights are one on one. By now you should've realized... Results are everything! If you can defeat these four Battlers, you'll be promised a certain amount of freedom..."
*sigh* ”No. I mean another mid-boss rush... Already? This is like the third this week.”
"Then, let the fights begin..."
“That's what I'd like to say...but even we have some compassion. We'll give you some time... Even though it's one on one, you still have to fight all four. You should get prepared for the battle. And one more thing...
Don't even think about trying to get away from here... After all, that's an impossibility."


So we are given a brief window to go save our game, sort our equipment, and do whatever before taking on these four goons. But, there isn’t much to do to prepare for anything special. So, let’s rock...


"Hmph, then let it begin... Your first opponent will be Leonardo."
”No using any katanas!”

Music: Knight of Fire


Alright. Round one is against...Leonardo? Err... Well...he certainly got tall since the battle transition. And bald. And another race... Yeah, they really didn’t put much effort into this little sequence. We’re basically just fighting a re-skinned Forest Elf. It has slightly more HP than the standard Forest Elf but...


That is just to say it takes two Deathblows instead of one to KO. Next!


”Go home and be a family man!”
*nods* "Hmph. How's the next one?"


Next up is Heinrich. Who is...also a palette swapped Forest Elf. Not even a different palette from the previous round, at that.


Heinrich employs a slightly beefed up version of the Forest Elf’s power bomb techniques and that’s about it. Two Deathblows and he too goes down for the count.


”You must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance.”
*nods* "Hmmm, entertaining. How's the next one?"


Round three is against Vargas...yet another Forest Elf in disguise. I see why they call this “D Block”.


Vargas has a gimmick where he’ll attack with blows the same strength as the ones Fei busts out. So if we just do a string of Weak attacks, he will do a pair of single digit blows in return. Likewise, a Deathblow will get responded with a double souped up power-bomb. So, slow and easy wins the race.


It’s worth mentioning that it is a VERY good idea to heal up before waxing the competition during this round. As with most boss rushes in Xenogears, the final round is the only one worth a damn and thus we need to conserve resources before getting to it.


”The mark of my dignity shall scar thy DNA.”
*pumps fist* "Not bad. No one's defeated Vargas since Suzarn... Now for the last one! You think you can win?"
”I’ll stain my hand...whit you butt.”


The final round is against Suzarn, who is surprisingly NOT a retextured Forest Elf. In fact Suzarn is a...girl? With some kind of witch hat and blonde pigtails...? Wait a sec. Back up...


I can look past the other three battlers were palette swapped guys with La Forge glasses and neatly parted hair in matching body armor. But Suzarn got a unique sprite in the form of a shirtless trenchcoated dude with a beard, glasses, and a bandanna. How in the blue hell does The Dude transmogrify to...


A pigtailed chick cosplaying as the Grim Reaper...? The hell, Xenogears? You’re not even trying anymore. I know your budget didn’t run out until Disc 2, so don’t even give me that excuse.


Gender bender sprites aside, this boss can be pretty tough if we’re not prepared. And by “not prepared” I mean “we came into this battle with less than 200 HP. Suzarn’s primary attack is just wrecking Fei’s day with her scythe for 130-150 HP worth of damage. Considering two of those attacks in a row unchecked is enough to take out Fei, it’s best to heal that ASAP.


Suzarn can also leech all of Fei’s EP in case he gets funny ideas about using Inner Healing or the like instead of good, old fashion healing items. Though, it’s still cheaper and more effective to just use EP restoration items and use the Chi healing instead of crappy items.


I don’t think I’ve mentioned Combos. So let’s talk about that for a moment as this is a fine time to use one. Combos are a very easy to miss feature of Xenogears. The option just sort of silently appears to the right of the menu as soon as we gain more than one Deathblow. You might have noticed that AP gauge below Fei’s health bar. You know each round we get a certain amount of AP (action points) to use in our attacks. But, if we do not use the entirety of our allotted AP, like say from just using a Weak attack and cancelling, the rest of the AP will be stored in the AP Gauge. At any point in the battle, we can use the stored AP to unleash a combo. Which is pretty much just a chain of Deathblows all in rapid sequence in a row. Combo Deathblows still cost the same amount of AP as if we’d done them normally. This just allows us to bring the pain in one mighty push, instead of spread out along the course of a fight.


Needless to say, it can wreck some serious shit and Suzarn will easily fall in one 20AP+ combo.

After the battle...


”Seeing you in action is a joke! Now you realize the power I possess!”
*nods* "You've defeated all 4... Hah, this is an unexpected outcome. Let me give you the special treatment. I, myself, will be your final opponent."
”Ugh... Really? This is getting dumb.”
"Enough! There's no purpose in doing this! I have nothing to do with you!"
"No need for a reason. This is the D Block tradition! We must determine the pecking order. Get ready!"


”Come on, guy. I beat all your cronies. Isn’t that enough for today?”
"Argh! Is that the best you can do!?"]

Rico leaps over, grabs Fei’s head, and begins to power-up...


”N-no! Blanka! NOT THE HEADBITE!!”


"Guh...gah..."
"What's wrong? If you don't resist, I'll end up breakin' yer neck!"
"N..., no..."
"Hm? What's that? I can't hear you!"
"No... I...won't...fight!"
”If you do not fight. Then maybe I will be the one worrying about a ‘head bite’.”
“W-what’s that...supposed...to mean...?”
"Hmph. Well then, this is the end!"
*unzips pants*
“WAAAAAAHHH!!!”


Rico releases Fei and punches him a few times in the dick for good measure.




"What!?"
”Who said that? Text based disembodied narration’s source is difficult to parse.”




Fei unleashes a shockwave of energy and knocks Rico to the floor.

Rico climbs to his knees...


“You're the first one to ever injure me. Now I don't have to hold back. I'm looking forward to this!"


Alright. Time to take on Rico proper. For this battle we just need to focus on keeping up our HP and unloading on Blanka with Deathbl—








Ah, I’m just kidding. It’s another unwinnable boss battle. Sheesh, Xenogears that’s two chapters in a row with boss fights we can’t win. Knock it off. That stuff is never cool.

After the battle...


_{”My spleen...”}
"...Didn't you hear? Take him back to his quarters. ...And don't forget that one thing..."




And thus we leave Fei unconscious to get ravaged by three (possibly four) dirty men in a dark alley. Well, this Act is off to a smashing start...










Rico Banderas Portrait – Seriously, they just shaved off Blanka’s chest hair, pasted it to where his eyebrows should e, threw on some war paint, slapped him in a vest, and called it a day.