Part 38: Episode XXXVI: Fei Fong Wong and What the Hell Are Those Guys Even Talking About...?

Episode XXXVI: Fei Fong Wong and What the Hell Are Those Guys Even Talking About...?

Music: Invasion


“Fei!! What is wrong!?”
“Errh, arrh...doc? Wh, wh, what just happened? Wh, what was that?”
“You scared the heck out of me, suddenly shouting like that. Is everything O.K.? Anyway, are you absolutely sure now? I will start removing the explosive collar then...”
”I will have to ask you to not shriek like a woman during the procedure...”
“Let’s not do this! I’ve a bad feeling about it. Sorry, doc..."


So hey, who likes Random Number Generators?! The outcome of Citan tinkering with the collar is randomized. Taking a rest will change the outcome, as will saving and reloading. But you’ve pretty much just got to roll the dice and see if you get the fake-out scene or this...


"Well then... You are sure you want to go through with it so..."
"...Oooh, broooo!"
"Well then...let us give it a go..."


"Mmm... This is... harder than... I thought!"


"Ah! oop... Oh-oh!"

Citan backs away...


"Huh? Oh, err... It is nothing, Fei. Hahaha, nothing at all!"
*looks behind Citan’s back* "Tha, tha, that part is...the explosive collar's safety device, isn't it!?"
"...S, sorry. I did what I..."
"It's alright, doc. It doesn't matter if you take off one or two parts... We are going to take the whole thing off anyway!"
"...Err, well Fei... What I just removed was the bomb's safety device..."
"Safety device... What does it do?"
"Well bro...put simply, a safety device is what stops a bomb from exploding. When you remove a safety device from a bomb...it means the bomb could explode at any time!"
”Aha... Ha, ha, ha... ...I hate my life.”
"This is bad!? Hurry up and get this thing off of me doc!"
*shakes head* "Now that it has no safety device, if I mess up while tampering with it...then it is the end of us! There is nothing more that I can do, Fei! ...I am so sorry! It seems that these bombs will not explode unless given a very strong shock. They are delicate when you mess inside them, but they are extremely good at 'shock absorption'...as you can tell from the fact that even competitors wear them in the Battling Tournaments."
"But, no matter how shock absorbent it is, it's still dangerous in this state!?"
”Well, it is a bomb, after all... It was rather dangerous to begin with. But...”
"That is true...If only there was something else we could do besides risky tinkering!"
"Great... Great, so now my head could explode at any minute. Just... Hey, Hammer...how much is some heavy liquor?”



“It would fetch a fair price if sold to a collector. Of course I'd be willing to pay you for it!"
"...This thing? Well I do not mind. What do you think Fei?"
”Any chance you can stick it back in...?”
“No.”
"Well it's of no value to us to keep it now, is it? ... He can have it, doc!"
"Well then, here you go..."
”Yeah...fork that cash over here, Hammer. Doc might have done the procedure but let’s just call this my malpractice suit winnings...”
"Hee-hee. Thank you, man! Take this as payment..."


Another RNG determines how much Hammer will fork over for the safety device. No, it's not determined by rank, it's randomized. Stop listening to fucking old wives tales from GameFAQs. Sometimes he’ll only cough up 2500G. Rarely he’ll give a whole 5000G. This is the middle of the road reward. But hey, it’s a free 3500 bucks. I’ll take it.

In any case, the two paths converge at this point. As does the “don’t tinker with my Running Man neck tie” choice.


“It requires you winning a 'Special Pardon' in the Imperial Games, though..."
"A 'Special Pardon'?"
"Yes. Every year they hold the Imperial Games of Battling. The Kaiser himself watches over the Battling matches and cancels any sentence the winner is serving. Also the winner is given a position as a military officer as an added bonus!"
”That sounds like an incredibly poorly thought out idea.”
“Hey. Reality TV is big in Kislev these days.”
"Well then, all we have to do is win at the Games then! Do we not, Fei?"
"I am telling you it is hopeless! To do that you will have to defeat the current champion, Master Rico! But our bro here was totally beaten by that very person just days ago! And this time we're talking about Battling! With Gears, bro, Gears! There's no assurance of your safety. He could very well kill you by pretending to cause an accident!"
”Pretending to cause an accident?”
“Bro, you know how the producers in these kinda shows are like... But still. Ain’t no way you can take the champ. You got wacked cuz you’re weak.”
"Really?"
"Yeah...but last time I didn't have the desire to fight them... Yet if I were to come up against him seriously... I am not sure whether I could win or not."
"Is he really that much stronger than the other 4 Battlers, this Champ chap?"
*shakes head several times* "Put it this way... He's the undefeated king, reigning at the summit of the Imperial capital's Battling Tournaments! With a history of 40 bouts ending in 40 K.O.s, most of which occurred within 30 seconds from start time... If he wins this year's Imperial Games then he'll be the reigning champion for three years running!"


"Yes he is."
"That is strange... The winner is supposed to receive a pardon, right? Why is he still a prisoner now then?"
”Wait...Rico? The same Rico that kicked my ass in that alley? The Blanka looking mofo?”
“Yea.”
“But he still lives in this slum dump and has a bomb collar on and everything. How could he have won like 30 times?”
“That is highly suspect...”
“Man. I bet it’s like Hell’s Kitchen where they say they’re gonna run some fancy pants upscale restaurant as the prize and they really get made like a line cook that gets shitcanned within a month. Sure, the prize is ‘a full pardon and military officer position’ when you really get stuck as a janitor on some barge in the desert frontlines.”
"That's the thing! Master Rico could have said goodbye to prison life by now! But they say he turned down his pardon. I guess he must like his fighting a great deal...!"
”...So he’s actively choosing to live in the crappiest part of town with a bomb strapped to his neck so he can beat up people in an alley and fight on Reality TV?”
"Well, we can't just stand round here talking about it. I don't care whether it is Battling or whatever! If there is a chance then I am going to try and take it!"
"Are you serious?"
*nods* "Yes, I am."
”Weren’t you all gun-ho for me to do this like twenty minutes ago?”
“Look, bro. I like you and all. But it’s kinda hard to place bets on a guy whose head might explode at any moment, now isn't it? But...”
"Do you think you can win?"
"No, I don't. But, for now, I can only give it a try!"


”Don’t you need like my birthdate and full name and junk...?”
“Not really. But if you insist.”
“Put me down as...the Dragon-Slaying Slacker.”
“...”
“...I need a real name.”
“Oh... Well, then it’s Fei Fong Wong.”
“A REAL name...”
“That IS my real name. What’s the problem? Is it because it rhymes? Sheesh. Grow up people!”

Hammer runs off...


”Where in heavens name did you meet that character?”
“I wandered into the bar and now we’re best bros. You know how it is.”
"...But are you alright about this? As we spoke about before... Whether you are forced to or not...you did not want to do this, right? Fight with Gears, I mean!? There are most probably other ways to get out of here. Fei, I do not want to push you into anything you do not want to do!"
”Doc...ALL you ever do is push me into crap I don’t wanna do. So let’s just cut the dancing around and get it over with...”
"I know doc. I still don't like Gears. That much hasn't changed. When I pilot them, I become aware of how unstable my very 'being' is...even if I don't want to think of it! But at the same time, it is also a connection with some lost 'part' of me. If that's the case then, recently, I decided I would stick with it to the end. Elly also had been troubled by the same thing. And if I just stay depressed about it, nothing will improve!"
"Is that how you feel...? I think I understand you better now, Fei. Anyway, let us get some rest today. We are going to become busy!"
”Well, mostly you. But you know what I mean.”

Well, that was bloody wordy. Tune in next time for adve—










“It has been 3 years since we heard any news. According to the memory cube, 'he' is currently in Nortune, the Imperial capital of Kislev.”
“Detestable... Vexing... Cursed...”
“If only 'he' did not exist, the Lambs would not have been turned into the 'Animus'. It has been 500 years since our fall in the 'Days of Destruction' that 'he' caused... We would not have had to do this in such a troublesome manner, as we do now.”
“The excavation of the 'Anima Relics' in each area is proceeding as planned. It's too late to change things now. But in the future, we'll shape what will be.”
“Fade... Vanish... Disappear...”
“Although, we do not know which route it flowed from...we're fortunate the 'gate keeper' was activated.”
“From the 'Ethos'? Or...”
“It doesn't matter. Although...”
“So are you saying that we mustn't break Ignas' equilibrium?”
“Well, it is the surface...and that land is unclean!”
“That is merely an excuse.”
“It's a justifiable reason. Even Cain would not object.”
“But we can't use the 'Gaetia Key'. Not until the proper time comes.”
“There's a third fleet in Bledavik. Their reserve units will do.”
“Oh, his fleet. Your orders?”
“To purge. Give no motives. If he knew our motives, it's obvious he'd do something unpredictable.”
“But, wouldn't we need more men to raze the entire area of Nortune?”
“There is an ancient reactor in Nortune. We'll use that. The half-life fallout will be 1000 years. Nothing will be able to live within 300 kelts of the explosion. However, they've lived through that before. They won't perish that easily.”
“But, we must at least eliminate 'him'.”
“Yes. There's nothing we need from there. So be it, take care of it.”
“If it is a direct hit...”
“Well then...”


So, that bunch of talking heads on TV screens on a floating techno orb in space was the Gazel Ministry. No, none of that was supposed to make a damn bit of sense... Other than they want to blow up Nortune. That's probably a bad thing...










The Gazel Ministry Artwork - No, you will never know what the fuck these guys are talking about while they are talking about it.