Part 63: Episode LX: Elhaym Van Houten and the Kids With Dead Parents Central

Episode LX: Elhaym Van Houten and the Kids With Dead Parents Central




Welp, Fei is still out of commission and Elly has apparently never heard of the concept of writing a thank you letter. So, it seems we’re trekking clear across Aquvy just to go thank Billy in-person. Sure, El... Not like there are a war going on and multiple governments wanting the party dead and are making regular attacks on us or anything. Let’s go dick around with some orphans for the day. Who put Elly in charge, again? Didn’t she just try to blow everyone up yesterday?

Music: The Sky, The Clouds, and You


Welcome to the Orphanage. Despite the abundance of kids with dead parents running around, it’s a fairly happy little place. If Cavia was at the helm, I suspect Fei would have another little Lahan episode within a day of reaching this place. We can just run right in to speak with Billy, but let’s gab with a few children first...


“Wanna know about the flying saucer? Then just ask me!”
”Sure thing.”
“Ahem!! Actually it was a long time ago. About 50 years ago, an old man, Henry Mingas, said he was taken by the saucer and his body was altered. Well, no one believed him, but afterward it's said he had amazing knowledge and skills he never had before. Then 10 years ago, strange circle shaped marks were found in many places. You must've heard about it. No? Well anyway, they were called mystery circles. So this guy spread rumors that they were saucer landing sites, and when others began to disappear, there was even more talk. But there were other things than the saucer landing site explanation, such as the Naughty Stories, Dragon Scrolls, or Plasma Legend. So there was no real proof. But real disappearances did happen. Oh, I forgot to mention, the saucer was called 'Shevat'. There are even people who worship it. So, was that of any use? Ahem.”
”Cool story, bro.”


Ah, look at that right there. That’s a proper playground. Not any of this pussy plastic stuff like playgrounds nowadays. Rusty metal, splinter filled wood, and rough ropes...that’s what playgrounds were like in my day. If you didn’t come home with some kind of bruise or cut from dicking around, you were doing it wrong.


Anyway, Elly is a good gal and carries the jackass torch for Fei while he’s getting sidelined. You’ll notice the child on that see-saw is well on his way to reaching low orbit. Just like Fei would have wanted for the kid.




On the other side of the yard is a blue chicken-boy abomination who asks us to collect other, non-sapient chicken brethren for him. The purpose of this exercise is unknown, but the intent is no-doubt sinister. Though now I question demi-humans eating habits... Is a chicken-man eating a normal chicken considered cannibalism? What if he sees another person eating a chicken? Is that offensive to him? Where do eggs fit in? Heavy...


In any case, the chicken-boy hands over the third and final children’s game trinket, the Tag Badge, to go along with the RPS Badge from Lahan and the Hide-and-Seek one from Bledavik. Still going to be about another ten hours before any of those have any manner of use.




In any case, let’s enter the Orphanage proper and speak with Billy. Again, kinda have better things to do here...

The party enters the Orphanage...


"Very well. He hasn't regained consciousness yet, but he should come around soon."
"Really? That's good to hear."
"Um, Billy. I don't know quite how to thank you for helping Fei."
"Don't mention it. We may believe in different gods, but none of us can leave people in need."
”How do you know what religion I belong to?”
“The Gebler military uniform sort of narrows it down...”
“Seriously, WHY are you still wearing that? Go borrow a set of clothes from Margie or something. Sheesh.”
"Thank you very much. By the way is this your orphanage...?"
"Surprised there are only children?"
”Well...no. The whole ‘orphanage’ moniker sort of implies as much.”
“I was referring to myself.”
“Oh...how old are you supposed to be?”
“Sixteen.”
“Well, I am only eighteen. So it’s not like I’d think of you as a kid.”
“Ditto. Hey, Citan...how old are you? Like in your 40s, right?”
“I am 29.”
“...”
“...Get the fuck out of town!”
"My sister and I haven't had parents since we were infants... So I opened an orphanage so kids without anyone wouldn't have to go through what we did. They're all healthy and obedient to the teachings of the 'Ethos'. They're all good kids who even help me with work."


Sigurd bursts in the door with urgent news about the location of the next dungeon. Spoilers.


"I don't know but it's moving at 10 repsol/hr to the south. Let's head to the bridge."
“Got it. Be right there.”

Jesiah wanders in from the back room...


"Is that any way to speak to someone? Who do you think you are?"
”Yup. I’d recognize your narrow ass anywhere. Nice eyepatch.”
"Ah... He may not look it but he is our senior."
"Senior? Jessie?"

Billy walks over to the group...


“He say ‘Siggy’?”
"A silver haired man with amber skin. I'd say that's rare. What are you all doing here?"
"It just sort of happened."
”Lot of that going around these days..."
"A lot's happened..."
"Well, let's talk about things over some drinks. So... Why are you all here?"
"Siggy, it's been a long time... What's with the eye patch?"
”...I lost an eye.”
“I can vouch for that...”
"Billy... you've grown up. With that smile you look just like Racquel."
“Hey! Hey hey hey! Who are you? Get all cozy with my officers, huh? And what’s all this ‘Siggy’ stuff? Don’t get cute, kid!”
“What’s with you? Why are you so arrogant to Siggy? Who do you think you are?”
”You, sir, are no Man of the Sea...”
“Billy. Don’t yell at Sigurd’s people. It’s bad form, boy.”
“Bart, this was my senior when I was a candidate for Elements in Jugend.”
“...What does that even MEAN?!”
“I rented a room in his house.”
“Back then he was still in diapers...and he’s still a whiny little brat now.”


“You punk! What’s your problem?
”You talk a lot of shit for a kid with a bowl cut in a blue dress with a big frilly bow on the front. My cousin called, she wants you to stop raiding her closet.”
"Well...then, shall we go straight off and drink ourselves under?"
"Where do you plan on going...?"
"What do you mean? There has to be a bar or two on board your ship!"
”You show me someone who says they’ve got a dry ship and I’ll show you someone full of Grade-A bullshit.”
"I have a slight headache..."
"What? That's OK. We'll get rid of that headache with a good drink."

Jessie wanders out the door to go raid the Yggdrasil’s liquor cabinet...


"I can't just say no to him..."
*yells back in door* "What are you doin'? Let's go!"
"Hey now..."
”Daddy needs his medicine!”
“Oh-no-ho-ho...”

Sigurd runs off to go get shitfaced with Jessie...


”Neat. Nobody invited you.”
"What is this huge ship Sig was talking about?"
”Dunno. But I’m sure we’ll find out within the next 24 hours...”


Citan decides to leave the party for the 53rd time. But...


Holy shit! Rico actually got a line for the first time in nearly five chapters. And it is literally stating that he has nothing better to do... Oh Rico...there are optional Chrono Cross characters with my relevance than you... Chrono Cross characters!


Let’s finish exploring the Orphanage before going back to get our drink on with Jessie. There are a few things of note inside the main building. For instance, there is a little girl spying from the rafters in the first room. If we promise not to narc on her for hiding up there to “Brother B”, she’ll hand over a book...


The Adventures of Big Joe... Big Joe is a published author now. Good to know... There are three “hidden” books in the orphanage and it would be in our best interest to collect all three. Sadly, we cannot read any of them. They’re just for an Umbrella Incorporated-esque hidden door switch.


The next room over in the building is the sleeping area. It features the world’s most terrifying looking beanbag chair. Look at that thing. I would not sit on that. It’s like some horrible tumor riddled bloated corpse.


We can, however, jump on said beanbag chair to reach the upper bunks and read a story book to a Mole-Boy. Sure, why not? Let’s have some story time with Auntie Elhaym...


“She wanted to be a god so she built a tower that reached up to heaven. Then she built a city at the top. But god got mad and destroyed her tower. So she then had to live in a 'hideout for sinful hermits'. After that she never returned to the earth again... The end."

Ah...nothing like blatant church propaganda for some light children’s bed time story.


There are a few more doors leading out of this room. Let’s have a look...




A cat boy runs out of a back room and hands us Book 2: A used comic book... Used for what, you ask...?


Toilet paper. Yes, Elly shoved a comic book caked in furry shit in her pocket. That is kosher in her book...


(But there's no way I'm touching it.)

However, she’s not going full blown James Sunderland quite yet. We’ll need to bring Fei back here later...


The next room over belongs to Billy’s creepy little mute sister. Nobody is around to interpret her vacant expression this time around. But I imagine she’s saying something along the lines of “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GREEN GUY! DEAR GOD!”

That said, we don’t want to speak with her. Instead, we need to ruin the day of the kid hanging out in her room.


“But my dad has no sense of direction and gets lost a lot too! So he also has the same kind of bell. He went to the 'Ethos' headquarters but never came back... He must have gotten lost on the way... He's so silly!”
*rings bell* “Ah crap...”
“What? That bell... How did you get that? Hey, you didn't happen to meet my dad, did you? Where is he?”
(Oh-no! That wasn't... his father...!?)
”Feel like I’m missing part of a story here...”
"Listen son! Your father's gone to a faraway place... Here, this is his bell!" *rings bell*
“My father's a liar!! He said we would go away and live by ourselves... just the two of us... I've waited... so long... Oh, Daddy... why? Boo-hoo-hoo!”
"..."
“Sob, sob... But... thanks. Thanks for bringing Dad's bell back. It'll cheer me up...!! As thanks I'll give you my dad's favorite book.”


If you weren’t sure what the hell that was all about, the kid’s bell has the same tone as Redrum from the Kislev Sewers. Rico apparently pocketed said bell and has been carrying it this whole time because...who the hell knows? It’s Rico. Anyway, Redrum was this kid’s father. And if you’re wondering what a Reaper/Wels is...Redrum was an early preview of ‘em. And that’s pretty much Rico’s last “plot thread” until like Disc 2...


Anyway, the third and final book is the Helpful Hellfire Teachings of the Ethos Doctrine. Nope. Not an evil church at all...


Now that we have all three books, we can stick them into the appropriate slots of a bookcase in the back of the Orphanage to obtain the Bear Emblem to explore further in the Ethos HQ Umbrella Labs.


Or Billy wanders out first, gets pissed we’re poking around private quarters, and we’re immediately dumped into another cutscene instead. One of the two...

Meanwhile outside...




A new fellow, heralded as Uncle Stone by the orphans, makes his way into the yard. In my experience, characters who are always squinting are either comic relief or evil. Take a guess which camp Bishop Stone is going to fall under...


"Oh, Billy my son!"

Elly and the rest of the party wander out...


*quickly walks back inside* “...”
“And who are these people?"
"They are travelers from another country."
”I...oh God... Is the big green one with you?”
“For some reason.”
“I’m standing right here...”
"Oh... By the way, about your earlier message..."
"Yes, about work..."
"Yes. The 'Ethos' transport ship that went missing finally turned up. But, there's no reply..."
"What does it mean?"
"Hmmm, perhaps Reapers again. Billy can you do the usual?"
"Right, no problem. Leave it to me, Bishop."
"Thanks. It's to the northeast from here. Please be careful. It's a dangerous area. There are some pretty fast sea currents and it's best to stay away from the Salvagers. You'd better go in a big ship..."
"Hey, is that the massive ship Sig was talking about earlier?"
"I don't know if that was it or not."
"From what I hear, it's a place where the currents are really fast. It's supposedly very dangerous for small ships. But the Yggdrasil will be safe there. No matter how big the wave or swell, it's no problem. Besides, we have help from Fei. Let's get aboard. I'll see you off to there. What, we could even help you finish your job!"
”Really? I thought you did not like me.”
“I still think you’re kind of a prick. But meh... I heard something about zombies and I’m down for that.”
"I agree. You saved Fei. It's the least we could do."
"Thanks but this doesn't involve you. Just me is enough."
"But isn't that place dangerous? If there is anything we can do to help..."
"I don't want to get you involved..."
"Billy, my son, don't waste their good intentions. That sub is theirs, no? Why don't you cooperate with them..."
"...But, Bishop!"


"Billy, it's best to go with friends!"
”...I’m not going to remain in the active party, am I?”
“Hahaha! That’s a good one...”
"...Well if you insist. Thank you. I appreciate it."
"I thank you deeply. Billy, take care of these people. Report back to headquarters after you get back."
"Yes, Bishop."

Bishop Stone leaves...


“I'll come as soon as I'm finished preparing for tomorrow. Go on ahead. l'll tell you more on the way there..."

Welp. Time to go kick ass for the Lord!










Billy Lee Black Concept Art