Part 1: Welcome to Zork

Chapter 1: Welcome to Zork

I need to lay off the booze. You see, I went to this week long concert...thing. Great times, lots of booze, lots of girls. Turns out mixing those two things is what gets me in to the most trouble. Late last night, at least I think it was last night, I met this cute little thing with pink hair, and she told me to meet her in the forest. Awesome! But it turns out in my drunken state, I forgot to ask for more specific directions than "the forest", which led to drunken stumbling around in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, and eventually passing out.

Which brings me to here. I have no idea where I am, but for some reason my shoes seem to be soaking wet, and I don't seem to be in the middle of nowhere. In fact, I seem to definitely be somewhere.



A road sign? Well, that should be helpful enough. Let's check this out.



Or it could be of very little help. Well, let's see. I didn't come from this Port Foozle place, so I must have come from elsewhere. So let's try that.

It's at this point I hear something coming over the loud speaker.

Curfew will begin in one second.

Curfew!

Curfew began one second ago.

Curfew began five seconds ago.

Curfew began ten seconds ago.

Well, wherever I am, this place seems to have a curfew, and keeps strangely good track of it. "I better get the hell out of here...oww!" Damn, that's something else I forgot out that kills me with week long concerts. I have no voice. I've been drinking and screaming so hard and long that what I just tried to say come out as an incomprehensible rasp. Great, so asking anyone I meet for directions is going to be rather hard. Oh well, with this curfew I'm not bound to run in to many people anyway.

Hmmm, looks like there's a little TV on a fence post type thing next to me. Interesting, let's see what it's showing!


Click here to see video!

Propaganda on Parade! Brought to you by Frobozz Electric. Makers of the Frobozz Electric Totemizer. Frobozz Electric! We bring bad things to light.



34th of Frobruary, 1067 t.u.e, Eastland. Port Foozle Liberated! Empire freed from tyranny of magic!



Gone are the days of turning castles into fudge, and eggs into ripe guano. Gone are the grues in Granola, the Flatheads and the foolishness.



Today the Magic Wars are over!



"Shun magic, shun the appearance of magic, shun everything, and then, shun shunning."



So said the Grand Inquisitor from atop Flathead Mesa, where the grateful masses thronged to welcome Inquisition Troops to newly occupied Port Foozle. The third Dungeon Master has accepted the Inquisitor's generous offer of a permanent vacation.



Today the Dungeon Master read a brief but impassioned statement in support of the transitional Inquisition Government. Rumors that the Dungeon Master is leading a so called 'Magic Resistance' are entirely false!

In other news the standoff at the Enchanted Guild ended peacefully last week when the Enchanters were freed from themselves by caring Inquisition troops. Concerned citizens searched everywhere, high and low, for hidden scrolls and magic contraband, voluntarily purging themselves of the worst excesses of the Magic Revolution.



And finally at tomorrow's ceremony the Grand Inquisitor is expected to announce a radical new mind-numbing technology that will implement his visionary "One Point of Light" program.



"Never forget who is the boss of you."



"Me! I am the boss of you! I am the boss of you! I am the boss of you! I am the boss of you!"



Um, what the hell was that?! I'm suddenly rather worried about where I ended up. Looks like there's a bag on the ground here, and inside it is, um, well, a vacuum.



So it's a large bag, what do you want from me? Well, a bag may be useful, and hell, who knows when I might need a vacuum, so let's go ahead and just take the bag.

Um yeah, let's get to that whole "heading elsewhere" thing.









I see my situation has not improved.



I probably shouldn't hang around here for too long. But let's at least check out these signs I see here.





This guy has got one crappy catch phrase, but I guess it might be effective. Coupled with this giant fortress thing, of course.

Oh, another sign to my left here.





I have no idea what this "Totemize" means, but it certainly sounds bad. In fact, this sign clearly states it's "a very bad thing". And judging by that counter, they seem to be very good at it. The noose looks a little too ominous for my liking, so let's just take that down and take it with us.





Never can tell when a rope will come in handy.



Looks like the sun is setting. Well damn, how long was I passed out for? Oh well, let's head back to the sign, away from this damn fortress.









There we go. Looks like there's another path to the right that would still count as "elsewhere". So let's try that.





Looks like I've stumbled upon a well. Hmm, there's a sign on the edge of the well that says, "Magic Forever", so this doesn't seem to be an ordinary well, and in fact might even mean there's a tunnel under here. Maybe I stumbled through here? That might explain my wet shoes. Well, it's a better theory than nothing, so let's try climbing down the well.



Luckily I grabbed this handy rope.





There we go, that looks like it's on there nice and tight. So let's head down the well!





There's that sign I was talking about. Let's keep climbing down.





Wow, it is really dark down here. Well, let's wait for my eyes to adjust.



Um, did I just hear a loud roar?





Well, I sure am glad I didn't go down that well without a light. Who knows what terrible things might have happened.



So, as I was saying, I'm going to go ahead and not tie the rope or head down into the well without a light. That would just be stupid. So let's head back to our good friend the road sign.





Well, that's all the paths that lead "elsewhere" so I guess I'll have to try my luck in this place called "Port Foozle".



Which I've just noticed has a strange blue glow going on. I'm sure that won't be bad at all.

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For anyone who wants to see how all this looks in motion:
Video of everything we did this update.

Tune in next time as we head into Port Foozle!