Part 14: The Bouncer at the Gates of Hell

Chapter 13: The Bouncer at the Gates of Hell

Last time we left off I was standing in front of this guy:



Which is where I still am. But before I try to figure out how to get past him, I see something to my left which is definitely of interest to me.



It's the mailbox!

666. Very cute.

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

I have no idea where that last voice came from, but I'll try not to think too hard about it.





Sweet, it's the letter. Let's check it out.





Ah, an envelope. But how can we possibly open such a cleverly sealed device. Confound it.

Well that's easy. We'll just use what everyone uses to open letters.

A sword.





I think we can safely call that overkill.

Oh fine. We'll do it your boring way, and use the letter opener. But I swear, it's completely lacking in imagination.







Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant.



And with that we have our last new spell, Glorf, which unties knots. Too bad, I was kind of hoping for a "Save the Empire" spell, but I guess what fun would that be.

Okay, back to scary two-headed monster.



Now, I'm feeling brave, so let's try a full on attack!



Have at thee!



Oh crap, I missed.



Don't even start with us, sparky.



Well, at least they didn't kill me. Let's try smashing them with a hammer!





Oh, sure, just did into the old inventory. Something's bound to work.

What are you stupid?

Yeah, I guess most of the stuff I have isn't going to work here. So let's try some spells, because I believe you are purple, and I do so love turning purple things invisible.







Haven't you heard a word we've said?

That Charon guy will row just about anyone over the river.

Hmmm, I guess maybe they're not the correct shade of purple? Or maybe they're Igram proof. Eh, who knows. All I know is that didn't work either.

They still don't seem to like me very much, so let's try making them like me. I don't have time for a drawn out courtship, after all. This is where Obidail comes in handy, I feel.





Oh ho! Have we slimmed down? There's something...sassy about us today!

Sassy? What are we talking about? We look the same as always! We're a big, fat, ugly, two-headed monster!



A big, fat, sassy, two-headed monster.

Hmmm, I seem to have missed. Oh well. They seem to now be rather infatuated with themselves, so I think this would be a good time to try out the Shape Shifter spell. If they think they look sassy, then hell, maybe I should look like them! Snavig time.







Oh hell, this really doesn't feel good.

Hmm, now you look like us, which is an improvement, but you're still not getting by!



Oh that's an interesting look. Interesting like Jo Jo the slime faced boy is interesting.



Dammit! What do I do now? What if I stay like this forever!



Calm down, dude, this will pass. Just wait a few more seconds, then you'll figure out what to do.



Whew, it's gone, and I'm back to my old self again. That's good. Now I'm just sitting here looking at Charon. That's one scary looking guy. I bet he never has any problems getting past the double doofus back there...hang on, idea.









You've transmogrified yourself into his clone! If you're gonna do something do it fast. You won't stay like this very long.

Not a problem, I wouldn't want to stay like this for too long anyway. I mean, I've been meaning to lose some weight, but this is just a bit too far.







Bitches, out of my way.

Taking your lunch break early, eh? Don't forget to clock out.









Clock out? Oh fine, might as well keep up appearances.



I'll just grab a random card and punch it. I might not have time to read them, and I'm sure it doesn't really matter which one I pick.









What are you doing?!

That's not your card.



You're not Charon!

WHO ARE YOU?!



*gasp*







You know, it's always important to always take time to think things out. Even if you're in a rush. So let's make sure we grab the correct card.



Since I currently look like Charon, let's go ahead and grab that card.









Here we go, into the gates of hell!





Not quite as scary as I was expecting. Something seems to be casting a shadow on this wall.



Oh, a time tunnel! Well I'll just walk up to that and...

Helllooo!!!!

Holy shit, who said that?



Nobody back here.

Brog like rocks. Mmmm, rocks. Brog thinking about rocks. Brog thinking about rocks and how nice they are. Nice for his tummy.



Oh, another totem?





Sweet, another companion. Let's pick him up.





Hi, my name's Dalboz. I'm the one in the lantern. The person who's carrying us around hasn't given us a name, so I just use AFGNCAAP. I feel it fits he, she, or it pretty well.

Brog am Brog!

Uh huh. I never would have figured that out. So how'd you end up in that totem, big guy?

Flashback time!

Click here to see how Brog got in the totem.







Nice cave. Cave good place to hide.















Hello buttons.







Oooh, green pretty.





Brog find nice hiding place. No bad things will happen to him now...





oooooohhhh!!!!!



You walked into the totemizer? Of your own accord? Oh well, I already like you more than my dragon. You seem like a pretty big, tough guy.



Bad guys squish Brog in thing. Brog thing now. Brog sitting here long time, being thing, and thinking about rocks. Rrrrocks.

Okay dude, we'll try to find you some rocks a little later. But first, I think I'll send you through the time tunnel. Hopefully you'll be better at this than the dragon was last time.





Crack that thing open with Narwille.







Alright new friend. Time to take a little voyage. And I'll be going with you.













Okay, we're through. And I've got that funny feeling again. Yup, I'm inside Brog's mind this time. Let's take a look around. Open your eyes.



Nice. This is rather pretty. And it should be nice to take a little dip after being totemized for so long, right buddy? Buddy?



Uh-oh. Brog can't swim. No! Brog want go back now.

Are you fucking kidding me?! Dammit, can I find just one totem for a creature that isn't totally useless?!





Is that smoke? Well, no way to know with this guy. Oh well, might as well head back then. Go back through the tunnel.











And we're back. And as much as I don't want to, I think we're going to have to use the dragon again. I mean, he can at least fly. About time he started carrying his own weight around here.



Alright Griff, let's see if you can not be a total punk this time.











Alright, now we're flying.



Oh, what an attractive little archipelago. This is my idea of a vacation. A little fun, a little sun.

Oh no you don't, you're here to work.





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For anyone who wants to see how all this looks in motion:
Video of everything we did this update.

Tune in next time to see Griff prove his worth!