Part 20: Oh Yes, It's Ladies Night!

Chapter 19: Oh Yes, It's Ladies Night!



Alright, here we go. Time to head inside this place, in search of the Cube of Foundation! Or at least a good drink. Head inside!





Anybody home in there?



Hey! Uh...oh!



It's just your luck! It's ladies night! Come on in, and save me a dance!

Charmed, I'm sure.





Um, I haven't danced in a long time.

Um, yeah, and I hate actual dancing. And I really prefer if you didn't dance with that guy. So it'll be hard to dance with my banging around inside your mind off tempo. Keep that in mind.



Alright! We're in! Let's take a look around.



Well this place doesn't exactly seem like a popular club. In fact, it doesn't seem like there anybody here but the people who work here.



Like this big guy. He's just staring at the wall. I wonder what he's thinking about?


Editor's Note: This is a good time to explain something. What you see above is a skill that only Lucy has. She's a telepath, remember, so when you see this crystal ball show up, it means we'll be reading their minds. It can be rather useful sometimes, and rather fun other times. When we're hearing someone's thoughts, they'll be inside asterisks. *Like this.* Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, reading the door man's mind.

*I love the lovely ladies.*

I beginning to think this mission is fraught with peril.

Um, yeah, me too. Some things I'd rather not be inside your mind for. Anything with that guy fits that bill, so let's try to stay away from him.



Over here we have a dartboard, with a really annoying fly buzzing around. It's like he's trying to get hit with a dart! That would leave a rather nasty black spot on the dartboard, so you'd think one of the workers would do something about it. That is, of course, assuming there's more workers than the door man.



Ah-ha! A bartender! At a bar, no less! This looks promising.



He's not responding to our flailing about, trying to hint for a drink. Let's see what's on his mind.



*Want some rye?*

Um, I guess. Read his mind again.

*'Course ya do.*

Okay, let's leave drunky alone, and keep moving through the room.





Looks like a grate door to the back room. Let's try and head back there.





Sorry lady, high rollers only.

High rollers, eh? Well, I guess we'll have to win something in order to go back there. So let's find a game we can win at.







I've decided it's rather difficult to play pinball with no flippers. The ball just keeps falling down the whole. Oh well, I guess we'll move on.



Alright, some sort of card game. Let's try our hands at this.



There's some cards on the table, and what looks like a math equation? Strange, well, let's grab the cards.





Looks like we've got 4 cards, numbered 1-4. Since there's a math equation on the table too, and slots to insert the cards, I'm assuming I'm supposed to use these together. So let's try inserting some cards!





Yup, looks like that's what's going on here. But if my math is correct, I think I've noticed a problem here. Let's keep going to find out if I'm right.



The red light proves my theory. There is no combination for these cards to be entered in that will make the equation true. Well that sucks. I'm close too. I think I could probably do it with a 5 instead of a 4. Too bad I don't have one. All it would take is one more black dot in the middle of the card...hang on, I have an absolutely retarded idea. So I'm thinking it might work. To the dartboard!





Alright, so we'll place the card on the dartboard...



And aim very carefully, while waiting for the fly to come by....now!





Ha! Got him! Nice shot Lucy! Now, let's see if this works.



Truth is, there's no reason whatsoever that this card machine should actually read this as a 5. I mean, it's just a 4 card with a dead bug on it, so there's no reason this should work.



So, naturally, it works perfectly. Awesome. Let's get this math equation solved.





Ding!


Editor's Note: NERDS!!!!!...sorry.

So, what did I win?

Nothing...

Um, please don't touch me.



Hey Floyd!

Yeah boss?

*whispering* She's ready to play, go get her!



Uh, you've won a very special privilege. Uh, you get to go into the back room and, uh, play with the high rollers.

What do you mean?

Follow me.



Ah, hello douche bag.

Uh, hi!

*He's cute! Too cute. Something must be wrong with him.*

That's for sure, trust me.



I'm Jack. You know, Antharia Jack. You probably remember me from my hit TV show Z-Team.

Bingo! What a conceited pig! *Did I just say that out loud?* We..well...I mean, I was expecting you to be a conceited pig.

Right, nice cover.

Wh-...me? *I think I sense some chemistry.*

Please don't sleep with Jack, please don't sleep with Jack, please don't sleep with Jack...

We're going to play a high stakes game of Grue, Fire, Water. Floyd?



Tell her about the house rules.



Oh, yeah, there's rules, yeah. They're real easy. Grue drinks water, water puts out fire, and fire scares Grue.

Seems easy enough, sounds like some strange version of rock, paper, scissors.

So what's the ante?

Floyd? Tell her about the ante?

Oh yeah, there's an ante...you're wearing it.

Strip Grue, Fire, Water!

That's right!

Unbelievable.

Floyd?

Awww...



You game? *please, please, please be game!*

Tell me something, Jack. Does this little game actually work with women?

You tell me. *I'm so pathetic.*

Um, I'm going to say no on this one. I can't stand the thought of seeing Jack lose this game. Walk away.

*Pathetic...and cute.*

What?



Okay, I'll give it a try.

You'll do what?! I guess it's harder to make the mind of a telepath do what you want it to. Oh well, might as well give it a shot then. It wouldn't exactly be horrible to lose this game.

Great! But I should warn you. I haven't lost a game yet.

Editor's Note: Alright, time for a lesson in this game. We have three buttons. The question mark button is for Grue, the other two are obviously for fire and water. I choose one, and then we find out what his choice is. Just like rock, paper, scissors, one choice wins. Below are pictures of what they look like when they tie, for which nothing happens game wise.


Grue. A trapdoor just opens, and you hear a roar.


Fire.


Water. Okay, here we go.

Grue seems scary, so let's try that.





Damn, fire beats Grue.



You lose! Take it off.

Unbelievable.



Alright, we're down a belt. Let's try again.

Editor's note: Sorry, more fourth wall breaking in this chapter than any other yet. For the sake of the update, I'm going to edit out a lot of this. It seems Lucy is wearing enough clothes to survive a blizzard. So losing here can take forever. So here's some clothes being thrown to the side, to give you an idea.

















Yeah, and that's still editing some out. Okay, we rejoin our almost naked friend with only one article of clothing left.



Damn, it's getting cold in here. Talk about a string of bad luck. Okay, one more shot, here we go. Let's go water.



Stupid Grue drinking my water.

You lose! Take it off.








Oh yeah, in game plot, we're actually a perma-suck salesperson. So that explains the above. This is the only mention of it outside of the manual.

On second thought, I'd really rather not lose this game. The idea of Jack giving me the, "I see you naked," eyes is just too much to think about. Now, if only there was a way to cheat. A way to always know what he was going to throw...hang on, I'm a freakin' telepath, at the moment. That's got to count for something.



*She's cool, like the sea!*

Okay, I'm going to assume he's thinking water, so let's go with Grue to beat it.



Ha ha! This could work.



Eh, beginner's luck!



Aren't you going to take the hat off?

Nah, that's trademarked.

I thought the cigar was.

No, that's, uh, habit.



Alright, mind-reading should allow us to move handily through this.



*Ah, Grue, elusive beast of darkness.*

In that case, fire gets us...







*Everyone picks fire when they've just been beaten by it. I'll fake her out. I'll use water. No, no, no, I'll take myself out and use fire. Yeah!*

Water gets us...




The best/worst picture of the LP?



Jack with no pants.





Followed by Jack with no hat. Okay, just one more win and we've entered a place I've never want to be. A room with a naked Jack.



*She think I'm going to use water, so I'll fire...nah, but maybe that's just what she wants me to do. Nah, I'll play grue.*

Truly you have a dizzying intellect.



You looooose, muffet. Ante up. Aww, what's the matter? Lost your nerve?



What? Who me? No, don't be ridiculous. *Yes! Yes, I've totally lost my nerve!*



You know, I do have something else.



Jack! That's the Cube of Foundation! I've been looking everywhere for that!

Really?

I forgot this idiot had the cube...I mean, that was my plan with the strip game the whole time! I'll take that!



Don't ya love it when a plan comes together?

*You know, that whole Antharia Jack thing kind of works...coming from a guy in his underwear...oh, what am I saying...what's happening to me?*

I honestly have no idea. But now that we have the Cube, we should be hearing a loud crash any second now...









Right on schedule.



Well, that's my castle. I should go. Goodbye, Jack.



But, but, I don't even know your name!



Of all the lousy, stinking, Mead joints in Foozle...why'd she have to walk into mine?



Alright, back in the castle.

Wow. Very sparkly. Not to mention anatomically correct.

...Um, what are you looking at? Oh, right, you probably mean the heart. Nevermind.

The whole place kinda says, "I am Magic! Hear me roar!

Oh God. Let's just rest the cube on this nice pillow.







There we go. Now's let's get out of here.







There we go, back in my own body. Hopefully for good now. So we have all the artifacts, now we need to do something with them. First, let's open our eyes...



Oh shit!

I admire your resourcefulness. Nearly as much as I pity your ignorance. You can't stop me. I'm the future.

And you're history.

Throw "history" in jail!





Along with that other interloper. Now we'll see how the powerful magic rebellion comes to it's pathetic end.



Who's the magic now, baby?







This is bad.



Real bad!



And they took my bag of stuff!

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For anyone who wants to see how all this looks in motion:
Video of everything we did this update.

That's all for now. See you guys next time, from behind bars!