Part 9: Urban Legends of G.U.E.

Chapter 8: Urban Legends of G.U.E.



Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. Okay, so I'm back on the subway train now, heading away from the much loved and historic dam...that I completely destroyed.

Once off the train at the Crossroads, I just hop on the teleportation station to G.U.E. After all, now that I've got some money, I could get a snack of some kind.









Alright, so I'm back here, let's head over to the vending machines.



Alright, that looks like a change machine!



We'll just insert that there...



Those look like they'll be easier to use at most places. Mainly vending machines.



500 Zorkmids. Let's just stuff those in a handy little sack, shall we?

Good idea.



There we go. Now, for some snacks!



Ice cream machine! Time to use one of our new coins!







Let's go for an ice cream sandwich. Always been a personal favorite of mine.



Look! An ice cream bar!

I would hope so.



Yummy!

Hey, look! There's a special treat inside!

Huh?



Well, what do you know, another scroll.

Woohoo! More spells, let's see what this one does.





Um, I can't read this.

The Obidil scroll. Will not gnusto, for novelty purposes only...they're just saying that though. Put it through a Spell Checker and it'll work like any other.

A Spell Checker? And me without my word processor.

Well, let's see what other snacks I can get a hold of.



Hmmm, I think some of these were here my freshman year.

Hmmm, let's see...looks like some kind of Zebra cake down in 11, and that sounds pretty awesome to me.







Damn thing's stuck!

Nooo!!!!...I hate it when that happens.

Me too...hang on, what was that noise? Sounded like a door opening, and it sounded like it was coming from the "no longer infinite" corridor. Gotta check this out.





Well, that's still not open. So what did open?



Oh, hey, that one locker that looked crappier than all the others! Wait, why would that have opened? Actually, now that I think about it, I'm remembering a bulletin on the board back when I first came in here.



Huh, so the vending machine opens the lockers? I'll have to test that out a bit more in a minute. But first, let's go snooping!



Ugh.



That's Yannick's locker. That rat-ant was my roommate here for three terms, before he became the pastor of disaster up in the above ground. He would have failed out, first term, if it weren't for me.

Huh, that locker of the Grand Inquisitor himself? Let's check out what books he's got.



Okay, so this book looks like it explains how to make spells. Only I have no idea what the hell it's saying. Um, oh! Idea! Let's make these instructions easier to understand.





Um...okay, so that's still not much help. But I guess it's takes less time to read now.

What else has he got.



Look at this! Cheat notes! Crib sheets! He may run the Empire, but he's not quite Mensa material.

No real surprise there. Okay, now we've also got a pill of some kind.



Seems to be a sleeping pill. I'll hold onto that for now.

Alright, well, nothing else interesting to see here. Let's mess around with the lockers and vending machine more.



Nothing here.



Nothing here...apparently intentionally.

Okay, so only two more interesting lockers in the bunch.



This book explains how to win at a game called Double Fanucci.



Although not very well. Let's make these a little simpler to understand with good old Kendall.



Thanks a lot, Joshua.

And then there's this locker, two down from the last one we opened.



It won't open because...



Oh well, I'll have to think about another way to get in there later. In mean time, the last locker I opened matched up with the Pop Rocks Zork Rocks, and since I saw this bulletin...



...I've been wanting to perform an experiment. Now, how do I get the Zork Rocks, which are stuck, out of there? Maybe I can reach my hand up there?



Nope, too small to fit my arm in. Although, that looks about the right size for a tube of some kind...hang on, I have an idea.



It's vacuum time! It would be nice if this thing justified it's existence finally. It's been feeling a bit more heavy as it is lately.



Hook that up there.





Just, where were you keeping that?

Best not to ask.

Okay, let's turn this baby on!







Permasuck! From Froboz electric. We don't make things that suck. We make things that suck permanently.

Oh! I think I heard something. Let's open it up and see.



Bingo!



I'll take that, and head over to the coke machine.





Let's see, drop a coin in...



Place the rocks.



And pour!



Warning! Warning! Presence of cola beverage detected.

Let's find a safe home for this stuff, okay? These rocks are about to pop in a very big way and I don't want to next to them when they do that.

Bah! I'm telling you it's just a myth! And to prove it too you I'm going to hold onto them for a while!

Danger! Danger! Meltdown is imminent! This candy will self destruct in 15 seconds!

That's some alarm they have for just keeping a myth alive.

Hit the floor! Ditch the candy! Clear the area! These suckers are going to blow any second now!

Oh come on. You don't really think that's going to happen, do you! I mean it, there's no way these are going to expl...







I've had a little time to contemplate, and I've decided that, just to be safe, I should stash these things some where safe. You know, just in case they actually do explode, or something.

Now, where to put them. Where would it be okay if an explosion went off. Somewhere I wouldn't mind if it was destroyed...hang on, I have a locker I want opened!



We'll just slide these in here.





There we go. Crisis averted.

And now we wait.

Danger! Danger! Meltdown is imminent! This candy will self destruct in 15 seconds!

Here we go.





Sweet! It worked! And nothing inside seems damaged! Clearly it...well I'm just going to go ahead and answer all these questions with the words, "A Wizard did it."



Look! This is my locker! That's my stuff! My books, and my papers, and my..my...*sniff* Oh, I guess I should have washed those gym shorts.



Yeah, I guess you should have. Let's try and get away from the smell, but first, let's grab this ID card.



A guy like the Dungeon Master here certainly would have had access to this huge door, right? Let's try and find out.





Alright, now we're getting somewhere. Let's see what's on the other side of this door.



You know, some days I wish I had just stayed home. Today is one of those days.

For those of you who can't quite see what's going on here, those are six swords hovering in the air.



Never mind. That's a six arm monster with one sword for each arm. It says he's purple, but I certainly don't see anything. Someone must have used my favorite spell and yours, Igram, and turned him invisible.

I don't see this ending well.

My lantern sense is tingling. Warning me of danger. Oh, and your sword is glowing too!

Really?



Well I'll be damned.

Blue glow...sweet Yorrick! Don't you know what it means when an Elven sword glows blue! I don't know what it means in Elven, but to us it means danger!

Okay, let's take a step forward.



Bah! Git away from me bridge ya cretin'!

Oh yeah! Eat sword!



Look at me, damn ya. I'm the six armed invisible bridge guy! Nobody messes with the six armed invisible bridge guy!

Good point. Um, well, maybe if a spell turned him invisible, the same spell will make him visible again?

Fat lot a good that'll do ya. How do ya think I got to be the six armed invisible bridge guy in the first place? Somebody already beat ya to it, me friend.

Alright then. How about I hit you with a shovel?

For the sweet love of Pete, what do you want me to do with that?

Um, how about you have my beer? (Desperate times call for desperate measures, friends)



Do ya go around emptying your pockets to every strappin' swordsman ya meet?

Maybe I'll just try to get past him.

Oh you're asking for it.



Take that!



And that!



And that, and that, and that, and that!





Alright, let's see. How can I make this guy go away? I mean, he's this huge guy, that I can't see, with six arms, and a sword for each arm! And he's standing on the only way across the bridge...hang on. I can always try to find another way around without bridge. I doubt he can find another way to stand without it.





AAAAAAHHH!!!!







Booyah!

You gain 86 experience points and found a healing potion. Oops, um, wrong kind of dungeon master.

Now there's no bridge, but, looking down I see water, and I think I have a spell for just such an occasion.
(editor's note: If we hadn't destroyed the dam yet, there wouldn't be water below us here, and this spell wouldn't work)









I like your style. Splendid job.

Thanks. Now, let's head across the bridge.



Into what I shall currently call the Contraption Room. Seeing as how I have no idea what these things are. Well, there's only one way to find out, and if you've been paying any attention to how I operate you know what that is. Doing things randomly hoping it doesn't kill me!

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For anyone who wants to see how all this looks in motion:
Video of everything we did this update.

See you next time when we discover the purpose of these machines! And use them! To do clever things! Like make pie! (Warning: Pie will not actually be made)