Part 57: Chapter Forty Three: Fat Princess

Music: 27 – Breath of Fire



See that? That is the image of me walking away from Highfort. It makes me feel warm inside.



God bless you, Tapeta.



Music: 14 – Crazy Dance



I use the nearby Dragon Statue to switch the party around. It now consists of Ryu, Lin, Aspara and Rand.



: Okay, now that we have the Master’s Flute we should be able to talk to these loons.

We can indeed talk to the people here now, although they only say the same three things:

-That the Queen is a stuck-up brat.
-That they used to be a chef in the palace before the Queen got tired of their cooking and kicked them out.
-Gaping in wonder that you have the Master’s Flute.



: The flowers here tell me that the Therapy Pillow is somewhere inside the palace.

: So what, are we just going to barge in and demand they fork over this pillow whatsit?

: It’s worked out for us pretty well so far.

: Sounds good to me!



There are a number of interesting things in the palace.



This Highlander is called Farlan, and he’s another potential tenant for Township. He’s bored of his job here and offers to come and work for you as a town guard. In practice this means he’ll laze around doing nothing at all.



: Huh. This is a pretty big kitchen.

: And they’ve hired chefs from Fort Nageur. Someone in the palace must have a taste for gourmet dishes.









…

…



: Hmm. It seems Her Majesty is currently unavailable.

: Then I guess we’ll just have to look around until we find her.

: Another case for Ace Detective Lin! This time it’s ‘The Mystery of Maledio’s Missing Monarch’!

: Don’t you mean ‘Melodia’?







:…My god, it’s a hambeast.

:…I-is this natural, or…?

:…She’s almost as big as me…

:…Big…



:…I’m going to talk to the old crone now.





: Uh…okay. I mean, you’d have to be blind not to see the problem, but…





: Oh, okay then. Now I know I’m the universe’s errand boy.

: You mean you didn’t before?

: I had a faint thread of hope that has now been brutally severed. Anyway, how are we going to help the Queen? The old biddy just told us to do it without any advice at all.

: Uh, well, if you’re fat…and you want to get thin…you should go on one of those thingies…uh…wait a sec, it’ll come to me…um…a diet! Yeah, that’s it!

: The flowers here speak of a ‘Diet Wizard’ called Gedd who used to tend to the Queen. Let us ask about what became of him.







: Okay then. Time to go island hopping I guess.

Music: 11 – It’s a Whale



This is the island in question. It’s to the northwest of Newhaven, so it’s not too difficult to find.



Music: Wanderer



This place is called Mt. Maori. You will probably notice that there are a number of wooden poles that Sten can use to swing across. Following the path with him in the party will lead to a series of small caves containing a Thorn Whip, a Panacea, a Flame Sword, a Flame Shield, Magma Armour and a Moon Drop.



The summit of the mountain is festooned with mushrooms. This place will be important fairly soon.

Music: 04 – Dungeon



The first cave doesn’t require Sten to get to. If the party isn’t tough enough to fight on Giant Island, this is another great grinding spot due to the healing fountain. Speaking of the monsters here, let’s have a little look at them.



Gangas are pretty resilient and tend to come in pairs. They like to Defend and make you waste your attacks, and they can also cast Quake to deal 30+ damage to your entire team.



Dionaeas have the ability to charge their moves and guarantee a critical hit. Luckily they’re quite slow and go down in two or three hits.



Beckonshrooms can be very annoying. They can inflict both poison and zombie on your party members, neither of which are very pleasant. Since we’re right next to a healing fountain it’s nothing to worry about, but actually going through the other caves is a pain when these guys show up.



Meet the Atlases. Atlases have a variant on the ‘critical or nothing’ gimmick, that being that every single hit of theirs is a critical hit. Since they lack the accuracy drawback these guys can quickly ruin your day so it’s best to just nuke them with a Dragon attack and refill your AP at the fountain afterwards.

Anyway, let’s get moving.





: Funnily enough, we do. First of all – are you the man called Gedd? And second of all, if you are, will you help us out with something?



: But if there’s a pretty lady amongst yerselves, I can chew the fat with ya all night!

: *Sigh* He’s one of those sorts of people, huh…

: I do not understand…why would a female encourage him to speak?

:…I’ll explain later, Aspara. Anyway, Lin? Be ready to do what comes naturally.

: I don’t get it, but okay!



: *Sniff* *Sniff* Hey, and she smells nice, too! You must be here for my world famous services as a Diet Wizard!

: Uh…well…



: Uh…well, ya see…there’s actually this really fat girl who needs your help…I mean, -really- super fat. What did Ryu call her, again? Oh, a hambeast, that’s right.



: Well, why didn’t you say so? You, my friends, are looking at the world’s foremost expert in Diet Magic!



: The Queen of Medialo. No, wait…that’s not right…The Queen of Molidea? Argh, that’s not it either…Uh…big island. Full of flutey people. With flutes. Queen. There. Really freakin’ fat. Blarg.



: M-M-M-M-M-Melodia? You did say Melodia, did you not?

: That’s the one!

: That’s…that’s the place that hateful woman had me exiled from…



:…Here it comes.

:…But I might be open to a compromise…



:…Bingo.

: How about it, miss? You, me and a wild night of passion! It’ll be spectacular!

: What a creep.

: WH-WH-WH-WHAAAAAT!?





: You freak! You old, creepy, wrinkly, smelly creep!



Repeat twice more…



Repeat twice more again…



: I’ll go to Melodia, no questions asked! Just get that stick away from me!

: Hmph. Be sure to keep your hands to yourself, creep.



: My unparalleled skill can turn mountains of flab into skinny little pencils with just a modicum of effort! Let’s get going!



---Alternate Scene---

If Nina speaks to Gedd instead of Lin, the scene is the exact same up until the wizard starts talking about wild passion.





:…!

: You know, you’re cute when you’re murderously enraged…D-don’t get the wrong idea, though!



: There, I’ve had my fun for now. Shall we be going?

And from there the scene is exactly the same.

---Alternate Scene End---

Overall I think Lin’s version is far more amusing. Next time we’ll be returning to Melodia in order to trim some of the fat off its morbidly obese Queen.