Cthulhu Saves The World Part #7 - Update Seven: I Tried To Keep This Short

Part 7: Update Seven: I Tried To Keep This Short

Welcome back! Last time, on Cthulhu Saves The World, we defeated the dreaded Nyarlathotep, and turned Dunwitch into a zombie party town. Today, we're going to do a bonus dungeon, as well as the next dungeon, so let's get crazy.

We'll be heading east to start with.

Over to that dungeon there. It's a side dungeon and one with a pretty great piece of treasure.

And there's new enemies abound in this update.

What the hell is teen fiction? No, wait, never mind, don't answer that.

Ah, this must be a zombie who partied too hard back in Dunwitch.

So, yeah, this fight ended before it even really started.

What, I was about to gain a level. I may as well snag it while I'm here.

...Oh, my.

I'm confident that this party could kick Dem's ass. Well, maybe not right now, since Dem was pretty powerful at the end of BoD, but we could totally do it, eventually.

Though, these guys ain't got shit on Dem, that tongueless bastard.

And that's enough to push Cthulhu over the edge.

While the stats are tempting, I go with Drain Strike, just for the situation where shit has gone southwards and Cthulhu needs a quick HP boost.

Oh, hey, Umi gets in on the action, too.

Now that's a pretty good chance of Seal.

But this does no damage, so Umi gets the Seal Strike, so that she can help kick (even more) ass.

Yeah, this sounds like a great place to be.

Oh, encounter chat. This is good to know.

Good to know because it helps me figure out when I'm going to be getting the best EXP.

Well, someone be sure to remind me of this, otherwise I'll have forgotten by the end of the game. Hell, I might forget by the end of writing this update.

So, full disclosure, these next two dungeons are nothing special to look at. We'll be doing quick glances at the dungeons, enemies, and treasures.

With that said, I still took over 250 screenshots for this update. A fair few of those are dialog screens, but ask anyone who has done a SSLP and see how they feel knowing they took 250+ shots for an update.

Centaurs! And upgraded Crabs!

We'll have the blurb for the crabs later, as I didn't directly target one of them in this battle.

I thought centaurs carried bows, not battle axes. Or do they, and I'm just not familiar with their portrayal?

While I'm trying to keep this condensed, I can't help but show this middle finger to those crabs.

And we move straight to our next encounter; I know this isn't usually how I do things, but I absolutely despise the next dungeon, and I have no desire to spend an entire update on it.

In other news, we're fighting werewolves now.

Werewolves can fuck your shit up if they feel so inclined.

And they're not even Insane yet!

That is the face of something that wants to eat all of your tender insides.

Not that I let them.

Ah, more encounters!

Those snails are still terrifying.

I'm not even sure what to say about this. I mean, there's the plastic surgery joke, where I bring up Meg Ryan, but that's an old joke.

I could mention something about mother-in-laws, but my wife reads these updates and I might get my skull broken with a PS4 controller if I do.

So, instead of putting my foot in my mouth, I'll talk about Sharpe gaining a level.

Ooh, extra stats! I can never have enough stats.

Alright, kickass new weapon for Sharpe.

I get another one in this same update that I switch out, but this is still pretty good.

Hey, if I can kill a Red Dragon with a nail bat, I'm sure that Orc Captain can wreck someone's shit with that thing.

Especially if they're just that fuckin' crazy.

I have no good way to poison groups, so October learns Plague this level. I don't know if I'll need it, but I'd rather be sure.

And here's our big treasure of the dungeon.

Oh shit!

References come from many, many different sources in this game, and I find that very impressive.

And, uh, with this, I pretty much locked this fight down before the Fire Whale could do anything. All of his best attacks, where he lights you on fuckfire, are a non-issue now.

So, uh, yeah, this is about the only noteworthy thing about this fight. I...I did not give a very good showing of this fight.

But, rest assured, I did my best to absolutely beat the everliving shit out of it.

And no level ups from this fight.

We lose a bit of MP, but we become that much more effective at incinerating whatever poor bastard gets in our way.

Alright, let's get to the actual dungeon. The actual pain in the ass of this update.

Oh, good, something to distract me.

Seriously, the next dungeon is such a fuckin' drag.

Well, not the dungeon itself, but the boss of the dungeon is a fucking pain in the ass.

Okay, once we get past the Dark Forest, we're free to get into Providence.

Oh, hey, sudden commentary!

release.

Yeah, I'm not busting out the portrait for a single word. I am not a fan of transcription and like hell I'm going to use it for one word.

Well, that looks inviting.

A shithole.

Are you saying we can't trust the cultists?

If you can't trust a cultist, then who can you trust?

Umi, they worship a god that drives them completely batfuck insane just by being around them. I can't imagine they're the most stable folks.

Well, let's get into this shit.

I'm not trying to be so down on this dungeon, but it's pretty visually uninteresting.

At least, to me, it is. The fog doesn't help matters at all, and I think it makes my screenshots look like hell.

to do that again.

If I'm not doing it for one word, then four words can kiss my ass.

Ooh! A bridge!

And monsters!

Some of the monsters are pretty neat, though.

When a snake is pissed off, I have to admit that's kind of fuckin' scary.

Mist Snakes hit decently hard, too.

The Insane Banshee just amuses me.

Snakes, of nearly any form, definitely do not like being lit on fire.

Hey, both good things for Cthulhu.

This was a tough choice; Cthulhu needs the speed, but he's also one of our sturdy members, and he needs the extra Will. For this level up, I gave him the extra Vitality and Will.

While Umi gained a bunch of stats, as I am wont to do.

To go with her new Tome, October also scores a new weapon.

Not only does it have double the stats of her old Whip, but it also lets her target an entire group at once. She doesn't do much physical damage, but it's still a good bit out of an entire group.

Holy crap, these people worshiped Cthulhu so hard that the ground is growing tentacles.

Tentacles are really quick, but don't hit for much damage. They're faster than our party right now, but they can't really pose a threat.

And here's the Bull Whip in action.

Fireball is more effective, but I know you all would have been horrifically disappointed if you hadn't seen the Bull Whip whipping something.

Yeah, you're not really missing anything by not seeing the entire dungeon. It's...Well, it's foggy and has some bridges and trees. What the hell can I say here?

Unless monsters show up, that is.

...What in the hell is that?

Just as I thought; it's someone's fever dream come to life.

Man, I miss Space Ghost.

Here's a twofer of Insane enemies!

Who would have thought that a group of chipmunks could be dangerous!?

Unless they're frozen, but I think most things become less dangerous when they're in a block of ice.

And a shot of a snake on fire, because why not?

On a side note, I've recently discovered the Chappelle's Show is on Hulu, and I cannot get enough of this show.

As I write this update, my wife is sleeping in the next room, and I'm afraid I'm going to wake her up from laughing so hard.

Jesus Christ, that wolf wants to eat my heart!

Oh, Jesus, they hit hard.

Huh, I didn't drive one Insane. My bad.

Though, seriously, how do you guys feel when an LP'er makes a mistake like that? Do you like it better when we admit it up front and apologize, or would you prefer we just gloss over it and not mention it?

Sharpe gets the Wind Strike, since that shit is pretty powerful. And he's not magically inclined, since I'm afraid of breaking the molds I'm comfortable with.

Let's go get that treasure chest!

Goddammit.

Oh, well, this is a reference worth waiting on treasure for.

And this just amuses the hell out of me.

You can kind of see the Insanity here, but October was a bit too good at blowing his goddamned head off.

Oh, damn, that's some good shit.

This is good, too, but if I'm going to be killing something's resistances, I'll want them Insane, too, just for the extra moments of asskickery.

On to the next!

Yeah, who expected a reference (from me) to FF4? I certainly didn't.

creature in existence.

What the hell card game is he talking about? I'm afraid to Google something like that, when I only have the vaguest of ideas of what I'm looking for. That's how you find the freaky porn.

If any of you try and find it that way, don't tell anyone about it. You'll probably wind up on some sort of watch list.

I believe it was Flavor Aid, along with a bit of Kool-Aid.

...Why do I know that?

Ah, another couple of treasure chests!

And a quick treasure round-up.

Now that sounds like some good shit.

We lost a little bit of Vitality and Will, but the extra Agility makes up for it. Makes up for it in that Cthulhu is now our fastest member.

And before the next screen, let's meet another new enemy.

Oh, what the hell does that look like when it's Insane?

I suppose if I were a tree, I'd go crazy if I were lit on fire. Hell, as a regular person, I'd probably go insane if I were lit on fucking fire.

Oh, son of a bitch, they're scary!

Even without special attacks!

And the plants are strong, too!

Be careful with the Zappers around; they can blast your face off before you're really aware that someone has been killed.

This is probably the most interesting shot I have of this area.

Well, there's this, too.

The other option is Magic; we take the Strength.

And what does Umi have going this level?

I take this option, despite the lower chance of Stun; Umi already has an option to Stun something, with perfect accuracy, if I need to, and this Stun Strike does a shitload more damage. Hell, maybe I should have built a physical wrecking machine Umi.

Granite Blade, you were good while you lasted, but an extra 40 Strength doesn't stand up to an extra Hit.

Yahoo!

Jesus, how many new enemies are in this place?

Drink its blood, we'll become immortal!

Or whatever Voldemort was going for by having Quirrel drink the blood.

You'd think a horse ramming a horn into your chest would hurt more.

But, hey, good rewards.

This didn't come from that same battle, but hey, may as well act like it did.

Sorry, Sharpe, you don't need the MP. You're fast already, and I'd like you to be just that much stronger.

(this was from a different battle, too

)

Oh, that's a good boost to power!

But this is a full party attack that doesn't require me to break my combo, so October gains option B for this level up. And with the Fire Tome, that's 360 power to each enemy.

Alright, let's get to the boss that I hate.

You can tell it's some serious shit because there are torches leading to it, like motherfuckin' Magus is hanging out at the end of this forest.

One that we'll beat up.

...Cthulhu, why do you know about dating an ape?

Thank you, October.

Whoa, Umi, relax. That probably happened a long time ago.

I mean, Cthulhu snoozed for a long time.

Oh, God, we're fighting!

That is the ugliest princess I've ever seen.

Jesus fucking Christ, why does she have that much HP?

Not only does she have a ton of health, but she's faster than any of our party members.

As for that protection, the Mist Wolves are just shy of invulnerable.

And the Ape Princess herself hits like a motherfucking tank falling from the atmosphere.

Keep in mind, these numbers are without her being Insane. This is just the natural boost from the rounds ending.

This is kind of a terrible fucking idea.

While she'll take a ton more damage, she can damned near one-shot our party members. Thankfully, she can only hit one person at a time.

But she's so goddamned fast, she can kill someone off before they can be revived.

This is after Sharpen, so Sharpe is 50% stronger.

This is definitely a case where you have to weigh in whether or not you want to make her batshit, since that can backfire on you really quickly, and make it really hard to recover from a party member falling.