Part 68: If I Wore a Sarong in Public, I Wouldn't Trust Me Either

This is like my favorite line ever. Folks say "MOMS ARE TOUGH" ironically because FF13 was fucking horrible, but I'll drop "no rest for the wicked" because it's maika'i. But then, only one was used in a successful song. I clarify successful because I wouldn't doubt that some twelve-year-old YouTube Justin Beiber wannabe who loved FF13 overmuch has used MOMS ARE TOUGH in a song before.

Shitty media is like incorrect definitions. If you've only been exposed to wrong definitions of irony, it becomes your universal truth. If you only grew up playing shitty games marketed to the lowest common denominator, they, too, become your universal truth.

And now we go back through that teleporter.





I--since when did teleporters have pathways in them


"But I want you to come alone, Kilika. Alone."


...

I don't think I like where this is going.






"Now, give me the Gulug Stone..."













It's easy to think of Makie as a creepy pedo's dream of a character, and this is only reinforced by her unfortunate costume design, but we're just thinking too much in terms of what we get on a regular basis today.

I mean when you have someone who yells at a door for being a dick, you've got a winner on your hands. Not even Edge did that, but that was probably more because of scripting issues since the SNES was still rather new.


GEE THANKS GAME I JUST CONGRATULATED YOU ON NOT BEING CREEPY AND YOU JUST TURN AROUND AND






"But don't think you've won yet."


"<Rrrrribbit>! I'll protect you!"






See? That rhyme was so bad that even your buddy was like "Brah. No."


I do like how nonchalantly Kilika takes this, as though this kind of thing happens on a regular basis. Though admittedly, it kind of does.


--why didn't you just do this from the beginning


"Instead, I'll just take the girl.
I do hope we'll meet again."








Okay, I wanna be fair, so let's take the B-Team.


And that is class. They made a special battlefield just for getting an encounter in Kuja's room here.


This Namingway Card is much easier to get than the one where you have to do a very specific string of events during the Treno card tournament, then hope that Mario uses it when you challenge him. I think it, like most treasure cards, also has set stats and directions if you're trying to do that broken "get one of every type of card with different arrow combinations" sidequest.






"uh no we can't, what if he goes to a continent without beaches you genius"


"i swear, i'm surrounded by fuckin' donkeys"

DONKEYS is a real slang for "dumb shit" in Hawaiian Creole English, but it, like Ice Shave instead of Shave Ice, only occurs in a very few specific variants of it. It is pronounced a bit differently from how it's generally done in the continental US with an extra hard-plosive on the /d/. I want to say it, like Ice Shave, is from Hilo, but I can't be quite sure. Maybe Ka'u, but I REALLY doubt that.

... Actually, maybe it is Ka'u. I know it happens on Moloka'i sometimes as well but I'm pretty sure that's just influence through interaction.






how

do you lose a continent




"His motives are unclear <ribbit>... That girl can summon eidolons, too <ribbit>?"
"That's it! He's probably after her for the same reason he was after Holly!"


okay kawelo you had your time in the sun now get out


Makie can wait, let's do some Chocobo H&C


and catch some frogs to get some useless Battle Boots


















and fuck around and show off magic and shit


while we're trying to encounter this thing. I spent like an hour looking for this dickbag.


Hmmmmmmmm


Actually, I think I already came to Esto Gaza, which is why we aren't getting a prompt. OH WELL

Also we can encounter Garudas here, which means that by this point you should theoretically be naturally strong enough to fight Grand Dragons legitimately.


jeez you're an asshole






"My friend's life is in danger! Tell me what you know, now!"
"All life is equal. The living will return to the stars.
Through the Path of Souls of the Shimmering Island."
"What are you talking about? Didn't the black mages have a girl with them?"


"They headed straight for Mount Gulug without even looking at me.
Legend has it a race of great moles once lived within the caverns.
But that was very long ago. No mortal has entered those depths ever since the entrance was mysteriously sealed."








There's a whole lot of new and unique shit to buy here. This is kind of a Dick Move because not only is this shop not very apparent, but if you come here before this event, this same shop doesn't have anything worth buying. But on top of that, this place gets closed off on the fourth disc.


This is the only place where you can buy the Octagon Rod, which is the only staff that teaches the third-tier elemental spells.


FF9: Still FF9.

So the backstory of Esto Gaza is that it's some sort of pilgrimage destination that people go to for healing, or for sightseeing, etc. Not that any of this would normally matter to the player, but this is a successfully-created world without any of the heavy-handedness of, say, Star Ocean 2.

FF9 could've gotten all up in your face and had that bishop give you an hour-long lecture about the history and times of Esto Gaza, but instead they just make him kind of a dick and let the NPCs do the work for him.






I WONDER WHAT THIS ISLAND IS FOR


Had we come here earlier, this door would've been closed, and it would've had a Gulug Stone emblazoned on it.

v Oh, right, forgot about that. Link added.