Part 9: The Wall Market

Chapter 9 - The Wall Market


Let's get this out of the way. You should be playing this music during all parts of this chapter until I say otherwise.




Err...



Errr...



Off we go to find Tifa.







I'd say go for it, Cloud, because that "date" that Aeris "promised" doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon.

You see that guy in red tan in the bottom-right? He clearly got the money to pay for an artificial tan because I don't see any sunshine in Midgar. Let's talk to him.





Gee, I wonder what he's talking about.



Holy crap, what the hell?



I thought you were leaving Midgar you dickhead.



Sure I'm gonna be sympathetic to you.



Oh cmon.



The guy in glasses keep walking around kicking things and looking for a fight. I wonder what he's saying.



In Brazil it's possible to find prostitutes for like 10 bucks an hour. Of course you'll also find those who charge orders of magnitude more than that.



What a great way to treat a potential customer!



I don't really get why anyone would pay for sex though. It's not like it's hard to find.



Jap-Goons, translate every single one of these boards. I can only translate engrish posters like "INN" and "ARMS".

So it seems Tifa INDEED looked like a prostitute. Well this brings us the following relevant questions:

1) What

2) Why?

So maybe they were captured and now Shinra is selling her as a slave to the whorehouse?



The plot thickens.



Great, now we have the name, soon we'll bring the shame. Don Corneo is the name of what we can assume is the pimp. We just need to look for a mansion.



Yeah let's leave before things start not making sense again, our theory is good enough for now.



Well HOW do you become a member then? Also isn't that a little counter-productive?

Anyway, we go to the store with the huge board marked ITEM, because we're gonna buy the best shit available.



If you've been following my B&Bs you should know by now that Hypers DOUBLE the rate at which your Limit Bar fills.

We're a bit low on money but we buy 5 of these for great justice.

We decide to go north, we still need to find a mansion.



Hmmmnope. Doesn't look like a mansion at all to me.



No mansion, but this place is so well-drawn.



Here we go. PREPARE FOR FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT, AERIS.



WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Cover me so we can go in.





Wait no, we can go in kick some ass.



Yeah Aeris, I know about you being badass and all but going in alone is a bit too crazy.

Then again maybe Aeris is used to this kind of stuff.



I always interpreted Aeris' flower-selling as an excuse to her mother and that in truth she is a high-end escort.







Yeea Aeris, that is a bit creepy. What is going on?

I mean what could you possib



























































This here, ladies and gentlemen, is why FF7 was the best RPG of its time. Not because it has fancy boys with swords, not because it had piss-poor 3D.

But because it features a "flower girl" who's pursued by the mafia crossdressing a terrorist military deserter to rescue his friend from a pimp.

I hope that music is still playing, because as Amy Farrah Fowler would say, things are about to get kuh-ray-zee.





I dunno Cloud, I think she was testing you and you didn't put much of a fight.



Besides I told you to have your date while it was time, it's a little too late now, don't you think?



That's damn right it is Cloud. She's gonna giggle and remember you with a wig when you two have a date.



Look at how weary he is. Yes Cloud, that clothing store is your doom.



But we're being sexist here. Maybe she's one of those girls with these kind of kink. I mean, she's into younger guys, maybe she likes crossdressers. Maybe it makes her feel powerful.



I mean, let's be honest here Cloud, that would be a plus for you. Even your mother knew of your preferences.



Or maybe she doesn't care and is just doing it for shits and giggles. She'll give you the sex of your life after all this is over just to make up for it.





Final Fantasy VII - Criticizing weapons and promoting environmental awareness, all in one stroke.











Judging by the junk, that store on the top-right seems to be the weapon store. We'll visit it later because Cloud doesn't give a fuck about the environment as he made sure to state a hundred times in this game.

For now we're going to the bar.





Aren't these tables a bit too big?



Cloud is manning it up.





Oh god not again Aeris what are you gonna say





Hahahahhahhahah



You can see Aeris getting way too much fun out of this.





Awesome







Sounds about right.



Yup. We're done here. Let's take a look at the bar now. The food here looks delicious.



Nevermind.



Yeah, nevermind. I think I'm done here.







Hahahahaha



You're damn right he needs a wig and I'm not talking about crossdressing. That hair can kill people.







And with that we'll end this webisode.

Next Time!
BODYBUILDING, Sweat, Bathing, Crossdressing


Chapter 9 - Bugs & Bytes

You know the gym?

Notice how he talks "In the gym you'll find a lot of people like you." He's obviously referring to gays.

The thing about Japanese people is that androgyny, while a little suspicious, was NOT an automatic pointer that you're gay.

On the other hand, the gay stereotype in Japan is that of the macho man, the body-builder. Cloud is strong, muscular and likes dressing like girls, so to the store owner he's obviously gay. Where to send him to? To the gym. That's where the gays are.

The Japanese thought of a mix of Schwzenegger with YMCA when they thought of gay people. It's related to the admiration to the male body - hence why you see all the shirtless guys flexing in the tutorial room, for example.

Of course this was of the time the game was released. I have no friggin idea how they view things today but judging by how much they still worship Gackt as the epitome of masculinity, I don't think it changed much.


The Dressing Mechanics Part 1

So right here we started a new (and the funnest) mini-game in FF7 - Picking up clothes for Cloud.

Basically, we need a wig, but we can also in the meanwhile go to the other places of the Market look for more things to make Cloud prettier.

The first option was, naturally, the clothing. There are 4 combinations and 3 possible results - Silk Dress, Satin Dress and Cotton Dress. Naturally, Silk Dress is the best.

But how does it affect anything? Well don't worry, you'll see in the next chapters.

That is, if people don't spoil.

THERE'S A NO SPOILERS RULE IN THIS THREAD.
If you don't follow, then Aeris is gonna crossdress you. And you don't want that, do you? (You might do)