The Let's Play Archive

Final Fantasy VII

by Elentor

Part 11: [Yahoo Questions] "Am I gay if I like crossdressing?"

Chapter 11 - [Yahoo Questions] "Am I gay if I like crossdressing?"





The Queen's room... what can possibly be worse than what we just saw? I mean we just saw the literal definition of



Oh god





Smells like foreshadowing something.





So yeaaah... that's President Shinra's favorite hobbie...



Roleplaying a King...



Doing a play... in a whorehouse in the slums.



It's goddamn creepy if you think about it.



Well that sounds awkwardly familiar.



I wonder who wrote this play.



Shush I'm trying to know more about this prophecy.



Noooo tell us more about the prophecy.



CLOUD THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU CAN GO AND KILL PRESIDENT SHINRA, DO IT DO IT DO IT



But of course we don't do jack shit. Cloud is too entertained by all this situation to give a crap.


Back to the plot - there are two doors we can actually pick up. The fuck room, and the group room. We can only choose one, and we get a different reward depending on which room we go.



Because of a bug, what we choose (or not) is pretty much 100% irrelevant. The two rewards don't affect Cloud's prettiness score.

Because we're cursed with maximum OCD, I'll be showing you the two rooms. YES!

We'll start with the fuck room. If you guys have any better suggestion for what the name really is, be my guest.





As we enter, this creepy, creepy music starts playing. What the hell?



OH GOD CLOUD IS HAVING ANOTHER PSYCHOTIC BREAKDOWN



It's like his subconscious is facepalming at his poor life decisions.



Get out get out get out ahhh



Seriously working at this place must suck. You have a furry cosplayer and his grandparents smoking drugs in a room, the president shinra and his weird theater fetish in the other, and a weird psycho passing out to make everything peachy.



We all wish, but penis/breast enlargement doesn't work that way.



Oh god what are we talking about



Oh god what is going on here



Please be a pretty woman. Aeris? Aeris did you come rescue me? Yes, that would be good. Mom you're right I need an older girlfriend.



Yes Aeris yes here we go



Ahh that was great. I love you Aer...












AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!



Hahahaha seriously.



Mukki: They say youth is so long but so short. Let's give this next one your best shot.





Let's be honest - breaking the fourth wall is the only thing Cloud could do here in this situation.

Well what about the other room? It can't be worse, right?



Poor Cloud can't really catch a break, but maybe the Group Room will give us some... group fun.



Yes please... great, I'll finally get laid with women. Fantastic.



Maybe even have a threesome? Foursome? I mean, we saw the chicks in the backroom.



Hell yes come to daddy babes, I'll be your Duke tonight. Hail to the king.



Might be my last chance to reafirm my sexuality before I go back to that store so... wait, what?



What no no that can't be



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO







Hahah that's right, Cloud can't decide.















And we all thought the Buster Sword was just overcompensation.



Hahaha if you've never played FFVII you might want to take a break, this might be too surreal to you. Yes, this was in a videogame in 97.



Mukki: It soothes your heart. How is it, bubby!?





I mean, seriously, what can I say? This is Cloud having gay sex in a bathtub being the bottom. And you thought all my previous jokes about that were baseless. As soon as he leaves this place he's gonna crossdress to present himself to a pimp. This is as gay as gay can get, and none of that crap in Dragon Age even compares. There's a channel on Youtube purely dedicated to gay "bears" in games, with a 3-part special on FFVII. Warning: Spoilers, though.



Cloud: Ten... nine...





Cloud: Five... four... three...



There's nothing I can say that will top the insanity of this scene, I recognize that.

Mukki: Bubby!! This is important to me. Here's a memento of our time together!





Hell yes, Cloud, you are.





You keep fooling yourself, Cloud. Here, let us take a closer look at that. The folks from Square actually did 3D renders of every item in the game, including...






Bikini Briefs: - Might be NWS.


Sexy Cologne:


Silk Dress:


Blonde Wig:


Diamond Tiara:


Screaming Idiot, you know what to do. MSPaint GO! Wait, on second though, don't.

Let's talk one last time with the bees, just to make sure.



Cloud where are you going with this?



Yeah Cloud you're just loving it.

The make-up is actually a random effect. It can be equivalent to any tier of the previous items we've seen (for example, Blonde Wig is Tier 3, but Wig is Tier 1). We got the worst but it doesn't matter because we already got the best items in town.

I think it's time for us to leave. We're done.

In the meanwhile...





Aeris is doing her business.



And Aeris is awesome.





Seriously.



Awn



Ok, it's time...














Seriously look at Cloud's hair.





And Aeris is making fun of someone. All is right in the world.



Aeris gets some new clothes and someone calls Cloud weird. All is right in the world.



Even Big Bro seems to approve. But before we proceed, we need to go to one last place - the weapon store.



Holy crap, they're right. The guy DOES have a Tank in his store.



We buy the Metal Knuckle for Tifa, the Mythril Rod for Aeris and a Mythril Armlet (armor). They're all marginal improves but we really don't have much to spend with.



By the way, you can parade yourself through the Wall Market now, and the NPCS will behave differently. Like that. They have very funny reactions but really, if I show off all of them we'll need a triple update.



IT IS TIME.



It's just like no one can distinguish Clark from Superman.

NEXT-TIME

Major plot exposition! Pimps! Video time! Star Wars!




Awesome Music we've been Listening to!

As always, use the links at your own risks. There may be spoilers on the related videos.

Oppressed People - The music that plays as the background of Wall Market. Very chillaxing and fitting.

Materia Junkie - In case anyone missed, this is my friend Luiza's remix of Oppressed People and Underneath the Rotting Pizza. It's part of the OCR Album themed after FF7.
Voices of the Lifestream - An amazing, ultra-kickass album from OCR that remixes every single song in the game. Warning: Spoilers.

Who are you? - This is the music that plays during Cloud's psychotic breakdown.
Honeybee Inn - Honestly, this is an incredible theme. I think it only plays in the Inn, but don't quote me on that.