Part 38

...







Come on, you stupid...
What are you doing?
Trying to check the news. This damn thing's on the fritz.
What's the matter with it?
"Signal? What signal? Fuck your signal. Get that shit outta here."
Ah, forget it. Probably isn't anything important going on.





Incoming transmission, sir.



Excuse me! Disengage your thrusters, please!
Sorry? Who are-
This is an emergency! Please disengage your thrusters now!
I...er...alright.



What's happening here? Who are you?
Please remain calm. We have everything under control.
You've got what under control?
Everything.
Hustle up, fellas! One two!
Hey Slev, I...
Who's this?
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? Why'd you let him on board, then?
I...I don't know.
Dude, what the hell? You can't just let some stranger have free run of-
Excuse me. I'll have to ask you to stand back. It's not safe.
Oh. Sorry.






Wait, what the fuck? What isn't safe? What are you doing on our ship?
Aaand we're done. Have a nice day, now.
WHAT IS GOING ON



Sirs? If you don't mind my asking, why did we let those gentlemen have our cargo?
They took our cargo?!
Er. I thought we were giving it to them, sir. You did allow them on board, sir.
...
Nice. Thanks, Slev.
He said it was an emergency.
Right. In that case, would you mind punching yourself in the face for me? It's an emergency.








Sirs, I'm afraid we have come into contact with some Bollup Juice.
Bollup...?
Juice, sir.






Elucidate.
It's a highly corrosive liquid, sir. A common hazard in space travel. I'm sorry, but it's done quite a bit of damage to our hull, sir.
And you couldn't have just flown around it?
Normally, sir, yes. Our scanners should have detected it long before evasion became impossible. I can't imagine why they didn't, sir.
They bollsed up, obviously.
...
Bollupsed. Boll...bollup, uh...
Dammit. That sounded more workable than it was.








Where the crap have all our passengers been lately? What are we paying these advertisers for?
That breakdown probably didn't do us any favours. People don't like having to wait.
People are fucking idiots. If I got to spend an extra day on a luxury cruiser and have a valid excuse for being late afterwards, I sure as hell wouldn't be complaining.
You can't act like delays are a selling point.
No, I can. See, that's what just happened.



Pilot? Set a course for Pyke, please.
Whoa, whoa.
What?
Maybe we should...uh, you know.
...maybe we should what?
You know. Before we go. All the accidents we've been having, we might wanna think about...
...
Come on, man. Don't make me say it.



That?
Yeah, that.
Ooh, that looks pricey. Are you sure?
I'm not gonna watch you do it. Just do it.
eleven thousand kubaaaars
LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU









...
Welp.







Listen to me, you bastard! My ship's whole interior is ruined! Our navigation system has been short-circuited by urine! My pilot is missing a leg!
Arf! Arf!
I paid for Voyager's Insurance and I want compensation, damn it!
I'm sorry, madam, but if you'll consult our terms of service, we clearly state that we don't provide coverage for-





Ah. Would you mind waiting a moment? I have to...
...deal with this.



Good afternoon. This is Voyager's Insurance. How can I be of...
...service?
Hello. This is Slev, Tark'la and Sons. We bought some insurance from you last week? Well, I'm afraid we've suffered some mishaps...



...and that about covers it. Our estimates say the damages are over a hundred thousand kubars in total. You're welcome to verify that, of course.






I see.
I'll have to put you on hold for a minute. Excuse me.



What's the matter with-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA






Right. Uh. Yes. So, yes. You don't cover household pets. Fair enough. I'll just be on my way, then.
<sub>i think that would be best



thank you for your patience, sir
we at Voyager's Insurance would of course be happy to reimburse you for your losses</sub>
Good.



Um. How come you're not doing that thing you do?
_{what thing}
You know...
...that thing.
_{i don't think i have it in me right now}







Shit, shit, SHIT. How did this happen?
We just hit a slump. That's business. It happens. We'll recover.
I guess, but...man. We're not doing anything differently. We didn't make any bad decisions. It's like all of a sudden we just started having horrible luck. How do you fix something like that?
I suppose we could always donate our cargo again. If we happen across any more travelling philanthropists.
Maybe. That's if we have any cargo. I take it you won't be handing it over to smugglers anymore?
I take it you won't be handing it over to smugglers anymore?
I...you...
...fuck.