Part 8: Angelo Lightfoot and the Baroness's knickers.
: Oh, he's marvellous... Full-bodied mustache... seductive Italian accent... the works!
: And you're going to give him a gift voucher, yes?
: That's right, once he's circumnavigated the globe.
: I see.
Laters.
A few minutes later, at the Barnacle Bar...
: If ye want to peruse the fabulous Rogues Gallery... there be a mandatory minimum donation of one daaler.
: Eh? This is like Soviet Russia!
: How?
: Well... there's a lot of Vodka about.
We place one half of our total funds in the donation box:
: Many thanks for yer kind donation!
: Nee problem.
: Enjoy the wonders o'the rogues gallery.
: Now there's an unusually full-bodied mustache. I'll be taking this...
...
It's my old pal Bloodbeard, looking fierce as ten. I think the barman would notice if I tried to sneak one of the paintings out of here. Anyway, there are free postcards.
...
Ooh, I love free postcards. They have a little print of Bloodbeard's portrait on them. I'll be taking this...
: That is being a fine picture, but can prove it's authenticity?
: What do you mean?
: A makers' mark or a signature. Something that connects the picture to Bloodbeard.
: Give me a minute...
: Not a bad likeness, but the artist forgot to paint ME on his shoulder.
: What a coot-astrophe.
...
I'm sorry.
Nelly's next adventure had better involve anti-pun therapy.
: I signed it with Bloodbeard's initials.
...
Will you trade me that measly "iHook" for this authentic etching of the dread pirate Bloodbeard? Signed, might I add, by the man himself!
: Let us see...
: Amazing!
: Ve vill certainly be trading you the "iHook" for this etching.
: But not the wristguard.
: Great!
: Huzzah!
...
I want another try.
: Marvelous!
...
: A little jiggery-hookery... Got it!
...
Got it! x 6
...
I'll just swap these hooks back.
With the help of the "iHook"...
: Blimey, I don't know how you did that! Here's yer lovely rainbow scarf.
: Thanks, it's pretty.
One more piece of the puzzle left to find. Somewhat later at Widebeard Tower...
: Methinks a brilliant disguise is in order.
: Why it's Angelo Lightfoot, pilot extraordinaire!
: Angelo, is that you?
: Si, si, it is I.
: Oh thank goodness! A horrible girl told us you weren't coming.
: Damn that gorgeous liar!
: I'm so glad you're here! I've had my hair done special, like.
: It cascades from your skull like the milk from a coconut. A shaved coconut, of course.
: Oh Angelo, you have such a way with words.
: It was always my dream to be a poet.
: Really?
: Si, but as a young man my father forbade it. He wanted me to join the family trade and be a...
Pig wrestler.
: How extraordinary!
: I could have been the greatest pig wrestler in Naples too.
: What happened?
: I... fell into a well.
: Really?
: I'm alright now.
...
I must fly. I shall return in twelve seconds. A presto!
...
: Nee way am I climbing into that death-trap. Look it - that part isn't even colored in!
So we bang on the pipe with a rock...
: Angelo!
: I am in the pilots seat, and ready for launch.
: "Buona fortuna" my darling!
: Um... sure.
: If the nodding dog gets in your way, put it in the glove compartment.
: Si... I will.
: Ready for launch...
5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
...
Oh yes...
Hortense pulls the launch rope...
: Has it worked?
: I think so... He should be back any moment.
: Angelo!
: I have returned!
Angelo Lightfoot: he has circumnavigated the globe!
: Oh, how marvelous! I always knew I had a knack for aeronautics.
: Oh, of course.
: Grazie, signora. And now I must fly...
Arrivederci!
: Do you have to leave so soon?
: Y-yes.
: I am delighted to say that the record attempt was an unalloyed success!
: "Unalloyed" you say?
: Yes, and you said it couldn't be done, you little naysayer.
: Well, I've learned a valuable lesson...
: You won't make the mistake of underestimating Hortense Crocket.
: Next time?
: This is just the beginning of aeronautical projects for the DLA. The sky's the limit! Strike that... the stars!
: Well I look forward to the launch of your wicker Moon Lander.
: Have you been looking at our plans?
: What was Angelo like?
: Marvelous, simply marvelous. His eyes steely and piercing. His voice bold and musical.
: His moustache?
: Full and luxuriant, like a hairy Zeus.
: See you on the flip side.
: The flip side of what?
: Good question.
At the Store of Babylon, voucher firmly in hand:
: Can I pay for a Saucy Sue with this gift voucher?
: Absolutely.
: It's for a friend.
: What size does your "friend" take?
: Oh... she's about the same size as the Baroness.
: Really? You hide it well, darling, I'll give you that. The XL Saucy Sues are in the grotto. Head down past the furry clapping-irons and rum-flavoured body paint.
: Okay... Here's my voucher.
...
Well, I've got a Saucy Sue.
...
: I told you, I won't accept any rum-rags you may have to offer.
: But it's perfect-
: Poppycock, I'll never accept fashion advice from a pirate.
Time for another brilliant disguise.
: Ciao, Baroness Widebeard.
: I was sitting in my penthouse eating soft cheese out of a silver dish... when I sensed you were in a fashion crisis.
: I am!
: Never fear, I have an item of clothing to replace those tired old knickers.
: You have? Is it cutting-edge, daring, and scandalous?
: Si, si!
: Then give it here!
...
Oh, it's fabulous. It's so outrageous, it's just what I was searching for.
: I'm thrilled you like it.
: I'm going to put this on right this instant! I can't bear to wear unfashionable underthings a moment longer!
: Excuse me, I'm just going to retreat to a safe distance.
...
...
: My eyes! It burns!
...
: The Baroness left her skanky pants on the clothes rail in the boutique.
: Will my natural thievery overcome my instinct NOT to touch the Baroness's knickers?
...
Yoink!
...
Apparently, yes.
With our items combined, we have:
Join us next time as we lead the Leprechaun rebellion.