Part 34: Good Citizenship Starts With You

Update 22: Good Citizenship Starts With You




"We never did explore Erliquin very thoroughly. Perhaps one of the mages there has information about the Inner Sanctum."
"Well, okay, but first let's wander through town aimlessly in case there's some treasure or something lying around."



"Ow, my nose! Stupid magical barriers."
"If somebody bothered to put up a barrier, I bet there's something important behind it. Time to Etherealise right on through!"



"Well, this was certainly worth visiting here for. Everyone, take all you can carry!"
"But it's not ours. Isn't that, like, stealing or something?"
"Normally, that would be true. But consider this: we have no idea how the people of Erliquin came upon this wealth. For all we know, these could be the spoils of an unjust war, in which case Erliquin would have no more right to it than we do. And since all of this treasure just sitting here doing nobody any good, we have the right -- nay, the duty -- to take it all and put it to good use."
"This is all just a thinly-veiled justification for you to satisfy your secret, shameful greed, isn't it?"
"Judge not, lest ye be judged."



"That's... actually not very much treasure for a town of fabulously wealthy mages. I mean, it won't even buy a single suit of plate armour. What gives?"
"Oh well. It's not as if we had to do any work to get it. Come on, let's take it and head off to--"



"Oh, hi there. Would you believe the mayor told us we could help ourselves to the town treasury in recognition of our extraordinary services to the city of Erliquin?"
"No."
"Okay, fair enough. Then would you believe we're, uh, employees from the Erliquin Moving Company, contracted to relocate this gold to a more secure location?"
"No."
"Well, would you believe we're going to smash your faces in if you don't get out of our way?"



"No."



"Well, too bad. Now I have to disintegrate you."



"Ow, not again! My nose was still sore from walking into that barrier, even!"



"Well, now I guess we know where all of Erliquin's gold went: they spent it on golems to guard the money they no longer have."

Robbing Erliquin's treasury is kind of pointless, because by the time you can kill the guards a few hundred gold doesn't mean much to you. Attempting to bribe the guards, retreat or surrender would have led to a term of imprisonment of varying length, resulting in the entire party being aged by several years; we don't want to do that. In fact, the only good reason to rob the treasury is if you want to fight the guards, which give loads of experience. Unfortunately, they drop very little treasure, and running around town killing them gets soul-crushingly dull after a while.



"As I was saying before we got sidetracked by a bunch of massive diamond statues trying to kill us, we should go to the tavern and see if we overhear anything interesting."
"About the Inner Sanctum, you mean?"
"Or ancient ruins filled with untold wealth?"
"Or foul monsters to smite in the name of Mighty Talcron and his hammer of justice?"
"Eh, I'd kind of prefer if it were one of the first two."



"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to keep drinking until my nose stops hurting."



"King Alamar's been acting strangely and refusing all visitors, eh? Well, you know how royalty is. Probably just all that inbreeding catching up to them."
"Could it be? Could... no, perish the thought. It would be treason to even suggest it."
"Hey, what are you two talking about over there?"
"Talking? Who was talking? Were you talking? Because I certainly wasn't."
"Bartender, could you punch me in the nose a couple of times? I feel like I need a few more drinks."
"I'm... not entirely sure I see the connection there, but hey, you're the customer."



"A city?"
"Of gold?"
"Sounds intensely promising. We might have to go on an expedition to the swamps one of these days."



"If we wanna explore some deadly swamps, we've gotta do some training... ... uh, does anyone know a word that rhymes with 'swamps' and means 'first'?"
"I don't think there is one."
"Whoops. Well, that's my cool moment ruined."



"Hey, is anyone else getting sort of a, uh, vibe from this place?"
"I have no idea what you mean, sir. We're just prime specimens of manhood from the Young Men's Adventuring Association, and we want nothing more than to help you get all hot, sweaty and worked up. Look at our rippling muscles! Don't you want them? Well, if you train with us, we'll be more than happy to give them to you."
"Yay! Finally, it's time to learn some new spells!"
"Oh, you've got women with you. Fine, I guess they're welcome too. Whatever."



"On one hand, I feel much stronger now. On the other, let's never train there again."



"Finally! All the ancient secrets of sorcery are revealed to me! My knowledge is unrivalled, my power unmatched, my wisdom unsurpassed! Also, I can drop meteors on people now."



"Well, that's enough for today. It looks like the guards have stopped coming after us for now, so I guess it's probably safe to spend the night at the inn. Tomorrow we can go and lay low in the caverns under the town or something."



"I might not like getting hit in the face by gargantuan diamond fists, but at least I can survive it better than ever before!"



"Next time, let's rob some place that actually has something worth stealing."



"Why did I ever go along with this whole robbery thing? I blame the Unholy Plate."



"See how useful that armour is, Drewjitsu? If you keep wearing it, you can blame it for all the bad things you might be tempted to do."



"Mattybee! Don't fill Drewjitsu's head with such--"



"Hey, Preacher, watch out! I think the meteor I just summoned might land somewhere near you if you don't move. No, don't go that way, it's -- no, over to the right -- no, your other right... uh-oh. Um, I guess we'll be heading to the temple tomorrow, then."
"No, don't worry, I'm fine. I get hit on the head by meteors and chunks of falling masonry dislodged by said meteors all the time. Just don't practice your Meteor Shower spell indoors again."

Next update, the party explores the caverns under Erliquin. Also, Jostiband shows off one of the most abusable spells in the game! (Hint: it's not Meteor Shower.)