Part 8: In Which We Avoid Getting Killed Again

Update 7: In Which We Avoid Getting Killed Again



"Hi there, everybody! Gaze upon the face of your rescuer!"
"Who are you and why am I not dead?"
"My name's Drewjitsu and I'm a paladin in the service of Mighty Talcron, god of thunder and bringer of justice! Paladins aren't just good for smiting evildoers, you know! We also rescue innocents!"
"And I'm sure you come with a free set of steak knives."
"You... don't look like a paladin."
"Well, I've been down on my luck lately. I gave all my money and most of my equipment to a group of elves who'd been pressed into service in the kitchens here, to help them pay off their debts."
"Elves, y'say? Were Cedric, Crowdbacon and Daraken among 'em?"
"That was them! Do you know them?"
"No, I jus' guessed three names at random."
"Oh? Well, that was a lucky guess, then. Anyway, I've been looking for a party to adventure with. Perhaps you're in need of a paladin?"
"The adventurin' life isnae fer me. If yer willin' ta replace me, I'm more than willin' ta find a job tha' won't get me killed."
"Hmm... you're a paladin, but you don't seem like much of a threat. Welcome aboard."
"What a strange thing to say. Well, in any case, let's get going, shall we?"

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the inn...

"Here. 20 gold coins, a suit of ring mail, a torch, and... a half-chewed stick of gum? Eww. Why'd he give us that?"
"Good, good. Now, subtractin' your latest payment and addin' on room, board and penalties for the day, that brings your debt down to... let me see... 70 gold."
"But that armour alone is worth--"
"That's a 5-gold penalty for talkin' without permission, 10 gold for lookin' away from your scrubbin', an' 20 gold for questionin' my orders! Now get back to work!"
"Mornin', sir. I'm lookin' fer work, an' I was wonderin' if ye might be in need o' a kitchen hand..."
"No! Don't do it! Flee while you still can!"
"You know the rules, Daraken. Tryin' to warn new recruits is a 50-gold penalty!"
"On second thoughts, I... think I'll be goin' now."



With one of its members newly replaced, the party left the Inn of Sorpigal with a spring in their step and hope in their eyes. Let's see how long that lasts, shall we?



Exploring to the south of Sorpigal, the party found the ruins of an ancient temple. The roof and walls had long since caved in; all that remained was a pile of rubble and a few columns and statues.



"We have no way of knowing if this was a shrine of good or evil. I say we should leave it alone."
"I agree. The less we have to do with whatever strange magic might still be hanging around here, the better."
"Yay! Piñatas!"



"Oh, now ye've done it. The statues are comin' to life!"

The animated guardians fought with superhuman strength, and took many blows to destroy. Jostiband's sleep spells were ineffective against them, and the guardians could dispel the party's protective magic.



In the end, though, the party won a hard-fought victory.



"Oh, no. I ain't touchin' that chest after what happened last time."

Exploring deeper into the mountains, the party found a narrow pass.



The pass dead-ended at a long-forgotten rest stop for mountaineers. Charcoal-filled stone circles from old campfires were the only remaining evidence that humans had ever set foot there before. Beside one of the campfires was a rusty iron box, shut with a padlock.

"I think this one's safe, and there's something magical inside. Go ahead and open it, Sylphosaurus."



"Bah, it's mostly just garbage an' old mountaineering supplies."
"I'll hold on to them. We can always try and sell them."



On the way back down the mountain, the party was confronted by a pack of lesser demons with pale scaly skin and long, sharp claws. Judging themselves outmatched, the party ran for their lives.



By the time they felt confident that the demons had ceased their pursuit, the party was all the way back at the entrance to Sorpigal.



"Those mountains are too dangerous. I didn't sign up to get killed. I say we should explore the forest first."



"Ooh... shiny..."
"Wait! Jostiband, we don't know--"



"Great. Now where are we?"



"It's not all bad, is it? Look on the bright side: we've just found a whole new area ripe for exploration!"
"That's all very well, as long as we can survive whatever we find."



"By Mighty Talcron! That's the second-biggest shrew I've ever seen!"



Jostiband's magic, as usual, made short work of the enemy.



For once, Sylphosaurus managed to open an ordinary cloth sack without setting off some manner of exotic deathtrap.



As it turned out, the party hadn't been teleported too far away, and they soon found their way back to the forest.

"That was fun! Let's go on that ride again!"
"Perhaps later. For now, there must be more vile monsters lurking in these forests for us to test our mettle against!"



"Halt, evildoers! Surrender now, ere I slay thee!"
"Um, they're rodents. I don't think they understand you."

Battle ensued, and the party easily emerged victorious. The rats were apparently more intelligent than Mattybee had given them credit for: they had been dragging a leather sack around.

"What's this? Lessee if they had anything valuable..."



"Gods, why? Why would a rat trap a sack? I swear, the world is conspirin' against me."



The rats were apparently prodigious hoarders; the sack was filled with a considerable sum of gold.



"The face of evil just keeps getting uglier. Let us fight to cleanse this scourge from Varn!"

The gnolls were strong, but vulnerable to Jostiband's sleep spells. The party was victorious once again.

"Well, would ye look at this. That's a fat ol' treasure sack if ever I saw one."



"Sylphosaurus!"



"Well, at least there was food in there. Free beef is the best beef of all!"



On the way back to Sorpigal to spend their earnings, our heroes encountered a large hunting party of goblins and their ilk. As usual, the monsters were easily defeated.

"Sylphosaurus is about to open their treasure sack! Everyone, duck and cover!"



"Well, whaddaya know. He didn't set off a trap this time."



"Now that we're not flat broke any more, it's time to return to Sorpigal and spend all that money!"



"You'll pay 50 gold for this bag of useless junk? Well, okay, it's your money."



"Let's see... I'll take a crossbow..."
"Get me a crossbow too, while yer there. I'm sick of this sling."
"I'll have a short sword and some ring mail. Drewjitsu can have this scale armour."
"Well, that hardly seems fair. If you've had the best armour for a while, it should be someone else's turn."
"Fine. You can have the next piece of armour we find."
"Sounds like a fair deal to me!"
_"Sucker."

With that settled, the party set out to vanquish some more evil.



"I don't remember the face of evil being quite so... bearded."

The enemy was defeated, and there was much rejoicing and merriment...



... followed shortly by much berating of Sylphosaurus.



"I took a spike through the gallbladder for that?"



"We're running low on food. Time to get back to Sorpigal and restock."





"Wow. That's a lot of food for such a low price!"
"It sure is. They were even cheaper back when they were still called Crazy Eulard's Day-Old Hog Offal, though."

A little more combat later, Sylphosaurus unearthed some very interesting treasure...



"With these tools, I'm 20% less likely to set off a deathtrap every time I try to open anything! Score!"



"... oh, hell. Is that what I think it is?"
"I do believe that's my plate mail."
"Now that we have all this gold, perhaps we should spend some of it on training? I feel that I'm ready to learn how to put my combat experience to good use."



"25 gold, eh? Okay, show me what you've got."

A few hundred gold and what felt like two years of rigorous training later (seriously, every level a character gains causes them to age by a year), the party was level 3 (except for Drewjitsu, who was a bit of a slow learner).



"Radaso (may his light shine eternally) has seen fit to reward me for my loyal service with more powerful magic! May his name be praised across all of Varn!"



"And I can blow stuff up better too!"



The party emerged as a respectable fighting force, ready to face anything... or at least, a significantly larger number of things than before.



"You may have plate mail, Drewjitsu, but I'll always be tougher!"



"These petty rivalries are beneath our dignity. Can't we all just get along?"



"I don't think Tarquinn gets along with anyone. Never has, never will."



"Hey, you try pickin' a lock with yer bare hands an' see if ye can avoid settin' off any traps."



"The only weapons and armour I get are hand-me-downs from the fighters, but now that I'm acting as 'caretaker' of the party's gold, I might just have to change that! For the common good, of course."



"My magic is the only weapon I need! Well, a ray gun or a tube that projects blue concentrate or something would be nice too. But magic will do for now."



"Our party lives on, to continue its sacred quest another day! Hey, guys, what was our sacred quest again?"
"We're searching for the Inner Sanctum."
"Oh. I see."

"What's the Inner Sanctum?"


"Good question."