Part 3: Jerry Toraernos vs. The Tree Hugging Sewers of Twoson

Part 3: Jerry Toraernos vs. The Tree Hugging Sewers of Twoson




We grind to level 6 offscreen. Jerry learns Whiteshock Alpha (PSI Flash) and Cleanse Alpha (PSI Healing).

I can’t wait for the Beta release.

What about the Gamma or Omega release?


At an earlier level, he also learned Sleepstun Alpha (PSI Hypnosis) and Timestop Alpha (PSI Paralysis), but I didn’t catch a screenshot of it at the time. In case you haven’t noticed, this is basically Ness’s skillset from Earthbound.


Well, now that we’ve completed our child muggings/murder spree, it’s time to withdraw our blood money and prepare for the sewers.

I do find it funny that there’s an entirely separate room for the ATM. Would make missions easier if Payday 2 had that.

Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Twoson Love Theme


And by “prepare”, I actually meant stuffing a dozen or so Pumpkin Loaves down Jerry’s pants.

...I don’t even need to comment on this, you’ve made it inappro-pro enough.

Oh, and your unhealthy obsession with manhole covers isn’t appropriate either?!

Shhhhh, baby, he didn’t mean that…

I...that’s it. This conversation is over. It’s gotten too creepy for me to continue this line of thought.


At this point, I ditch the key. It’s been dead weight since the moment we’ve gotten it. The Toothbrush, on the other hand, gets sold because Jerry only needs Listerine. And the Ruler gets sold for whatever reason you can think of.

But now you can’t say you rule the school. Or fashion a toothbrush shank.

I’m sure you could fashion a ruler shank as well. Or an ATM Card Shank if you really wanted to.


I purchase a Rapier from this guy, since Jerry needs a weapon upgrade and his dinky little knife ain’t gonna cut it when it comes to the sewers. The Silent Dagger gets sold for $20.

HAH HAH, “cut” it, HAAAAAAAAAAAAH...wait, this wasn’t intentional, was it.

No, it wasn’t. I will never make a pun, and I will hurt the next person who tries to make one.

Self-harm isn’t funny.




A Monster Book is also purchased. It has no use whatsoever until you read the description:

“It’s a copy of an ancient tome, tattered and yellowed with age. The runes on the pages are undecipherable and make your head spin just reading them. However, you get a deepset feeling in the back of your head about what they’re saying:

-Nonliving foes can easily be stopped in time due to their lack of resistance.
-Living enemies are easily put to sleep, as their will is easily dominated.
-Undead enemies are susceptible to the light, and are easily blinded.

That’s all you can understand- otherwise, this script is worthless.”

So there you have it -each enemy type has their own weakness to a status effect. And Jerry, being the status tosser of the game, is important in causing these ailments.

Just keep this in mind, especially later on in the game. Status effects are damn useful, and can affect the outcome of a battle easily.

Wait, wait, I played through both Earthbound and the ROMhack WITHOUT knowing this? Oy vey.

To be fair, you only played an hour of this hack before we decided “Hey, let’s LP this thing! It’s weird and stuff!”

It was a good hour.


Anyways, it’s time to pick up a few more items before starting the madness. I enter Onett from Twoson's north side.


Yeah...Onett has seen better days.


While you’re here, avoid the shrooms. They can go from sprouting a mushroom on your head to ripping off your ass in 10 seconds if you don’t get the hell away.

To be fair, they were probably bad shrooms. Buy from my dealer next time, he coolio.


Anyways, there’s a Black Helmet in this box. Other than increasing defense by one point, it also protects the wearer from Whiteshock/PSI Flash attacks, so it’s pretty handy to have around.


Huh...let’s see what the Exit Mice have to say. Or rather, their freeloader.

Earthbound OST - Zombie Paper


: “Some people are really dedicated to seeing the solar eclipse. I know the police are crazy just keeping all the people out of our town! But really, I’m sure you’re expecting some boss fight or really powerful item. So, are you ready?”
: “Shoot.”
: “Hold your breath...No, I really don’t have anything. Stop wandering in places you don’t belong, curious adventurer!

Is that fucking Conan the Barbarian.

Eh. He was the first person I thought of when I looked at the guy’s ugly face.

: “..."
: "...What? Look man, just get the hell offa my property before I get my shotgun. We don’t serve your kind here."

He’s also a racist honky.

He’s telling the truth. There is a blockade up there that prevents you from going any further. Likewise, the tunnel to Happy Happy Village is blocked by a boulder.


As for the tunnel to Threed...well, the ghosts from Earthbound have taken to haunting it again. Since it’s near Halloween in-game, I think we can cut them a bit of slack.


Besides, I’m sure we all know who to call in case of emergencies like these.

Charlie Chan?

Who are you gonna call!? Ghostbusters!!!!!!

Close enough.


But anyways, enough screwing around. Let’s hop to it, shall we?

Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Synchronicity
Brandish: Dark Revenant Version


I like how Radiation included the narration style from the Brandish series.

Amount of references I don’t understand: 4


: “-for seedy browns and the gnarly stench of rotten water.“




: “A sickly, warm breeze like the breath of some terrible fiend wafts across your face, forming a deep pit at the bottom of your stomach.

You have a bad feeling…”

: “No! My booze money! Where is it!?"


Okay, here we go. This is actually part one of the sewers. It’s actually harder than part two, but we’ll get to that.

First, let’s beat up this hippy here and hope that Jerry won’t be viciously mauled/and/or sexually assaulted for his policing efforts.

Earthbound OST - Battle Against a Mobile Opponent


Jerry Toraernos vs. The Tree Hugging Sewers of Twoson

Daddy? Is that you?


I think you can tell who won. If you’re at level six by the time you reach the sewers, you won’t have much trouble getting through it.

Earthbound OST - Save the Miners!


I make a detour and go through here. Jerry is really gonna need that imaginary laundry bill once we’re done here.


On the next screen, I pick up a new piece of equipment for Jerry. It gets equipped on his arm and increases his defense by 5.

I’m sure Oscar is thrilled someone stole his roof.

Sesame Street. Really…? Is that the best reference you could think of…?

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME




These guys are a bit of a nuisance, especially in pairs, but it’s nothing that Jerry can’t handle.

They are pointing at their crotches. I am uncomfortable.

So we’ve went from manholes to trash cans. Lovely.




I go the opposite way, and head up for another detour.




A bit further down, I find a Combat knife. It’s utterly useless, since I have the Rapier, but I’ll hold onto it until it can be sold.

Or you can dual-wield and be unstoppable.


More walking...


A trashcan on the final screen reveals a Hawaiian pizza. It heals the entire party for 300 HP, and is probably one of the best healing items in the game.

...Still, who throws away an ENTIRE Hawaiian pizza?

Apparently these guys did.

Posers.


In all honesty, there’s not much to say about the sewers. It’s relatively straightforward, and except for two detours (The Garbagecan Lid and the Combat Knife), there aren’t any paths that split.

The same goes for part 2 of the sewers...but it’s a little different to say the least.


Anyways, here’s the end of Part 1. I save my game and head through the door. Be warned that once you go through the door, you can't go back.


Here we go.

Silence.


: “-to Foggyland...

Even though Winters lies incredibly far away, even though you’ve been coerced into destroying a monster who may not even exist…

Some forbidden force drives your legs yet forward.

Minutes, hours, days…

An unknown, boundless amount of time passes since you opened the door. Like the undead you’ve been chosen to fight, you lurch endlessly forward, as if in a trance…


: “They drip with a viscous, purple liquid which burns to the touch. The water’s hue slowly drifts from dark brown to an unfamiliar, foul-smelling red.

Suddenly, eyes are burning into you from all sides and your head is pounding with fear.

You kneel over and clutch your stomach tightly. Something is so wrong, so, so wrong.






















































































: “...”
: “...”
: “...”
: “...Oh Fuck.”