Part 19: The Demise of Machopolis
This city is filled with arts fags and music fags and just fags in generals. Let's trash the fucker!!Last time we left Rex, he was placing a timebomb on the ledge.
You carefully place the time bomb on the small ledge in front of window. You set the timer for five minutes, but get a little nervous when the timer jumps from 4:49 to 4:02. This time must be a little flaky--you should probably seek safety NOW!
I love that.
Despite like two minutes of repetitive driving animation, Rex makes it to the top of the city just in time!
Flooding (0:49) - The city is destroyed in a monsterous explosion. In a twisted irony, it is Professor Pyro's own mixture that destroys the last remnants of mankind on this planet. Slache would be so jealous. Presuming she wasn't mashed to shit by Bud.
Good to see that boat didn't get trapped underneath anything or something dumb like that.
Come to papa...
Only the top bit of that building is still above water, hopefully the vase is alright! Rex fires up the 100 year old boat that somehow actually starts. I swear, my father has a boat and 9 times out of 10 it doesn't even work, and yet this thing works.
On route to the building, however, Rex is attacked by a fearsome sea creature!
This could be trouble. This is the same beast that expressed an interest in your nutritional value at the viewport in the city. He seems to be trying to decide if you are an appetizer or an entree. You should probably act with haste.
Rex springs into action!
Rex still has a bomb from before, so it only makes sense to blow this serpent into a billion pieces, right? GUESS AGAIN!!
Wasting bomb (0:12) - Welcome to the hardest difficulty level. Rex has obviously been spending too much time in Bruce's backroom there, because he summons up the lamest throw ever seen in a video game, missing the serpent by several times the distance between them. The bomb, of course, sinks to the bottom of Machopolis never to be seen again. Oh yeh, and we need it, by the way. Perhaps that teleporter back on the ledge works or something now? I don't think so. When I did this, I had to load an old save and spend another 20 minutes doing the last few updates all over again.
Of course, throwing a bomb at a serpent is just stupid. What a dumb plan. So Rex comes up with an even better plan!!
You read it here first, folks.
I got nothing here.
Rex is so cool he has time to have a snack before blowing up Loch Ness here with his poultry bomb.
You aren't hungry enough to jam the entire chicken down your throat, so you CAREFULLY nibble on the wing a bit and save the rest for a casserole.
Yeh, Rex is such a fucking man that he would eat a bomb but he's just not hungry, you know?
Because, when you attach a chicken to the bomb you can throw it more accurately. Simple aerodynamics, man!
Chicken Bomb (0:18) - Rex throws the chicken bomb at the sea monster. You can actually hear the entire adventure game genre contracting a fatal disease as the monster blows up.
Great! Did you see that!? That monster certainly won't be bothering you any more. You wipe a lymph node from your cheek, remove a piece of tongue from your seat, and sit back down.
Oh, we saw it, Rex. We saw it alright. No idea what you're supposed to do here if you never got the chicken before now. Load your save game, I guess.
Onwards to glory!
Tune in tomorrow to see Rex finally get his grubby hands on that priceless vase!