Part 12: The Requisite Sewer Level

Hello everyone. So where were we?



Ah, right.



I normally don't like to split updates like that, but not doing so would have officially made it the longest one yet at 147 screenshots, before adding portraits and commentary. That also would have taken somewhere on the order of four or five hours to type up.



: Sparky just took a shit that looks EXACTLY like Cartman's head.
_{Kyle likes this.}

Anyway, welcome to the sewers. See the grate on the left? There are a lot of those down here. Most of them are full of random garbage.



I can't find a link to it online, but an episode of the Drew Carey Show ended with the joke. "I'm gonna go buy us a couple of Golden Globes." Apparently they're common enough in South Park to be common trash in the sewers.



The sewers have a minor gimmick. See this torrent of waste water? You can shoot the red valve just above it and it stops the flow for a short time. The yellow valve on the far side permanently turns off the flow.



Over here you can find a random generator, which seems as good a place as any to tape the "defilibrator" that Al Gore gave us. Doing so makes a rat spawn and come over to attack.



It's the exact same type of encounter we found under the bar and they die approximately as quickly.

If you continue around past the wall we can continue on.



Christmas lights? Who would live in a tiny house in the sewers and string up Christmas lights? Actually, one of the random townies has an answer to that.

: I swear I heard a voice coming up from the sewers. It said something like "Ho-dee how."

Does that sound like someone you may know?



Don't forget this little guy hanging out behind the bars we raised with that switch.

Video:

: Howwwwwwwwwdy ho!!!





: Gosh thanks for comin to visit - but here EVERY DAY is Christmas! So when I say 'Howdy Ho!' you gotta say 'Howdy ho, Mr. Hankey!' Give it a try! 'Howdy Ho!'





: Hmm, guess they let anybody down in the sewers these days.



: Who's at the door? Is that the guy with my pills?
: No, it's not anyone with pills for you, darling, okay.



: I called that motherfucker three hours ago!
: This is my lovely wife Autumn. She celebrates Christmas with vodka and muscle relaxers.
: And here every day is Christmas! Wait... where the fuck are my kids?
: What do you mean where are the kids, you were supposed to be watching them out back, Autumn!



: No! They were being watched by the baby sitter!
: THE BABY SITTER QUIT FOUR MONTHS AGO WHEN YOU THREW UP ON HER!
: DON'T YOU FUCKING YELL AT ME!
: DON'T YO- Excuse us a minute.





Their argument continues, muffled but perfectly audible.

: DON'T YOU EVER EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF A STRANGER LIKE THAT!
: YOU'RE DRUNK! YOU'RE DRUNK, AUTUMN, AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR KIDS ARE!
: FUCK YOU! THEY'RE YOUR KIDS TOO, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
: NO, FUCK YOU, AUTUMN! FUCK YOU!





: Howdy ho! Uh, listen, I gotta get my wife some help-





: Could you go look for our children? I sure would make it worth your while. There's Simon, Amber, and Cornwalis. Tell them their father wants them home right away.
: (from the house) MY BABIES! BRING ME MY BABIES- (vomits)



: YOU'RE A FUCKING TRAIN WRECK!

I really liked Mr. Hankey better when he was a sly reference to Michigan J. Frog. Oh, and for the sake of reference, here's the episode where Mr. Hankey made his debut.



Can't really blame Stan for pointedly staring at his phone.

: (muffled) YOU PUT THAT VASE DOWN!
: (muffled) PUT THAT VASE DOWN!
: (muffled) THAT'S AN EXPENSIVE VASE!





This sewer pipe discharges its disgusting liquid on set intervals. So you have to wait for it to finish and then very quickly run through. Even a second's hesitation when it finishes means you won't make it through.

Honestly, this is the worst part of the sewer. There are several grates like this, and being hit by the sewage will damage you and push you back enough to make it annoying.



: Help!
: Hey, over here mister! Please get me down! I'm cold and hungry and I stink like shit!

Being held in place by a torrent of cold, raw sewage is probably way up there on the "fuck my life" scale.



The valve on the left is the one that turns off the pipe draining onto Amber. The valve on the right turns off one of the two pipes to our right. It lets us access a treasure cache with absolutely nothing worthwhile in it.







: Thanks, mister! I wish I had a safe and warm environment in which to thrive, but I don't so I guess I'll go home.



Spot the homeless man, win a prize. That marks camp 4 of 7 dispersed.



Past the vagrant, we find another red valve. This turns the pipe into a timing puzzle as well. Also I want you guys to take a good look at this screen. Look over at the right edge of the screen. See what looks like a solid wall?



You can walk behind it. When I first played the game, I didn't realize you could walk back here for a very long time. I was especially annoyed because three sidequests have objectives back here.

Heading up first...



You can see our next hunting target in the wall. Leave some cheese on the pile and...



Look on the far left of the image, down next to the "item removed" text box. That's our next hunting target.



Here's a better look. It's a dick mouse. It lasts two whole turns.



Climbing down the ladder we can find another one of Mr. Hankey's kids and a camp of homeless guys.

: Santa Claus is on his way. Load of goodies on his sleigh. He'll dump them all on Christmas day. And I'll say "Howdy Ho!"

We beat up the homeless guys, which makes the fifth cleared camp. I also like the "shit show" sign. It's a cute touch.



: Thanks, kid! My drunkass mom sent me to get more eggnog and i got lost! See ya!

: Cool, I'm dressed up down in a sewer looking for pieces of shit.
: (I hope we can find those little shit nuggets!)
: Hope we can find those little shit nuggets!
: Hope we can find those n-nuggets!



Rescuing Cornwallis and beating up the homeless dudes gets us level 10. We're 2/3 of the way to the level cap!



GilliamYaeger asked about the broken bottle weapon in the thread. This is that weapon.



It doesn't deal a lot of raw damage, but you can throw it four times, and each hit deals one stack of bleeding and inflicts grossed out. Naturally I felt the need to attach a toothpick so now it deals two stacks of bleeding per hit.



Finally, Funnel of Frost gets even more kickass than before.



This is the ladder that prompted my rant above.



Douchebag is standing in front of a golden valve. When we turn it, it not only disables the sewage flow, but also lowers the water level.



As such. We've now got a shortcut back to Mr. Hankey and the surface. But we can also continue on now to the right.



But first, we can find a dirty toilet plunger and Mr. Twig.



I remember using this for a while on my first play-through. It's alright. Though I like my broadsword better.



The sixth camp of homeless guys is on the screen to the right. He jumps up out of the garbage when we approach.



And this marks the first opportunity to show off the broken bottle weapon. Everyone is grossed out and has at least two stacks of bleeding. The guy in the far back has four stacks of bleeding because he was hit twice.



Moving on...



Not very much on this screen worth noting. Though on the far left...



We can find Simon, the last of Mr. Hankey's missing children.

: Shoo you rat bastards!
: Help! They're after my nut!

We can kill these rats without even getting into a fight. Just run up and smack 'em. Though when we do so...



: Uh oh! You made their mama angry!



That is a lot of opponents. Though this does give me a perfect opportunity to show off the ultimate ability that mages get.



Pyre Ball.



Stan may have cleared out some of the opponents for us, but no matter.



It's a really good ability and it will only get better after we stuff a bunch of points into it.



: Thanks so much, mister! I was afraid those rats were gonna get me and I was gonna end up a floater!



In the Terrance & Phillip lunchbox nearby, we find a butane torch. It adds 50 fire damage on attack. It's kinda really good. We're also now Facebook friends with Simon, Amber, and Cornwallis.



This switch briefly opens up the grate on the far end of the platform. The sewer pipe in front of us is also timed, so you're going to lose some time waiting for the liquid sewage flow to end. The timer is pretty strict, but as long as you move quickly you can make it.



The timed grate hole pops us out on the left of where we climbed up into this room. The switch opens a shortcut back. The exit we're looking for, though, is on the far right.



It deposits us out down here, next to the final homeless camp to disperse.



See?



Throw this switch and we have a shortcut back to Mr. Hankey. Turn the valve in the back and it turns off the sewer pipe. See what I meant about the sewer level being really short?



Anyway, we've rescued all three of Mr. Hankey's kids. So let's go talk to him.



: Howdy ho! Thanks for finding my kids! Thank the nice man, nuggets!
: Thank you!
: Anytime you need my help, you just call on me and I'll be there as sure as a shit on a Sunday! Howwwwdy Ho!





: Except against bosses, of course. I might have shit for brains, but I'm not stupid. And I can't help you more than once per day. Just like I can't help anyone who won't help themselves with rehab.



Mr. and Mrs. Hankey add us on Facebook. Let's just move on.





Do you guys hear something? It sounds like rhythmic chanting. Let's climb down and see if we can hear it better.



But first, there's a backpack with these inside.



: Crab people, crab people, tastes like crab, talk like people.

Crab people?

Riiiight. Well he's pretty isolated back there, so we're perfectly safe for now.



We get ambushed by bats at some point. There is absolutely nothing noteworthy about them because they're really weak.



Guinea pig costume?



Oh my god that is adorable.



Anyway, it's here that I get tired of using the broken bottle and switch back to the recurve bow. Though I also make some modifications.



I think they're ultimately for the better.



Also more cosmetic stuff. The exoskeleton patch adds 15 armor to any suit of armor. It's pretty good if you like armor. Armor.



Finally this is on the far right side of the cave. This is yet another place we can hunt an animal for Jimbo.



In my haste to get the drop on the bat, it got the drop on me.



This is one of the only attacks it got off. Being able to heal for a quarter of its health would be a bigger deal, except we can deal so much more than that in a single turn.



And now that we're level 10, Stan has access to his ultimate ability - Way of the Sword.



It only hits one target, but that doesn't matter at all. It's still really good.





Looks like he sets enemies on fire with his awesome swordplay.



This is the other attack the Fruit Bat got off. The defense down didn't matter at all because I killed the bat before it could attack again.



I'm tired of the sewers. Let's get out of here.



Much better. See you guys next time when we make a massive mistake.