Part 16: Somehow that Green Goo Makes Hallway Monitors Even Lamer!

Hello everyone! Sheesh, it's a while. Let's just hop right back into the swing of things, shall we?



As I recall, last time we were about to recruit the goth kids for the Drow Elves. So let's see just what Kyle wants us to do.



: A Twitter raven has told me of your success in recruiting another faction. Simply call them here, and your dedication to the Drow Elves will be complete! Climb up into the treehouse and summon your allies.

Video:







A quick fade cut later...



: New Kid, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I hereby make you a member of the DROW ELVES OF THE FOREST!





: New Kid, you have our friendship. I hereby level you up to the rank of: Commander!





This RPG game is a boys only affair. The girls all have their own thing elsewhere. With that said, that boy wearing the purple and pink, with the flowers in his hair looks awfully feminine. This is just something I notice every time I see him in the screenshots.

: (running up) My lord! My lord! We know where the humans are hiding the Stick!
: What? Really?!
: We just intercepted their messages on Twitter!



: Ah! Y-you shot down their message raven!
: Right, right, we shot down their raven -- and the evil Wizard King has hidden the Stick inside his desk at school!



: Aw, dude, of course! Cartman hid it in his desk! DROW ELVES OF THE FOREST! WE KNOW WHERE THE HUMANS ARE HIDING THE STICK! I knew Cartman was cheating! WE SHALL MARCH ON THE SCHOOL AND MAKE THE HALLWAYS DRIP WITH THEIR BLOOD!
ALL: Huzzah!







: Defenders of freedom! We thank you for your courage in joining our fight! Tonight, we are no longer elves or goths! Tonight, we fight as one!



: I feel like SUCH a homo sapien right now.



: (from upper window of school) THE ELVES ARE HERE!
: (blows horn)
: They have blown their war horn! Blow ours, Stan!



: Kay. (blows horn)
: Elves! Flank left! Goth kids! Prepare to attack from behind!



: The front's barricaded! Commander Douchebag, see if you can get in through the side entrance and take out their defenses from behind!
: The loading docks, Commander Douchebag! Hurry!
: There's a door to the cafeteria in the loading docks. Try that.

: Douchebag, you're no good to us just standing around here.
: C'mon! Double time it.

: (if you try to leave) I've got no room for cowards in my army, Douchebag. Deserters will be shot -- in the balls!

: The humans are finished!

: (attacking front door) Kill the humans!
: (attacking front door) Death to humans!
: (attacking front door) Give em hell, New Kid!
: (attacking front door) The Drow will not be defeated!
: (attacking front door) We dine on human flesh tonight!

Welcome to the end of Day 2. I hope you did everything you wanted to before you reached this point. For the next hour or so, you're locked into this. Oh, and Kyle added us on Facebook.



I grab the next upgrade for Pyre Ball as well. Just two more levels to go until the level cap!

: Okay, everybody, new rule: no more battles inside City Wok. Mr. Kim complained to our parents and two rangers got grounded.



The Goth kids beat up a bunch of KKK soldiers and are now hanging out just like they always do. Great... job?

: We kicked all their asses and cleared the way for you. Have at it hobbit.
: Isn't there a battle to wage?

: I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds.

: We cleared the way to the door. You do the rest.
: I'm done adventuring for now, Bilbo.

: Go kick their ass Sir Douche-a-lot.
: I did my job. I'm gonna sit here and smoke.



We need a buddy here. Let's see if Stan can help us out.

: (if you try to command him) Think you need a bard here.
: (if you try to command him) Yeah, maybe someone else could help you with that.

The handicap bit is supposed to clue you in. This is one of two places in the game you can use Jimmy's buddy command.



: (opening accessible entrance door) Open s-sesame!



: Attention Elf King. The building has been fortified, and the armies of Christ shall never surrender. You will all die in this place.

The cafeteria has definitely seen better days. The first thing that stands out to me is the obvious Chinpokomon in the oven.



So let's turn it on and blow it up.



Cup-a-Spell is such a useful ability.



The game also equipped us with a fire wand. It's alright, though I prefer the Manbearpig Claw for raw ass kicking.



It wasn't until I was going through these screenshots to post this update that I realized just how freaking dark this part of the game is.

: Wow, what a mess. The humans went nuts in here.
: Wow, what a mess. Those humans went crazy apples in here.

Over behind the lunch line is a cabinet we can raid.





: (when you get CHEF'S PO BOX KEY) Chef's in a better place now. I'm glad he can rest in peace.
: (when you get CHEF'S PO BOX KEY) Have you ever heard my impression of Chef? Well hello there children! Hello children! Wow, what a fantastic companion.



The skewer item is a weapon attachment. It causes attacks to ignore up to 60 damage. It sounds nice, but we're firmly in the part of the game were even random trash enemies have hundreds of points of armor. This is going to quickly lose usefulness.



: The walls are too strong! We've lost hundreds of men already!
: Don't throw your life away.

: why doesn't this game have real murder? this game sucks

Over on the right side of the screen is a "dead" elf we can loot. He has an item you want to grab.



It's going to come up a bunch of times over the next two updates, but everything you can get in here should be considered permanently missable! You will not be able to return after this story section.

The basketball is a fairly decent weapon. It's one of those "randomly bounces around to various enemies" weapons. Put a damage over time effect on it and have some fun with trash encounters. I still prefer bows or darts, though.



This KKK Soldier has a fire hose, and walking past where Douchebag is will cause him to fire at you. So we need to sneak around.

: For Zaron!
: KUPA KEEP!
: No prisoners!
: Beg for mercy!
: You're going down!
: I killed your friends!
: End of the line, fucker!
: You are fucking dead!
: Prepare to die, New Kid!
: That's hot lava, you're dying right now.
: Tear off their ears for trophies!
: You're not getting past me!



: Holy shit, you got him! Let's go!
: You fried that motherfu- that mother fu-u-u-... fucker.



: (when you shoot the pipe) Shit, we lost pressure on the hose!
: Give up! We fortified this shit!

: (when he's the only one left) Uh oh.
: (when he's the only one left) Oh shit.
: (when he's the only one left) Ah, fuck me.
: (when he's the only one left) Well, this sucks.
: (when he's the only one left) I don't wanna die!
: (when he's the only one left) Oh, this is not good.
: (when he's the only one left) Don't kill me, dude.
: (when he's the only one left) Dude, just take my lunch money.

: (when you knock out the last kid) That's cold, dude.
: (when you knock out the last kid) You really put that situation on ice.

: (when you take him out with magic) Spell cupper!

: (when you explode the barrier with magic) Wow, you've really got the touch.
: (when you explode the barrier with magic) What amazing showmanship!



You can beam up into this section of the duct. If you attack the grate from the inside, it falls out and on top of one of the two remaining KKK Soldiers.



The last remaining guy isn't very threatening by himself.



And when you beat him, you get a piece of armor. The Necromancer set gives you damage bonuses against zombies.



Anyway, past the cafeteria we find some familiar ground. The back hallway is closed off for good reason, so we have to stick to the front.



There's a fan here. It's protecting the torch in the foreground. If you try to throw a fart at it, the fan blows the fart back at you.

: (if you use magic on the fan) [coughs] The fan just blew it back in our faces!
: (if you use magic on the fan) [coughs] Talk about backfiring, that fan is going to be a problem.

Luckily you can short out the fan by just hitting the sprinkler.

: Now magic will work!



: Douchebag! It's me, Paladin Butters! Your friend! Don't be on Kyle's team. He may have cooler people on his side, a-and a better base... and sometimes they have pinata parties... I- I well I should probably just stop talkin'.

Now that we have the ass probe, we can beam up into the duct.



: (as rat approaches) Holy crap, that thing's huge!
: (as rat approaches) If I'd only brought my f-fire, I could have made that rat dance for us.



: You got him!
: You got him!

There are items over on the left side of the duct, but they're just patches I'll never use. If I remember right, one boosts frost damage, and the other gives PP regeneration per turn.



Shooting this suspension wire will cause the light to drop.



That poor kid.



The door to the lobby is blocked off, so we have to go through the basement.

Video:



: Stay back you guys! Something is seriously wrong with the hallway monitors!
: Help... please...
: Dude, that's Gary Nelson! (runs over to him)
: Be careful, he can still bust us for not having hall passes!



: We came to school the morning after the earthquake to report for duty. (coughs up green liquid) We didn't know school had been cancelled. (coughs) We heard a sound from down here, found this... green goo, it was everywhere. It... changed the other hallway monitors. (coughs)
: Well it kind of serves you right for being a p-p-patsy ass hallway monitor in the first place.



: (standing up, quaking) Something in the goo... it... it...





: [Speaking German]



: AAGHGH! Somehow that green goo makes hallway monitors even lamer! (he runs away up the stairs)



: These guys don't look so good.
: Wow, what happened to these guys?



The game plays the boss fight music here. This is barely a trash fight in terms of difficulty. These guys are the same hallway monitors we fought back on the first day, just with a couple nazi zombie moves. Apparently "Schnell" in German means "backup requested."



As a reward for beating up nazi zombie ginger hallway monitors, we got a holy weapon.



I'll show this off in the future. It's pretty decent if you want to both deal holy damage and debuff your enemy's defenses.



: RAARGH! Schnell!
: That doesn't sound good.
: It might just be Nazis. We don't know that they're Nazi zombies yet.

: Look at all that green, gooey stuff.
: Huh. What is all that green stuff?

: Don't touch that green stuff!

There's an awful lot of green goo down here. Anyway, we're first gonna climb up on the ledge.



: (if you try to command him) Maybe someone with some water can help.
: (if you try to command him) A bard is the best choice for any situation. Except for this one.
: (if you command him) Sparky! Here boy! (whistles)













I would have made a gif, but I'm pretty sure that making a gif of a cartoon dog peeing on a nazi zombie in order to electrocute him is kind of fucked up.



Anyway, we can enter the duct up here and take out the other two zombies in the room without having to dirty our hands further. The first is taken out by the grate falling, and the second is destroyed because we farted on a burning fuse box.

I also just had a moment where I realized exactly what it was that I typed up above. This game has some absurd scenarios.

: Those guys are, like, European or something.
: What the heck is up with those guys?



One of the zombies we beat had the Necromancer robes on its corpse.



This boiler room isn't on the critical path, but we need to go in all the same.



I'm not sure I want to know why the school has cultures from each of the main boys. Nor do I want to know why Kenny's is both unlabeled and overgrown.

Video:



This is an optional boss fight. It's also one of the things that Jimbo asked us to hunt. The video shows off fighting it.



It also has a metric fuckton of health. This is more health than either of the bosses ahead have. The green cross over its health bar means that it has innate regeneration.



One of its abilities is Mutant Drain. This does what you might think.



Though healing for 437 damage isn't a lot. Bear in mind this was also blocked.



The boss heals a flat 10% of its maximum HP per turn. The damage over time effects currently just barely outpace the healing.



Mutant Cell Shot fires random bits of biology at one person. They kinda hurt?



The boss is also completely immune to gross and magic damage.



It, however, is not immune to being nuked out of existence.



Anyway, we emerge out of the basement on the far side of the school. There's some random trash to gather here, but nothing of real importance.

: Douchebag, if you're listening, I know you've been tricked. But I forgive you. Join me again and together we will rule the land as master and slave.



: They're here, get ready!
: Hey Douchebag, how'd you like some flaming dog turds?

: (firing) Fire!
: (firing) Look out below!
: (firing) I've got you now, Douchebag!
: (firing) I hope I don't hit my own team.
: (firing) This one's got your name on it!
: (firing) These bags are stinky. I wonder what's in em.

: Take cover!
: You suck, Butters.
: You'll regret this Butters!
: You humans are worthless, Butters!

: Fuck you Butters!
: W-we gotta m-move!
: You wanna p-piece of me?!
: Fuck you, Butters, you're a worthless human!
: You think you're tough, Butters? Well you're not. You're Butters.



: You can't hide, Douchebag!
: Hey, if we stand by that barricade he might miss.
: What we need is some collateral damage. Let's get close to the b-b-barricade.



: There he is!
: I got plenty of dog poo, Douchebag!



: (when you break the second barrier) Oh, hamburgers!
: Nice work, dude!
: That was a sm-smashing success!



We fought all the guys inside the barricade. They didn't win.

: Oh no! The lobby has fallen!



: Good work! Douchebag, man the catapult and let our guys in the front door. Everyone, fall in!
: (idle) Seriously, Douchebag, get your ass on the catapult!



: Use your magic to open the front door!



: YES! Okay, now through the main door, before they can regroup!



: You take point. We'll rally behind you.
: This is probably the most exciting thing I've ever done.

: (idle) Let's go, Douchebag. We have to get the Stick of Truth!
: (idle) Let's go, Douchebag! We have to get the Stick of Truth!

That's all for now! Next time we take down the Grand Wizard of the KKK, Eric Cartman.