Part 33: BONUS - Extra Dialogue 1

Hello everyone. This is the real last update for South Park: The Stick of Truth. I know you're all torn up about this turn of events. Anyway, this is just going to be a bunch of dialogue and recycled images. So shall we get started?

These first sets are just generic townie dialogue. If you're familiar with the concept of "barking" in terms of video games, that's just what this is. (Barking, if you're unfamiliar, is just something a NPC says when you get close to them. The most infamous example being from Skyrim and "I used to be an adventurer like you until I took an arrow to the knee.")

Some of the dialogue all through this update is going to be repeats of stuff I showed off in the course of the main LP. Just bear with me past all of that.

: Goddamn kids.
: Is that your nose?
: What's wrong with your nose?
: You will never get laid looking like that, kid.
: I used to be sad, but then I found Jesus at the church.
: Hey, Big Nose. You should consider having some work done.
: For the life of me I can't explain how I keep losing all my underpants!
: Some mornings I wake up with a sore asshole. I must be sleeping on it funny.
: Stay out of the Lost Forest. Sure it's got treasure, but they say there's no way out.
: Have you accepted Christ into your heart? The South Park church is two blocks that way...
: I saw two rats running around last time I was at Skeeter's Bar. I'll probably still eat there.
: (DAY 2) A Taco Bell! Can you believe it?!
: (DAY 2) All I did was ask the guard about gorditas and he put me in a chokehold, jeez!
: (DAY 2) Biggest damn Taco Bell I've ever seen. Makes the Applebee's look like a pile of dog shit.
: (AFTER RAT QUEST) Skeeter really cleaned up that bar of his. Next thing you know there'll be soap in the bathroom.
: (DAY 3) Hello, New Kid.
: (DAY 3) Send 'em back to Germany, I say.
: (DAY 3) I like a kid who lets his actions speak for him.
: (DAY 3) I wish MY kid was as friendly as you.

: Lovely weather.
: Excuse me.
: Where are your parents?
: Ugh, will this snow ever melt?
: The best way to get to Canada is North.
: I heard City Wok is serving Mongolian food now.
: I always see these strange emo children smoking next to the school.
: If you ever want some work done on your nose, see Dr. Tom. He's the best.
: If you're every traveling, Photo Dojo has a great deal on passport photos.
: I swear I heard a voice coming up from the sewers. It said something like "Ho-dee how."
: I LOVE my Wolf Security System. I refuse to be the victim of a white burglar. Or a white serial killer.
: I know you aren't supposed to give money to panhandlers, but this vice president kept accosting me and I felt so bad for him.
: (after RHINOPLASTY) Nice nose.
: (DAY 2) I can't decide what taco I should order first. Maybe I'll get em all!
: (AFTER CLINIC QUEST) Looks like Unplanned Parenthood got bombed again. You believe that?!
: (DAY 3) Go get 'em, New Kid.
: (DAY 3) You're the New Kid I've been hearing about.
: (DAY 3) Are you the kid who's making all those friends?

: You're weird.
: Don't talk to me.
: Can you keep a secret? Neither can I.
: Craig's so hot. Like he just doesn't give a fuck.
: I hope you're not playing that dumb game with everyone.
: (DAY 2) I heard some kids trashed the school last night.
: (after goth quest) Is it true you made an alliance with the goth kids?
: (DAY 3) Text me sometime.
: (DAY 3) We should hang out!
: (DAY 3) My friend has a crush on you.
: (DAY 3) Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod, you are SO cute!

: Who the fuck are you?
: Sorry, I've already got friends.
: You're kinda creeping me out, dude.
: There's some weirdo hanging out at the public storage. I'm not going back there.
: There's a rumor the girls have a secret base, but I've never seen it.
: (DAY 2) School's cancelled. Taco Bell rules!
: (DAY 3) Hey, what's up?
: (DAY 3) Stay gold, New Kid.
: (DAY 3) Hey, you're that popular kid.
: (DAY 3) Hey man, I'm having a thing later if you wanna come.

The rest of the update is going to show an image from the LP of a location. All the dialogue reflects things said in and around that location.



: There's this cool old dude who sells clothes on the other side of town.
: Enjoy your popularity and one point nine children and your 401k, conformist.
: Find your own pit of despair. God!
: I see only death and decay. You are a rotting corpse to me.
: We are all dying from the moment we are born.
: Oh please. What goth kid walks around in THOSE clothes?
: We don't hang with conformists, go get the stuff to look like we do.
: Go conform somewhere else, kid.

When you start goth quest.

: You're not goth! Where are your cigarettes?! Fuck off!
: If you're looking for smokes, the sixth graders are always hanging up near Jimbo's Guns.

After you have both cigarettes and goth clothes.

: You think that's all it means to be goth?! You don't even have coffee!

After you recruit the goths.

: Isn't it great to finally know how much everything sucks?
: I'll show you how to eat people's souls if you want.
: Make yourself at home. You're safe here.
: We're gonna go to the graveyard later and dwell on our own mortality if you wanna come.



: Butters got a horrible snuggie over there.
: This is where the fifth graders gave Butters a brutal snuggie.
: This is where the fifth graders gave Butters that brutal snuggie.
: One time I got the worst snuggie behind that building over there, it sucked.



: You can't expect me to pat you on the back just because you've made a few friends. As soon as you have a LOT of friends, then I'll be proud.
: You're really gonna go outside with that hair?
: So you realize that your hair looks like that?
: C'mon, son. Get out there. Make friends.
: Hmm. You're not as ugly as I remember.
: Son, I'll give you twenty dollars if you talk right now.
: Go play with your new friends today. (DAD friends you)

The script claims that Dad won't friend you on Facebook until after the main quest. It actually takes somewhere between 40 and 50 friends. I don't remember if I ever showed that off or not, so here it is.

: Oh, look, you've made friends! I'll be your friend too, sweetie. It'll make you look popular. (MOM friends you)
: Go look around the neighborhood.
: Go on outside, sweetie.
: Watch out for strangers.
: I hope your new friends are well behaved.



: I love how you have customized your room experience.
: Nice goldfish. I had to get rid of mine after it killed a bunch of people.
: Wow, these decorations really reflect your personality.
: Man, this room is like as big as Kenny's whole house. So, pretty small.



: (Day 2) Never cared for tacos. I prefer snails. Do you prefer tacos, or snails?



: Welcome to MY room!
: (passing his hamsters) Those are my minions. They help me punish society.
: So this is where Butters hangs out all those weeks and weeks he's grounded.
: Usually, we can't come in here because Butters is grounded.
: I used to have a room like this. Back in kindergarten.
: So this is where Butters spends all his groundings.



: That goo helps you stay hydrated.



: You kids be careful, now!
: I've had my problems raising Eric, but somehow he always forgives me.
: My Eric certainly has a lot of little playmates. He's such a friendly boy.
: I made some powdered donut pancake surprise if you boys get hungry later!



: Dude, how jealous are you right now?
: (passing his bed) I see the Grand Wizard still employs the services of Chancellor Prissypants.
: (This is the King's bedroom. Hehe, l-listen, watch this (giggling) HNNNGH... (laughing))
: Uhh, this is the King's room. I don't think we're supposed to be in here. What exactly are you looking for?
: (if you aren't with Cartman) ...



: Look but don't touch, brah.
: It's like all of Cartman's bullshit, all in one place.
: It's like all of Cartman's bullshit, all in one place.
: Wow, Eric has a lot of cool stuff!
: Wow, it's like all of Cartman's bullshit, all in one place.



: I don't know what made me think of it, but I'd love a bucket of chicken right now.
: This is where Cartman does magic. Smells like the wizard is brewing some potion in here. Some wizard's stew. Huh, looks like he forgot to flush that stew.



: That's my mom's stash. Pretty weak.
: Cartman's mom has a crack problem.
: I-I don't know if you know, but Cartman's mom smokes crack.
: (Cartman's mom smokes crack.)
: This is where the magic happens. Last week Cartman's mom was here with a few men having a whole lot of magic. She was doin' hand magic and butt magic...
: Cartman's mom has a- has a bit of a c-crack problem.



: At first I didn't want to join the KKK at all, but the Grand Wizard made some really good points.
: Can't talk! Need to practice! AAAAGH!

After Kyle's power point presentation...

: I'm staying back here to guard the base.
: How may I be of service?
: (store opens) Here's what we're selling today.

After the main quest is over...

: I feel so relieved now that yesterday's over. AGH! WHAT IF TODAY IS WORSE?!
: That's cool you're a king now. Not a WIZARD King like me. But it's still cool.
: (if you hit his chicken) Don't touch my chicken!
: Princess Kenny said it was all just PMS, but I'm not so sure.
: You need my services, Sir Douchebag?
: What, you-- you want me to fight with you?! OKAY! This paladin is ready to kick some ass!
: Everything's back the way it was. Almost like it never happened.



: So, this is my room.
: (taking his underwear) Okaaay...
: (taking Stan's underwear) Not gonna ask. Don't wanna know.
: (taking Stan's underwear) Thaaaaat's not creepy.
: (taking Stan's underwear) I'm sure he'd GIVE you his underwear if you just asked.
: I'm never coming out!



: (taking RANDY'S underwear) Dude.
: (taking RANDY'S underwear) Dude.
: (taking RANDY'S underwear) Dude.
: (taking RANDY'S underwear) Dude.
: (taking RANDY'S underwear) Dude.



: This is our bathroom. My dad set a world record on that toilet.
: Stan's dad takes big shits.
: Stan's dad takes really big shits.
: (Stan's dad takes big shits.)
: Stan's dad takes- t-takes big shits.
: Stan's dad takes really big shits.



: Welcome to the neighborhood!
: Hey, if you ever wanna sue anybody, you can come to me first okay?
: You ever wonder what it'd be like to be a dolphin? Just... doing flips, eating fish, not a care in the world?
: (DAY 2) Have you seen the new Taco Bell yet? Incredible!



: This is the royal bed and computer chamber.
: (passing his desk) That's Wilzyx. He's back on the moon with his family now.
: (taking his underwear) Uh, I guess that's cool.
: (taking KYLE'S underwear) Uh, I guess that's cool?
: (taking KYLE'S underwear) Uh, not cool, dude.
: (taking KYLE'S underwear) Uh okay, I guess that's cool.
: (taking KYLE'S underwear) Um, okay.



: Booo-ring.



: That's Kyle's mom. She's a fairly large bitch.



: They painted the kitchen this color because Kyle's family really likes gold for some reason.



: The Well of Insight says your future is cloudy. Oh wait, that's bird crap.
: We elves craft the finest shit in the land. (Shop opens)

After Kyle's power point presentation...

: (if you side with the KKK) Oh goodie, it's Cartman's little Nazi buddy! How are you and your fat BFF getting along?
: You still got more friends to make. Good luck.
: Did you get the girls to agree? Speak with one of the Kings.
: Need my help with anything?
: Perhaps you would like the services of a level 10 bard? There w-was a f-fair maiden from S-S-Stonebury Ha-holloww...
: Perhaps you would like the services of a level 10 bard? I am a m-master in the art of songs and jokes. There w-was a f-fair maiden from S-S-Stonebury Ha-holloww... I'm your hu-huckleberry.
: I guess this means we're friends for now but I still don't like you, New Kid.
: You need my services, Commander Douchebag?
: (if you joined the elves) Don't talk to me, talk to Kyle, he's your BFF remember?
: You've got to find the girls Commander D... you can do this!
: Man this place is super crappy.
: It's like a goddamn hippie commune around here...
: Kyle's castle is so ghetto.
: (I am the fairest princess on this EARTH!)
: (I think that I could REALLY use your service!)
: (if you sided with the humans) You've got a lot of nerve playing in this tree house, traitor.

After the main quest is over...

: You did well, King Douchebag. That was definitely in the top ten worst things we've ever faced.
: The war may be over for now, but I know Wizard Fucking Fatass is plotting something.



: As you can see, Princess Kenny's father seems to have spent the royal fortune on light beer and unfiltered cigarettes.
: Oh hey, you're the new kid! My sister the Princess texted me about you. She thinks you're cute.
: My sister Kenny doesn't need protecting, but watch out for her anyway.



: Sorry to hear about the renters. Usually they're real fun and energetic.
: If you see Kenny tell him to pick up some dinner on his way home. Not them fancy Toaster Strudels though, just regular Pop Tarts.
: (if you're with Kenny) You be careful with that dress, Kenny. That's real cheesecloth.



: And this is the royal stables.



: Jesus, poor people bum me out.
: Wow, the Princess reads a LOT of porn!



: I got beat up one time over there by that tree.



: This is where Jimmy gave me that noogie one time.
: I remember once I gave Butters a noogie over there.




: You know you can die from a titty twister?
: I saw Butters get the worst titty twister here once.
: I saw Butters get the worst titty twister around here.



: Kind of smells.
: We should visit Mr. Hankey while we're here.
: Something stinks like shit.
: Mphhph mph, mhphphpphm.
: Something smells like strong magic down here.
: A sewer level! Now we're really in a roleplaying game.



This dialogue is only for when you're looking for the Hankey children.

: Great, I'm dressed up in a sewer looking for poo.
: Uh, hey you - I think you stepped in some poo.
: Smells like farts around here.
: Mph, mphphphm.
: I'm getting hungry down here...
: Smells like farts.



: We have to find those poor, defenseless little shit nuggets!
: Cool, I'm dressed up down in a sewer looking for pieces of shit.
: (I hope we can find those little shit nuggets!)
: Hope we can find those little shit nuggets!
: Hope we can find those n-nuggets!



: Douchebag, you are a good man for helping the Hankeys.
: This is like finding a dingleberry in a sewer system.
: (This is like finding a dingleberry in a sewer system.
: This is like finding a dingleberry in a sewer system.



: What's all this green goo?
: This green stuff looks a bit threatening.



: To be honest, I really hadn't even noticed you had a nose.
: To be honest I hadn't really even noticed you had a nose.
: Mphphphhmphmhpmhpmphphm.
: I don't know, I think you have a NICE nose. I would worry more about your hair if I was you.
: I'm thinking about getting some work done myself. When you're in the biz, you pretty much have to.

: Oh hello, are you interested in some rhinoplasty? Here's a brochure with all of Dr. Tom's rates.
: Back again, I see. Let me show you our brochure.
: (after you buy something) I'll add you to our email list. Sometimes we do two-for-one specials.
: (when you buy a procedure) Oh, yes, that would look great on you! Alright, go on through. Door to your right!
: Oh go on through the door to the right. Doctor Tom will get you all fixed up.

: Hi, I'm Doctor Tom. Understand you're wanting some work done. Just have a seat right here. Alright, just relax this won't hurt a bit. Until I start, at which point it will hurt immensely. Here we go! (cracking, drilling, sawing noises)
: (when you exit) Oh, that looks nice. Big improvement. Come back if you ever need any more work done.
: Did you have some work done?
: Nice nose, dude.
: Did you get a haircut or something? You look different.
: Gee, I wish I could get some rhinoplasty too.
: If you don't mind me saying, your nose is d-d-delightful.



: I gave Butters a sweet swirlie one time in that bathroom.
: Cartman gave me a swirlie in that public bathroom over there one time.



: My pirating days are behind me now, thankfully.
: Playing pirate is better than BEING a pirate. Who wants to live in stinky old Somalia anyway?
: Ahoy, Maplebeard!
: Ahoy, Maplebeard!
: A-ahoy, Maplebeard!
: Avast there, matey! None shall pass!
: I am a pirate king!



: Some kids gave me the worst pink belly over there one time.



There is a whole list of what the Mongolian kids will say, but the script just has best guesses at it. Just imagine a picture of a Mongolian kid and 18 separate instances of (Speaking Mongolian.)



: Ohh, nice, a door puzzle.
: Oh boy, a door puzzle!
: (unenthused) Oh, cool, a door puzzle.
: (Oh cool, a door puzzle.)
: Oh boy, a door puzzle!
: Oh boy, a nifty door puzzle!



: I gave Butters the best wet willie over there one time.
: Stan, one time, gave me the grossest wet willie right here.



: Oh man, I remember getting beat up right over there!



: Hey I just got a text from Jimmy. He says he'd love to check this place out.
: Something about this place reminds me of Jimmy.
: Mphphm mphphm!
: You should bring Jimmy here. I think he'd like it!



: I'm following YOU here. I hope you weren't following me.
: I think we should go that way.

: Haven't we been here before?
: I think we should go that way.

: Maybe we should just stay put and wait for someone to rescue us.
: I-I think we should probably go that way.

: I think we should go that way.

: (Haven't we already been here before?)
: (I think we should go that way.)

: I think we should go that way.
: I know exactly where we are. We're at the-the-the-th-- we're at the-th-- no actually I don't have any idea where we are.



: Uh, lemme call you back, Larry. What in the name of Oh Henry is an American doing in my office? Who let this kid in?!

Next up we have the various lines that the companions will shout during battle.



STARTING FIGHT
: Hey fellas.
: Holy frijoles!
: Can't you take a joke?
: Looks like we're being heckled.
: Your pain will be music to my ears.
: You're messin' with a Crip now, fool.
: We really know how to draw a crowd.
: This will be my g-greatest performance!
: How's everybody doing tonight? Good?
: I am just a humble bard. Surely my music is no match for a hero like you.

IDLE
: Don't forget to tip your serving wench.
: Do you like the taste of salted pork rump in your m-mouth?
: All the world's a stage and it's time you got the h-hook.
: I just took a galley from across the sea and boy are my arms tired.
: So apparently the plague is going around. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Yeah, I hear it's spread by rats and the Wizard King's m-m-mom.

INJURED
: [Labored breathing]
: This could be my swan song.
: I may die, but my jokes will be immortal.
: Don't let another great artist die young.
: Soon I'll be writing harp jingles for the a-angels.

POWER CHORD
: And now for my next trick. (plays his lute)
: Watch and be amazed. (plays his lute)

ATTACKING
(BROWN NOTE)
: Behold, the relaxing power of music.
: And now a sour note for a sour stomach.
: This next piece really resonates with people.
: You seem uptight. I've got just the thing.
: Here's a little ditty that'll make your pants shitty.
: (after attack) Set em up and kn-knock 'em down.
: (after attack) Wow, what a terrific target.

BLOCKING
: Phew!
: Surely you jest.
: I mean come on...
: Got any NEW material?
: Gotta have a thick skin in my line of work.
: It's all in the ti-t-timing.
: It's all in the t--t-time... It's all in the ti-ti... It's all in the timin... Time... Timing!

BEING HIT
: Knave!
: Yowza!
: Oh yeah?
: That smarts!
: Swine shagger!
: That all you got?
: That all you g-got?
: You s-swine shagger!
: Oh you dirty w-wench!
: A pox on your nuts!
: You want a p-piece of this?
: A p- a p- a p-p-pox on thee!

DYING
: You've... been... terrific...
: Everyone's a... c-critic...
: Oh... y-y-wow... Y-you've been... t-terrific!

VICTORY
: Hu-Huzzah!
: Another feather in my cap.
: Thanks for coming out tonight!
: Did somebody say "Encore"?
: Thank you! I'll be here all fortnight!
: The lute is mightier than the sword.
: This'll make a great verse in my heroic poem.



STARTING FIGHT
: To victory!
: Oh HELL no.
: Battle stations!
: Come at me, brah.
: Fucking weak, dude.
: You shall not pass m'hya!
: Respect my kingly authoritah.
: You want to throw down, dawg? I'll throw down.
: You come to try and stop me? It isn't gonna work.
: Screw you guys I'm beating the shit out of you.
: Dude, seriously, I think we've fought enough guys already.
: This looks like a job for the Grand Wizard and his trusty sidekick.

IDLE
: Skip.
: Not cool, dude.
: Dude, what are you doing?
: Dude, do you have any snacks?
: Just pick something already.
: I'll make you eat your parents.
: You know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? Jewbs.
: Never send a Jew elf to do a Wizard King's job.
: I could go for some fried chicken skins right now.
: If only Polly Prissy Pants could see me now.
: Douchebag, the whole world doesn't revolve around you, all right? Try to be more considerate.
:...and that's when I realized what I thought was a three-headed harpy gorgon was really Kyle's mom.
: Seriously, how sweet would it be if I had a spell that would make Kyle suck my balls? Could you imagine?
: This one time, when I didn't like a kid... I ground his parents up into chili and fed it to him.

INJURED
: Protect your king!
: [labored breathing]
: Help me, Douchebag.
: Protect me, noob!
: Need... Cheesy... Poofs...
: Seriously, I might die.
: This is killing me. The human body was not meant to move quickly like this.

MAGIC MISSILE
: Magic missile!
: Lightning bolt!

ATTACKING
: Asshole!
: Who wants some?
: Going down, brah.
: Oh it's on, bitch!
: I will kick your ass!
: Kiss my balls asshole!
: Take that you little bitch!
: I will kill you where you stand.
: Standing right here, let's go, bitch!
: Well now you're gonna get it motherfucker!
: Looks like you're about to get pwned.
: You're fucking with the wrong wizard, asshole!
: You want some of this? (cackles after attacking)
: (laughs after attacking)
: I'm gonna do something super killer.

WHEN YOU KNOCK SOMEONE OUT
: (chortling)
: So fucking awesome.
: Ah-ha! No, dude! No fucking way!

BLOCKING
: Weak.
: What?!
: Uh huh.
: Ho-hoo!
: You got pwned!
: GODDAMMIT NO!
: That's right, bitch!
: Psh, whatever, dude.
: Have to do better than that.

BEING HIT
: (whining) Nyeeehh
: Bitch!
: Ow, ow!
: ABRUBRU
: Mooom!
: Asshole!
: Quit it!
: Goddammit!
: I HATE YOU!
: Didn't hurt!
: Lucky shot.
: Hey, no fair!
: Motherfucker!
: Oh no you didn't!
: Oh I'll get you back.
: You think that's fucking funny?
: You think this is funny, you son of a bitch?
: That's how you want it, bitch? Fine!

WHEN YOU DIE
: Ah, ahhh!
: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
: Ah, son of a bitch!
: Oh god dammit, you better be kidding.
: What can I do?! How-how can I reverse this?!

DYING
: Seriously?
: Weeeeaaak....
: Screw... you... guys...
: Remember my... compassion...
: Not... cool, you guys...
: Tell Kyle... to.. suck my balls...

VICTORY
: Kick ass.
: Awesome!
: Fuck yeah!
: I. Am. GOD!
: Get the FUDGE out!
: All in a day's work.
: See New Kid, that's how it's done.
: And so the party journeyed onward!
: This shall be a day for all to remember!
: Perhaps a reward is in order. Gold? Frankenstein-cents?
: Nyeah-nyeah-nyeah-nyeah-nyeah-nyeah. Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

This is the end of part 1.