Part 8: You need a whore to catch a thief.

You need a whore to catch a thief.

Last time we visited a lot of places, meet several interesting people and killed them.

This time we get on with our mission and assault the Ratskull methlab.

First, I decide to scout the place.

Shit, that is quite a fortress.

Let's still see what happens when I move up to it.


:"What's the password, Choker?"

:"The password? What password?"
Swordfish? 1234? Password?

:"The password you need to get in here."

:"I see. And if I don't know what it is?"

:"That's easy. Then you can go to hell."


They actually shoot at us. If we keep fucking with them, we would eventually die. Also we can't target them. It wouldn't really help if we could though, as the entrance is blocked by a school bus.

:"Apparently, only gang members can get in here. I got to find a way to get the password. The easiest would be to find a couple of Ratskulls who know it."
Inspector Seagull has his next case to crack.

A little down the road, we stumble over a women next to her trailer.


:"Hey sweetie! You came to let lovely Leila give you what you need?"


:"Sounds good. Do I get a discount? I mean just take a look at me..."

:"We live in hard times sweetie. Folks can't just give things away for free."

:"Don't suppose you know how I can get inside the fort?"

:"What do you want to go there for? You're asking for trouble. That fort is well protected. You even have to give them a password. You'd be better off staying with me, sweetie."

:"Believe me, I can't. So, how can I get in?"

:"Well you need the password, but I don't know it. I don't really have a lot to do with the guys inside. Except when they need my services. *smirk*"

:"Leila, they make drugs in there. You gotta help me stop them."

:"I heard that too. But how would they do that?"

:"However they do it, they get people addicted and then force them to join the gang."

:"That's real bad... A girlfriend of mine died of an overdose a few years ago. Caren was a wonderful girl.. Tell me how I can help you!"
The hooker with a heart of gold.

:"Tell me more about your customers that go in and outta there."

:"I'll tell you what I know, but it's not a whole lot. Two couriers pass by here almost every day. If they have enough time they spend an hour or two with me before they head to the fort. You wanna hear what we get up to?"

:"Don't suppose I do."
Good choice.



:"Ok, Leila seems very helpful. I just have to find a way to listen in on those couriers when they give the password at the gate."
Hmm, not a bad idea. But how should we do that?

I trek down the road to the first village, Casa Verde.

That's kind of a long shot, but whatever.

Let's chat up the junk vendor, and be a dick to him.
:"Who are you? Don't touch anything, got it!? Everything's in a special order!"

:"Don't shout like that! If you carry on hollering I'll mess your shop up good and proper!"

:"I'm not afraid of you! I know your sort!"

:"You know my sort and you're not afraid? That's not brave, that's just plain stupid, but whatever."

:"What do you even want from me!?"

:"God, you stink to high heaven, boy. Breathe somewhere else, will you? I'm from the GNO. Nice nick-nack you got here."

:"Nick-nack? Did you just say nick-nack!? You have no idea. Those are valuable technical parts!"

:"Sure.. You just make it look like nick-nack, right? Clever fella!"

:"Don't call me fella, guy! Now get to the point already."

:"Looks interesting, your junk shop. Just like you.. is that hair or a mop on your head? Anyway, what do you make here then?"

:"All sorts. I collect spare parts and try to make something with em. Sometimes I even repair old gadgets."
Now we are getting somewhere.

:"Have you got anything special to offer?"

:"If you're interested I can show you some special stuff. A battery-operated mixer, a pendulum clock or a hamster-powered lamp."

:"What do I want with that crap?"

:"I see... Oh, I got something else! It's real special. A cute, little bug. An old CIA model. It was broken but I fixed it."
Bingo.

:"That sounds interesting. What do you want for the bug?"

:"Well it's a nice little toy, I'm not getting rid of it easy. Well..unless..hmmm.."

:"What's wrong with you? Just tell me what you want. I haven't got all day."

:"Ah...it's about..eeh..It's about Dana. She lives in the the other village, and she.. I mean..eeh..I like her, if you know what I mean."

:"So what's the problem?"

:"Well, she said she'd rather sit down naked in a cactus field than have anything to do with me. But I'm not a bad guy!"

:"That's a pity, but I can't see how that could be helped. So back to the bug okay?"

:"See, if you help me with Dana then you can have the bug. Otherwise I'll keep it. What do you think?"

:"If you wouldn't walk around like farmyard scum, you'd probably have no trouble with her."
Zing!

:"Why? What's wrong with the way I look?"



:"What's wrong with my clothes? And what you got against my hair?"



:"I... eee... well, okay. I'd do anything for Dana."

Sooo...let's help that dweep out. For love! And our quest, of course.

We need to get him a haircut, some soap and new clothes. It's a fetchquest but not a horrible one.

Our first stop is right around the corner.


:"Hey! I'm Luis. The best hairstylist in Casa Verde. What can I do for you?"
If you assumed that his voice actor would be overly fruity, than you'd be right.

:"It's about Jim-Bob. He needs a haircut, badly."

:"Aaah, too true! I know the lad, he looks terrible. Now, I'm not afraid of challenges, but I'm not doing it for nothing. I Have to make a living after all."
This is not the reward you are looking for. *wave*

:"You know, you could cut Jim-Bob's hair for free. If you can get the better of his unruly mop, that would be a great advert for you!"


And done.

Our next stop is also very close.

She should have some soap.

:"Hey Choker, what do you want?"

:"Actually I'd like to borrow your soap."

:"Borrow my soap? Well you could. But you have to offer me something in return."
Nope!

:"I'm from the GNO. And although it may sound odd, we need your help. We need your soap."

:"The GNO needs my help? Really? Sounds exciting! And all I have to do is give you my soap?"

:"Right. I'll just take that piece here and thank you for the help."
Easy as pie.

You can also find soap at vendors sometimes. Otherwise you will have to barter or kill her.

The last piece to Jim-Bob's love puzzle is in the second village. On the way I pick up a teddy bear and an iron rod. Just because I can. And surely not because they are quest items.


I make my way to the center of the village first.

There is a big market today, with a stage and everything.

One of the vendors is yelling about, so I see if I can shut him up.
:"STEP RIGHT UP! LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! Damn why did that have to happen today... RAT'S FEET ON SPECIAL OFFER!"

:"What's up? You look real annoyed."



:"I could help you with the lad. But what would be in it for me?"

:"I see, you wanna profit from my bad luck!"

:"I can hardly hold back the tears..."



:"Okay. Where can I find the boy then?"


This is an important quest. The merchant we will unlock, is pretty much the best in the game.

I saunter through the village and end up with the miller.

My Lp-sense tells me he has a great taste in fashion.

:"The guy's got a nice jacket. Rat's fur, I'd say. Just right for Jim-Bob."
What a coincidence!

:"What do you want?"

:"You look great in that jacket. Not everyone's got one as fine as that. What kind of fur is that?"

:"What's up with you? You're gay or something? Listen, this here's a mill and not the red-light district. Now get away from me, I have no time for your shit!"
Rude! Just wait, I'll set you straight. (heh)

There are several ways to get his jacket, but I decided to go with the most convoluted and dickish one.

:"Hey, you there! I'm from the GNO. Take off your jacket, I need it. It's confiscated."

:"Eee...GNO? Hmm...well..Why should I give you my jacket?"

:"We demand this jacket as a down-payment for forthcoming taxes."

:"You can't be serious? I'd rather burn my clothes and run around naked before I give them to you for taxes!"

:"If you don't give me your jacket, I'll string you up on the next tree."

:"You're just like those gangs! A bunch of thieves and oppressors. Otherwise you wouldn't wanna steal my jacket right? Leave me alone!"

Well that didn't work, and killing him now would ruin the jacket. Guess Seagull needs to find another solution.


I just so happen to have one in my pocket.

The game then let's Chuck take a stroll around town and I can jam the machine.

After a minute he returns.


Let's see how he acts towards us now.


:"Hmm..to be honest.. I'm not the best with machinery. Before I ruin your thresher, I reckon you should.."

:"...I should do it myself, yeah? Grr, I thought so. Damn, I guess I have to try my own luck..."

If I had skilled Seagull with Technic he could have repaired the machine. The game gives no fucks about Butch being the best mechanic ever.


Although the jacket is now lying there, you can't just steal it.

Time for a Seagull Plan.





Blame the game for the text boxes! Agnes stands ready to swipe the jacket.


Yoink!

With all the things for Jim-Bob in our pocket, let's give him a makeover.

:"You're ready, aren't you?"

:"Yeah, we can get started. Your time has come!"

:"My time? Very funny..."

:"Now, look at this thing here. You see it? It's called SOAP. You make it wet and scrub it onto your skin, so you don't stink like a polecat."

:"I know what soap is! I even got a bathtub. Back there. It's even full... of engine oil."

:"Well then. Let's get started."

First the hair.
:"Oh, oh.. I think I got some work ahead of me! This here is.. I've no idea what this is. Looks like a nest made of branches."

:"Very funny! I know my hair could do with a little more attention."


Jim-Bob's expression is golden.

Then a bath.
:"Ahh! The water is ice cold!"

:"Quit complaining. Sit down, or at least point your ass in a different direction! Some horrors are even too much for me."

:"Yeah, yeah. I'd like to see you get in this cold muck."



And when he's done...
:"Amazing! I hardly even recognize myself."

:"Hmm.. And Dana won't recognize you either. That's kinda good, as she already turned you down once."



After a fade to black..
:"She kissed me, she kissed me!"
First base on first date? Slut.

:"What did she say about the irresistible outfit?"

:"She didn't even recognize me. She said my face would remind her of that crazy junk seller in Casa Verde. Even asked if I were his brother."

:"And I bet you pretended to be your own brother. Well, what do I care."
Remember people, a good lie is the foundation of real love and happiness. This is much less of a joke than you'd think.

:"Well, then we should move to the second part of the agreement right? The bug, please."

:"Bug? Oh yeah, right. Here you go."

:"Great. How does it actually work?"

:"It's simple! You just need this walkie-talkie. I've set it to the right frequency. But actually it wasn't part of the deal..."
Don't fuck with me boy!

:"Consider what you're about to say very carefully. You've no idea how quickly I can take back those clothes, shave your head and stuff you into the nearest trash can!"

:"I didn't say anything! Now don't get so tetchy."
That's better.

With the comedy hour behind us, let me finish up the groundwork before we move on the methlab.

First the entertainer.


:"Say, are you Adrian, John's son?"

:"I wish I wasn't. But I am, by some cruel twist of fate. What can I do for you?"

:"What're you doing sniveling around here? Too lazy to work?"

:"What do you mean sniveling? I'm trying to overcome deep inner turmoil. You got no idea what tortures I have to endure. Someone as insensitive as you just wouldn't understand."
Life is so hard, dad! You don't understand me!

:"I can see I'm bothering you. I better get going."

:"Not so hasty! Who sent you? The market owner? Is he waiting for my performance? I.. eee.. I just can't do it.. I'm so sorry but I can't.."

:"Just tell me what's wrong. Are you ill?"



:"Listen: people are waiting for you! You can't just sit around here crying just because you're superstitious. Who cares if you lost your lucky charm? We all lose things. Kids loose teddies, women lose their innocence and I'm loosing my patience!"
Deep stuff, brah.

:"How do you know about my teddy? Did you find him? Give him to me, give him to me! He's my beloved lucky charm!"
Oh come on..

Well it's a good thing I picked that teddy up, eh? With this he is confident enough to perform.

Let's watch him.

He'll tell several jokes followed by canned laughter. But we only hear the first half of the joke. People round here must be real special if that is funny to them. Also he will humm some popular tunes.

:"I'm singing in the rain, I'm siiinging in the rain..."

:"Let it be, let it be, let it be, hear the words of wisdom, let it be, let it be..."

:"In the ghetto.."






Now we can visited that sexy trader. We also have a fuckton of trade goods and I quickly loot the villages. I find more shit, but also an RPK-74 machine gun. Dunno how that got here.

The trader hangs out in Casa Verde, next to Jim-Bob.

He will have the best ammo and guns. Besides the assault rifle calibers, he also has SVD rounds, 50.Bmg, armor piercing and laser ammo. I will visit him several times throughout the LP, as I bank on him stocking a laser gun sooner or later. Also he will get many more neat things along the way. It's a bit random due to the system behind it. But he never let me down so far. Right now, I burn the whole loot pile on him. All of it.

I turn the Humvee into my mobile armory.

Marvelous.

I let Butch combine some new items which I show in the roundup. It get's him a new level and I pick "Strengthen armor parts" as the last tech talent. With this, he can add one point of defense to any glove, helmet or boot on our crew. Pretty handy. Also I give Ivana an Ak47 for the SKS, but keep the name.

Now we are ready to assault the methlab. First up, the password.

Between 10-12am, the couriers will drive up to Leila's trailer.


:"Howdy, Leila. I'm back."

:"Finally! I've been waiting for you."


Sexy time.

While they are busy, we attach the bug to their car.

After a couple of minutes they come back out. Leila really must know some moves.


:"It's all your fault! Why do you have to spend so much time rolling in the hay with that old tart?"

:"You can talk. I just don't understand why you even bother turning up for your bit-part performance. You spend longer on getting from the car to her trailer than being in her."



:""Rosebud". And now let me in."

:""Rosebud"? What a stupid password."


With the password known to us, they will just let us walk in. No problemo.

We can freely walk around the base. Nobody will bother us.

It's a good thing too.



Our objective, is to find the people who make the drugs for the Ratskulls. Aside from killing the gangers of course.


As there is no point in being tactical, I try the blunt approach instead.

A proper job, I would say.


To free the people, we need a key. That is hidden in a small chest, tucked away in the back of the base. Great design here. I loot the area and find some useful ammo and another FAMAS. The Ratskulls only had junk on em.

The real reward is this here.

The Pick-up will perform good on roads or flat ground, while our Humvee is okay with all types of terrain. I mostly use this one to keep order in my loot stashes. It even has a .50cal on the back, but we can't use it.

Let's free those hostages.


:"What happened? Who's doing all this shooting? Is our number up? Please no! We'll do anything you say... - Oh! What's going on here? You ain't no Ratskull."

:"The Ratskulls are finished, you're free. Just thank me and the GNO."

:"What? I.. Thanks!"

:"What did the Ratskulls do to you anyway?"



:""Z" is the devils work, right?"

:"You can say that again! You get addicted the first time you try it. And after you take t for a while, it will kill you. That's why it didn't stay in fashion for too long. That stuff put even the hardest junkies off."

:"What happened to the "Z" when it was finished?"



:"What's gonna happen now that the lab isn't producing drugs anymore?"

:"Good question. I think the Ratskulls will get aggressive. Some will surely survive the withdrawal, others won't."
Crossing my fingers that they will just keel over.

:"You gotta tell me where the Ratskulls' headquarter is."

:"Hmm.. What about our families? We can't rescue our families on our own, we're not fighters. I'll tell you where the headquarters are, as soon as you have saved our families."
Oh you people with your but's and if's. Fine!

The camp is close by and only defended by six or so guys.

In the shot you can see, that Agnes calmed some wild animals near us. But the talent is kinda bugged and they still joined the fray.


:"Everyone listen up. The Ratskulls from the fort are all dead and your families are safe. Pick up your belongings and head to the fort. There you will meet your people."



:"Are you Jeff's wife? Then I can assure you he's safe and well. So, now let's get outta here."

Back in the fort.
:"You've done it! And they're all happy and healthy!"

:"Are they really all well?"

:"Oh yeah, unbelievably. The Ratskulls didn't touch them."
No raping? Quelle Surprise!

:"I guess they had to keep their insurance intact, so you would obey them. That's fortunate. Now, just tell me where the headquarter is and I'll be off straight away."

:"Sure. I overheard the guard. Near their base, there must be a village called Spiritsprings. And it can't be too far away. Just a bit further in the west, I think."

And that is that. Now we finally have the location of our archenemy and his gang. I hope you still remember Phoenix? That totally crazy gang boss who raided our village and killed our mom and pop? And possibly has our sister hostage? Cool, it's nice to see that you pay attention.

On a last note, Victor and Keno gained a level. Vic reaches the "Steady shot" talent, and Keno picks "Headshot". This is the only way to make snipers not suck so much. It will give him a flat 20% chance to score a headshot and deal good damage. It's almost an insta-kill with the bigger rifles.



Also:

:"Hey Agnes! Why don't you try it with a dude for once, eh? You can't knock it till you try it, you know? You're really missing out on something here. I'll offer myself as a humble test subject!"

:"*blargh* Shut up!"



Next time: Calling Dr. Van Hellsing! There's work for you.

Authors Note: The Methlab has two direct references to Mad Max 2. The base around the fuel depot, in the movie, also had flamethrower turrets and a school bus for a gate. And for your information, I thought about making a "Breaking Bad" joke along the line, but then I didn't.

The roundup will be delayed a bit, as life things are demanding my attention at the moment. Sorry!