Part 29: Exalt, ATTACK!
Mission 29: EXALT, ATTACK!
So, what’s up with the white girl who thinks she’s Japanese?
Her situation is more complex than I initially imagined. And I’ve tested her surreptitiously. She’s not faking. Japan and Belgium have a million tiny differences, like what days children go to school to snack brands. The investigation is ongoing, but we can definitely trust her in battle; she’s no Hogan. Right. So how are the other new recruits, Commander? Mixed.
Amy Taylor of South Africa, decent amount of willpower but the last time we tested her she just held down the trigger on her machine gun until the entire firing range was peppered with bullets. I should just fire her right now and save us the trouble.
Emma White of England, however, is pretty amazing. We should definitely take her out for a test run sooner or later.
Lisa Murphy of America… kind of sub-par for a sniper, to be honest, but her mind’s very tough.
Helen Jackson’s just kind of a watered-down Lisa Murphy, we don’t really need to keep her around.
But they’re both outclassed by Tatyana Ilyushina.
And Hoda Mufaddal of Yemen could have been a sniper but instead chose a support role, possibly due to the fact that she’s still apprehensive about taking life, even alien life. Well, it’s nice knowing we have better people warming our bench than the frickin’ chimpanzee.
All women, again? I mean, I’m so totally not complaining, but this is just like flipping a coin seven times and it keeps coming up heads. That’s, what, a one in seventy-two chance?
Hey, you heard the new Ghostbusters movie is gonna have all women in it too, right? They’re totally ripping us off. Huh? An all-female revival of a decades-old paranormal enforcement team armed with energy weapons.
Ha ha!
Dr. Gomez has finished her mission, sir, but she needs extraction. EXALT is hot on her trail! Right! B-team, move out!
quote:
** Hidden Camera Footage from May 27, 2015 **
Three men in white collar shirts are having a briefing in a darkened room, passing around photographs.
“We expect XCOM will be sending out their team to assist with the extraction of their operative now that she’s blown. The primary danger will be Naomi Bar-Lev, a cyborg the size of an industrial refrigerator. However, her size is her weakness, and she relies entirely upon support to keep going. Damaging her is sure to draw the team medic, and Bar-Lev’s girlfriend, Monique Leroy out of hiding. When she pops her head up, the plan is to kill Leroy first, whittle Bar-Lev down until her armor cracks, and mop up the rest of the team.”
The presumed leader passes around another photo. “The other trouble member is Cameron Watkins, who has undergone severe physiological changes due to a meld experiment gone wrong. Watkins has powerful regenerative abilities and a knack for weaving through interception fire, so explosives and incendiaries are recommended.”
“‘Severe physiological changes?’” says the second guy. “Bullshit, she looks fine. I thought by that you meant scabbing-off skin or a second face or a third arm sticking out. That's what happens to US when we have a meld accident.”
“Stow it, Doug!” says the leader. “Now, gentlemen, inject yourselves.”
All three men pull out injection guns and stick the needles into their necks. Moments later their skin becomes mottled and inhuman. They each pull a red bandanna over their face.
“Let’s do this. Hail EXALT!”
** END VIDEO **
Dr. Gomez needs to be extracted, but she’s not done transmitting all the data she’s siphoned from their server farm. Our mission is to guard the transmitter, and the encoder masking its location, while destroying all the pursuing EXALT. Ohhhh, this is gonna be sweet. Usually human-on-human combat is such a grey area, but we’re going to fight an unambiguously evil enemy to defend the earth. Everybody ready?
You got it, ma’am!
If I don’t redeem myself I’m gonna hang up my guns forever.
All systems go on the SHIV!
Ready.
I’ll do anything as long as XCOM keeps helping me.
We’re here! Dammit, another day mission. …most people like day missions. Yeah, well, this skin burns up like crazy in the sun. I was red and sore after only thirty minutes last mission. Well, I do have some sunscreen in this medkit… Later! The enemy’s coming!
The transmitter we need to guard is north, and the encoder cloaking the position of the transmitter is north-west, hidden inside a garage. The transmitter is camouflaged as another piece of equipment, but they’ll home in on it fast if they get to the encoder.
Hello, XCOM! I can’t leave, not until the last of the data downloads. But I won’t be dead weight, either. You’ve just got a pistol, Gomez! True, but I am also armed with information! EXALT has several communication relays of their own nearby. I’ve got the encryption keys, if I can get to one I’ll show you a neat trick.
Here! This will only work once per relay, but I can jam all their weapons. What? You can’t hack a gun! EXALT uses a similar biometric lock system on their guns as we do, but its security is inferior. All I have to do is make the locks reset and they’ll have to spend a few seconds clearing their guns again. Ha! Awesome. Now, quick, everyone, run to that encoder and secure it, pronto!
They’re here! Take cover!
What fascinating gene mods they appear to be using…
Wait a minute, these guys aren’t the ones we were briefed on! What the hell, Joe? Shut up! No names!
Zinchenko, see if you can blast that one! Yes, ma’am, Captain Watkins!
Watkins?!
OWWW! SHIT! No, seriously, you’re Watkins? How many faces do you have!? I’m gonna have to update so much paperwork… I’m not Cam, you idiot! They didn’t say she had a sister. Hah. Flattering. I’m Cam’s MOM. Oh, FUCK. Mama bear alert! Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Peter, NOW!
Gauuggh… Ha haaaa! YES! YESSS!
Here, this’ll give us some cover till we get to the encoder.
Heading through the garage!
Abandon stealth procedures, my troops! Full frontal assault! ATAAAAACK!
Holy frijoles, we got ourselves a target-rich environment!
Aaaaand now all their guns are useless for the next thirty seconds. Hit them while you can!
Blargh! That’s two for me!
Good evening, gentlemen. You seem to be using that computer wrong. Let me help you. Ah, why thank you. …wait a minute! Kill this fool! *click click click click click* Aaaah hell! Fucking gun!
Got one more!
WOO! Everyone feelin’ it yet? I’m feeling it! I’m feeling it too!
Alright, everyone finished resetting their guns? We’ve still got the advantage of terrain and numbers here. On three, pick a target and—
Hacked their guns again, Commander! FUUUUCK!
Another! Haha!
This one’s down.
That one’s down too! Jesus, Mary, Joseph! What the hell are you people?! As Watkins said to me, we are the losers who are also winners.
Angle’s bad, but I’m feeling lucky…
Feeling VERY lucky!
Running to the next comm array!
Sir! Send in the other reinforcements! I’m the only one left! They are all on their way. Drown XCOM in your blood if you must, my troops! Disable that encoder, NOW!
What?! Three more guys, that’s all you’ve got?! SILENCE! Of course there’s more! You just have to wait, minion! Awww, fuck me! They said I’d be rich and superhuman when I took this job!
Hacking the next comm array! SWEET MERCIFUL BUDDHA! STOP DOING THAT!
Ha ha! Freeze, XCOM! I’ve got her at point-blank range! Everyone, drop your weapons or the little Belgian girl dies! JAPANESE! Shut up. Do as I say, XCOM!
Don’t worry. I’m a trained hostage negotiator. We can give you what you need. Ha ha. Now, first I want— DUCK!
Guuggh! Nice shot, ma’am!
Now, Mr. EXALT team leader, you’re coming with us. You’re gonna tell us everything you know. No.
He’s injecting himself! Stop him! Too late. Damn! The new dawn shall…rise…upon…you! Hail…EXALT!
Hugo, above you! I’ll take him out!
Whew. Nice shot, Yoko. Thanks.
Ha! You can’t hit me from here, Zhang! Not with direct weapons fire, no. But I have a rocket. …MOMMMY!
Five more. I think this is the last of them. Their helicopter’s pulling out. Then let’s make this good!
AUGH! …I… I think I’m alright…but I was careless.
One more down!
You’re clear.
YAAA! Aaah, SHIT! No-scoped!
Heh heh. He tried running, but I got an itchy trigger finger. I got the other one. Hot DAMN! I’m back! Hee hee ha ha! YES! Excellent work, team. All enemies dead, the data’s secure. Pull out. And someone get the stretcher for Gomez, she’s hurt worse than she looks!
Not a scratch on any of you. Good work!
Uggh…huuuh… Easy, there, Dr. Gomez! Easy! You’re gonna be alright! Sir, I… ugh. I’m getting really tired… so I’ve been thinking. I want to be the next cyborg, as soon as you can afford it. I’m kind of redundant to the team as-is, anyway… Hmm… I’ll consider it. If you’re absolutely sure.
Well, there’s a lot of obscure data in this feed, but one thing we’ve been able to determine from all of it is that EXALT is definitely not hiding in Brazil. We know they have a mole in at least one of our funding nations, though. Best not to point any fingers yet. One more thing. It’s about Yoko Tachibana. I’ve been briefed. The reason nobody else believed her story… is because there’s already a Yoko Tachibana. Uh-oh… I think I know what this means…To Be Continued!