The Let's Play Archive

Advance Wars

by cosmicPostman

Part 16: The Legend Of Shield Michael

PART 16 - The Legend Of Shield Michael

Alright, we're back. I got ill, but I stayed in the HQ and recovered 2HP per day. And I'm somewhat better, hurrah. Thanks to all the well-wishers, your comments were very appreciated.

This asshole continues to be the worst part of this entire map. He outranges a load of my units, and even if I managed to sneak a tank close enough to him that I can start hitting him, there's a SECOND rocket unit who covers that particular range.

The Eric Echelon decides to murder this guy before we make a start on Grit's northern rockets.

And it goes pretty well.

Tina, meanwhile, does what she usually does and utterly destroys something.

Like so.

Unfortunately, we can't do much more. Grit's got his CO power ready, and he's going to be using it - that +1 range is going to be really troublesome for one turn, so...

The Ingo In-Crowd begins the process of moving backwards out of Grit's range.

I outsmarted you, Grit. I accounted for your +1 and have moved accordingly. Fuck you!

OK, it's his turn, but I don't have anything in range.

Nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I'm sorry for you. Because your demise is imminent.

Snazzy name, I must say. Too bad the move is worthless right n-


+2 (at least) RANGE?


oh thank god michael

you're a good boy



No. Absolutely not.

+1 range would have been terrifying enough. 6 RANGE ARTILLERY?


At first I was going to beat you because you dated Nell and I wanted to prove myself to be the better man.


I meant what I said. I will turn every single one of your units to dust.

Michael Multitude, you did your fucking duty. Get back to base and heal up.

Barold heads north to capture the last city.

Steve, meanwhile, heads up to Barold's recently-vacated city... again. I forget why I did this.

Anyway, I wouldn't normally use a CO power, but Tina took a really bad hit from the Snipe Attack, so may as well.

Besides, it's the one useful thing Andy can do for us.

Grit's turn.

...Well, that was exciting.

The Dave Division hadn't been in this battle enough. So here he is.

This guy continues to be a problem. See, even if I attack him and get into his range, as I already mentioned, there's another rocket ready to murder you, and even if you somehow survive THAT, you certainly are not going to be surviving the medium tank right behind it. This is asshole game design to the biggest degree.

I begin to move everyone into position.

I have a plan... but I have no idea how it'll work.

Get used to this. We have a looooot of preparation to do before I step into Grit's range.

Barold does the capturing thing. I have a bunch of cities, more money than I know what to do with... but hey, it's something for these guys to do whilst the real units do the work.

Ingo, catch up already. We've got shit to do.

Hey look, another useless turn!

I load Dave up. I could do with capturing one of the cities over this way, just in case the rockets decide to be assholes and I need to heal.

OK, I have a plan. So, it requires quite a number of units. I will explain. Since APCs have

Thank you for the interruption, pointless day transition. As I was saying...

Tina is being healed, also.

APCs always attract enemy fire. So if I put Michael here, in range of the rocket and the medium tank...

Come on Tina, this is a really good plan. I want everyone to see me put it into action.

Dave, capture a thing.

Alright, so what's the plan? I've parked Eric in front of Michael. The rocket is guaranteed to go for Michael, but the limited range of the medium tank means it has to go for the tank. That way, I divide the damage evenly and draw the tank into the murder circle.

Oh, it's going off without a hitch. Wonderful.

Sheesh, Michael, you cut that one close.

The medium tank decides to bully the Eric Echelon.

It will be your last mistake, tank.

Alright, now we start hitting back!

Ingo, if you please.

Nice job.

Wilbert, finish it off!

"No sweat." Wilbert says, grinning. Tina looks at him and raises one eyebrow.

"You were pissing yourself when those rockets flew overhead."

"Hey, I was just, uh, scared for Michael." replies Wilbert defensively.

Unfortunately, there's a second tank. Admittedly it's not a medium tank, but taking one set of rockets to the face plus an additional tank hit is going to hurt for anybody who isn't Tina.

Barold, stand in the mountains and take a tank to the face. We need to distract it so that the real units can murder some rockets.

...I promise this is going to go better than Craigsworth.

Dave finishes the capture down here, which is handy. We have some healing if we need it! Though it would've come more in useful several turns earlier...

And you may be wondering why I allowed Eric to take such a solid hit. I figured I didn't need as much firepower to deal with two rockets. Eric and Bill join back up!

Tina moves up, juuuust out of range of the rockets. Next turn, stuff will happen!

But first, Grit does nothing.

Aha! Fooled you! The tank took the Barold bait!

...Note to self. Rename Barold Brigade to Barold Bait.

That 40% defence bonus is certainly putting in the work. I need to keep that tank distracted for a few turns, and it looks like Barold is the man to handle it.

Meanwhile, it's time for me to stop pissing about and actually start making a move.

For those of you wondering how I plan to distract the other rockets whilst I send units up to attack the first set of rockets, the answer is Michael.

The Tina Team advances. This is gonna be good.

I then notice that the Gordon Gang possesses the Big Move necessary to reach the rockets. Welp, may as well scratch them a little!

Sheesh. Grit really can't handle direct combat, can he?

He hasn't got the...


God, I'm hilarious. No wonder everybody loves me.

The last day where Grit will do something relevant and threatening. Rejoice, people, we're almost there!

Bait: fucking taken.

As usual, Michael, every point of HP was entirely worth it, and your sacrifice is the cornerstone to victory. Be proud, my man.

Does this APC-targeting quirk continue with the series? Because I'm not sure if I like that you can plan around it, or if I'd prefer enemies to go for different units when the situation arises. The latter sounds more difficult, but the former is definitely interesting. Perhaps it'd be better if it was explicitly stated that enemies always go for APCs when they can, and then it was an actual mechanic, because this feels more like an exploit...

This tank mistakenly believes Barold will die.

OOOOOOK that was closer than I expected. Damn, I'm going to need someone else to take Barold's place next turn.

Speaking of, it's that time again.

I decide to attack this set of rockets with Gordon to weaken it.

Nice work. People in the thread who said recons were pretty good, you're god damn right. I'm converted.

People in the thread who said medium tanks were fucking amazing, you're god damn right.

Wait, that was me. Well done, me. (And whoever else mentioned it.)

"As I always say, no kill like overkill." Tina grins. "We almost done here?"

"Not... quite..." Barold grunts. "Need backup by the northwestern mountain range... what the hell is my dude playing at?"

"I've got you covered. If you wouldn't mind taking this tank out, though, Tina?" Steve says.

"I'm heading over." Tina replies, preparing her tank squad to move out.

Also, at some point during this turn, and I apparently entirely forgot to screenshot it, Barold was moved back and Steve took his place on the mountain.

Grit Tries And Fails To Kill A Single Infantry Un-

for fuck's sake

Of course there's something in range. Note to self, start remembering the downside to aiming to crush all the enemy units to dust instead of just capturing the fucking HQ.

Ingo, don't scare me like that, OK?

"God damn, kid." Wilbert says, grinning. "You must've been taking lessons from me - I don't know anyone else who's survived something by the skin of their teeth."

Ingo smiles to himself and shrugs. Eric scoffs.

"Michael literally did survive something by the skin of his teeth earlier."

"And then died." Wilbert points out.

"...And then died, yes." Eric sighs. "Or, whatever it is that Michael actually does when he dies."

Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely shot at...

Grit Tries And Fails To Kill A Single Infantry Unit With A Tank: Part II.

Tina attacks the rocket. As usual, she's just utterly murdering everything without even trying.

...hey, Tina, feel free to try next time.

Right, Gordon gets a kill, apparently.

Hurray he killed the 1HP unit that's bad at direct combat in direct combat

My infantry have done their work, so I join Barold and Steve up so they can at least finish the map on full HP.

And despite there being no infantry to shoot, and Tina in that tank's range...

It doesn't move. I suppose we started this map on weirdly moving units, so we're gonna end it on weirdly moving units.

Just kill it, Tina.

...Ooh, this tank is almost in range of that...

No, it can't be. But maybe...

Fuck it, we're trying. Steve and Barold team up for the Ultimate Disrespect!

...Eh, close enough.

Oh, the tank's woken up again now that there's something less threatening than Tina in the immediate vicinity.

"Blue tank, they outnumber you five to one!"

"Then it is an even fight."

And then he did no damage.

Oh my god can this fucking map just fucking finish already

If we are going to finish it, we'll at least do it in style. Ultimate Disrespect, my secret CO power!

"Nailed it." Barold says, staring at the wreckage of the tank.

"Mm." Steve replies. "I'm pleased that we survived another battle. And yet... is this the wrath of a scorned my dude?"

"He's always been a little that way, don't you think? He and Dave are very alike... they want revenge. What revenge they're seeking is different, and my dude arguably, uh, doesn't have a valid reason, but that thought drives them. Makes them stronger. Dangerous."

"You think my dude is dangerous?" Steve asks. Barold nods.

"Nell taught him a lot. But he's also learned a lot since joining us. He's embittered because the higher-ups took Nell from him, determined to defeat Blue Moon and unwilling to work with Andy. Is that a man who sounds like he's tactically sound?"

Steve remains silent. He and Barold, who have been serving since the very beginning, have seen a great many changes in the army and its leader. But this is one change Steve isn't sure he wants to see.

I'm not-

Ahahahah Andy's the junior. Fuckin' scrub. But yeah, my name is my dude. And you're Grit. Hope you're impressed; when I promised to defeat every single one of your units, I wasn't lying. Capturing HQs is for chumps.

Quiet, Junior, the adults are talking.

Wait, I've used that line already. Fuck, I need new "insulting Andy" material...

Sure thing, Junior.

Oh, you're impressed at his spirit for complaining like a child, and not mine for resolving to defeat you and then seeing it through?

Yeah, that's us. Andy's barely qualified, though.

So? You're barely qualified, you shouldn't be in the same group as me, a professional strategician. I bet you're still scared of the dark.

It's obvious just looking at you. Piss-scared of the dark. I can guarantee.

Anyway, Grit, back to the actual conversation. You've got a knowledge of Orange Star. What do you know of us, and how did you find it out?

...As answers go, that's a shit one.

Huh. That'd explain a lot - wasn't Olaf beholden to Orange Star, too? Blue Moon's superiors must have done something drastic to convince at least 2 of Orange Star's COs to defect.

Oh, I bet you're real familiar with one of them in particular, huh?

No, my dude, control yourself. Don't let him get to you. Didn't Nell say she'd wear your necklace? That means she likes you, man. No need to jealously attack former friends that you aren't even sure were actually lovers.

Right, I'm with it.

Pretty thoroughly, too. Think twice before fucking with Orange Star next time.

Times The Name "My Dude" Worked Fucking Perfectly: 1

Pfft. Oh, I think I found my new favourite way to annoy Andy.

So, Junior, shall we go check out the results of that mission?

I'm never going to stop. Until it gets old in like an update and a half.

Also, first non-A rank, ouch. Speed definitely took a hit, but everyone is alive, and I am gonna take it.

We got more of these. I really ought to find out what these do at some point.

Onto the next mission! ...Next time, anyway.

Nope, smug asshole, we're gonna have to cut it short! See you guys next time, when we fight a new opponent again! Boy, I'm loving all these new opponents. Can't wait to find out what stupid mechanic this guy has.

My stupid mechanic, if you're wondering, is Andy.


The Barracks: Eric and Bill 2

“So…” Eric says. It’s quite late, and Eric and Bill are just about to head to bed.

“Mm?” Bill replies.

“The bet. It’s, uh, the last day.”

“You didn’t give in.” Bill says. “So I suppose I will have to tone down my OCD. Congratulations.”

Eric sits up in bed and turns the bedside light on. “Actually… I’d kind of prefer you to stay the way you are. The tanks are way harder to control when they’re messy, and keeping them clean is a lot harder than I thought.”

Bill also sits up, and tilts his head in confusion. “So what are you trying to say?”

“So, tone down the OCD a bit. But only a bit - I’ll pick up the slack and help you tidy stuff. Both in our room and in the field.”

“Sounds good.” Bill replies. “Say, Eric? This is a big step. Well done.”

“Oh, don’t say that, you make me sound like a kid.” Eric sighs. They sit there in a quiet and companionable silence for a while.

“What… uh, what really changed your mind on keeping the room and the tanks clean?” Bill asks. Eric looks up in surprise and Bill smirks. “You’re not that good a liar.”

“Alright, alright.” Eric says. “I mean, firstly, Tina keeps showing us up. I figured we’d fight at our best if the tanks were in pristine condition. And, also… my lil’ bro is here now. I have to set a good example for him.”

“Yeah, I understand.” Bill replies. “Ingo really does look up to you. He seems pretty young, though.”

“Seventeen.” Eric says. “He’s always looked up to me, since he was a kid. I’m just worried that I’m not the best person to set an example of how to be.”

“Eric, you’re fine.”

“No. If I’d been a better person, I wouldn’t have let Ingo sign up to the army in the first place. He’s so creative and talented… it’ll be wasted if he dies here.”

Bill has nothing to say, and just stares at Eric’s utterly defeated countenance. “…Eric…”

“Doesn’t matter.” Eric says. “Let’s get some sleep."