Part 74: Interview 37 - “The Rescue Mission” (Or, “Transports. Supply trucks. Distractions.”)

Interview 37 - “The Rescue Mission” (Or, “Transports. Supply trucks. Distractions.”)



Good morning, my dude. Sami's been trapped by Adder.

Oh, huh. Someone should do something about that.



Full steam ahead! I’ve tweaked it so it can fire every single day! It’s sooo dangerous!!!

Ah. Fun. Lasers.

Heh heh heh… Delicious… How’s Flak?

My troops’ve been deployed, like you wanted.

At last, we will neutralize the Orange Star Army completely.

Oh, shit, this is like all three of them working together.

This is Adder’s swan song, if you like. A single combined blow to destroy Orange Star.

Why is Orange Star even here? We’re in Green Earth now, aren’t we?

It seems they’re here bearing supplies. Meddlers! They shouldn’t have come!

“I can’t believe these four countries that we invaded at the same time are helping each other! Who does that?”

Heh. It is rather amusing how little Black Hole seems to know of, well, being a decent person.

So are we going to attack soon?

No. First, we suggest they surrender. Their CO’s a young girl, you know. Perhaps she can be convinced to come along quietly. Heh heh heh…

There is NO way to say that sentence that doesn’t make you sound excessively creepy, Adder.



Green Earth’s reinforcements are on their way. Just hang on!

OS Soldier: Commander, we have a communique from the Black Hole Army.

What does it say?

OS Soldier: They recommend we surrender. They’re awaiting our response.

How troubling. I mean, it sounds like they’re in a bad position if surrender is on the cards. And if they refuse…

Lasers.

Thought so.

Surrender?! Right, here’s my reply, and I want you to take this down word for word…



And so, the map begins.

Hang on, what did Sami say? Are you telling me you didn't listen in and find out?

Oh, no, I listened in. It just wasn't particularly polite, so...

That's such a lame excuse.



Whoa, fuck, this is a big boy. Four laser cannons, a million dudes, and... Orange Star is right in the middle. This is not looking good for them.



Hm… I believe Sami’s commanding the Orange Star forces… What was her reply?

That’s what I wanna know!

GE Soldier: Well, in a word, she turned them down flat.

What exactly did she say?

GE Soldier: Um… I’d rather not say. It wasn’t the most…polite response.

I told you so.

Yeah, but still...

Be that as it may.

Exactly, this man’s on my wavelength.

GE Soldier: Er… How about I write it down on this paper, and then you can read it?

Hm… … …? Ha… Ha ha ha ha!!!

Ruin tell me what it said on the paper.

I forgot.

GE Soldier: Commander?

She certainly is outspoken! It would be a shame to let her get captured by Black Hole.

You didn’t forget! You have a fucking eidetic memory! What did she sayyyyyy?

GE Soldier: Er… Yes, sir, it would.

Get anyone who’s available ready for combat. We go now!

I really don’t want to repeat it. I try not to swear during interviews.

That’s also bullshit. You’ve been calling him Dipshit for like half the interviews by now.

GE Soldier: Sir, the enemy outnumbers us by…

There’s no reason for us to attack them head-on. Either we pour everything at their laser cannon or we capture their properties. One of the two.

There’s 4 laser cannons, Eagle. Also, properties, plural? Usually it’s just the HQ.

He’s very mixed up today. Sami’s comment must have distracted him.

Our goal is to break their siege. That’s all. For the pride of Green Earth, let’s save the Orange Star Army!



And then I want to know what Sami said.

I'm not going to tell you. Anyway, here are the deployments for today's mission.

TODAY’S DEPLOYMENTS
Green Earth
Mulligan, Infantry
Finn, APC
Adelaide, Transport Copter
Lorelei, Recon
Cassandra, Anti-Air
Petra, Anti-Air
Quincy, Battle Copter
Harlow, Battle Copter
Frederick, Battle Copter
Edgar, Fighter Jet
Howard, Fighter Jet
Mina, Bomber
Wallace, Bomber

Orange Star
Dave, Mech
Alfonse, Mech
Carl, Mech
Michael, APC
Fliss, Anti-Air
Carter, Rockets
Lloyd, Missiles

Hm, no new faces, but... gasp! Dave, Alfonse and Michael! We can't let them be killed at the hands of Adder!



Nell also confirms what the two routes to victory are.

One of those seems way easier than the other. Getting an infantry over to the hell that is the top-left of the map? No thanks. Destroying the lasers it is!

Mm, Eagle had much the same thought. So, let's see how he handles this map.



The first turn is simply setting up, though there's some important things to pay attention to. The most dangerous of Adder's troops are his planes - a bomber and fighter jet to the north, and two bombers to the west. They'll make a beeline for Eagle's troops and the Orange Star troops respectively, so taking them out first is top priority.

And that's what they're doing, I take it?

Correct. Our two fighter jets, Edgar and Howard, are after the bombers, whilst Cassandra and Petra in the anti-airs will go after the bomber/fighter combo. The two bombers, Mina and Wallace, will be the primary fighting force against the laser cannons, too.



Orange Star's troops don't have much in the way of mobility or options, so all they do is flee south as far as they can whilst they wait for help to arrive. Adder's copters, by his HQ, will be going right for them, and quickly.

Time is of the essence, I see. This is not a friendly map.



Yeesh, neither are the lasers. They're arranged in the absolute worst formation for Eagle - breaking through them is going to take careful planning.

Mm, they severely limit where his planes can move, which is one of his greatest advantages usually. Still, nobody gets caught by the lasers this turn.



The fighter and bomber descend in this formation, right in the path of the anti-air girls.



And the two bombers blunder right into the range of the fighters. Smart thinking, Adder, you fuckin' tactical disaster area.



Come on, now. He obviously can't help it. He's just suffering from side-villain-itis.



Cassandra begins the offensive on the fighter jets. The anti-airs took this squad because although anti-airs do roughly the same damage to fighter jets as other fighter jets do, they don't suffer counterattacks, which is extremely useful.

With the very minor downside of not having 9 move or being able to fly, of course. Nah, I'm kidding, anti-airs are great.



Meanwhile, Petra goes toe-to-toe with a bomber. It's not quite as easy, since she does take counter damage, but she still massively weakens what is arguably one of the biggest threats on the map.

Oh, absolutely, bombers are no joke.



And what are Finn and Adelaide doing, besides nothing?

Hee hee. You'll see. I think you'll like this.



Wallace manages to blow up the first of the lasers already. We're making swift progress.

There are missiles, like, everywhere, though. Darting in and out isn't going to be the easiest thing in the world.

Oh, ye of little faith.



And, pfft, Mina just absolutely fucks this anti-air. Anti-airs are highly effective against planes... provided they get the first hit.



Quite. Edgar blows up the first bomber with a fast and deadly assault.



And I'm guessing that's Howard finishing the other one off?

Indeed. Orange Star aren't completely safe, but the biggest threats to them are gone, at least. Now it's just the battle copters coming from the north-west.



Quincy begins attacking this battle copter, thoroughly weakening it.



Harlow manages to finish it off.

But why would- oh.

Hm?

I was going to ask why he didn't weaken the other battle copter, but if I'm correct, the column to the right of the enemy copters is one of the laser lines, isn't it?

Correct. He'd eat a nasty 5HP hit if he attacked the enemy copter from that location, so this is a little safer.



The last of our copters, Frederick, attacks the enemy tank, and blocks it off from advancing further - that'll keep the anti-air crew safe, as a weakened tank won't even try and attack a battle copter.



You never said what Adelaide and Finn were up to in the APC and transport copter.

Not much longer to wait now.



Next we need to check back in with the Orange Star crew.

"We're not in a good situation here! Troops, can you retreat?" Dave says as he forges through the mountainous terrain, hopefully, to safety.

"We can, but the vehicles won't be able to move through this." Alfonse says. "Plus those copters are bearing down fast. Fliss! Lloyd! Are you sure you can handle them?"

Lloyd gives a vicious grin as he stares up at the copters screaming towards the small valley where they're encamped themselves. "Arr, I can't say for certain that we'll make it through. But by god, we can buy you as much time as you need to get out of here."

"This... this is where it ends, is it?" Fliss murmurs.

"Don't give us that bullshit!" Alfonse shouts. "That's NOT how we do things in the Orange Star Army! Lloyd, Fliss, if you can't take them all out for sure, then you fall back!"

"If we fall back, everyone dies!" Lloyd replies furiously. "This be the moment to make a choice - sacrifice the few for the many, or sacrifice the many for nobody. Pretty obvious choice when you look at it like that!"

Dave stands on the mountains, staring up at the sky, and pulls his hand into a fist. "An old friend used to say that if you had two choices, and you didn't like either of them... you make a third choice."

"What's the third option for us?" Carter asks, a note of desperation in his tone.

Fliss has her eyes closed as she sits in her anti-air, begging silently for anyone listening to reunite her with her sister. She slumps to her knees. Lloyd's coat is fluttering around him and he grips the controls to his missile unit tightly, until his knuckles begin to ache. Michael is even paler than usual, blinking rapidly as his eyes adjust to the fierce sunlight above him. Carl seems composed, but the look in his eye is distant and cold; he's dissociating from the situation.

Dave, however, is not watching any of this. He can hear a noise, and it isn't the rumble of machinery down below, nor the thwock-thwock-thwock of the choppers coming towards them. It's a noise to the south, a once-familiar sound, like a bird of prey in flight.

It sounds like a fighter jet.

"The third choice for us? We hold out. And we wait for a miracle." Dave says.



I... are they going to be OK?!

Well, we know Michael will be fine regardless of what happens.

What about everyone else, Ruin



Oh, and of COURSE-

If you're about to complain about how quickly Adder got his CO Power, let me remind you that in that turn, two bombers were destroyed outright, a bomber was brought to 2HP and a fighter jet was nearly destroyed. That's more than enough damage in funds for a Super CO Power.



...Fine. It's completely reasonable that he got his Super CO Power. Still annoying, though.

At least the bombers were destroyed. If they'd gained +2 movement, they'd be able to wreak havoc amongst the Orange Star troops.



But instead of bomber havoc, it's just dudes capturing stuff. God bless you, Black Hole.

Oh, yes, and since you were wondering what Adelaide and Finn were up to...



Adelaide is being wonderful bait for the fighter jet...



And Finn is baiting out the last weakened bomber.

Oh my god. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd see it again! Transport units being the best bait in the game!

I did say you'd love it.



Though they are out of range for Petra and Cassandra. Friggin' Sidewinder... at least they can take out the enemy bro copters.

They're on full HP, so they're arguably more of a threat.



Cassandra and Petra are doing a solid job over here.



I see Frederick is continuing his mission to wall off tanks by targeting that one up there.

Yes, we don't want Cassandra and Petra to take more damage, since they're the only units around here who can take out the planes.



Also, I neglected to mention it, but the enemy copter remaining down here did a lot of damage to Harlow. Quincy gets some revenge, though, and weakens it just enough...



...For Harlow to get their own back.

Well, that's most of the sky-related murderers out of the way. Now it's just the Squad Of Copters Intending On Murdering Dave And Pals we need to worry about.

Is... is that their official designation?



Um, anyway, Howard heads north to meet some old friends.

OK. Now guard them. Our purpose here is to save the Orange Star troops.

"Howard!" roars Dave as he spots the jet zooming towards him. "Come in, Howard!"

"Is that Dave I hear?" comes the tremulous, sarcastic tone of Howard.

"'Course it is. You took long enough gettin' here, you know. We were almost about to die of old age."

Howard chuckles. "Sorry for the delay. Myself and Edgar will be protecting your forces - who are we going for?"

"See all those copters coming over the valley?" Alfonse says. "If you could just down literally all of those, that'd be ideal."

"Aw, don't give me such a big job. You'll stress me out." Howard replies, shrugging.

"Alright, Orange Star!" Michael says to the vehicles still in the valley depths. "Hold out just a bit longer - help has arrived, and we're going to be fighting back!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Carter shouts, manning his rockets, and Michael sigh with dramatic flair.

"Uh, good that you're enthusiastic, but I was more talking to the surface-to-air folk... since, you know, you can't fire on flying targets..."



The boys do be back, doe.

I don't even begin to understand what rules of grammar you operate on.

That's our age difference, I guess. I see Wallace is after another laser, though at least he's staying out of missile range.



Indeed, though Mina is going for the enemy missiles. It'll make it easier for herself and the fighter jets to manoeuvre without this thing lurking around.



And this copter will literally fall apart if just one more bullet hits it, so Lorelei decides to do the honours.



The transports retreat, hoping to lure the enemy planes away from the actual battlefield so they can be destroyed in peace.

More like destroyed in pieces!





In... in pieces, Ruin.



I'm funny. You're just in denial.



Sure. Anyway, Orange Star begin the fight against the copters coming their way - Lloyd eliminates one right off the bat. The other one seems like an easy target for Fliss, but there's rockets to the west that'll destroy her if she takes the bait.

Oh, that's downright nasty.



Of course, what you must remember is that most of the units here can take a hit from a copter. Anything on a mountain is bound to be fine, copters can't fire on fighter jets, and no sane copter would even consider opening fire on an anti-air. In this formation, the copter doesn't have enough movement to attack any of the more vulnerable troops, like the indirects.

Not bad. Let's just hope that the copters don't make a huge nuisance of themselves next turn, then.



Alright, Adder, do your worst. Fire your lasers. _{There's a meme in there somewhere...}



He's firing his laser.



On an equally uninteresting note, this infantry captures some property.



Hey, at least the fighter took the bait again. And now for the bomber...



Meh, close enough. Lorelei will be fine.

And now the two remaining planes are right in anti-air range. No escape for them now.



Meanwhile, there's a concerning development in the valley. A tank is about to break through the northern side, which could be ruinous for the defenceless troops.

Oh yeah, that's a problem. Hm. Might be worth blocking the way with someone, but who's got the movement to get there in- wait, fighter jets. The obvious answer.

A fighter jet is an obvious solution, but they're needed down below to take out the copters, so it's not quite that simple.



Another enemy tank decides to become annoying by attacking Cassandra. It's the one that Frederick weakened earlier though, so it doesn't do too much damage and gets damaged in the counterattack.



The enemy copter goes for Dave.

"Hah! Is that the best you've got, Adder?" Dave yells, gritting his teeth against the hail of copter fire.

"Don't get cocky, now, Dave! We want to get everyone home safe!" Michael replies.

"I'll be fine. Just keep defendin', and let the planes do their thing." Dave says.



A new day, more chances to wreck things. In particular, Eagle needs to focus on taking out more of those laser cannons if he wants to actually complete the map.

Oh, true. Almost forgot that's what we were doing here.



With all the copters gone, Quincy and Harlow head north, and join to restore their HP. Though it's not like they've got much to do at the moment.



Petra finally sinks the bomber for good! Good girl, Petra.



And despite her damage, Cassandra can still deal with the fighter jet. Adder's planes are no more.

I think I speak for everyone when I say "thank fucking god".



Frederick takes out the cheeky tank that decided to attack Cassandra, meanwhile. The one above him can be dealt with later.



Mina's just kind of flying west, huh? She's going for the laser cannon, I guess.

You're quite right. She's got no time to stop and take out those rockets - her movement needs to be used to its maximum to reach it in time.



Wallace takes out the second laser cannon, meanwhile.

B-But! But! There's like a million missiles in range of him! How is Eagle going to- ohhhhh. I get it.



And of course, the fighters in the valley begin disposing of the battle copters.



Howard takes out the one that went for Dave, helping out his friend. And then...



YEAH BOIIIIII

This literally never gets old for you, does it?



Are you kidding? It's the best Super CO Power in the game, what's not to love?

I understand that, but this is, like, the third time we've seen it now. We're kind of aware of what it does.



Every Lightning Strike is precious and beautiful and I will not hear any more of this slander.



Sigh. Frederick goes for the enemy tank, thoroughly weakening it.



Quincy and Harlow go for the rockets that Mina ignored on her way past, since, you know, someone should take them out, at least.



OK, cool, Wallace got the fuck out of Missile Hell. I was worried for him.



Mina erases the third of the four laser cannons, too - plus, with her positioning, she's out of range of the missiles.

Never punished, absolutely godlike.



Edgar blocks off the tank and all of its friends. There's quite a few anti-airs hanging around but thankfully, none of them will go for him.



And the last copter gets downed by Howard. Get fucked, Adder. What are you without your copters?

Still very creepy, I find.



Golly, that was an effective turn. Can Adder even come back from this?



Well, Sami's forces feel confident enough to just stay in place and wait it out, but...





Oh, go choke on your own fuck, Adder.



You'll be pleased to hear that this is the last fight with him, to my knowledge.



And he's not making good use of his SCOP, I see. More capturing useless stuff.



Precisely. And now it's Eagle's turn again, so... let's go.



Just a little extra damage here and there...



Frederick just deleting that tank, nice.



Oh, and that enemy tank thought he could invade the valley? Mina says NO.



And thanks to the Lightning Strike, Wallace had an extra turn to move across the map and thus reach this final laser cannon. So, um. The map's over.

What, in five days?!



Eagle! So it was you who saved us. I apologize. I never meant to be a burden on Green Earth.

Don’t be foolish.

Eagle sure knows how to charm a lady, doesn’t he?

We were trying to bring you supplies, and we let ourselves get surrounded…

Everyone makes mistakes. It turned out all right. Let it go.

I think he’s being somewhat charming. After all, you can’t deny that was an impressive map clear.

Well, true…

Yes, but…

Sami, I’m not just saying this to save your wounded pride. Orange Star came here to fight alongside Green Earth. That alone has raised the morale of our troops more than you know.

Thank you, Eagle.

I should be thanking you. We’re very grateful for the supplies. I think they’ll ease our burden a bit.

Eagle…

GOD DAMMIT JUST KISS ALREADY

Not everyone in a professional relationship wants to kiss the other person, my dude. I think that’s just you and Nell.

Oh, come on. I know you’re a joyless nerd with no social skills, but even you have to see the tension between these two.



I... suppose. Can't say I'm very familiar with romance.



God, I can't believe Advance Wars 2 is doing such a good job of making me like Eagle. And it had to work REALLY hard at doing that, considering all the shit he did in the last campaign.



Maybe you're just jealous.

Excuse me, my dude is jealous of nobody. Except other my dudes. But I'm the coolest my dude, so I'm not jealous of anyone.

You're the coolest? Have you actually voted on this?

W-well, no, but...



Anyway, next time we'll choose between Boats



And Volcano. Plus, here's a little sneak peek at the factory mission coming up...



A Hawke factory map. That sounds absolutely brutal...

Well, we've got a little time before then. Plus, after that map is done, I'll finally reveal the killer of Dudecon.

Oh, right! And if I guess it right, I get to save one person in the final map, right? And you'll tell me your secret?

Correct. Better get to thinking, Commander. There's not long left.

***

Part 37 Additional