Part 30: Bonus Tactics Rooms 19-25

The final mission is still upcoming, I just felt it would be strange to end on the Tactics Room banter for the LP. So, here you go. The Final Tactics Room Update!


Chapter 19, in which we PRAISE THE WORM! (All praise the Worm):

: Aaaaand now... Get ready for the finest commanders in the whole Lazurian Army... Taaaaaaasha and Gaaaaaaaage! Whooooooooooooooo! Unfortunately for all our fans, this is the final episode of Tasha's Tactics Hour.

: Yep.

: Come on, Gage! Everyone's watching! This is your chance to shine! Show them some of that famous Lazurian pride! Gooooooo Lazuria!

: ...I don't get you.

: Move your infantry down to the missile silos as fast as you can! Then unload the missiles on those enemy tanks.

: That's good advice.

: Anything to add? Something witty, perhaps?

: No, I think you got it.

: Come on, Gage! Please? ...For me? This is our last moment in the spotlight! Always leave 'em wowed, right? C'mon! Say something awesome!

: Um... ...This has been Tasha's Tactical...show. Thanks for watching.

Poor Gage. Just gets dragged into this.


Chapter 20, in which Waylon tried so hard to fly again:

: Laaadiiieees and gentlemen! Put your hands together, 'cause the travelin' Waylon show is in the house! Are you ready to rooooooooock?!

: Waylon!

: Easy, brother man! I paid a lot for this haircut, and you're spittin' all over it. So how goes the charity work? Keeping busy making soup and handing out blankets?

: Get out of here, traitor!

: Easy, brother man! The war room's neutral ground! No need to yell at little ol' me. No? Still angry? All right, I get it. I can dig where you're coming from. Guess I'll make like a bakery truck and haul buns! Later! Whoooooooo!
Easy there, Ric.

: Wait!

: Will? Who are you yelling at?

: Huh? I was... He was just here...

: OK. Well... If you're done being crazy, I think I know how to win this battle.

: First, capture both factories, then the airports. Build anti-air and ground units in the lower factory, then take them to the center of the map and defend the pass. Build foot soldiers at the top factory and send them over the mountains. Once you take and hold the center, pound the enemy with air units. ...I hope that helped.

: Thanks, Isabella. I really appreciate it.

: Hee! My pleasure!

: That's all for now! Bye!

Waylon Flies Again is still a decently fun map, has some challenge, and Waylon is an absolute jerk in the Tactics Room. I like it.


Chapter 21, in which justice is served:

: All hail! You stand in the presence of Admiral Greyfield, the world's one true king! My grand plan to bring this pathetic planet under my boot heel is nearly complete. The sad remnants of Brenner's Wolves will be put down like the dogs they are! Then all will bend the knee to the awesome might of me! Greyfield!

: Hello.

: Ahhh! Who are you?! What do you want? Guards? Guards! ...Where are my blasted guards?! Ahem! I must...um...retreat! Yes, a strategic retreat to consolidate my men! ...All hail Greyfield!

: Keep running, little man. I'm coming for you. I have come up with a strategy to defeat you and your forces.

: Shore up your defenses in the east and take the central island. Take the western island at some point, but don't make it a top priority. Build subs and carriers, then start producing seaplanes ASAP. When you finally storm the HQ, have battleships support you from the inlet.

: You seem kind of serious today, Lin.

: I'm always serious.

: That's all. Make it happen.

Sadly, the chapter most people were waiting for doesn't have a great Tactics Room, though Greyfield at the start makes it partially amusing.


Chapter 22, in which the Great Owl hits Penny more often than me:

: Tee hee hee!

: Um...hey there. Are you lost or something?

: What's your name?

: I'm Will. Who are--

: Penny is a good girl. She will tell you what you need to know. Tee hee! Penny likes you. ...But Mr. Bear HATES YOU!

: The Great Owl drops big, bad, scary bombs! BOOM! Don't touch the bombs! Go around! Move ground units on the bottom! Shoot down planes with anti-air units and missiles! Get the SE factory! Shoot down enemy bombers! Hit anti- tank units with bombers or rockets. Pchew! Pchew! Boooooooooooooom! Tee hee hee!

: Um...thanks. But why exactly are you telling me all this?

: ...'Cause Mr. Bear told me to.

: Penny, you are one weird kid.

: Aaaaand she's gone. Of course she is. Well, that's it. I hope you're as creeped out by that as I was.

...Yeah. Penny just brings out the crazy. Mr. Bear just brings the judgement.


Chapter 23, in which we could have had a good challenge, but Isabella ruined that for us:

: It's me again! Thank you, thank you. Please, hold all applause until the end.

: Not again...

: I just came by to see how my faithful servant is doing.

: I was fine until you showed up.

: Quiet, servant! I have a list of complaints about you! My dresses aren't ironed, my bed isn't made, my room is covered with dust... My breakfast isn't prepared, my floors aren't washed, my windows aren't cleaned... My tub isn't grouted, my shower is covered in mildew, the septic tank needs a good scrubbing...

: STOP! Please, just...just stop. I really have a lot of other things to be thinking about right now.

: I gave you wonderful advice, and still you refuse to be my servant! It's not a dead-end job, you know. There are career-advancement opportunities. If I like you, you might become my Chauffeur. Or my scullery maid!

: That's really OK.

: Well, I'll give you one more chance. I'm going to give you some great battle tips, and if you think they're useful... You agree to enter a lifetime of servitude! Totally fair, right?

: Please stop talking.

: Transport your infantry to the missile silos in the NW and SE, then fire missiles at the rockets to reduce the risk of indirect attacks. Oh, and keep your units separated until the Great Owl has finished attacking. When you're ready, take the enemy's west port and head toward their HQ. So, are you my servant now?

: Look, I appreciate the advice, but...

: Great! You'll do it! I'm so happy, I'll even give you a little shed to sleep in.

: Maybe she'll stop talking if I pretend to fall asleep...

: And that's all for today! Now, servant go get my shoes!

Sorry Will, sleeping won't help. I tried that once. I just got shaken until I responded. Enjoy the servitude! The Tactics Room outright states the Great Owl leaves, which doesn't sit well with me.


Chapter 24, in which SWEET CORN CASSEROLE!:

: William. We meet again.

: Cyrus! Hey, what are you--

: I will now explain the optimum strategy for this stage. Your attention, please.

: Wait, hold on. How did you get on board the Great Owl? And why is there a big war room inside a plane?

: William, please. You must not ask such questions.

: Why not?

: The war room is a place of strategy. We would do well not to get bogged down in details.

: He's right, Will. Listen to him.

: Yes, servant! Act your age!

: Why's everyone ganging up on me?! What did I do? And why is SHE here?!

: In the war room, things are not quite as...strict as they are in the rest of the world.

: Yeah, but...

: I am glad that you understand. Now we must discuss the strategy for the battle.

And there's the entertainment value of having a room be outside the realm of the actual map.

: Your initial attack is crucial. Minimize damage by thinking about which units work best together. Indirect-attack units can be ignored until you are in range. The enemy will send reinforcements, so be ready. Time your attacks so it's still your turn when they arrive. And try to take out one whole side before the enemy can strike!

: Understood!

: And as Lin said, try not to worry too much. Let your instincts take over.

: Got it!

: That is all. Good luck, William.

I actually like Cyrus. Poor guy never got a chance to be his own man.


Chapter 25, in which our favourite character finally dies:

: I'm baaaaaaaaack! Yay for me! Oh, my adoring fans must be so happy to see me again.

: Not really, no.

: Hey now! YOu're supposed to be my servant!

: I remember you saying something about that...

: Well, you have been a poor, inattentive servant! In fact, you are the worst servant ever! For that reason, this is the very last time I will grace you with my fabulous advice!

: I can live with that.

: Leave the meteor fragments to slow down the enemy. Destroy the missiles and take the central cities and airport. When you get the chance, use bombers to take out the war tanks. This will be a long battle. Be patient, and let the enemy come to you.

: Mmmm.

: That's it? That's all you have to say?

: I appreciate the advice, but I don't think we have much in common. Maybe you could find someone else to talk to?

: Such a rude servant!

: That's the end on the Tabitha's Tactics! I hope to see all you again. Except for my rude servant!

Coincidentally, the last time we ever see Tabitha, as she vanishes after this mission. Oh well. You may notice that Chapter 26, the final mission, is missing. That is because I enjoy keeping the map secret. What's life without a little mystery (and hope), after all? That Tactics Room will show up in the mission itself.