Part 25: Chapter 25 (Battle) - My Dude Vs. Rose Kuroda
Update 25 (Battle) - My Dude Vs. Rose KurodaIt's time.
You young ‘uns better pay attention to this battle. They might just be ACOs, but I’ve heard about my dude, and if Rose considers him an equal, then I’m certain that this is going to be a battle to remember.
Maybe just as legendary of a clash as you and Edgar, or Hachi! Oh, that was a long time ago, Max. Those days are long behind me.
So, here are the deployments for today.
Today’s Deployments
First Front
Rin, Infantry
Dave, Mech
Julian, Tank
Fliss, Anti-Air
Ludmilla, Anti-Air
Gordon, Anti-Air
Boris, Anti-Air
Eduard, Anti-Air
Von Panzer, Recon
Ingo, Artillery
Lucy, Artillery
Lloyd, Artillery
Second Front
Diana, Infantry
Carter, Mech
Klara, Mech
Alina, Mech
Kira, Mech
Fenya, Mech
Dimitri, Tank
Anna, Tank
Yakov, Recon
Inessa, Recon
Anton, Missiles
Eduard
Age: 19
Personality: Short, easy to anger.
Proficiencies: Recon, Anti-Air, Infantry, Black Boat
Kira
Age: 23
Personality: Beauty-obsessed ballgown wearer.
Proficiencies: Tank, Mech, Neotank, Bomber
Anna
Age: 30
Personality: Chilled-out, amateur acoustic guitarist.
Proficiencies: Tank, Battleship, Submarine, Lander
OK, let's get going! So, uh, if it's not already abundantly clear, I'm not gonna win this without taking some casualties. Thankfully, we're still in paintball mode, so that's not going on my permanent record.
First thing I do on the main front is move all my troops up (and send Fliss to the second front) but without getting into the range of that tank over there. The last thing I need is to have a tank harassing me. I'll need to be careful about luring it in.
Rose's turn. I bet she's already got the whole battle, turn for turn, mapped out.
A recon and a mech approach, but not much else. Unsurprisingly, it's the fuckload of copters on the second front that I'm more worried about.
Speaking of, second front turn. The only real option is just to start running the hell away with my mechs.
Tragically, two movement does not get you very far, but the rest of my units can meet them halfway, at least. Having Anton's missiles on hand is going to be useful.
Hopefully, anyway. Please don't all charge me, please don't all-
god damn it rose
I think it's safe to assume that if I don't want Rose to do it, she's going to do it. She's not like the other COs I've fought thus far. She's probably in one of those copters, commanding things directly from the battlefield.
Just need to maintain balance on the first front until I've dealt with Rose's copter squadron of bullshittery on the second front, I think.
Which isn't easy when there's a medium tank and battle copter headed my way soon, and I still don't have the funds to deploy anything useful. Ludmilla,
I think the solution to the second front is "throw anti-airs at the problem until it goes away", so I deploy Eduard. He'll be on his way to the second front soon enough/
Now we can take out this recon safely before luring the tank, too. Lucy shoots it for most of its HP.
And I send Von Panzer to finish it; he's in tank range, but come on, it's Von Panzer. He's gonna live.
My anti-airs down south are gonna go ham on that battle copter the minute it crosses the river. I'm not letting that thing get close to my other vehicles and foot units.
God, I'm suddenly second-guessing everything. How the hell do you out-think an ACO like Rose Kuroda?
I'm afraid you cannot rely on a lucky hit to survive me, Commander my dude."Luck?" Von Panzer barks as the tank opens fire, covering him in paintballs.
"It is not luck that lets me persist! Nein! It is pure, iron will!"
...A miscalculation? Impossible.
There's more where that came from, kid!
As punishment for Von Panzer surviving a rather crucial blow, Rose parks her battle copter in the one goddamn space on the map that my anti-airs can't hit it from.
And it's in range of the vehicles and foot soldiers that I just promised it would not hit.
Well, this is a fine mess, but I've no time to worry about that right now. Got second front things to do.
Rose is good at keeping her copters out of danger on both fronts, it seems. I'm gonna have to use some of my soldiers as bait if I want these copters dead from missiles.
I can at least take one of them out with Fliss.
I arrange my soldiers like so, preparing for a copter storm. Can you see my big mistake?
It'll become clear in a second.
...Yeah... kinda left Anton open to being attacked by bro copters.
"I've taken three hits." Anton says, looking around. "Am I... already out?"
"Looks like it." Diana replies grimly. "Dimitri, there's no way we're gonna hold off this many copters. What do we do?"
Dimitri shakes his head. "No idea. Wait for reinforcements from the main front, I guess. Not much else we can do."
Unfortunately, Anton's not the only casualty.
"Dimitri, copter-!" Diana shouts, but Dimitri is already on it, and manages to drive his tank away - he only gets hit by two paint splatters.
"Damn, they're not holding back at all. And I thought our previous fight was already us giving 100%." Dimitri murmurs.
Well, this is going swimmingly.
He said, sarcastically.
Now the copters are scattered amongst my units on the second front, and I have no conceivable way to hit the bro copter on the first front, I decide to send Ludmilla and Boris to the second front.
And then I get another one. As many anti-airs as it takes, I swear I will fucking buy them. This one's Gordon!
There is one good thing, at least. With this tank lured neatly into range, I can take it out with a Lucy/Dave combo.
"Alright, that's three hits, off you go." Dave says to the soldier in the tank, letting out a sigh. "Now how the hell are we supposed to go for the middle island base?"
"With that medium tank hanging around, no way!" Lucy cries.
Yeah, I can't approach that island now that the medium tank's coming over. I need something to deal with that, but I've barely any funds as it is. I'm sending my infantry, Rin, north to start firing off silos and capturing things.
Next problem to deal with is that copter, which is probably about to come over and annoy me.
...Fuck, that's unexpected. Wasn't paying attention down below - at least Gordon can heal up before he goes to the second front, but that's still a lot of damage.
"Oh, hello-" Dave grunts as a copter opens fire on him, splattering him with paintballs. "Looks like we've got company of a different kind, never mind that medium tank!"
A medium tank and an artillery charge forward, whilst below, the foot soldiers are heading across the river. I need to maintain my ground, but it's not looking ideal.
Neither's the second front, to be fair. Let's see if we can thin out the copter crowd a little.
Fliss...
Boris...
...and Ludmilla all tell the copters to eat shit.
Have you still not located Rose's copter? Not yet. If I can take out Rose, that'd be ideal, but there's a lot of copters to check. Wait, she isn't... is she in the copter on the first front?
OK, I'll have to check that next turn. For now, I've got a decent setup on the second front - I mean, when you're not worried about casualties, beating maps becomes easier. I think literally everyone save for the anti-airs could get slaughtered on that second front and I'd still win.
...But, you know, I'd rather not have everyone get taken out.
Rose, however, cares not a jot for my silly desire to keep people alive and not drenched in paint.
...Wait, dialogue? So she's going to-
OH, FUCK.
Welp, the power of Rose's battle copters just got jacked up from "fucking ridiculous" to "genuinely game-breaking". Here we go.
Anna gets blasted with paint three times before she even knows what's going on.
"Oh, no! I was going to... man, battle copters are not fun to fight when you're in a tank." she sighs.
The next copter opens fire on Inessa, but she scrapes by with barely any HP remaining - she only takes two hits from the paint.
"Phew! That was a close one. I've gotta be careful!" Inessa cries. "Everyone else OK?"
"Uh," Alina says, staring down at the copter coming towards her.
"Let me get back to you on that one!"
"Alina's out too, hm?" Fenya replies.
"You're next, look out!" Diana says sharply, but it's too late.
Another one bites the dust. Or, I guess, another one gets covered in paint.
How many fucking copters were there? My god, this is just a slaughter.
Finally, one of the copters gets the last hit on Dimitri, forcing him to retire.
"Sorry, folks, I'd better go. Rules are rules and all. Don't hold back on them, d'you hear me?"
Jesus Christ, Rose, did you have to go so hard? Please tell me I got my CO Power from that, at least.
Well, we have to worry about the first front first. And that copter, which may or may not be the one Rose is in...
"I'm going to weaken the medium tank! Can you guys take it from there?" Rin says as she prepares the silo. Dave winces.
"I, uh... genuinely don't know, kid. But if you can hit it, we can hit twice more, I'm sure." he replies. "Once someone gets this copter off my back, anyway."
Unfortunately, that'll have to wait to next turn - Gordon wasn't quite able to reach the copter. If that is Rose, she's going to capitalise on this, for sure.
Please be nice, please be nice, please be-
Oh, god damn it, another?! I must be pushing her if she's forced to use her COP so soon after her SCOP.
This should hurt less, at least? That's a positive, right?
The medium tank and artillery move to what I would refer to as "way too fucking close", whilst the copter goes for Lucy, but doesn't scratch a kill.
"Orders are to find out who's in the copter? If it's Rose, we can take her out and we'll be at the advantage!" Lucy says, staring up at the bro copter currently attacking her. "Who's up there..? I can just about make them out..?"
The foot soldiers are crossing the river, too. This is all very upsetting.
Right. Time to start fixing all of the shit that's going wrong. And that begins by getting rid of these godforsaken copters.
I think it's extremely distressing that thanks to the 10% defence buff from using a SCOP, I am now no longer guaranteed to kill these bro copters with anti-airs.
Anti-airs one-shotting copters is like, a fact of life! Hold on, I need a backup strategy.
H-hey, wait--!
Too late, airstrike time.
But like, airstrikes filled with paint. I feel like that pushes credibility a bit, but fuck it.
Canonically, this isn't what my SCOP does, but also, I like airstrikes and need some for this map.
The mechs get hit twice, and the lower copters get hit once. Not fantastic but useful damage nonetheless. At the very least it'll slow down those mechs a bit so I can finish off the copters before I have to worry about them.
Fliss finishes off another copter, splatting it in paint from afar.
"Still no Rose..." she murmurs. "Of course she wouldn't be easy to find..."
I think I've pretty handily got the second front sorted now - it's just cleanup at this point, and my anti-airs can handle that, no problem.
The first front... is gonna need some work.
Go on, Kuroda, do your worst.
And, without the huge boost in power afforded by Rose's SCOP...
...It takes two bro copters to take out Kira.
"Oh, you've got paint all over my dress! How barbaric. I'm gonna have to clean this out now... might need to get a professional in. Urgh."
"You brought a dress to a battlefield. Can I ask what on earth you were expecting?" Diana comments. Kira doesn't dignify her with a response.
Right, Rose in her goddamn copter have to go, first order of business.
Gordon, crush it.
"Sorry, Rose!" he says, firing off rounds of paintballs. As they splatter into the bro copter, there's a laugh from inside the cockpit. It doesn't sound like the laugh of an eleven-year-old girl.
"It's Peregrine, folks! Sorry, no Rose here. I'll bow out for now!"
Commander my dude... I know it's my most notable proficiency in combat, but when on earth did I say I was in a battle copter? Because- wait, so... What's she using, then? It would have to be something she's proficient in, and something where she can command the battlefield..? Oh, fuck. The medium tank! Of COURSE!
She's in the goddamn medium tank, I should have realised. Shit! No wonder the main front's going so poorly, she was commanding it herself from a front-row seat. Lucy, take that tank out! Or, y'know, weaken it.
"Got another hit in!" Lucy shouts. "One more and Rose has to leave the battlefield. That'll put us at the advantage, right?"
"Certainly will, but even if she's taken out and starts commanding from afar like my dude does... Rose ain't gonna give up easy." Dave mutters.
Still can't afford a medium tank, and I don't know how useful a regular tank's going to be against Rose, so I deploy Ingo as an artillery instead. He should be able to help if Rose does push ahead.
This looks more dire than it is. Gordon can head south to take out the infantry units trying to capture my bases; I only needed him up north to take out that copter. Dave and Von Panzer are probably gonna go down, but that gives me some time to build a defensive presence down below, where Ingo can continue firing at Rose. Rin, all the way up north, just needs to stay the hell out of everyone's way until Rose is finished off.
Then again, Rose accounts for everything... I can't rely on any dumb luck. I just have to outsmart her, and keep outsmarting her, until the battle's done.
Rose's artillery friend does not go for Lucy like I was expecting, but instead targets Gordon. That's already a bad start.
This means Gordon's no longer capable of holding back those infantry down south. Even with the overwhelming strength of anti-airs against foot soldiers, a 1HP anti-air's not gonna be doing much.
Rose, you're... actually doing it! This is amazing! ...Are you alright? You're sweating. It is... taking all of my energy... to focus on this fight. A single slip-up and my dude will crush me. I admit that freely. I just have to ensure that I make no mistakes...
Speaking of those foot soldiers I can't hold back, they're now capturing one of my bases.
Rose herself turns on Dave.
"I'm sorry, Dave. I must show my dude how much I have grown. And if I have to do that by defeating my old friends... then I will."
"Don't hold back." Dave says, grinning. "I can take it. You'd better make your shot count or I'll take you out first!"
Well, she didn't hold back. Dave was taken out, unfortunately. Medium tanks really are tough.
But anyway, who cares about that when we've got an infestation of bro copters to take out on the second front?
Just gotta finish them all off. I think we have enough firepower to do it this turn, at least.
Ah yes, we can take out this one with Ludmilla...
And, with a bit of rearranging, Fliss can finish off the final copter. Whew. That was... rough.
Now to win the second front, we just have to finish off the mechs, which isn't going to be hard, but it is going to take several turns to get over to them. Just kind of annoying, really.
We get a nice handy SCOP when it's done though, so I can't argue with that. A SCOP might be what we need to turn things around on the first front.
The mechs just kind of wander around, capturing random stuff. They're... they're not doing much to threaten me.
Right, back to the first front. Gonna pull it back. Watch this.
Lucy does more damage to Rose.
"That's three hits, isn't it?"
"I believe the stated rules, that we all agreed on before the battle, afford medium tanks five hits before they exit the battle." Rose says. "I'm sorry, but it's not enough, Lucy."
Lucy grins. "Don't worry - my dude's not finished yet, and neither are we!"
"Hm. True. His soldiers really are something else." Rose mutters. "But I'll pull out all of the stops if that's what it takes to beat you."
I decide that, whilst waiting for Rose to come down south, I can use Ingo to take care of this base-capturing nonsense going on, so I move him into range. Meanwhile, I hit this infantry with Gordon. I know I said it was useless to do so, but this does have a tactical advantage. Even 1 damage stops this infantry from 2-turn-capturing my base, giving Ingo the time he needs to lay on his shots.
With the last of his strength, Von Panzer attacks the artillery. Any damage is good damage right now - we just need to hold them off until the second front's done with.
Once I get my SCOP, it'll be a different story. Anyhow, I deploy another anti-air for taking out those infantry units, Eduard.
Just... need to stop Rose being, well, Rose, for a bit. If she could let up for like two turns, please...
No such luck - the artillery goes for Lucy, and finishes her off.
"Aw, darn! I was gonna beat you, Rose, I promise!"
"I'm sure of it. That's why I needed to get rid of you." Rose says, giving a rare smile. "I know just how strong you are, Queen of the Skies."
This, meanwhile, was genuinely totally unexpected. I forgot about the sillos, and I'm gonna pay for it.
Because unfortunately, Gordon does not survive this. That's... probably not surprising.
"I'll have to get going. A shame - the paint all over the ground would make a wonderful place to take pictures!"
"Hey, stay focussed!" Eduard shouts. "I'm gonna finish off anyone who gets close to me, I swear!"
Meanwhile, Rose tires of Von Panzer surviving her units' attacks.
"If you want something done right..." she murmurs to herself. "Your survival this time does not factor into my calculations. Victory is assured."
"So you keep saying, Mädchen. But you don't sound as sure as you often do, hmph!" Von Panzer replies. Rose winces.
"I... victory is assured. Even against my dude... I'm certain."
Rin breathes out. "She's never sounded so nervous before. Maybe for once, she can't see the future of the battlefield. My dude's not as predictable as other foes she's fought!"
Rose's units continue charging mine, and that recon on its way to my HQ is shaping up to be rather fucking irritating. I'll deal with that in a second.
The second front is way more chill now that nothing's actually bothering me. I can just take out the mechs at my leisure.
And when I say "my leisure", I mean "as quickly as possible so that I can get a SCOP on the first front, thank you very much". Everyone splits up to charge the two groups of mechs.
Rose's mechs, uh, don't do much.
Besides continue capturing, but that's like, whatever. We expect that from enemy mechs.
Ingo begins firing on the infantry capturing this base, but annoyingly, he can't nab a kill.
I need something that isn't made of paper defensively. And all I can afford is a tank, so it'll have to do.
Julian bows graciously. "I am ready for combat. My intelligence tells me that this battle requires a strong counterattack to push back the Yellow Comet forces."
"Yeah, no kidding, genius." Ingo mutters to himself. "Just get ready, Julian, the enemy's nearly on top of us."
Oh, huh, I have my SCOP already. Should probably use that, but I need more units on the field first to take advantage of it.
Somehow, I'm gonna guess that Rose does all of the things I don't want her to do.
Yup, definitely didn't want that to happen.
This Dick Captures A Property: 24
That's annoying too, but not unexpected. At least I should be able to take it out with my units around here.
Rose herself comes bearing down towards my HQ. I really need to do something about that, as well as all the other bullshit going on.
God, I wish the second front units came to the first front after you won. That'd be great, a ton of anti-airs, a tank and recons would be ideal right now.
Unfortunately, thanks to the goddamn trees everywhere, we're still not quite at the mechs yet. Can't finish this front off, but we've thinned the crowd down south, at least.
Thankfully, the mechs are just gonna sit and capture as per-
Fuck
God, I must be getting stressed. Making obvious, silly mistakes now. Just need to keep it together... don't let her get in your head. I'm goddamn Commander my dude. I can do this.
"Point me in the right direction!" Julian says.
This time, since I have no airstrikes, my SCOP just increases the attack and movement range of my grounded vehicle units.
So, we can finish off this infantry with Ingo...
And Eduard does a legitimately frightening amount of damage to this recon. I don't think this is supposed to happen.
"So, you're Miss Rose Kuroda, once a detective of Yellow Comet's government?"
Rose widens her eyes. "I... yes. You are... new, I take it?"
"I am Julian." Julian says proudly. "And I will be finishing you off today!"
"That won't guarantee your victory, I'm afraid." Rose murmurs.
Julian's shot rings true, and Rose Kuroda's medium tank is taken out at last!
"I'll go back to the HQ and command the battle from there. Do not let up your assault, troops." Rose replies. "We've got him on the ropes - we cannot let him gain back any ground!"
I deploy Lloyd also, since Ingo's nearly out of HP already, and that mech's probably gonna take him out next turn. This is gonna be a tough place to pull back from.
At the very least, no medium tank to worry about.
As predicted, the mech's going for Ingo. More concerningly, up north, you'll see an artillery and tank have cornered Rin. No airport for us, I'm afraid.
And a godDAMN SILO ON MY VEHICLES.
Aaaaargh. I just bought those, Rose, can they at least have full HP for a turn or two before you splat them?
"Looks like I gotta go!" Rin says, looking up worriedly. "Things aren't looking so good over there... pull it back, my dude! I believe in you!"
I intend to pull it back. Just need this fucking second front to go away already. It's not been a problem for like three turns but taking out these mechs is gonna take a while.
Well, let's make a start then. Fliss goes after this one first. Down below, we finish everything off, at least.
And now we have to wait an extra turn because I don't quite have the firepower or the movement to take out this last mech. Gah.
No, no, s'cool. I can do this.
You can fuck off for starters. Eduard does a number on him.
Julian continues defending this entry point by taking out the recon. If I can just get a bit of time and retake that base, I can build up a stronger force to hold Rose off...
Unfortunately, that base has a tank on it. More problems that I simply don't have the units to properly fend off.
This could hurt.
God fucking dammit, would you stop with the silos?! My units take yet another hit to their HP.
This mech goes for Eduard, but even in his weakened state, Eduard finishes the mech off. He's not doing well, though. The tank's probably gonna finish him off, at which point it'll be in range of Lloyd.
This tank throws hands with Julian, which is a roughly equal match. Still, the less damage Julian takes, the better.
...And Rose is too smart for me, going for Lloyd instead of Eduard, and blowing him up. Fuuuck.
I... there has to be a way to win. I just need to figure it out...
First we hit this mech...
...to take it out and win the second front, fully charging my CO Meter.
There we go! Progress!
You've won the battle, but not the war, my dude. I accounted for the loss of the second front in my strategy.
Right, now I just... well, I can't really abuse my SCOP when I've only got two units, both on super low HP.
Julian tangles with this tank, but...
He gets
"How unfortunate. I'll step out of the battle for now, then." Julian says, sighing.
"Wait, just me left?!" Eduard says. "You fucking kidding me? How the hell am I supposed to deal with all this?"
I move Eduard to the base. I just...
I can't have...
...But I'm...
I've never... I can't lose...
M-my dude LOST?! I... I have to go. Ho ho. Rose, you did it. I told you that you were capable. You should be pleased. I... I am, I'm just...surprised. Might I speak with Commander my dude? Oh, sure! He's-- wait, where'd he go? I think he's gone back to his office. Regardless, that was an exceptional battle, Rose. I see now what my dude meant when he said you were talented. I... thank you all so much. Now, I suppose, it is finally time to move on to fighting Black Hole. I apologise for my selfish desire to test my skills against my dude. Don't apologise! He needed to get knocked down a peg or two. He looked pretty distraught. You think we should see if he's OK? Hmph! He can mope in his office forever for all I care! We've got to take care of Black Hole. I don't have time to coddle him for losing against some kid!
Gwar har har! Let's get going to the next battlefield, then!
Yeah, finally, man. I think we've wasted enough time here. (My dude...)***
Update 26 (Intermission) - The Measure Of A Man