The Let's Play Archive

Alice in Wonderland

by FredMSloniker

Part 13: In which roles are reversed and mirrors are doors.

Right, let's get this party started. You know, I've never actually walked through a mirror before.

You sound like you've tried.

Well, you know... sometimes you wonder... when you're really tired...

Woo. That was trippy. The room sure looks different from this side, though.

Well, I experienced much the same thing. At least there aren't any little chessmen scattered about.

That would be kind of cool, actually.

Yay, it's the White Rabbit! He's much fuzzier in person.

Are you crazy? You missed the sentencing. Now you've almost missed the trial and the Queen's been calling for you.

What're you doing here, anyway? Don't you have some gloves to find or something?

I call witnesses and send evildoers to the Queen. Speak to her with your knees bent.

That's actually an important tip; we'll meet the Queen soon enough, and she won't answer any conversation options unless you're crouched. We'll meet other characters with specific conversation requirements later. One I haven't mentioned is that you have to be normal-sized to have conversations; if you're small, they can't hear you, and if you're large, they're too frightened to speak.

Doesn't your tongue ever get tired?

Relax, Mister Rabbit. I'm just filling the folks at home in on a detail or two.

You wouldn't say that if you knew the situation. He's rather shy about introductions.

Heh. I see what you did there.

This is no laughing matter.

Yeah, it's more of a smirking matter. Anyway, I'm gonna check out what's behind that door.

Whoa. That's, uh... that's a big axe.

Hold still. Shoulders back, head straight, follow through with the swing.

Yeah, I'm thinking... no. Is it cool with you if I just squeeze past you there, big guy?

Hold still. Shoulders back, head straight, follow through with the swing.

Uh, are you listening to me?

Hold still. Shoulders back, head straight, follow through with the swing.

It looks like you could hop over him on those small platforms.

Hold still. Shoulders back, head straight, follow through with the swing.

It looks that way, doesn't it? But check out what happens when I do.

What happened?

When you try to pass the executioner, instead of bouncing off of him like earlier obstacles, you get teleported here. It's no big deal, though. As you can see, this isn't exactly Alcatraz. I'll just hop out.

How will you get past him on the way back, though?

I'm sure I'll work it out.

For instance, I could ask this nice lady to let me out.

Kneel when you speak to me, Child!

Whoops, sorry. Excuse me, ma'am, but how do I get out of here, anyway?

If you wanted justice, you should have bought a first class ticket. Off with her head!

I don't think that's how you speak to a queen.

I'm not English; how should I know how to speak to a queen?

I don't accept pleas of insanity. Off with her head!

Uh, sorry, ma'am, I was talking to my friend. My invisible friend.

Obstruction of trial. That's a free penalty kick and the loss of a head. Off with her head!

Hey, give me a break, huh? I like my head, and I intend to keep it.

I'll pardon you if you can answer a riddle that's been puzzling me ever since the last prisoner asked it.

You're born with it. It always goes away when you stand up but always comes back when you sit down. It's a ---.

Duh. That's an easy one. It's a  lap .

You may now pass the executioner.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

No judge. Shouldn't the King of Hearts be here?

It's not like he would have helped you any.

Oh, hello again. What are you doing here?

We meet at last, Moriarity--and what a frightfully clever disguise.

Wait, what? I thought you were some African explorer guy.

Don't try to get off by pretending you're insane. You know I'm Sherlock Hatter.

If you're a famous detective, then I'm the Queen of France.

Ha! I know that Alice is merely an alias.

It's no such thing!

I think I can handle this, dear.

I'd rather have you make a confession. What do you say? It's good for book sales if not for the soul.

Let me think about it a minute. Yyyyyyyyyyyno.

Help! I'm surrounded by a rising sea of impertinence.

Whoa, no need to freak out there.

When you meet the Queen of Hearts, you'll be in the lap of justice.

Do you think that counts as a subtle hint or a blatant clue?

I think that counts as a reason to leave.

Nobody here either. The Queen fancies being judge and jury.

But not executioner, thankfully. Can we get out of here now?

Yeah, we're done here. Time to go check out the other false mirror. Folks at home, put on your Yakkity Sax!

Hey, you didn't recolor my sprite!

If you think I'm going to recolor eight hundred different versions of you, you're quite mad.

Fair enough.

So there was no point to going in there at all?

None whatsoever. The other false mirror has the tiniest of points, though; it's also a much larger, more interesting place. But it'll have to wait until next time.

No it won't.

...what do you mean? We're doing one false mirror this update and one the next.

That was your plan. I think this update isn't long enough.

But if we put them both in one update, it'll be huge! Besides, my legs are tired.

I'm sorry, what was that? You'd like me to walk you into a wall repeatedly?

You wouldn't.

Watch me.



All right, all right. I was kind of disappointed in how short that area was anyway.


Well, here's the other false mirror. As I mentioned previously, there's not a lot of point to going into either of these.

They're pretty cool to look at, though, and why not? We only just hit Day 2, so it's not like we're hurting for time.

These colors make my brain hurt.

Who thought purple and green together were a good idea?

You mean besides Anno Hideki?


Nevermind. What's this?

It is a marzipan dreadnought that seems to have melted and stuck.

Eeew. I hate marzipan.

I wouldn't want to eat it. Who knows how long it's been there?

At least I'm not allergic to nuts. Doesn't look like there's anything else in here, so let's go out.

'Alice in Wonderland', now in... wiiiidescreeeeeen!

Please don't yell.

As you can see, there are two possible exits from this area. As it turns out, though, the only difference between the two... which door you enter here. (The left doors connect, as do the right doors.) You can also see a cake and an elixir. It's slim treasure, but slim is better than none. But how to collect it and reach the White Rabbit?

Well, I do it like this.

The Queen wants to see you.

Didn't I just talk to her?

The Queen wants to see you in the lower cricket ground.

Didn't I just talk to you, for that matter?

The Queen wants to see you in the lower cricket ground.

Ano? Moshi moshi?

The Queen wants to see you in the lower cricket ground.

Fine, fine, I'll go see the queen, yeesh. At least I've got that cricket bat.

Hey, this isn't cricket! This is croquet! I want my money back!

But you didn't pay anything!

Quiet, you.

You're rather fat for a card; and you really ought to see a tailor. I can't tell what suit you are.

So which is it, anyway? Cricket or croquet?

I've just been shuffled and don't know where anyone is.

Oh, right, you have a flamingo under your arm. I remember that part of the book.

If I were you, I'd get a hedgehog and start being terrible. The Queen hates to lose.

Sure, I can do that. Where are the hedgehogs, anyway?

OK, how wonderful. I missed the hedgehog again.

Never mind, I'll find one myself. Maybe they're off to the left.

Fore! Whoops, wrong game.

Well, this isn't the way.

That doesn't look as easy to escape from as the other one did.

Yeah, you'd need to shrink to fit through that small gap in the wall. I'm going to avoid being put there in the first place, though.

Hello again, your majesty. How goes it?

Off with the gardeners' heads and be quick about it!

Why, what'd they do?

Why not?

And you thought I abused my power.

You did!

Incompetence is no excuse. Even if you didn't bring a knife, you could have brought a spoon.

That doesn't even make sense!

You'd be cross too if you didn't have enough teapots for brewing.

Oh no, no teapots for you. I'm just going to walk over here...

...and walk right back again.

If you were larger, couldn't you just--

No no, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. They put that gap there to make me think I could bypass him, but I know better. Instead, I go back to the Queen and give her a teapot.

Thank you. Anything else?

Okay, I give her two teapots.

Thank you. Anything else?

...okay, I give her all of my teapots.

Now I can make tea for the Mad Hatter. I'm off to the museum. Ta, ta.

And she's gone.

But so is the executioner.

What if you needed those teapots somewhere else?

This game isn't that cruel. If you hadn't gotten them before coming here, we'd be stuck, though.

Hooray for rampant kleptomania!

Hey, it's another card player.

Time out. Time out. My hedgehog has to sneeze.

This guy doesn't have anything really interesting to say, so I'm going to walk past him.

You gave me a hard time when I did that!

Yes. Yes I did.

But this guy is a lot more fun.

You shouldn't bite those nails, you know. They might bite back some day.

Hey there. You enjoying yourself, popping from place to place and giving surprisingly specific hints?

My, you're a chatty little thing. You must be part parrot.

Aww, don't give me a hard time. I'm just trying to give Alice a break.

Who cares? Little girls stay in Wonderland. Queens may go where they want--even up to the surface.

Yeah, we kind of figured that out. The first time you told us.

Why leave? It's no different than out there, you know.

Bite me, wonder kitty.

Saying that you'll bite me is a threat, not an argument.

Maybe you could be a bit less... snarky?

Yeah, you're right. C'mere, kittycat. I bet you want a big ol' hug.

Yeow! Don't pet me. Here's a clue if you'll just stay away. The looking glass only works at twelve.

You notice the game likes dropping clues to puzzles in, like, six different places? Kind of diminishes the joy in figuring them out.

On the other hand, would you have finished the game at 11 without them?

Hm. Good question. Anyway, let's move on.

This is not a mall.

There seems to be an odd preponderance of Ms and Bs. It's not overwhelming, but it happens often enough that I'm noticing it.

Well, one of Lewis Carroll's other works did have a lot of B words, but I dunno where the Ms are coming from. Anyway, let's get out of here.

I thought you said this door went to the garden?

It does. That was a one-way exit. Anyway, let's get out of here.

Yes, I've seen quite enough of the Queen of Hearts.

Whew! I'm beat.

Now you know what it's like.

Yes, and now you know what it's like. Ready to trade back?

I don't know...

You really want to reshade all those images for another update?

I'll go back, I'll go back! How do we do this?

Just follow my lead. Next time on 'Alice in Wonderland', Alice actually advances the plot!

We have a plot?