Part 20: In which Alice unlocks a series of doors in the shape of people.

Well, I feel quite rested now. I'm going to come down from this tree and have a look farther on.




Oh dear.

The animgif doesn't show it, but that ferret actually starts out under the stairs; I'm not sure if you have time to run past it before it gets into position, or if it's just trying to trick you into losing something to its sticky paws.

It doesn't matter anyway; I can parasol down from that tree branch and avoid it.

Also, in case you were wondering, the glitch in the stairs is because of the way Alice transitions from one screen to the next vertically; you may have noticed it in previous screenshot composites, but it's pretty blatant here. It doesn't impede her climbing.



Hooray! I've come to the right place after all! I was beginning to worry.

You can't get in without a ticket nohow.

Wait, ticket? No one told me about a ticket. Did I miss a ticket office or something?

Nope. You'll have to persuade him to let you past.

You must be one of the Baker's nightmares. They're always keeping him up at night.

No, my name's Alice. And you are?

Tweedledum, head ticket taker.

I see. I met your brother earlier, and I can certainly see the resemblance.

I don't look a bit like my brother. I'm the handsome one.

Oh, I don't deny it. I don't suppose you'd be interested in something else in lieu of a ticket? Saaay... this nice new rattle?

The Bellman's always trying to add to his collection of bats.

It worked! He took it and left.

How'd you know you needed to give him the rattle?

Well, it was either him or his brother, and his brother didn't seem interested in a bribe.

Fair enough. Onward!



It's quite lovely in here. That tree gives the room a pleasant feeling of nature.

You've been experiencing the 'pleasant feeling of nature' for hours. I'd think you'd be sick of trees.



And a fountain! Ah, it's nice to have water I don't have to swim in. I think I'll take a little break.



Gonna climb down that ladder?

Eventually, I'm sure, but I think I'll keep going this way for now.



It's the White Queen again! Hello, Your Majesty.

Did I lose me again or did I lose something else? There are just so many things to keep track of.

Why are you jittering around like that, Your Majesty?

I'll be so glad when we all disappear. It's so hard to remember.

I don't like the thought of disappearing at all, remembering or no.

I'd let you by, child, if I could just remember which way I was supposed to go. I seem to have lost my way too.

It'd help if I knew where you hoped to end up.

The Red Queen was so sure that you'd keep my brooch and that I'd never see you again.

Oh, your brooch! That's right, I have it right here.

Wonderful! Now I only have to see the Barrister about the stolen buttercups.

And she's left too. I'm finally starting to get rid of some of these otherwise useless objects.

Hooray for fetch quests!



It's Big Ben!

Meh, it's not that big.



Hm. I'm not sure which way to go from here; there are too many choices.

Go up first.

Well, all right. It's a good thing I have this top hat.



I suppose you want to know how to become a queen too like all the rest of those silly wretches.

I do, in fact. It's the only way for me to get back home, or so I'm told. Can you tell me how to do it, please?

If everyone knew the answer, there'd be a shortage of thrones.

Oh, I don't mean to stay. I'm sure you're doing a fine job here--

Thank you. I rather like the way I rule too.

--but I simply must return to my home before the Red King wakes up.

You might send away in the mail for the correspondence course. It should only take fifty years or so.

Fifty years? I can't possibly wait that long! Please, you must tell me what I need to do!

To become a queen, you must have brains and not just an active tongue. Answer this for me: What is pleased and not pleased? What contains it all and yet contains nothing? I say it is -------.

Oh, that's an easy one.

So easy, in fact, that I've been avoiding blatant clues as to the answer.

It's  content .

 I hear the Mutton can help you become Queen. 

...I was hoping for something a little more... useful.

Don't sweat it. I'm sure it'll come in handy. Shall we move on?

Yes, I think I'll try that door next.



There certainly are a great many B words in this castle.

I quit playing the Queen's song a long time ago.

Oh, excuse me, I didn't see you there. What's your name?

The Music Box--known as 'The Old Cranker' throughout Looking-Glass Land.

And what's this Queen's song you mentioned? I'd very much like to hear it.

You can wheedle all you like; but I'm retired. Road concerts got to be such a bore.

I don't suppose there's anything I can do to persuade you to share it? For me?

I'm not lonely. The Bellman visits; but he's only in the Palace from four to six.

Yes, so I've heard.

...Alice, are you okay?

Why yes, why do you ask?

I dunno, you just seem really... calm.

Why would that be a bad thing?

Well, you've just been...

...?

...never mind. Maybe I'm the one who should relax.

Well, I always relax with a song.

Come on and give a cheer.
Queen Alice is finally here.
Now we can sit!
(To the tune of 'My Country 'Tis of Thee'.)

Hooray! I'm sure that tune will come in useful. Let's keep going!

_{Okay, this is starting to get creepy.}

Did you say something?

Just talking to myself!



Perhaps I should have gone up the stairs.

Everyone leaves snacks for Saint Nicholas. No one remembers the Easter Bunny. I ought to leave lumps of coal instead of eggs this year.

Ah well, I can talk to him from here. Excuse me, I thought you were the March Hare.

Agh! You see? No one asks Saint Nicholas that. I'm the Easter Bunny.

I do beg your pardon. I didn't mean to offend. Is there anything I can do to help you?

Only if you can lay double-grade A eggs.

...

Alice?

...I'm sorry. Did you say... eggs?

Well,it'sreallybeennicetalkingwithyoumisterbunnybutwereallygottagoseeyou!



Wait, what? What are we doing over here? Didn't you want me to talk to that nice rabbit?

Nono, that's nooot necessary, let's just keep going.

All right. I do hope I can find the Bellman soon. Oh, hello there!

Witnesses to the left, clients to the right and poor people out the door.

Um, I'm sorry. I don't quite understand...

You need practice in cross-examining witnesses.

I'm not a lawyer. I'm a little girl. My name's Alice. And who are you?

The Barrister from the firm of Eccles and Bluebottle.

Pleased to meet you, sir Barrister. I'm looking for the Bellman; have you seen him?

Oh, you're 'that' Alice. Here's a riddle that the Cheshire Cat left for you. Cups of gold lie in the dirt yet no one has put them there. Then they vanish yet no thief has taken them. They are ----------.

Why, I heard the answer to that not ten minutes ago. It's  buttercups .

So you like riddles! When you're talking with the Red Queen, you might remember what mutton is.

A little late with that piece of advice.

It's all right; he's out of the way now, so we can see what's behind him.



Hooray, it's the Bell Tower! The Bellman's sure to be here. ...but how will I reach him? I can't reach that rope with a whisker, and the ceiling is keeping me from flying up with my top hat.

That's what the cravat you got is for. Stand directly under the rope and give it a try.

All right. (I wonder where I got this, anyway? I don't quite remember.)



Ah, it's a rope like the whisker!

Exactly! But instead of going across, it goes up. This is the only room you need it in, if I remember right, but you can use it instead of the tophat in a number of locations.

I'd better hurry and start climbing if I'm going to reach the top in time!



Hm... I think I can use a whisker from the top of this rope to reach that one...



...and another to reach that ladder... my poor arms!



Hooray. I made it. And now I lie down.

Are you batty about bats too, or are you just plain batty?

Are... excuse me. Who are you?

I'm Batman.

...

...



...I have no idea why you just said that.

Sorry. Been waiting to do that all LP.

Well, now that you've got it out of your system...

The Bellman. You've never read my 'Batty About Bats?'

I'm afraid I haven't, actually.

I've the finest collection of bats--flying or otherwise.

'Or otherwise'? Hm. I happen to have a cricket bat in my possession. I don't suppose you'd be interested?

I say. I'm always interested in adding to my collection.

In that case, here you are.

You need the key and the crown.

Hm. I have a key, but I don't know if it's the key... and I certainly don't have a crown.

You'll have to come back here once you do.

Oh. Then this trip was a waste of time?

Not really. You unlocked a bunch of doors, so to speak, and you'll need that song to get the crown. Just come back here once you get it.

All right, then. But where shall I go from here?

Remember the fountain? Down the ladder will get you started.

Oh yes. I remember that now. We'd better hurry, though; I want to get back here in less than twelve hours.

Next time on 'Alice in Wonderland', we scramble to get that crown!

...did you say... scrambled?

_{Pleasedon'thurtme.}