Released in winter 2003, Armed and Dangerous is a third-person comedy shooter. Almost nothing in the game is taken seriously, whish is obvious when you glance at the weapons, which include "the world's first black hole in a cardboard box", and a Land Shark gun.
The graphics weren't good, even at the time, and the gameplay was rather repetitive, but it's still a fairly enjoyable romp.
Wait, is this a VLP? Forget it, I don't watch VLP's, they all suck!
The game features exceptionally funny and over-the-top cutscenes filled with black comedy elements that I'm not going to spoil. Even if you hate watching VLP's, you owe it to yourself to at least watch until the cutscenes are over. Once the actual gameplay starts, you can stop watching, I won't mind.
I'll be doing the game with text commentary, which may not be ideal, but it will let you hear the funny things enemies say as I shoot them.
Right now the videos are only up on Daily Motion. If I can get my broken Viddler account to let me log in at some point, I'll mirror them there.
Question: Should I leave the subtitles on or off for the cutscenes?
|Mission 01/02 Storm the Base/Rescue Rexus - (04/28) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 01 - 02 Token Locations - (05/01) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 03 - Liberate Fjorkin Village - (05/02) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 04 - Defend Fjorkin Village - (05/03) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 05 - Rescue the Sacred Lamb - (05/03) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 06 - Clear the Road - (05/04) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 07 - Destroy Rocket Towers - (05/05) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 08 - Defend Dick Turpin Village - (05/06) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 09 - Rescue the Dick Turpentites - (05/07) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 10 - Free the Retirement Village - (05/08) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 11 - Liberate the Onion Mine - (05/09) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 12 - Crush The King's Army - (05/10) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Bonus Mission 2 - Peasant A Go-Go - (05/10) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 13 - Reach the Wildwood Abbey - (05/11) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 14 - Steal the Book of Rule - (05/12) - Daily Motion | Dailymotion||Dailymotion|
|Mission 16 - Defend Nedville - (05/14) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Bonus Mission 3 - Shennanigans - (05/14) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 17 - The Road to Zitwalla - (05/15) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 18 - Defend Zitwalla - (05/16) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 19 - Rescue Lily - (05/17) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Bonus Mission 1 - The Gauntlet - (05/17) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 20 - Escape Forge's Castle - (05/18) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Mission 21 - Hold off the Army - (05/18) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|End Cutscene and Credits - (05/18) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
|Bonus: Mission 6 on Insane - (05/18) - Daily Motion - Viddler | Dailymotion||Dailymotion||Viddler|
Meet the Lionhearts
Raised in poverty and having to scrape by any way he can, Roman is the sort of fellow that anyone would want by their side when the bullets start flyin'. He is clever, courageous, and a little bit cocky. His attitude is somewhat justified, as he is a master thief and extremely skilled with many weapons. On the outside, he appears to believe that the King's iron grip on the world is insurmountable, it's a dog eat dog world, every bloke for himself, school of hard knocks and all that. But inside he really has a glowing heart and would do anything for his mates. He claims to wear the mask to give himself the fearsome appearance of a bandit, but Q has a theory that Roman just has really bad teeth.
Jonsey is Roman's oldest friend, having grown up with him and taken part in almost all of his misadventures. He's an explosives expert and loves nothing more than a good old-fashioned bomb, as he tends to identify with anything that blows up when messed with. Jonesy's a rather irritable moleman and is short of stature and patience. He can sing like a songbird, although it generally takes several pints to loosen him up first. He's also quite fond of exaggerating details when telling stories. Like most of his people, he's not exactly a bundle of smiles and hugs, due to the destruction of his home by King Forge. Jonesy cares about nothing and nobody except for Roman and Q; they're all he has in the world. First and foremost he believes the Lionhearts should look out for themselves and make off with the loot, wherever the loot may be.
Originally one of the King's elite guards, Q became painfully self aware during a tea experiment, and he found himself attempting a conversation with a conveyer belt. He tried to convince the other robots to leave with him, but they were programmed to ignore everyone but King Forge's officers. Q ended up in prison, marked for the scrap heap, and there he met Roman and Jonsey. Roman was the first fellow to ever treat Q like a person, and so they became good friends. The three of them escaped prison together and became the world's most daring trio of thieves. Q has taken upon himself the duty of being Roman's servant, often making him tea and being fiercely protective of him. Q is a vain, well-spoken, and debonair robot ... although he never, ever refers to himself as a robot. He is more refined than the other Lionhearts, and tends to have his own level of humor.
Rexus was once a world famous seer, but a certain head trauma received 31 years ago has made his ability to remember his past a bit foggy. Actually, he can't remember anything. Over the years he has degenerated into blindness, madness, and smelliness. He is universally hated for losing the Book of Rule, and so moved to the Bergog Wasteland to escape persecution. Rexus is ancient, filthy, smells like a cesspit, and is constantly followed by a cloud of flies, which he refers to as "his only friends." Although blind, Rexus has a powerful sixth sense, although he thinks it's due to the huge glass eyes he sometimes stuffs into his sockets. He also has the ability to move objects and control minds, but the result is inconsistent and sometimes his aim tends to be off. Being a slow and physically decrepit old man, he rides inside Q's torso cavity during combat, pouring himself cups of tea from Q's internal tea generators.
A marksman's gun, the Hawkings Rifle (first rolled into production 150 years ago by Hawkings Freeloader Inc.) is trusty, accurate and slow. This is Roman's standard armament. It is also the only weapon with unlimited ammo. It has an 8 round clip.
A brand new invention, the Sticky Bomb is the brainchild of King Forge's weapons labs. A spinning disk, when the bomb comes into contact with its target, it releases small spikes, enabling it to "stick". The bomb then releases an ominous hiss as the fuse burns down, followed by you-know-what. These will stick to anything you can throw them at. They work wonders on taking down buildings, but can also be stuck to enemies. When an enemy is the target, the grenade will exhibit homing capability. Once it sticks to the enemy, the victim tends to freak out, sometimes running into his buddies, sometimes running directly at you! You can carry up to five of these grenades.
Invented by the tea baron Hironymus Flemming for the protection of his crops, the Flemming Machinegun spits out ammunition like nobody's business (10 bullets per second) and can maintain continuous fire due to its 100 round clip. Meant for clearing crows of rabbits and other tea predators, this old standby is used by farmers, thugs and gun enthusiasts alike. You can carry a maximum of 1000 extra bullets.
Cyclops Sniper Rifle
With a range of "very far away," the Cyclops Sniper Rifle is immediately recognizable for its glowing red sight. Unlike more useful, laser-guided sniper rifles, the Cyclops sight just glows red, rendering it effectively useless for actual snipers as it gives away their position. As an extremely powerful single-shot sniper rifle, it has a scope allowing much farther zoom magnification than the other weapons. Not only is it great for taking out enemies at a distance, but its power is so considerable that the bullet passes through the initial target and continues through other targets beyond making it extra effective against enemies stupid enough to line up for you. You can carry a maximum of seven extra bullets.
Land Shark Gun
First invented to clean out the Onion Mines of Midden, the Land Shark Gun releases a baby Land Shark. Using an advanced system of hormone treatments and cattle prods, the gun's mechanics cause the shark to grow to its full size in seconds and home in on its intended target, bringing with it one of the most unpleasant forms of passing into the hereafter. If other enemies are nearby it will continue on for several more victims. During this spree, you can change weapons or fire off another shark for double the bloodcurdling screams. Useful and great at parties, the Land Shark Gun was voted last year's "Gun of the Year" by the Forge City Gazette. You can only carry one extra shot for this weapon.
Gurner Personal Mortar
Nicknamed "Old Bessy" by its designer, the Gurner Personal Mortar looks like a tuba, but packs a punch like an angry, drunken sailor. Firing an arcing projectile at its target, the Gurner's single-shot mortar shells explode with the force of 14,000 CsU's. It's not even funny how many pitiful grunts the Gurner can send into the air. Okay, it's hilarious. Unlike less efficient mortars, there's no setup time - just point and fire. Lob mortars into groups of enemies and witness the fountain of flying bodies. It also levels most small buildings with just a shot or two. You can carry up to six extra mortars.
Vindaloo Rocket Launcher
Now we're talking carnage. Energy inefficient, loud, and fantastically dangerous, the Vindaloo is the first choice of today's rebel on the go. It fires two or four rockets simultaneously which will seek out any target that has been locked on to. The rockets can even split and seek out multiple targets. It holds 12 rounds of two or four rockets each. NOTE: You must find the Vindaloo Rocket Launcher upgrade to simultaneously fire four rockets.
Topsy Turvy Bomb
Early experiments in anti-gravity cars failed miserably: the car went flying off the ground and into space. While most considered this failure a disaster, the cruel minds at Forge Labs took these lemons and made lemonade - lemonade of destruction! A simple anti-grav corkscrew, the Topsy Turvy is easy to use: just drill it into the ground and activate it to turn the world upside-down (and send your enemies flying down... or up... into space) and then deactivate it to fulfill the old adage: "What goes up must return with bone-shattering, organ liquefying impact."
Guy Fawkes Traitor Bomb
A crowd control device created by King Forge's labs to disperse protestors, the Guy Fawkes Traitor Bomb is named after the famous traitor, Guy Fawkes. Throwing this at enemies does not cause direct damage. However, anyone hit with it is suddenly filled with the overwhelming urge to turn his gun on his fellow troops and get them back for all of the locker-room towel whippings. The GF.T.B. would make a traitor out of even your own grandma! Be sure to bring popcorn for this one.
At Forge Labs, the slogan is "Putting the 'Fun' Back In 'Systematic Beatings'!" The Knockout Bomb is an early product of this creed. Using technology similar to the Topsy Turvy Bomb, the Knockout allows you to get up close and personal with those that would do you harm. Also known as the "Big Red Boxing Glove." After donning the glove, the user winds up and any enemies in his line of sight and lobbed toward him like balls in a batting cage. Target Velocity + fist velocity - serious hurt. Portable, mean-spirited, and deadly, the Knockout Bomb is everything you want in unconventional weaponry.
World's Smallest Black Hole
Unexplained gravitational anomalies in your pocket! The newest product from Forge Labs promises "the world's first Black Hole in a cardboard box!" And that's exactly what it is. Simply remove it from its box and run like mad - it will do the rest of the work. Chortle diabolically as a miniature black hole rips open reality and all unfortunate souls in the area get pulled in and compressed into a sugar cube.
A good old-fashioned big bundle of dynamite attached to an alarm clock. Some missions will require you to plant these on obstacles or key enemy structures. Required targets will have a semitransparent image of the bomb where you need to place it. To set the bomb, walk up to the target and press and hold the Use key until the yellow bar that appears onscreen fills up. Then run for the hills like Jonsey had one too many pints and started referring to you as "Rosita, my long-lost love."