Part 1: Chapter One

Chapter One



The following game is a representation of actual human behavior. Please enjoy.

You know, if your outlook on all humanity wasn't depressing enough as is.

Just try to keep in mind, The Internet makes you stupid.



imsuxok?: Yarrr, thar's the town!
Gilgame: Booty for us all!! Yarr!!..



imsuxok?: Why do we keep saying yarrr, YAARR?
imsuxok? It gets kinda annoying YARRRR!
Gilgame: Cause we're pirates, and by following obvious stereotypes, we establish ourselves as such. YARRRR!
Gilgame: Now let's go conduct evil for no good reason! YARR-HAR-HAR!



Oh hey, here's this thing. Completely unchanged. Let's not watch it.



Gilgame: THE POWERPUFF GIRLS! ...umm... I mean...Yarrr!

Trying to leave town nets us this:



So we don't bother. Let's head north instead.



Miketyson: Get you the hot bullets of shotgun to die!



These dudes are pretty easy.



And this is what we have access to to kill them with.

"FreedomFry" - flame attack (single target)
"Lazerboobs" - lightning attack (single)
"Cryogenic" - ice attack (single)
"GasChamber" - poison attack (multi-target, and what you'll use if you want a quick end to these fights: it kills EVERYTHING at this point)
"Unf" - healing (single)
"" - confuses enemies (multi)
"ByeWhore" - has a chance of insta-killing an enemy (single)
"Nuke'em" - fires a large missile based on your physical damage stat (single)

Only the MYSTERIOUS man at the top has access to all of these. Gilgam and imsuxk only have access to the non-bolded commands.



Happy birthday!



Heading right from here runs into this guy.



Who lets us face Fragmaster. Fragmaster is impossible to beat at this level and is designed to fuck you over with a variety of moves, such as RTPS (Meteo), HAHAHAHAHAHA (which hits you like a truck) and Disaster (which misses a lot, but I think it's supposed to be something like Bad Breath, I dunno my characters usually died before this ever went off)



Syrg says he somehow beat this guy but fuck that and fuck him because it's pretty dumb. He drops a weapon called Banhammer that has really awesome stats.

He shows up later in the game, I'll try to kill him again then but no promises.





Anyways, heading north gives us some dudes who send puppies at us, but they die instantly before hitting us.



Then they attack us themselves, but it's just more Hawzy's that die pretty quick.



More Hawzy's and instadeath puppies.







These TACO/TAOC's are new. They die pretty quick, but keep them in the back of your head for later.



Whatever you say bro.





Here are some more useless enemies. The first ones insta-die and the second ones die slightly less instantly.



Save point!



Eat poo?
>Yes
>No



Splendid.



Here's our amazing party, by the by.



imsuxok?: AWAY CHIP!
Gilgame: What you do to chip?
imsuxok?: CHIP FLY AWAY! GAAAHH!!



There's a whump as one of the dudes smashes the gate. I think it's imsuxok? but it doesn't really matter at all since they'll both be dead in about  three minutes .

Guard: Why you throw chip? Die sucka!



imsuxok?: Wait! Think back to our briefing... ...
Gilgame: What about it?!
imsuxok?: Do you recall hearing about a dumbass that eats lightning... ...
Gilgame: ... ...what the HELL are you talking about? You on crack?
imsuxok?: Look, whatever you do, don't attack the shell, mmm'k?
Gilgame: Whatever!

Then it dies. The weak point is the football player.



This is the frozen cosplayer...



Gilgame: Hey! What's going on? Do you know something we don't......?

The frozen cosplayer began emitting an eerie light... ...



imsuxok?: Hey! Gigame... ...nice prank d00d. You can come out now...






The end!



Except not.




Next time: