Part 7: Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
I hate Pipebomb and I prefer to get stupid shit over with quickly. Besides, we meet a much better character than Pipebomb in this section.
So anyways, Pipebomb has managed to sneak into South Figaro to stem the tide against the pirates somehow. I managed to do the "sneak past the guard and get a Kutan or whatever trick" but didn't have the patience to see it through to the end. It'll probably turn into one of those dumb names from the beginning and you've all seen the trick before it's the same thing just with stupid things instead of moogles.
So let's fight this guy instead.
This guy can kick Pipebomb in the face pretty hard if you try to take him on, easily managing to do 100+ per hit.
That being said, throwing Pockets at him manages to pretty good damage, and the enemies accuracy is pretty low, so Pipebomb doesn't have that difficult a time of it.
...I don't think I'm supposed to be doing this. Oh well!
Pipebomb's hidden behind him, stealing his clothes.
The soldier changes from "Appl" into "OpaqueEcho". He then uses an attack called "LimpNoodle", does damage to himself, and dies.
So now Pipebomb is Orange Sabin.
We can learn new things from the guards now, though it is mostly garbage.
The only reason to be a Pirate is to get past this guy so we can get to the Inn/Cafe.
>I'm gonna pound your face!
Guess I'm out of luck!
I found this line amusing, until I realized it's unchanged from the original. Huh.
Unnamed homeless man: No, not my beef jerky and Bud Light!
These are homeless men.
Not merchants.
And now we're stylish.
If you remember from FF6, we're supposed to find this dude down in the cafe, gank his cider and give it to an old man.
Unnamed homeless man: Can someone pleae explain this shit?
Pipebomb: Your question confuses me! You go squish now!
I don't need YOUR stinky clothes, thanks anyways though bro.
The cider has been changed into a jug of urine.
This is unnerving.
Old Man: Huh? Secret Passage? Well, there is one...go downstairs and give my grandson the password. It's...uh, umm...I forget!
This is actually pretty clever.
"All Your Base"
>"I forget"
"Camel Spider"
Grandson: A winner is you!
If you give him the wrong password, he says that "You do not equal a WINNAR" and you get dumped in the south end of town where you started.
A bunch of amazing people in this here house, yes siree.
Let's go down the "secret passage" behind the bookcase.
There's a lady being beaten up in this room.
Ace Duece Trey: See? Wife beating can be fun for EVERYONE!
Say hi to Fistgrrl, everyone.
Ace Duece Trey: So, the mighty Fistgrrl has fallen!
Fistgrrl: Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle dixie?
Ace Duece Trey: A man has to do something these days to earn a living.
Ace Duece Trey: And Dyin' aint much of a living, boy!
Unnamed guard: Yes, Sir! I will go to sleep!
Ace Duece Trey: I said DONT! DONT GO TO SLEEP!
Unnamed guard: Right, thats what I said.
Disregard the fact that Pipebomb is now Orange Sabin again. I had assumed that being in different costumes might offer different responses inside, but it turns out that that's not the case.
Really dropped the ball there, X JAKK!
Pipebomb: I'm with the Genos. Name's Pipebomb.
Fistgrrl: I used to be a pirate...now I'm just representin' for the Chinese Railroad workers.
Pipebomb: You mean the workers on the SARS express? Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk!
Fistgrrl: !?
She's my new favorite character!
Fistgrrl: So, umm... is that a poncho?
Pipebomb: Yes, its quite lovely, isnt it? Its made of...*gulp*...umm...you have very pretty...eyes.
Fistgrrl: My eyes are up HERE, clownboat.
Pipebomb: ...........kay.
Pipebomb: ...........kay.
Fistgrrl: ...let's just get going.
Fistgrrl: Waaait.
Pipebomb: You had me at hello!
Touched a penis! Now you caught the gay!
Unnamed Pirate: I hate Stiffly Stiffersons. I want to prank them...for hours...in my basement.
Anyways! Now we've got Fistgrrl. She straddles the border between useful and useless, combat-wise, but I like her character.
Mostly because she hates Pipebomb and anyone who dislikes him is a friend of mine!
Here's the renamed auto-haste relic. I think it was called the
It gets slapped on Fistgrrl because fuck Pipebomb.
>Wind the clock?
I'm a smelly moron with a big butt, and I like to smell my own butt.
You all know what the escape maze looks like.
We also found a MySQL Error (shield) and a PirateCutlas (sword, given to Fistgrrl).
Guess what her Runic ability was replaced with? Dance is situationally useful, and I never used Runic anyways. On the downside, only Gamequoter can learn new dances...even though he lacks the ability to dance himself.
Whoops, spoilers.
We also got a Ribbon. I smacked it on Pipebomb because the Earrings I also found took Fistgrrl's other slot.
Pipebomb: I wanna swab your deck with my peg leg baby!!!
Fistgrrl: I have three words for you... Foot. To. Junk.
Pipebomb: ...that's cool, I'm into whatever you want, baby. *wink*
I've started situationally fixing grammar and punctuation errors because fuck you I'm tired of making myself ignore them.
Anyways, we went through this here cave and there's scary noises.
Pipebomb: That's a bad thing, right?
Fistgrrl: Too bad I can't just absorb the magic!
Pipebomb: Yeah, that sure sucks.
Fistgrrl: Who's the genius that came up with that one, eh?
Not overly difficult. Using the Iron Rod (thunder rod) I found in the cave made it easier, but then I reloaded and found out he wasn't that difficult without it.
Shut up, Pipebomb.
Next time:
