Part 9: Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine



Isnoop: See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!



Fortunately, thanks to vicious save-stating, Isnoop isn't going anywhere until we're good and damned ready for him to leave us.



So he's gonna join on us on our magical train adventure.

Ozma: Stop tempting Candyman, you jackass!
Jeddite: Get my boomstick and a bottle of Old Harper!
Ozma: Later, I got a turtle head pushing through. I need a bathroom. NOW.
Jeddite: Get my boomstick and a bottle of Old Harper!

Yes, he repeats himself. I don't know why. It replaces "Sir Sabin!" or something in the original.

Ozma: That sister's nose is gonna come roaring out of her uterus attatched to her kids, and she's gonna freak...
Jeddite: Get my boomstick and a bottle of Old Harper!

Stop that, Jeddite.



Jeddite: Let me off! This train makes people do THE GAY!
Ozma: C'mon, ride the train...
Jeddite: CHOO CHOO RIDE IT!



Jeddite: We're too late.
Ozma: What do you mean too late, Honky?!?
Jeddite: This is all your fault for murdering all those forest creatures.
Ozma: Hey, listen, don't preach to me. I'm keeping it down to 4 or 5 a month when you don't include the Mexicans...but who does?

I should start keeping track of what races or orientations this game DOESN'T try to offend.

Ozma: I blame gentrification. If it weren't for all the new, swanky coffee bars opening up all over the palce, the serial killers wouldn't be so amped up.

Anyways, now that they're done ranting, welcome aboard the Mantrain.



In the caboose, we find Kefka.

Bring it along?
(Sure)
(ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORMON, BOY?)

We totally take it along.





...I thought Zack Parsons was...um. Okay.

>(Tell us about the mantrain.)

Zack Parsons: The mantrain is a beautiful thing. When kids see us coming, they all jump and yell, "Here comes the Mantrain!!" We all let out a big TOOT-TOOT, and... oh, the joy we spray on those kids faces.

>(How do we stop it)?

Zack Parsons: Wanna stop the mantrain? Wha-what is wrong with you people?



There's a thing over here on the wall.

Jeddite: NOOOOOO!
Ozma: Gave it my best shot.
Jeddite: You just jettisoned the bathroom! How could you...
Ozma: Ya scared, you little lawn gnome reject?
Jeddite: ...stupid racist melon farmer.
Ozma: Calm down, calm down. The piss looks fine on you.



Ozma: THIS. IS. A. URINAL. CAKE. NOT. A. REAL. CAKE. HERE. COMES. RED.



Zack Parsons: You'll find out soon enough.

Lovely. Anyways!



The newest and most temporary member of our group is Saturn.



Oh, hey, guess what ability he found?

In addition to Runic, he picked up GP Rain. He can't possess, but that's just as well because possess is worthless.



We get stuck in this room and face an extremely hard battle that is ha ha no we just used Shock.





Let's homosexual intercourse...!



In...indecent!



Ozma: Yeah, so does half the upper west side...
Ozma: Time for a North Side Central Mexican Thugz Jumping Technique ACTION!
Ozma: Woohoo!

Ozma flies through the air like a beautiful butterfly and everyone escapes to safety!



Except that apparently Kefka look-alikes are pretty good at keeping up!



Fortunately, we're pretty good at derailing the mantrain.



A brief walk away, we find the dining car.



Jeddite: You should have said something cool like "DIVIDE THIS!" and one-inch punched him right in half. Then, god-willing, you could have pissed on him.
Ozma: Arbys sux Burger King is better?
Jeddite: Hummmm...I'm hungry for necrophilia! I love over there, I see bananas.

Yo momma's so fat, she sat on a dollar and four quarters popped out.

Ozma: Fucking A, I approve!



You can order food with the others, too.



Isnoop: I'm gon' get my hair cut like Cool Dr. Money!

Jeddite just repeats his line about dividing.

As for Saturn...





He's doin' just great.

A few moments later...

Voice: Not so fast!



Yaos: You should go get a haircut and ask Black Baby Jesus for a pony.
Ozma: You look more like a Telletubby.
Yaos: Teletubbies are of THE GAY STAN! Grr...



Yaos: Amen!

Shockity shock.

"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME CRAZY RELIGIOUS MAN"
Yaos: The spirit is moving me to HEY LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!



In a weird way, I'm gonna miss him.



Another tiny walk away, we bid fairwell to Saturn.

RUNNING FAGGOT! RUNNING UP THE HILLS! RUNNING FAGGOT!
...I will always remember you, Running Faggot, but I've made peace with your loss. Today is a brand new day. I'll go out and make you proud. Good- goodbye.

Did I mention that different characters change the tent icon when you lay down the tents in this game?



Because they do.

For whatever reason, I'm missing screenshots up until the Mantrain battle. I think there's only like two missing but it still galls me.



Guess what? don't work.



Not that it matters.







Ozma: Thank you, boys. Thank you.

Jeddite sees his dead wife and boy getting onboard the Mantrain.

Jeddite: What the?! I thought you fuckers were dead! Get back here!!
Jeddite: Don't leave me! I have more love than a vibrating Teddy Ruxpin doll!



Integral: Sorry, Jeddite, the FBI are detaining me right now, I'll call you later.



Aww, poor Jedd



Umm, hey again, Mantrain. Welcome back?

Did the train just reappear on the original game in ROM version? I cant' remember.



Jeddite: If I told you your body was nice, would you take off your panties and dance around a little?

I think he's gonna be just fine, folks.



Next time: