Part 16: Chapter Fifteen
Chapter FifteenNow featuring 50% less fatty images!
Last time, Fistgrrl ran off to dance with King REoL or something or another. REoL's laugh can be heard right after Stuntcock's zinger.
Stuntcock: Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women!
shove
Stuntcock: God speed you brave warriors of virtue!
Stuntcock: My cousin made sandwiches for you all and is waiting for you on the other end. We're so proud. He's one day away from retirement!
Stuntcock: Now consider yourself...FIRED!
Vroom!
Let me tell you how easy this part is. When I was getting the 'next time' picture for this chapter, I fast-forwarded through every fight - putting TACO on jump, Ozma on Eye Gouge and Pipebomb throwing Insults. I got through the whole section...
Including the boss, without needing to return to normal speed. TACO didn't even need to heal. This game is fucking BROKEN.
Oh no, Stuntcock's cousin!
Down the path, we meet up with X JAKK.
X JAKK: Why the fuck did you guys leave me?! I didn't miss anything cool, did I?
Pipebomb: Well, you were still in the shower when we left...
X JAKK: Is it any wonder I have turned into this shower-dwelling, assault-rifle equipped nutcase by now?
Back up in the Black Magic eaNstitute, REoL is fuming about shit.
King REoL: But WHEN YOU FUCK WITH MY LIGHT SHOW...Dear God, it was truly outrageous!
X JAKK: The number 10 is the highest and mightiest of all numbers, and if you disagree then you will burn forever!
A shadow descends on the...Blackjack? Is it still called that? I don't remember.
Ozma: The internet controls all our lives!
TACO: HWO DO I KILL TEH CRAB
Now, let's talk about X JAKK for a moment.
(ignore the background change) Now, he's got some weird shit menu that seems to be based on Gau's rages. Since Leap is gone from the game, it seems that these options - and a few more offscreen - are all X JAKK has.
They're enough. He just one-hit that guy. It may come as no surprise that the character named after the creator of the game is broken as fuck. I'm going to play with more of the options in the future...LS! has spells like Quasar and Northern Cross...which he used on the party, killing all but him. It also turned him into a zombie. Yay for game overs!
X JAKK: OMGWTFBBQ NUMBAH ONE! He's all the faggotry without the homosexuality!
The gang's all here!
I love your hair. It looks saucy.
Pipebomb: So saucy.
Pipebomb: OMG it's Brak!
OMGWTFBBQ: Brak! You took my Garbage Pail Kids and now Jesus Christ took your worthless life!
OMGWTFBBQ: I'm in my underpants drinking beer alone in my bedroom while listening to Christmas banjo music. Let's hurry up and have a scene that has nothing to do with anything. Starring Brak!
This is gonna be dumb, isn't it?
What will you do?
>(Return together?)
(I want my pineapple!)
Brak: Good news, everyone recovered except for that audio guy, but no one liked him anyway.
Brak: Ya gotta watch those expiration dates there, buddy.
Brak: Your balls or your life...it's up to you there, Chester!
Ms Maynard: Where am
Brak: HI MY NAME IS BRAK!!
Ms Maynard: Tell me what to do and I'll do it.
Brak: Just never try to BBQ your balls. OUCH!
Space Ghost looks on disapprovingly.
This part is abysmally stupid, I know. Interestingly enough I actually like it better than the original because I hate this scene.
The next morning...
Brak: Would you like to have some of my sex with me?
Brak: Hey, I found enough squirrels to make some dessert!
Ms Maynard: Are you really that stupid?
Brak: Oh! I dare you to say that again, only this time say "Brak, I love you."
In case it's not obvious, that's an ice cream cone.
Piarate Panty Raid House Party! I will obtain my independence through hard work and perseverence. Alternatively, I could pay for it.
Oh my god, Bear is driving!
A bunch of pirates come in and start dragging out Cosplayers.
Hey guys, remember Al?
Al: I hate cosplayers. I feel saturated by them. I feel like I'm infected by their stench!
Al: Go! Nuke the gravy out of them!
Meanwhile, at Brak's place...
Space Ghost: Oh boy, the Shatner's really hit the fan now. I'm up Dawson's Creek without a paddle.
Space Ghost: Here's the plan. I'll spin all their heads so fast, it will create their own atmosphere and they will DIE.
Brak: Alright, I guess I'll get going, if going is what I need to get.
Ms Maynard: Won't that kill you too?
Space Ghost: I'll be dead long before you were born and I'll be dead long before you'll be dead.
Godspeed, brave soldier.
Trying to leave...
Brak: I guess it's goodbye Brak the happy-go-lucky man about town, and hello Brak the heartless clam slayer!
Unnamed Wolf Cosplayer: Can I kill Ms Maynard and take her ice cream?
Too slow, bud.
Brak: Oh no!
Unnamed Wolf Cosplayer: Bitch tooka ice cream!
Oh shit. Better go get it back!
The pirates blow away.
Al: I KIK HEDZ. I TOLD U I WUZ HARDCORE.
Al does too.
Ms Maynard: Life is not about the second chances. It's about a little mouse, and his voyage to an exciting new land. That, my friend, is what life is.
Brak: But I'm a growing boy! I need fish!
Bye, ice cream.
Ms Maynard: Noooooo!! My ice cream!!
Bye, Ms Maynard.
Brak: It's about time I sent all ya'll back to Grandma Prison!
Bye, Brak.
Al: Do I smell ice cream?
Al: Mwa ha ha...this confectionary treat shall make up for the deaths of my followers!
Ms Maynard: N...noooo!!
Al: Does the pavement seem really close to you?
Ms Maynard: Um. No?
Al: Now it does... HAW HAW HAW!
And so ends the awful Espers/Cosplayers scene. Finally.
OMGWTFBBQ: That was a fucked up story, Brak.
Pipebomb: I wouldn't know, I wasn't listening.
Pipebomb: So, you're Ms Maynard's and Brak's son? Who knew?
OMGWTFBBQ: But according to the cartoon, I can go SSJ at will now!
X JAKK: Wowzu!
EPG: Wait a minute... Al stole some ice cream...
Pipebomb: And that rhymes with eye beam. Eye beam. Cyclops. One. One stands for murder.
DETECTIVE SKILLS
OMGWTFBBQ: Wait a minute. Who's protecting Canada from the evil army?
Pipebomb: Whoopsie-doodle!
X JAKK: If ya want to be free, then just listen to me, GO GO TOKYOOOO!
OMGWTFBBQ: Raah raah raah, Im in the mafia, I'm gonna go get BETTY!
And so, we have OMGWTFBBQ back.
Thank God.
Next time:
