Part 19: Unwanted Negotiations

Unwanted Negotiations

Welcome back! Last time we encouraged Hamlin to self-actualize his quest for freedom by murdering all his friends and then, having watched him become an emotionless assassin, seduced him into becoming our slave for life.

Today we're going to go do the peace talks. Remember how Isla said there was little time until the Black Geyser somehow, uh, destroyed the world and then told us to go do the peace talks? It turns out you don't unlock Castle Alastor (the final dungeon with said Geyser) until you clear this up, so... here we are!



Let's talk to Alumu, who is here as a "neutral observer" despite being allied with the King. Fun fact, you can get her to militarily intervene in the battle that would replace this if you were too evil or greedy.

: Thank you. I'm simply glad these troubles are almost behind us.

: I wonder if that is true, though. There is always calm in the eye of a storm.

I just want to reiterate right now that Deron-Guld is in no shape to actually fight, having lost most of their population to a zombie plague and both their military commanders. The War Council owe their lives to the king's mercy right now, as Aldnar probably would have found some excuse to kill them.



uuuuuugh



Do you have any actual leverage over us here?

: I'm listening.

: It is a simple task for one with your negotiating savvy.

In other words, we need to flatter the player they're a pro negotiator when we've been ping ponged around from allegiance to allegiance.



You owe allegiance to a foreign power, ma'am.



Jade the last time we got you a tiara it was cursed and we had to deal with the world's dumbest ghost.

The astute observer will notice that Alumu offers us exactly nothing for this.

: You seem like a capable negotiator. Why don't you speak for yourself?



But you're not a neutral observer. You're a representative of a foreign power allied with the king. Yes, you sent medics to Deron-Guld, but your military power is behind the king.

Did Aldnar kill all the editors?

: I would be very surprised if His Majesty agrees to such an arrangement.



I'm pretty sure Alumu is lying her ass off her as neither the king nor Deron-Guld's guys mention this, but it's Black Geyser and causality has no meaning here.

: And you think they would accept an outsider into a position of power?



Remember the RIllow War in the manual? I remember.



: What specifically would you like me to do?



Unfortunately there's no "I do not believe I can sell this" option to let her down gently.

: I'll do what I can, but I cannot promise results.

: I eagerly await the outcome. The talks are about to begin. Best make your preparations.




The War Council are all useless idiots so I'm gonna cut this short. They want the king to pay for their reconstruction - which, remember, wasn't caused by the king's armies, but by Aldnar, their own colleague and military commander - they want the king to stop raising taxes on everywhere not the capital, and they want to curtail the power of the monarchy by putting themselves in parliament.

I really want to pick the last option, because while the king's tyranny seemed to consist of having high taxes on the rich (the horror!) the nobility of Deron-Guld has, so far:
-Helped Aldnar murder his own and our father
-Promoted Aldnar like a moron even though he wouldn't shut up about worshipping Satan
-Dragged the common folk of Deron-Guld into a war Lord Frelsi hinted they didn't all support
-Lost most of their soldiers to the plague started by their own commander
-Done absolutely nothing as Lord Frelsi, the only guy who seemed to give a shit about the actual people of Deron-Guld, was accused of bullshit demonic influence charges and executed.

This brings us right back to the game's commentary on class, and ultimately aside from Hamlin and Jade the commoners really don't exist in this game. By and large they don't have names and we don't meet any common soldiers. Even Lord Espen, who is apparently respected by Lord Frelsi for his integrity, thinks nothing of ordering his soldiers to fight to the death while he entraps himself further.


Now, Lord Frelsi seemed to actually care about the people of Deron-Guld by doing things like educating his maid, trying to stop the Zorians from murdering his people, and sending the player to go rescue some sellswords he could have easily just let die. This is the closest the game ever gets to anything resembling noblesse oblige, and it's hard not to conclude the king and the nobility are a bunch of useless assholes who all need to go - but because there are almost no commoners present in the game, it turns into the Star Trek fantasy of eternal free stuff without labor. The nobility drags the land into war because they don't want to pay taxes, but no fields are pillaged, no men are conscripted, and all of the soldiers are literally able to spawn in from thin air if you try to do something like attacking Aldnar.


Remember these guys? It's even funnier if you remember that they nerfed all the physical resistance so we can't tank waves of them anymore, but it is part of the game as presented! The game never specifies where these jerks come from, so for all we know Aldnar cloned them in a basement with Satan powers. Lord Frelsi mentions "conscripts" briefly as a lame handwave for how no one was able to stop Aldnar from screwing the rebellion by murdering a bunch of potential allies.



Oh fuck off!



I know the thread hates the king, but I'm going to be honest, I hate the rebels more.

: I did my part, Your Majesty. It was little enough.

: Oh, but I disagree. The counsel you offered the crown could not have come at a more critical time. Dark thoughts had enveloped me and threatened my judgement, but your wisdom helped clear my mind and see the way to a peaceful resolution of this conflict.



: Why is the contingent from the Eastern Empires here?



I'm very confused. Is the Garden a big embassy or what exactly - fuck it.

: What points remain to be settled?



: What does the crown hope to gain from this summit?



: What outcome is the crown hoping to achieve regarding the new form of government, monetary policy, and the rebuilding of Deron-Guld?



He's really not wrong! Not only did these idiots betray the crown, they did it in the service of a man who willingly followed Satan.



Again the king is spitting straight fire here. I cannot emphasize enough that these idiots destroyed their own city. The royal armies never made it to Deron-Guld, in fact the only battle we see evidence of is outside the capital. The city's population was destroyed by the plague caused by... Aldnar.

This also raises the question of what exactly needs to be rebuilt?


It's not like the plague or the zombies actually damaged any of the buildings. The mines don't seem to have collapsed either after we cleared all the necromancers out. Heck, the great battle we brought Isla to didn't even have any of the buildings damaged! Now, people were dying in the streets but all those houses and whatnot should still be there. You just need more people. Offer tax breaks for working in the mines? Encourage immigration? Free Viagra? Hell if I know!



: I'm ready to begin, Your Majesty.

: Splendid. Let the proceedings commence.



Stand by for .

: The war has been difficult and lengthy, an exhausting trial both of blood and treasure. I sincerely hope the nobles of the Iron City are prepared to talk peace.



Thanks Bjalla.

: Let no one here fear for their lives or safety. You have my word that the well being of everyone at this summit is sancrosanct.



Ha ha.

: Good lords, noble ladies, the first item to be addressed is the rebuilding of Deron-Guld.

: The rebel council of Deron-Guld has agreed to cease hostilities against the crown in exchange for certain assurances regarding the future of the city.

: Lord Blythe, please state your terms for the assembly.

: Assembled nobleman, noblewomen and delegates, I am Lord Blythe of Deron-Guld. Your Majesty, the council thanks you sincerely both for your hospitality and for your diligent effort to bring these parties together, that we may resolve our differences without further bloodshed.



What damage, lol?









So here's where playing as a fighter fucks us over. If you can pass an intelligence check you can suggest here that the crown should make a big loan to Deron-Guld: they get the money, the king gets a profit, and Bjalla, the King, and Lord Blythe fall all over themselves to say how smart you are. I won't lie, when I played this the first time I mindlessly clicked all the "intelligence" options.

: Deron-Guld must have the freedom to determine her own future. Let the council rebuild as they see fit, but grant them a suspension of regular taxes until the mines are producing at full capacity again. Since the requested help from Isilbright, in the form of engineers, healers, et cetera would speed this process, His Majesty should grant it. But Deron-Guld must pay their wages as stipulated by the respective trade guilds.

I won't lie, the last option is the truthful one. If you dumbasses hadn't all supported Aldnar your city wouldn't have been destroyed by Satan.



My guy, you can literally have all your middle class dudes take their money.

: The council's opinion is that this solution is fair to both parties. Thank you for your contribution to this discussion, Lady Espen.

: To the next order of business.

: Assembled noblemen, noblewomen, and friends of the crown, the second item to be addressed is the trade and taxation policy of the Kingdom of Isilmerald, as it applies to her sundry domains, resources, and citizens.

: The Council of Deron-Guld has expressed their dissatisfaction with Isilmerald's current policy in the form of open rebellion against the crown, and war. Now, Lord Blythe, what does the council propose?

: Your Majesty, trade in Isilmerald has for too long been severely restricted, and its profits heavily curtailed, by the crown.



We've literally gone to all of these places and no one had anything to say about the crown's taxes.

: Yes, yes, we all know how unhappy you are. What do you propose?





In the hands of better writers this would be an obvious ploy to centralize economic power around the king. I have no idea what is going on in Black Geyser Land.





I'm not sure what the hell happens if you pick "put me in charge of the taxes, and I'll only steal a little", but who knows?

: His Majesty King Velianrick has decades of experience creating and applying the kingdom's economic policies. And what better evidence of the king's great success in this arena than that the curse of greed should take such firm root here? Therefore Isilmerald's trade policies should remain exactly the same.

I want to say that you can argue by letting everyone flourish the king gets more taxes as the Intelligence option, but I don't remember.

: Hear hear! The crown unreservedly approves.



Did you try not following the obviously evil Satan guy?

: We have one final order of business.

: Esteemed guests, the final item on the agenda: a new system of governance for the Kingdom of Isilmerald.

: Everyone, after much deliberation the crown has decided to relinquish the absolute rulership conferred by royal blood in favor of a new system that admits some decision-making powers and legislative control to a council of noble men and women.

: The essentials of this new order will be codified with the cooperation of the council itself, so the most pressing issue is: who will get a seat at the table?

: If it please Your Majesty, the Council of Deron-Guld desires nothing more than to resolve our disagreements with the crown and move forward. However, to ensure the persistence of the newfound peace, voices of dissent must be included among this royal body of advisors.



You're all standing.

: Seven remaining members of the *War Council* of Deron-Guld. A pertinent detail, I think.

Those seven idiots shouldn't be allowed to run a McDonalds.



The intelligence option is to have elections for the nobles. I'm not sure how that works and who gets to vote.



Option 3 would be pretty funny, but whatever.

: Representation on the new council should be proportionate to those who remained loyal to Isilbright and those who rebelled. It would not be just to grant extra representation to Deron-Guld simply because they dissented.

: In the spirit of peace and fair dealing, the crown agrees.

: I suppose... the council chooses not to object to this arrangement.



Yeah, no fuck you Alumu.

: No, Your Majesty. I have nothing to add.

I feel like you should be able to ask the king for your family lands back, but I'm pretty sure the developers forgot that was a plot point.

: Very well, then we may conclude.

: Thank you everyone, for participating in this important forum, and for your steadfast efforts to advance the cause of peace. I know that whatever our differences, we all seek the best possible future for Isilmerald and her citizens.

: I confess that the crown still has doubts about some of the conclusions reached today, but negotiations will continue.

: And so we adjourn. Good day to you all.




Now we can go to Castle Alastor. It's kind of funny because Isla is screaming about how the world is totally going to be destroyed or whatever, and yet the big chaotic civil war is resolving peacefully.



The king doesn't have much to say except to thank us again for being awesome counselors who can stop exploding demon dudes.



Castle Alastor, the lair of Rothgor's evil cult, is literally between the Garden of Earthly Delights and the trade town and within a few days of the capital. How is this forgotten? Castles are expensive and hard to build, and there was a massive war with the Eastern Empires. Wouldn't it be garrisoned? Eh, fuck it, nothing makes sense.



Anyway, Castle Alastor is the penultimate dungeon in the game.



This demon-possessed griffin flies off the roof in an incredibly slow and boring animation. I want you to note the exterior of the castle.



The griffin lands in front of the castle because it's always wanted to be part of a tedious bossfight and it defrauded the Make A Wish foundation.



Like every other fight in Black Geyser, there's no actual strategy to it. It's tank and spank all the way down. Note the "Zoria Titan" above Jade. Three of these spawn in and fight on our side to defeat the guardian. None of the characters think to question this in any way. It is foreshadowing.



There are also a bunch of boring Rothgor cultists with player abilities. I'm going to cut most of the fighting here because it's boring as shit.



The dreaded demonically possessed legendary monster drops a key, a reinforced quarterstaff that's fairly useless and common, and the same warhammer we got out of a barrel at the Curious Cat.



Castle Alastor is a three level slog of sheer boredom.



The gimmick is simple. Tyrenne is one of two NPCs on level 1 who need to be slain to collect "wardstones" that will let us up the stairs so we can face more boring Black Geyser combat.



She gives an attack order but the squad stands there stupidly.



This allows Bjalla and Jade to fireball the area and kill half of them, and then we mop them up offscreen.



There are Blood Elementals patrolling the hallways. You'd think there'd be actual demons like the Shadowfury demon we fought earlier, but no.



We need to fight this guy and kill him for the next wardstone.



There's just not much that the engine has in terms of interesting effects. He has an AoE fear "demonic gift", but we numberslam better than he does and also we are fortified by our desire to escape this game.



There are more encounters and loot that I'm skipping because we don't need loot and the encounters are boring.



Remember this unique staff we got from the time travel quest? Well, everyone and their mom has them here. They drop five at a time. It's kind of hilarious.

It's also the game heavily telegraphing that Zoria is coming back into the plot after being gone for so long.



This wizard guy is another instructor.



He casts this intimidating looking Wildfire spell that spreads all over the screen and we just kind of outheal it.



It would be a mess if he had anything to capitalize on it.



He dies, dropping this Twisted Requiem spell we are probably not high enough level to cast. Jade learns it anyway.



I'm cutting through this section, but rest assured it is a slog.

Also, I forgot to mention, but the interior of Castle Alastor has a similar floorplan to the Deron-Guld guildhouse.



This elf lady has a menagerie of "Possessed Robes" that are just wights. I have to do this fight twice because Jade died from burning after they were all dead. Rest assured, it was boring as shit.



This is the last level of Castle Alastor, thank Christ.



The developers once again spawn hostile enemies running at the party right after a loading screen. I assume they giggled like small children.



I check the journal and realize that the developers are dully trying to convince me that this place is, like, super intimidating, mannnnn!



The funny thing is that these guys are presumably the cultists who ambushed Gideon Rauche and started the war, and none of the characters have any reaction to this whatsoever. Presumably Aldnar was one of them.



There's a whole thing about how the greatswords mirror the Abyssal Knights who were corrupted by Rothgor and blah blah blah.



A bunch of wraiths guard the Black Geyser itself. They all die.



Alright game, let's go deal with your time wasting bullshit.





It is amazing. Presumably as Grandmaster of the Rothgor cult, this man was associated with Aldnar's corruption, the assassination of Rauche, the continual assassinations of messengers to prolong the war, the assassination attempt on the king, and presumably the entire plot, and we cannot ask him anything about it.

But you know what? Fuck this game, and fuck its stupid plot. Apparently if we go through with stopping Rothgor everyone's going to go insane, but we need divine assistance. Rothgor's a god, right?

: I have come seeking my calling. I want to pledge my allegiance to your order.

: That is not how our recruits are selected. We also don't take kindly to someone slaughtering half our acolytes and instructors just to request admission. You shall be removed.

That's it! It's amazing! Absolutely NONE of your party members react to you saying that you want to join literal Satan or bow down before this random incompetent man you just met.




We get a spooky cutscene of them powering up with Rothgor's evil power and the Grandmaster floats in the air.



It's another boring, shitty slog of a fight because the Grandmaster has 70% physical resistance and while he's not particularly dangerous it takes us forever to get through.



Unique loot at least.



A turbonuke for Jade.



We're going to ask Sea Hag about the gods for absolutely no reason.

: I have some questions about the gods.



: What do you know about Zornilsa?

: You have probably heard Zornilsa referred to as the Goddess of Greed. Her will is to tempt people into wicked and selfish acts, from the merchant who dodges his taxes, to a bandit killing people for coin. Recent events in Isilmerald lead me to believe she is exerting a more direct influence on this realm than is typical.



: What can you tell me about Zoria?



I uh, have no idea how this works.



: Tell me about Omeyrenon.



: He is also a close ally of the great Tilindia. I believe that to be the reason why I heard her call to make my offering.

We wander off. It's time to open the Black Geyser.



The screen fades to black.



I want you all to guess what the dreaded Goddess of Greed, the unseen antagonist dogging us through most of the game, looks like.


Go on. Guess.



If your answer was "the female version of that 'who are you running from' guy from the game boy camera in a piss yellow robe" then I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with you. I think it's supposed to be gold?



Apparently for these skill checks the game checks your entire party and uses the highest among them.

: Zornilsa. (Theology)

: I didn't know it was possible to get this far in over one's head and still be alive.

: I hope you have a plan for this, Inta Rume.

: So... this is what it is like to meet one's end. It really is highly unpleasant.

: I had never guessed I would feel such fear again.



: Well well well, the goddess of greed. I won't pretend I'm surprised.



But... how? And why? I thought Rothgor got more powerful when there was chaos and evil, and there was a huge civil war and the dead walked the earth. Isn't Zornilsa getting more power from all of Rothgor's damned spirits spreading greed across the land? Would an immortal demonic temptress really open with how she betrayed the last guy who made a deal with her in the attempt to convince her next mark?

: Of course you want to betray him. How fitting. But why do you think I would help you?



Why do you want the Black Geyser closed when it's spreading GREED everywhere? Eh, fuck it.

Decisions Lie Before Us!

What are we telling Zornilsa?