Part 11: Chapter XI: It's A Trap! Guest Starring THAT FUCKING PARROTLet's head on into Kyria, shall we?
Hmm. The music here is...mischievous.
Ooh, hey, it's something shiny! Let's grab it!
OH GOD IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!!
So yeah, now we are introduced to Kyria's gimmick. The mayor of this town is as paranoid as Burt Gummer, and everyone in the village is mandated to make traps. So, the entire place is stuffed to the gills with them. Some are rather...inventive. This bomb just damages you. The building to our right is one of the few free inns in the world aside from Chamba, meaning if you're in the neighborhood you can pop in and heal your dragons and get rid of lowered health from KOs for no charge. It's actually not an inn at all, it's just a woman who takes pity on travelers who get bits blown off, chopped off, squished, or otherwise mangled.
The kid behind these houses told me there was something shiny in this chest! I love shiny things!
I need to stop falling for this.
Hey, the chest asexually reproduced! Triple the loot!! Let's smash them open!
SWEET GHOST OF FLAVA FLAV WHAT THE FUCK KILL IT
Smashing open the horrible nightmare demons disguised as loot gets us an upgrade for Ershin we don't really need, since we got a better pair of knuckles from the dream sequence. Somehow. Also that kid we talked to now just laughs at us and calls us morons. Prick.
Oh hey, what's that?
BEAR TRAP! Just mash the movement buttons to shatter it. It should really have just snapped itself when it tried to clamp onto Ershin. Instead, it deals a piddly amount of damage and annoys you.
Is it a kitty? I hope it's a kitty!
It's not a kitty at all!
The BeeTroop has a shield that reduces damage from most attacks, and it can break just like the Armors do. Before the shield breaks, it uses Wild Swing. After it breaks, it uses Risky Blow, which has a low chance of hitting, but if it does it's always a critical hit. If you kill it before the shield breaks the shield has a chance to drop but it's not really worth going out of your way to do it, as at this point you need to pull out all the stops to kill it before the shield breaks.
Let's talk to the asshole who thinks it's funny to trick people into trying to pet bee people
Oh God damnit.
Pardon me for a moment.
SERIOUSLY. FUCK HIM. YOU WILL SEE WHY SHORTLY.
Anyways, looks like the mayor's not in, and he rigged his house with yet more traps. Wonderful.
There's a kitty after all!
Over here we have our next terrifying tutorial lady. She tells us things I've already told you about.
Sure, I've always got time to help the people!
OW, MY EVERYTHING
Fuck you too, kid. I'm getting out of this freakin' town.
Oh, I don't like where this is going.
Looks like we have to find the mayor. Wonderful. Let's look around town a bit. A few guys make fun of us for falling into so many traps, and then we find this girl.
Holes? I don't see any holes. Is this thing to the right a h-
Yes, yes it is.
At least we get paid for this bullshit.
Navigating through the underground, we find a ladder up into the mayor's house! Now we can do some snooping.
Oh God damnit.
Yep, those of you who have played Breath of Fire 3 probably remember that dolphin who suddenly started spewing Australian slang while he spat water at Ryu for interrupting its macking on Momo and Nina. Well, the goofy Aussie slang out of nowhere is back. Unlike that game, there's no translation option this time, so we have to blunder through its jibba-jabba ourselves.
Let's ask him where the mayor is.
: "No good, mate, but you sure put in the big ones! We put in together, or we're not sharing a swag. Got him, yes!"
With that, we're booted out of the conversation tree and have to start over. By the way, there's a little annoying chirp/squawk every time it speaks, which gets really grating really quick. This may be simple to do in retrospect, but as a young, incredibly whitebread Midwestern teen, this bird cost me far more time than I'd like to admit as I tried all the options, got booted out, and had to go through it again through trial and error because I simply had no idea what the fuck it was saying. I still don't really understand it completely.
We go through the options again and tell it we have no time for it.
Play? What kind of game?
: "No good, mate, but you sure put in the big ones! You've really got no idea at all, do you, mate? Got him, yes! That's the spirit - in like Flynn, now!"
Fucking parrot. We'll say we don't want to play.
Err...we'll play, then?
: "No good, mate! You lose!"
I wonder how they did this in the Japanese version. Some wacky Japanese regional dialect? Romaji transliteration of Aussie slang which would end up even MORE confusing? We'll tell it we aren't pulling a flyer.
Why, thanks, I guess.
: "No good, mate! You lose!"
Okay! We don't have ticker I guess!
TELL ME WHERE THE MAYOR IS OR I WILL STUFF YOU AND MAKE YOU PART OF A PIRATE COSTUME
That was...surprisingly lucid. So he was just dicking with us the whole time?
Excuse me for a moment.
Yoink. Let's see what Rock Blast + Burn does.
You know, I feel better already.
Using my mystic powers I have consulted a Legitimate Australian and come up with a probably accurate translation for the parrot's dialogue.
"Guests, excellent! How would you like to bet? I'm sorry, but I do not have time for it! Got him, yes! Not sure, friend, but you sure put in the money!(?? Translator unsure) What? We do this together, or we're not sharing a bedroll! (Translator: the fuck?) Got him, yes!"
We don't have time for you
"Now I'm feeling particularly good about myself. Would you like to play with me?"
What would you like to play?
"No good mate, but you really put in the money! You've really got no clue, do you, friend? Got him, yes! That's the spirit - (something about being good in bed, I think the parrot wants to fuck you: In like Flynn = To be quickly and/or emphatically successful, usually in a sexual or romantic context.) "
No, we don't want to play with you
"Hold on a minute, are we going to do this or not? What're you doing? Are you leaving?"
We'll play a game
"No good, friend, you lose!"
No, we aren't leaving
"Terrific! Up there with Cazaly, that one (something about football?) - You've really got the heart! (I think he's talking about being determined, this parrot is is most likely trying to fuck you) [?!]"
"Good going, friend, it's been awesome (Oh god). What can I do for you?"
So, uh, either he's getting something wrong, pulling my leg, or this bird really does want to bang us. I guess is a little more accurate than I thought