Part 58: Run 2 - Part 6

I used to love returning home when my Father was alive. I miss sharing the events of the day with him. Now it just seems like a grim prison. And my parole has just been revoked. Not to mention I'm probably up for a long talk with the jailor, seeing how late it is.




Though, I probably shouldn't be surprised that they didn't want you either.

Yes, we do still have a high relationship with Sophia. She's just a jerk like that, all day erryday.


Sophia, charming as always. I kind of expected Gloria to be here and try to reprimand me. It doesn't seem like her to just let such a breach of rules slip without a word.


It does seem strange, doesn't it? I'm as surprised as you are. I thought there was nothing as important for her as taking any chance to mimic Mom's contempt. Oh, I can imagine it already: 'If Mom was here, she would tell you you should have a stick up your derriere, like I do.'


You're awful. And more importantly—off the point. What happened with Gloria?




Both mean that she's not well at all, so I'm content either way.


Still, I wonder what could throw Gloria off her high horse. And out of that annoying Carmosa pose, for that matter. Did something happen in the house today?


Well, dinner was burned a bit, so Gloria got her reason to shout at the servants some more.


That hardly sounds like a reason to get depressed, does it?


No, it does not. But apart from that I couldn't tell you what the reason could be.




Thank you. So if you couldn't say what happened—does that mean you did get the chance to get out of the house?


I didn't. Sunshine, birds and bees and friendly people that will stab you the moment you turn your back are not for me. But I took my time of freedom to stay in my room and rest from all of this, so I saw little of Gloria today.


You stayed in your own room the whole day? How come?


Surely it will come as a surprise to you when I say I'm not a people person. I preferred to use this time for myself alone.


May I ask what you did then?




Things like...?


Oh, that is nothing of importance. At least not in comparison to the ominous discovery Gloria made this morning. Did you know she has found a stain on a curtain in the hallway? That one!


Oh no!


Hard to believe, but it's true. Half of our morning and all of dinner conversation was about that stain being a sign of something greater. Household and lifestyle deteriorating. Servants' morale and respect dropping. Kingdoms falling. Dark times approaching. And most of all—that stain is improper!




Maybe. But so are you. Surely after the whole day in the town you have loads of stories to tell.


It really was nice to get out without the feeling I need to hurry 'or else'. And we usually have so little chance to speak to anyone outside of the house. And the town looks magical in the evening. It simply doesn't go to sleep. All windows are lit, people walk the streets—if only to stroll to the tavern. Have you ever been to the town past sunset?


No, I haven't. Carmosa saw it neither appropriate nor useful for her daughter to go out in the evening. But you must be exhausted.


Indeed I am. Even my small and rock-hard bed seems like a piece of heaven now.


I won't stop you from re-uniting with your bed of rocks, then. I prefer to be alone anyway. But do be careful. Those bed bugs can get really big and eat you alive if you let them. Everything is possible in the fairyland you seem to live in, princess.


I wish you well too, Sophia. Goodnight.


The next morning...




...I'm awake. I'll be right there. I'll get to work in a minute.


No, it's not about that. I just need to talk to you.


Alright, Gloria, what is it? What is so important that you have to speak with me at this hour?


At this hour? You mean noon? I wanted to speak with you about the way you've been behaving these past few days.


Now there goes my nice morning... Or afternoon.



Some of this conversation is the same as the last run, but a lot of it is going to be different, so I'm going to go through it all.


Alright Cinders' imagination, now you really need to wake up!


You're right. Our relationship hasn't been very good in the past, but I can see this changing. Lately, you've started behaving more reasonably and responsibly. You are less self-centered, and more aware of our common interest. I just wanted to tell you that I noticed and that I appreciate this little bit of support from you. Deeply.


Oh. Well, I'm really surprised. I don't really know how to respond. Thanks, I guess? It wasn't something I planned, you know? This change you speak of.




As Mother always says: 'Causes aren't important, only consequences matter.' So no matter what caused you to change, what's important is that you are maturing, and it is a good thing indeed.


Excuse me, 'mature'?


Yes, become an adult, a person who is able to grasp a larger picture, go beyond one's own interests. Also someone who can sacrifice personal happiness for the greater good of the house. If it is necessary. I don't deny that it can be difficult at times, but we are not children anymore. We must realize how we all depend on Carmosa and support her in any way we can.


I see. Well it certainly doesn't play well with my idea of maturity. Especially that part about 'supporting' Carmosa.




But her intentions are good! Think about the way she is putting all her strength into giving us a good life. And if you still doubt her, try imagining our lives without her.


Don't mind if I do.


How long do you think this house would last with her gone?


Unfortunately, the 'correct' answer here is to agree.


Alright, I see your point. And as much as I hate to accept it, I think I can agree with at least part of what you're saying. Of course Carmosa MEANS well, it's her house and we're her daughters after all. At least you are. It's her actions, not her intentions, that I have trouble understanding. But maybe not anymore. Perhaps we're more alike than I've imagined. We're survivors. Doing what's necessary to cope with the situation we've been presented with.




If that's true, then Carmosa must be really old, and her sight is completely different than mine. That would explain some things which... Maybe she is a victim of harsh circumstances, maybe she did have to struggle all the time. And yes, maybe I can't really imagine what she went through. But think about the woman she became. A black widow. So spiteful that she hurts her own children.


But Cinders!


Please, let me finish, Gloria. With all the pain she suffered, there was a lesson there that she missed: sometimes being nice to people around you can make all the difference in the world. She has no right, no right whatsoever, to turn our lives into hell, Gloria. And you know it!


She is how she is, Cinders! She is doing her best to manage everything and it is a great burden. She can be terrible but only because life can be terrible to her. You surely don't intend to change her now!




I'm talking about changing ours. We could certainly use some improvement in our natures, you know.


This picture you are painting in front of my eyes, seems pleasant but also not very realistic. It requires one thing which we do not have: mutual agreement. And we will not have that as long as we are not of one mind. That is, as long as Sophia keeps up her silly act.


Gloria, I doubt that it is Sophia who we should be worrying about in this situation. I'm having trouble picturing her opposed to anything that would bring us more freedom from Carmosa. Not, Gloria, it's you—you are the unknown in this equation. We can't be sure about your loyalties.


Now this is something I didn't expect—you behaving just like Sophia! It would seem that you two have much more in common than meets the eye. You both prefer to spend your time criticizing me rather than trying to contribute. You could be helping me, helping US somehow! How can we understand each other if you do not even try?




Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sophia isn't exactly the happiest girl in the world. She is broken, deeply wounded by the hate that you and Carmosa poured onto her through the years. Her bitterness and armor of cynicism are like a cry for help. If only you could give her any credit, any recognition, then maybe she'd be willing to help you?


She hardly seems interested in...


Let me finish! Before you judge her with your usual presumptions tell me this—when was the last time you actually talked with her?


Do not be ridiculous, Cinders. I spoke with her as recently as yesterday!


I don't mean commenting on house affairs or managing chores, but actually talking. Like sisters. You do remember that you two are sisters, right? Or is family only important to you if it allows you to put blame on other people?


Alright! I see where this is going. Fine. I am not really certain when it happened, but we did lose our connection.




I agree that it is unfortunate, and it isn't only Sophia's fault that we grew apart. Maybe we could work on changing that.


You may be thinking that I'm telling you this to criticize you, but I'm not. All I want is to hear you say things like this. So that we can stop hurting each other all the time—it is the only reasonable thing to do. And you are always the most reasonable one, so it's good that you are willing to give it a try.


And so you recognize it as well. I AM the most reasonable. And I AM the only one here that actually does anything to keep up the house.


That might be just a bit of an overstatement, Gloria. Each one of us puts some work into how this place works. For better or worse. We just have different perspectives, and so we give a different kind of input, but—


Surely you realize how naïve that sounds. It is something one might say to a slow child to spare its feelings.

I didn't want to say anything, but...




Will nobody ever learn? How long am I supposed to guide you and work alone against the laziness and stupidity of others?


Hasn't it ever occurred to you, that you might not have all the answers? Because that's the root of the problem, right there! You try to be our teacher, or a disciplinarian. You have no knowledge that we lack, nor a higher status. And you are not our mother. Stop trying to imitate Carmosa. Is this how you think a sister should act?



Despite the claim that she is the “most reasonable”, the biggest disposition increase actually comes from apologizing rather than reasoning with her.


You're right. I'm sorry. I guess both sides are always responsible for a relationship and neither me nor Sophia has made it easier for you—


Yet again the voice of reason speaks on my behalf. And all it took was a little honesty with yourself to admit that I am right. Can you see the argument for my previous behavior now?

The things we endure for the sake of Hugs...


Stop it! Can you actually hear yourself?! I reached out to you and apologized. And what do you do?


You yourself have admitted that I was right and my behavior WAS correct.


I said that both sides are always responsible. And so I apologized for my faults towards you. But you are responsible too!




And we could do what we always do: throw the blame around. I'm sure there's plenty for everyone. We could even share some with the neighbors! But how about acting normal for a change? We have had it hard in the past and took it out on each other. Let's start over.


And how do you imagine we do that?


We could try to act like sisters for starters. Or at least like a group of semi-friendly normal girls. Exchange information in basic conversation without bringing out the big guns. You know? Talk?


I think I would like that.


I'm glad. I promise to treat you better from now on. To act more sister-like.


Thank you. Fine, I shall try to put some effort into it and treat you well too.




And, in light of taking care of one another, you are still speaking a bit like Carmosa. Please, take more care of yourself and your own needs. Stop trying to become her. Gloria. Would you please stop for a second to think and answer one simple question truthfully? What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in the future? What will you do when Carmosa's not here and you are able to move on? Where do you want to go?


I—I do not know. I just want to make everything better. This house should work as intended and it should do so because of me.


That's fine. You don't have to answer me, just yourself. It may take time and effort. But that is all I meant. I didn't mean to hurt you.


And yet you did.


I'm sorry. But I think someone had to say it. And you needed to hear it. You are not alone. We all have our issues, and we all have it hard. I am simply concerned about you. You seem lost in Carmosa's expectations. Lost enough to even lose your true self.




That is precisely the question you shouldn't be asking anyone. Apart from yourself, that is. We could use a sister, though—especially Sophia needs one.


That sounds nice.


We all need to work on sorting out our own problems, and not waste effort taking things out on each other. This is the only way things will work out.


I guess I thought things would work out for the best if I pleased Carmosa. But my efforts never seem to be sufficient. I think you are right, and there is no 'normal' life to be found in that path.


I'm sorry.




That's fine. We have lived this pattern for so long and we have only started the process of breaking it. And it does not come easily! I'm glad we've had a chance to talk, dear sister. Thank you for really listening.


I am glad as well.


So. Sisters?


How about 'friends'?


That is a start.




I do not see a use for you in the house, since everything seems to be running smoothly.


Thank you, Gloria. If that is the case, how about taking some time off. Don't you want to do something just for fun? In search of your own interests, likes and dislikes?


No. No, I do not think it is wise to leave the house unsupervised. I did hear you though. It is just—But you go ahead. Your life is not easy, so you have the right to use this time of freedom. I do recognize you as a reasonable adult, capable of making wise decisions about how to spend your time.


I really, really appreciate that. I think I will use this time to get out. So—


Cinders, do you—Do you think Sophia hates me?




Thank you, friend. For your honesty, as well as making an attempt to cheer me up. Have a good day.

We did it!