Part 29: Napoleon will be the death of us all!!!

Y'know, considering how fruitless it is at this moment I'm tired of fighting Kamehameha. We need more time to build up our forces before we can tell him to blow off. So I'm going to accept his outrageous peace treaty.



This isn't as bad as it seems, we have lots more iron and copper and gold per turn income than this.



Moving a few cannons and troops over here, just in case I want to turn them into artillery.



And over here is Mombasa, an ally of England. Let's see if we can't coup them into loving us as their ally.



Perfect! You need to be in good standing already with the city-state to have a good chance of overthrowing them. I wanted to make Mombasa our ally for another reason: as England's ally the French would have eventually attacked and destroyed them.



Napoleon also makes peace with Kamehameha and the price was apparently Budapest. Damn. Maybe one day I can liberate you, buddies…

New Policy Time!



Our happiness is a little low so I'm taking this to give it a big boost. Only one more policy to max out Patronage, and then it's on to Order!



Lots of enemy spies are interfering with our city-state influence. I'll bet at least a few of them belong to the English…grr.



Some French settler is looking for a place to go. Good luck with that, pal, I'm pretty sure the whole world is picked-over by now.



Ah, good, this will hopefully get our culture up to snuff. Building Artist Landmarks now.



As you can see here, Napoleon is plotting against Rameses and is beating the shit out of London, but London is beating right back. Lots of French soldiers dying. If I joined the fray, however, with my artillery, I might be able to snap up London for myself…

What the hell. Elizabeth!



Funny, I was just thinking your city is like a zit begging to be popped. Let's see what happens when I squeeze!



London is a hugely populous nation with a ton of hit points. It's also surrounded by forests which means that cannons can't see through them to shoot--but our artillery can.



After a few turns of pounding the crap out of it with my superior artillery cannons, it's mine. MINE. MIIIINE

Any last words, Liz?



Well, pretty graceful. Thanks for playing, Queen Elizabeth! See you around!

Well, that ought to get several spies out of our hair. London was home to the Kremlin, which increases the defensive strength of our city walls and other defensive structures. Pretty handy, should help fend off other nations!



No sooner do I do this than I get word from France that they're sick of Kamehameha. Give me…ten turns, okay, Napoleon?

Our happiness has taken a huge hit from conquering London. I don't think we can conquer any more cities without some major happiness booster from social policies.

My Privateer who's been scouting out the world finally finds our mystery player!



Oooh. Persia gets Golden Ages that last longer, and during Golden Ages all his troops fight harder and move faster. They are a potentially powerful nation in the hands of a skilled player, and even more powerful when AI-controlled because the AI gets bonus happiness.

Still, he's not likely to be a total dick to us unlike some other nations I could mention.



Hoo. Oh, boy. Things are going to get good soon.

New Policy Time!

We're going for ORDER.



This will alleviate our happiness problem, and more importantly, give us the ability to faith-buy Great Engineers. We can now snipe world wonders at will and there's one coming up I really, really want to snipe.

Couple of turns later…



Oh, you want some, big boy? You want some? COME AND GET ME!!!!



The Ironclad I've just bought blows away one of his invading ships. Next two turns, it blows up two more. I don't think he knows who he was messing with.



With this, most of our problems with Happiness go bye-bye. Good. I bought an Engineer and used him to rush this--worth it!

Couple of turns later:



Hohohoho, what's the matter, bite off more than you could chew? You're not even demanding anything. Well. I suppose the smart thing to do would be to let you and France chew each other up while I peacefully build up my forces to make you think twice about ever attacking me again. I'm still not convinced France won't backstab me, you see.



Looks like Darius is going for a Culture Victory. Uh-oh.



A few turns later and Polynesia does indeed get the shit kicked out of it. I think those indicators mean that France has airplanes--lots of 'em. The downside is that I think France is having trouble sustaining their happiness because of all the conquests they've done.



Time for the last Patronage policy. I should have taken it much sooner in the game, it would have paid off even more, but whatever.



In the event that Napoleon's Flying Circus attacks us I'm going to try to build an air fleet of my own, to defend my cities.



Damn, Napoleon is bombing the shit out of Polynesia. This is a bit upsetting, I wanted them to be evenly matched.



Damn, looks like Darius is sick of Kamehameha's shit too. Possibly for putting Hilo on Darius' island.



There goes Samoa. Aotearoa is next.



Boom, Aotearoa is taken. Damn!



Next turn, Raitea is taken. Holy shit, dude. He can't be stopped!

Jesus, I may need your help!



Ah, thank you, Jesus.



Whew. Okay. Some red in there for when I didn't like it when he took tribute from a city-state. This is good because it means he's not just blowing sunshine up our asses when he says he likes us. Probably.



Tahiti is the very last Polynesian city left, probably because Napoleon is using an army, not a navy. The city on Darius' continent is gone too.



Helpful. We may need it.

A few turns later, nothing much happens except me strengthening my infrastructure, and then I get a new Policy!



Ah, I love Planned Economy. It's super-helpful!



Awwwwwwww SHIIIITT. I get notified by my spies that Napoleon is beginning a sneak attack and guess what I see. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Also, greyed out in this screenshot, is our first Great Person gift, a Great Merchant I'm sending over to Milan for money and influence.



I really wish I could have said I didn't see this coming, I just wish I had gotten a confirmation sooner. You prick! After all that help we gave you, that just wasn't enough! You want to take over the world!



Well, I'm still prepared for this. London is highly defensible, it took him centuries and he still never conquered it. I only have a small strip of land to guard, I've got a Citadel and artillery and modern troops of my own, with aircraft coming in to provide air support.

This will be the greatest battle this LP has ever seen!

State of the world:





City-State Meters:





Strategy: Aaaaaaaah! AAAAAAAHHHHH!

We have only one hope. Develop nuclear weapons as fast as we can, and nuke the shit out of Napoleon.