Part 11: Something... New

11. Something…New



Snake, the Huns are regrouping!

Get Attila on the radio.



IS THE KING DEAD?

You knew that would happen. You used that whole city as a trap for me.

ONE OF YOU WOULD DIE. I CARED NOT WHICH--SO LONG AS MY ENEMIES CONTINUE TO CONFOUND EACH OTHER, I WIN. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Keep laughing, buddy. Let's see if I can't snare half your units and recruit them to my cause--I bet a few tranquilizer darts and a few kind words will make them realize I'm a much better boss to work for than you.

THEN THEY TOO WILL DIE! I LAID LOW THE LIKES OF MIGHTY ROME ITSELF, SNAKE. I DO NOT FEAR A MAN WHO HIDES HIS NAME!



Good, now we'll be doing more than just banging rocks together--we can have gunpowder weapons ready by the end of the week!



According to the guys, we've almost got the Fulton Recovery System back in play.

And then we'll be able to snatch up troops anywhere, anytime. Heh.



We're doing pretty okay with localized recruiting and on-site procurement, too! We got this ram!

Pretty good, but we'll probably have to dismantle it for parts to build a new Trebuchet or something…



…or it'll just get destroyed. Whatever. As long as they're wasting their time on stuff we've snatched, it's all good.

Basic guerrilla tactics--make your enemy's weapons your own. We did this all the time in my troop. They get weaker while you get stronger, they waste time while you gain time. They get slowed down, while you move faster.

Yep. Hell, I once waged a one-man guerrilla war based around that notion.



Hey, Boss? Remember the guys you ordered to paint the base? They've started getting…arty.

Well, okay. Just as long as it's appropriate. Shark mouths, pin-ups, stuff like that, right?

Ummm…



Something like that, yeah…



I am the great Marcus Licinius Crassus, the richest man in all of Rome! Your men saved my life, Big Boss, in exchange, allow me to go on a mission and sweeten the disposition of one of your clients!

And Trout thinks he's a Roman now…

Ugh…if he weren't wearing the uniform I might have been fooled. I bet there's real Romans running around somewhere here, though.



For some reason, Samarkand thinks he's some kind of performer and are throwing money at us. Well, what works, works.



Nimrud is going down, sir! Should we secure it or raid it?

Tear that town apart for scrap, Rhesus. I want Mother Base at full capacity and that thing might have all the missing components of the Fulton Recovery System--like helicopter fuel.



Valetta's so impressed with us some of their citizens are volunteering to join MSF free of charge!

That's nice…but they won't benefit from any of Kaz's advanced training room techniques.

The rotating whacky-poles and balance beams over oil pits? I could do without those…

But it's fun to watch people fall into them!



Yes, finally! GUNS! Took long enough to figure out gunpowder…we're not in the dark ages any more!

Well, primitive arquebuses aren't really all that much more effective than a good sword on the field, but they'll get better soon, boss.

Kaz? What are you doing here? You were on assignment!



Stole some blueprints from the Huns--could come in handy. They're not as dumb as you'd think.

Good work!



Well, now that we're not in the Dark Ages any more, I want us to focus on getting as much research done as possible. I want running toilets and electricity and all that good stuff I miss!

I really miss my Sony Walkman…that thing was amazing…



So, Big Boss. You claim to be a defender of the weak, and yet, you annihilate towns for your own gain. You are an evil man.

Are you not paying attention?! That was ATTILA. THE HUN. He wants to kill everybody--even you!

Pfft. Excuses are worthless.



So, I'm thinking, let's write a science fiction story about a dark future where an omnipolitical entity has control over everyone's guns due to integral control chips in 'em…

That's stupid! The whole beauty of guns is that anyone can use them, and nobody can take them away from you! America was founded on the freedom of guns! Who would agree to a system that lets the UN turn off your guns?

Okay, I'm working out the details…



The chopper's finally repaired--our Fulton Recovery System is in place! Nothing's stopping you from putting balloons on everyone now, Snake!

Perfect. And you know what else?



We had a breakthrough--we have CANNONS! Let's finish Attila now while we still can. Guns are hard to research but easy to use--it's only a matter of time before he steals some and turns them on us.



Gah, some barbarian bastard is raiding all our supplies! Kill that bandit!



Or…recruit him! That's even better.

His mommy never loved him, but one good CQC Hug was enough to make him mend his ways!



Kaz, what the hell is this?

We were getting so many recruits that we had time to focus on finishing this--a special project of mine.

It looks like another one of your death courses--but all…Japanese…and maze-like…

It's a death course, but for the enemy, not for training. I based it off of Himeji Castle. The path leading into the castle was designed as a maze--to make it impossible for the enemy to easily invade.

Did it work?

Nobody knows, because nobody ever invaded it. Its purpose was well-known to to its builder's enemies--it acted as a deterrent.

Heh…too bad we can't build crazy castles to prevent nuclear strikes out in the modern world…

Yeah…but this'll help us fend off any attackers, at least.



I'm ordering a boat or two sent out to the island Amanda was on--if for no other reason than to scope out the Napoleon/Genghis situation. Who knows what could have happened over there…



Boss! Our guys are taking a hell of a beating, but so's the city! If we're lucky we can win this!

Excellent work, men!

And women!

And women! Sorry. Excellent work, people. Let's head in there and finish this damn monster once and for all!

Heh heh heh heh heh…

Next Time: Can you guess?